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Admin Area => Stage Three - Healing => Group One March 2015 => CPTSD Course Group #1 => Step 18 => Topic started by: C. on June 22, 2015, 06:49:02 PM

Title: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: C. on June 22, 2015, 06:49:02 PM
Reminder: In order to honor our group process we ask that only current ASCA workbook group members post and respond here please.  If you would like to join in at this time or a later date please send the moderator a PM.  Thank you.

Note:  Your recovery is unique to you.  These topics and activities are suggestions.  Please feel free to do and respond to those that work for you at this time.

This is a place to announce, review, reflect and share things that don't quite fit w/the other topics.  How are you doing this week?  Progress on other steps?  Questions.  Thoughts.

Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: C. on June 22, 2015, 07:30:06 PM
A few loooooong thoughts have been central to my recovery this week that I'd like to share for your thoughts, feedback and ideas.  Here goes  ;D

1.  Since my separation/divorce I've really struggled w/getting up in the morning.  Before I looked forward to my job, studies and parenting.  I got up easily.  Since then I lay there avoiding getting up and not wanting to face my day.  Ultimately this and my son's needs took a toll on the 8-5 job schedule and I had to change that, so now I start work at 4pm daily.  That was great for a while b/c recovery and a new friend got me up and going.  But that stopped working.  All my life I've had the primary goal to be "happy."  It's a huge disappointment to me that I'm not there every morning.  Then I was thinking about how negative emotions pass and I find some joy at least a few times each week.  About a week ago I told myself one morning "It's ok, you don't need to be happy, you just need to get up."  Oddly that's worked quite well.  And most days I do experience some joy and the pain goes away for longer and longer periods of time.  Have any of your experienced something like this?  What do you think about joy and happiness?  What's "normal"?  What's realistic?  Which segues to....

2.  Inside Out (the movie) - I went to see it a few days ago.  It's Disney, it's animated, it's playful and funny, it's profound.  Bingo!  Just what the "teen-age" me needed!  ;D It's about a young teen w/a "healthy" emotional experience, but it was profound to me on so many levels.  It addresses the concept of "hijacking", of the need for painful emotions, of the healthy purpose for painful emotions that Walker describes like how anger helps us have necessary power or strength or how sadness helps us (I won't say since that might spoil the movie).  There are "characters" for anxiety.  And it's about growing up.  Transitioning from childhood to adolescence to adulthood (in the positive parent role models).  And finally topic

3.  Reviewing step 18 and reading about your letter and confronting your abusers was very inspiring for me VF.  Thank you.  It brought so many ideas for me to the here and now.  And the clarity of how doing so could bring about a healthy "closure" of sorts.  I've gone through the grief of losing a son and I think I really moved through those steps in a healthy way, experiencing and moving through my sadness, anger, anxiety and oddly enough a kind of "euphoria" common to grief in a proactive way. 

But this recovery, this grief has been so complex, so nebulous, so painful and periodically invisible combined w/the emotional hijacking that I think I've been feeling hopeless about ever being "done enough" like I feel about the grief over the death of my son.

But this topic and your letters VF gave me the courage to really face the concept of confrontation, what that would look like in my circumstances, what might be the fall out or the outcomes, positive and negative.

So I wrote a letter.  I'm not sure what I'll do with it yet.  Perhaps wait and review it again, perhaps send it in a PM here, or share it w/my T.  But I wrote it and I feel a lot better now.

My history of abuse and neglect was all covert and consistently inconsistent.  I have memories of appropriate treatment too.  And I'm realizing that my ex is even less healthy than my parents.  That he played an integral part in my C-PTSD developing to the extent that it did.  22 years married is longer than the 18 years I spent in my parent's home.

And I get like VF said that it's not my fault.  And I trust that I'm doing better w/my own children.

Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: VeryFoggy on June 23, 2015, 04:10:41 AM
C. I want to make another and better response to you after I sleep on all you said.  It is a lot, and moved me deeply, but I still want to reflect and sleep on it. 

But I know right off, I want to say thank you!  I am glad what I have done meant something and encouraged you. That means a lot to me.  And please know I worked on my letter for almost two months, and it was almost the exclusive topic of 4 therapy sessions and looks like it will be for the foreseeable future.

I am not sorry. Yet!  I still feel clean and whole and justified.  Sad with those who can't understand, and amazed at some I never thought would ever understand, but who seem to - my son.  I am angry at the lying responses that have been made?  But some of them I am actually able to laugh at it.  And I know I read somewhere that when clients are able to laugh at their situation?  It means they are getting better.  Occasionally this stuff does just crack me up. So I am encouraged. Some of the lies are just so silly!

I don't have to get out of bed ever again if I don't want to?  I could stay there for the rest of my life? But I always do eventually get up. And usually sooner than later. I think usually it's the idea of coffee and a cigarette.  Sorry if that offends but is the driving force. But also I always have some little plan that motivates me.  Like driving the grandson to school and wanting him to have punctual attendance, or going to my daughter's to see her and the baby and help out, or even just knowing the dogs need to go outside to go potty: something always gets me up. But often it is just because I know others are counting on me to show up and take care of them even if it is just the dogs. And I am happy to do it. I like doing it. I think I have just accepted that. That I really do like being responsible for things, and being expected, especially by the dogs, to take care of them. I just accepted that I actually enjoy that. It's give and take you know? I take care of others, safe ones, and they take care of me too, giving me love and joy and learning. And my dogs think I am the bees knees! And I love it.

Okay so more tomorrow, but thanks for posting this. Expecting myself to be happy before I wanted or felt motivated to get up is not something I ever even thought about.  So I will delve into it in my dreams. Thanks for the very thought provoking post!
Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: C. on June 24, 2015, 01:34:38 AM
I'm glad that it's served some purpose.  I feel like I'm finally figuring out how I can be appropriately vulnerable, w/whom, when and what.  These ideas have been in my head off and on for a while, but they're also pretty raw and I haven't shared them w/others.  So I'm happy to hear they were meaningful to you.  And I loved what you said about getting's just get it.
Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: C. on June 24, 2015, 01:35:25 AM
I'll be somewhat off of the grid for a few days.  Probably back on Saturday.  I'm enjoying a short mid-week mini-vacation.  Enjoy you week everyone! ;D
Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: VeryFoggy on June 24, 2015, 01:51:57 AM
Enjoy your time off C.  Talk with you soon!

I don't know where to post this so I am posting it here.  I am a nerdy analytical type, so I don't know where this came from.  But I wrote this today and wanted to share.  My first poem!

Stop handing out rope.
Stop living on hope.

Start living in reality
Accept what is in totality

Accept these people can never love you
Not the way that you really want them to

Instead you must start loving you
You must give yourself all that you wanted them to

Believe a better life for you lies ahead
Believe the joy you crave won’t just be in your head

Believe you will manifest all you were meant to be
And that others will be encouraged and empowered to see

That after abuse there is light, life and love
If we want it enough it will come soft as a dove

And that we deserve this calm after the storm
And we can have peace, love and joy and no longer mourn

Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: C. on June 24, 2015, 04:40:51 PM
I haven't left quite yet and needed to respond to your post.  This poem is beautiful.  Thank you.  It eloquently says what's been in my heart for the past few days.  I felt moved to tear in a good way, like  :yeahthat:
Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: Kizzie on June 24, 2015, 05:21:05 PM
Letting go is such a hard thing to do in recovery but your poem is so very hopeful and positive about doing so. We all deserve the calm after the storm and we can get there.  It's an important thought to hold tight when the seas are rough. 

If you're feeling brave maybe post it in the poetry corner?
Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: VeryFoggy on June 25, 2015, 02:59:47 AM
Thank you Kizzie and C.!  I was embarrassed to post that, as it's pretty off course for me. But I am glad you liked it. It makes me feel better today to read it. It was a bad day, but much better now.

I am so glad you guys are here! YOU make my life better! Thank you!
Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: Kizzie on June 25, 2015, 04:14:21 PM
OK group hug time lol  :hug:   I am so glad you are in my life too  ;D
Title: Re: Announcements & Thoughts for this Week
Post by: VeryFoggy on June 26, 2015, 04:22:39 AM
I love you guys!  Really!  Hugs all around, and sure wish I could figure out how to do emoticons!