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Treatment, Self-Help & Recovery => Self-Help & Recovery => Frustrated? Set Backs? => Topic started by: sky on May 22, 2015, 04:18:56 AM

Title: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: sky on May 22, 2015, 04:18:56 AM
I get triggered by loud aggressive people and the suggested coping methods I have googled are breathing, muscle relaxation, grounding, which do extremely little for me as far as alleviating the upset I feel.  Am I alone in this?  Can anyone offer other things that have helped them?  I have also tried thinking differently ie. I am safe now , this is not the trauma, but I am still tense and upset.  Help! :-)
Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: keepfighting on May 22, 2015, 10:59:58 AM
We share the same trigger. I'm especially triggered by loud and/or aggressive people 'in packs'. Soothing/calming exercises do nothing for me in a situation like this, either. My t explained to me that soothing/calming exercises are meant for different triggers, not when there is a degree of real and present danger.

Where do you meet these people that trigger you? - At a place where you can leave/avoid them or at a place/situation where you're stuck?

For me, a flight response works best for this particular trigger - avoid if possible; get away if necessary/possible; hide behind an (emotionally) stronger person if nothing else helps.

Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: Dutch Uncle on May 22, 2015, 11:42:41 AM
For me, a flight response works best for this particular trigger - avoid if possible; get away if necessary/possible; hide behind an (emotionally) stronger person if nothing else helps.

Yep, that ^

The only other thing I can think of, is doing all you yourself have mentioned, again when the noisy people have finally gone. Or practice those skills in a quiet place, where you try to visualize loud/obnoxious people present. Obviously the last method carries a "trigger alert" warning.
Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: sky on May 22, 2015, 04:55:48 PM
thank you keepfighting and Hysperger for your replies.
i am usually in touch with these types in three places
on the bus (loud talkers who are angry for example)
at work when people are talking really loudly.
in my apt building (loud neighbors who slam doors and stomp out of their apts and down the stairs)
I can wear earplugs and music to drown it out, but i don't like to always have to do that.
i also really dislike the concept of exposure therapy and know i will need to try it someday, but i'm not ready for that now.
i get really tense and angry!
any suggestions would be most helpful (i've googled and haven't come up with much)
  :blink:
Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: Dutch Uncle on May 22, 2015, 05:34:36 PM

in my apt building (loud neighbors who slam doors and stomp out of their apts and down the stairs)


That is so horrible. I share your pain.

If at all possible, probably moving could be a high priority. Assuming you've tried talking to them, and/or your landlord. Which in any case takes time to get a lasting effect (I know from experience).

At work: is it possible to talk to your supervisor/boss? Maybe you can be given a quieter spot/office? Tell him/her you cannot work as efficiently as you are capable of because of the noise/distraction.


I'd like to tell you this. Many people can't handle (near) constant noise/distraction very well. There's a reason laws are in place regarding noise. Not being able to 'counter' the effect loud/noisy people have on you is not something that you necessarily can solve all by yourself.
Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: mourningdove on May 23, 2015, 12:06:42 AM
I have a serious problem with this trigger, too, almost daily. The only thing I've found so far that works somewhat when flight is impossible is to seriously hug/hold myself, hand over hand putting pressure on the center of my chest, and tell the IC that they are safe, explain to them what is happening and that they are protected. (Actually, this is my go-to coping method in general.)

It doesn't solve everything, but it takes the edge off a great deal and at least keeps me from spiraling into an even worse state. I've found that the hug part is key and the reassurance of the inner children won't work nearly as well without it. The trick for me is to remember to do all that, which can be really hard when I hear all that awful yelling and stomping and banging. :(



Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: sky on May 23, 2015, 06:10:58 AM
Thank you for understanding - it is overwelming - and frustrating because I know that the true answer lies in the way I am thinking about the problem-i learned that it is not the situation that causes me to feel a certain way but the way that I think about it and yet when it occurs I am overtaken.

I appreciate the tips about laws and landlords - I have a plan of action - cover with plugs or headphones or if its too loudly there is always the police option which I reserve for the really loud stuff - fortunately that isn't very often -moving likely isn't a resolution either as there is always someone who is inconsiderate and loud. 

I have tried the soothing technique of lacing my fingers together on my lap - somehow it is calming.

I wonder if at times I have flashbacks because it is so bad I breathe heavy and I feel shaky and a bit disconnected from my surroundings.  All I can think of is them - I can't concentrate on anything else.

I've heard of phonophobia and wonder if that is my problem.  My ex husband was physically abusive for many years and he would come up close to me 'very angry and loud and hit me.
Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: sky on May 23, 2015, 06:15:36 AM
I'm sorry if that last thing I said about my ex husband was a trigger for anyone - I looked for the thing they talked about on here about putting trigger alerts on your message if one thinks it could trigger anyone - but iI couldn't find it.
Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: Dutch Uncle on May 23, 2015, 07:06:19 AM
I'm sorry if that last thing I said about my ex husband was a trigger for anyone - I looked for the thing they talked about on here about putting trigger alerts on your message if one thinks it could trigger anyone - but iI couldn't find it.

There isn't a specific "trigger alert" thingy.

What I usually do is write it in CAPS, then leave a couple of 'empty lines', then type the possible trigger. Like this:

TRIGGER ALERT








Type message.
Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: sky on May 23, 2015, 04:16:04 PM
Ah, thanks I'll do that!

I also wanted to thank those who replied - it makes things so much easier when you know you are not alone with the things you feel!

Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: Kizzie on May 23, 2015, 05:11:16 PM
Hi Sky :wave:

You can just type the words "Trigger Alert" in the subject line of your post or before the section you think might be triggering.  What you wrote about your H wasn't graphic so no worries. We're all here because of some form of physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse and we need to talk about it, that's why we're here   :yes:

What we do ask is that members refrain from being overly graphic or including detailed descriptions of their abuse. And in cases where they're not sure about something they've written (i.e., if it's too dark or graphic .....), that's when we encourage the use of a "Trigger Warning"  in the subject line of the post or before the section that is of concern.  The Moderation Team watches for this and if something does cross the line in their opinion they will edit the post and let the member know.

With respect to EF's - there is also some good info here and on the Internet about Highly Sensitive People (HSP) if you want to do a search.  It may/may not be relevant but thought I'd point you in that direction at least.  :hug: 
Title: Re: frustrated with trigger coping suggestions
Post by: sky on May 24, 2015, 12:17:07 AM
Thank you for that clarification Kizzie,
I don't know a whole lot about flashbacks, just beginning to read about it online.  Its interesting that you wrote EF because I think that means emotional flashback (from what I've been reading on this site) - and I was wondering if that was the type I was having. For you to refer to what I wrote as an EF matches what I've been thinking they are - its wonderful to have a direction on it because it gives me hope that there is help for it out there :-)

I've read only a tiny bit about HSP in the past and will definitely check out the link you gave.  Just wanted also to mention that as I've been looking at different things through this site - your entries always seem so attentive and compassionate - that is like an oasis - thank you so much for your kindness :-)