I am too far gone.
Cannot play games. People expect me to be normal and then when they find out I'm not - have a grand time making me feel worse. I hardly ever interact anymore but when I do, I am in dissociative mode. I just can't deal anymore.
Are there any vlogs by anyone who is thriving with this?
Any success stories?
Read Pete Walker. An author who has CPTSD and helps others through it. Get support. ACA may help: Adult Children of Alcoholics and other dysfunctional families.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad atm, EdenJoy. Could you be in an EF? That could make you feel "too far gone".
As for success stories, you could try our Successes/Progress board: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=51.0 My impression is there are quite a few partial success stories here on the board among the mbrs, myself included. Things aren't easy, but they are way, way, way better than they used to be.
Also as marti wrote Pete Walker who wrote "Surviving to Thriving" and is really doing it! You can read some of the book here for free: http://www.pete-walker.com/
Sorry you're struggling Eden, Complex PTSD can be so overwhelming as many of us here know. :grouphug:
I just wanted to suggest that you fit in here because we get what it feels like and try to help each other recover. One important piece in that effort is trying to understand and accept it's our experience of abuse/neglect that was/is abnormal, not us. Our responses to that abnormality means we have had to develop responses (e.g., freeze, fight, flee, fawn), to help us survive and that's all, we ourselves aren't weak or defective.
Besides Pete Walker's book I'd recommend "It's Not You, It's What Happened to You" by Christine Courtois.