Out of the Storm

Symptoms => General Discussion => Topic started by: woodsgnome on September 08, 2015, 07:49:19 PM

Title: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: woodsgnome on September 08, 2015, 07:49:19 PM
As a self-described "sociable hermit", I don't fare that badly in conversations. Perhaps it helps that my vocational life always involved a variety of necessary social contacts. 

Sometimes I catch certain comments, such as "you seem like you're thinking"; oh, yeah—what they don't realize is that my every interaction with people comes with hyper-vigilant thoughts attached.  It's a drag on my energy that I've never fully mastered—truly in a crowd but never really "in" it, I guess. Or perhaps I just "numb out" of feelings altogether, relying on intuitive instincts to get me through.

I'm also noted for a quirky, almost wild, sense of humour. There again, what people (mostly) don't know is the intense grief from where that funny-side originated; and yes, I know there are times when I hide behind it. Being funny can nicely deflect scrutiny, and I learned to be pretty good at using humour as a sort of safety valve (as an adult; when young I had it, but had to stifle it or risk retribution from some very serious dudes called adults).

There's one social interaction that truly strikes terror in my entire being. It's when someone hits me with this zinger: "So, what was your childhood like?". I want the floor to swallow me, be swept out to sea, or just vanish into thin air when I hear it. No social skills I ever acquired can fully mask my discomfort when someone poses that heart-stopper.

Of course my reticence is tied to all the cptsd crud we talk about here. But try to throw that into a social chat!  :sadno:   I can forget to breathe in the panic of that moment, and my cool "sociable hermit" demeanour easily morphs into "shy misfit".

Reactions can range from "what's wrong?" to "you can tell us—we're friends." Umm...I've learned not to trust that one, 'cause being totally frank carries huge risks—it can draw unwanted overbearing "poor you" sympathy or hostility for being weak or abnormal or...who knows? Soon I'm in my familiar freeze/dissociation mode, living in a "can't win" scenario for my already fragile state of mind.

My anxious response is often just an unsatisfactory "I'd rather not go there", or something like it. Except then it really seems like I'm hiding something, and can quash the simplest conversation. The chat can fizzle awkwardly, and for someone like me where it's so difficult to engage anyway, it can ruin the day, turn up my inner critic, and I seem lost in the swamp of self-loathing again. So tiring, so normal.

Anybody here have similar experiences? If so, how do you fare when THE QUESTION YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR has just been asked?
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: stillhere on September 08, 2015, 08:45:06 PM
Good question, Woodsgnome, and one that raises all kinds of related questions (about stigma, validation, etc.).  I'm guessing lots of people on this site have shied away from honest answers to "what was your childhood like?" If most of the world were validating, we wouldn't need to or want to converse on line from all over the globe. 

For many years, I longed to find an answer that would promote a supportive response.  I tried telling a few stories, but too often, people would withdraw or tell me I must be exaggerating.  The point was driven home during my uNPDM's last visit, now decades ago, when two close friends stopped by.  They were shocked.  One of them still tells me that he never quite believed me until he witnessed a terrorist in action. 

So like you, I usually deflect the question.  I don't really see myself as a "sociable hermit," though I can see that others might think so.  But like you, I can't find a way to say "my childhood had some good moments, but overall, it was a nightmare from which I'm still learning to recover." 

I don't want to be asked the question, but at the same time, I crave understanding.  I want people in my life to "get it."  And if I can't talk about it, I can't expect anyone to understand.

So I sometimes let be known some general outlines or snippets of information.  And I wait for responses, which often never come in any way I can recognize.  I think even well-intentioned people trying to understand have difficulty knowing what to say.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Widdiful Falling on September 08, 2015, 08:47:58 PM
I usually either lie, and tell people it was fine (I've had a lot of practice...  ;)), or I tell people I don't want to talk about it, and change the subject so that no one looks too hard at my response (again, A LOT of practice). I think it's just one of those things that gets easier with time and practice.

I try to focus on the positive or neutral aspects of my childhood. Sometimes, all I have to say is that I've lived in Florida for people to provide the rest of the conversation, and change topics for me. I have a mental list of things that are safe to talk about. Probably borne out of necessity in my childhood.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: stillhere on September 08, 2015, 08:54:15 PM
Yes, you're deflecting, kind of the way I do.  Pick a point that might be interesting, respond to the question, and move on.  I too am well practiced.

But the inability to answer more honestly separates us from others.  Even without become a kind of hermit, the past becomes a source of isolation.  I can be in crowd or in a room full of familiar people, and no one really knows who I am or what's shaped the life I have.  I wish I could overcome that condition somehow.  I don't seek sympathy, just recognition and maybe a little understanding.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: gidget on September 09, 2015, 12:07:10 AM
I agree that the inability to discuss this is one of the causes of our social isolation, even if we don't want it to be, and do our best to work around it. There's just no way for people to really get to know me if I can't answer honestly about the abuse, neglect, and abandonment that I experienced for so many years. I can offer the superficial information of towns and schools and sports and aptitudes, but the information rings hollow, and we both know there's a wall between us.

When I've let people have a glimpse of the truth, they've either become morbidly and rudely curious and asked many, many inappropriate questions in follow-up -- as though they have lost track of the fact that this is truth, not fiction, and that they are speaking to a real person -- or they have quickly changed the subject and never brought it up again, so it is clear that it makes them too uncomfortable. After a while, if I maintain regular contact with someone who does not know my history, it seems too difficult and perhaps just too big to talk about. I am silenced no matter how I try to approach it.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Trees on September 09, 2015, 12:58:21 AM
I have to agree with all of you.  I am mostly a hermit because of this.  So this site is such a relief.  It doesn't cure the problem in my life, but it does offer a bit of relief from the isolation.

In real life, I hang out with dogs, and trees.  :rundog:
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: stillhere on September 09, 2015, 01:02:25 AM
More than social isolation generally, I think this question (or rather its answer) is an impediment to intimacy, generally applied.  It's certainly been an impediment to romantic relationships.  Anyone coming close enough to witness the dynamics of my family has been pretty horrified. 

So what to say when asked?  When I try to answer, I usually prefer the response with lots of easy outs for the listener (for example, "I'm not seeking a therapist," "You don't have to respond in any way," "The story isn't a happy one, so maybe you'd rather not hear it.").  My message is that I'm not secretive, but neither do I need to go into detail.  The effect, though, is often establish some distance. 

I'm fortunate in that I have a small group of very close friends who know my story well.  But in meeting new people, which I usually like to do, my "story" hangs there.

Since I joined this site, only recently, I've occasionally wondered what a meeting of members in real life would be like.  Knowing that someone "gets it" makes a difference.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Dutch Uncle on September 09, 2015, 01:34:16 AM
If this question comes up, which is not often, I usually tell them, truthfully, that I grew up in a boring and restrictive village in the bible-belt. That it was OK as a child, but horrible once puberty set in, and that I spend most of my time in puberty making sure I could get out of there.
That usually kills any further interest.

In a similar vein: when the subject of parents is raised, which at my age usually takes the form of "are your parents still alive and well?",and I answer "yes, but they divorced 10 years ago and I was happy about that", that usually kills off all further interest as well.

I guess for most people, and certainly the ones who ask such questions, these questions are meant to 'break the ice'. They have happy memories of their childhood innocence, when things were taken care for, and their life's struggles only started when they reached adulthood, got a job, moved out, married, had kids... They haven't got a clue that for others, like us, those happy times are much further back in memory, and the struggles already were well established before we got to live 'on our own'.

Do any of you here ever ask other people about their childhood? I mean, as a conversation starter?
I certainly don't.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: stillhere on September 09, 2015, 01:47:24 AM
I never ask new acquaintances such questions.  To do so would risk hearing the question turned on me.  The question isn't usually "conversation starter," but it does get asked, often when I've been getting to know someone over a little time. 

I can usually deflect the question in some way, saying something like "I'm from an obscure part of the U. S.  It seems like another world."  All true.  But if a relationship is deepening (I don't mean romantically) and I'm interested in a close connection, then the "story" hangs out there.  I've managed to tell the story (or part of it), but the telling always seems like a risk.  And I can recount a few instances of recoiling or invalidation ("That just can't be true.").   I find that response very hard to take.

A very close friend, who knows but does not share my story, likes to put it this way:  we meet two kinds of people, those who've been to * and back and those who haven't, and those of us who have can often spot others like us.  She reminds me occasionally that there are other sources of distress that I might try to understand.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Trees on September 09, 2015, 03:12:44 AM
Quote from: stillhere on September 09, 2015, 01:47:24 AM
A very close friend, who knows but does not share my story, likes to put it this way:  we meet two kinds of people, those who've been to * and back and those who haven't, and those of us who have can often spot others like us.  She reminds me occasionally that there are other sources of distress that I might try to understand.

Stillhere, what your friend says is really interesting.  Does she mention any of the other sources of distress that she might be thinking of?

This possibility of being able to connect with people with different sources of distress is something that has occurred to me.  I have thought it might involve sort of offering a sympathetic willingness to just listen without cringing.   It's usually people who have been to * and back who are able to do that.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Widdiful Falling on September 09, 2015, 03:46:48 AM
Trees, woodsgnome, stillhere,

What an interesting, and thought-provoking conversation. I'm glad I checked back. :yes: I have quite a few thoughts, not all of them as well-formed as the others, but I would like to give them all time here.

QuoteI have thought it might involve sort of offering a sympathetic willingness to just listen without cringing.

This strikes a chord in me. I tend to more deeply connect with people who are older than I am. I have a friend who is almost 50. Today, I was talking with her, and she asked about the scars on my arms. I told her I used to cut, and that I tried to kill myself. She said that everyone reaches a low point at some time in their life, and it made me feel like it was nothing to be ashamed of. She said that it's fine for me to have had dark times in life, and to not be happy all the time, because it makes me seem more real in her eyes.

Perhaps I have been very lucky in my life to find a couple people who have seen the darker side of life. I come from an impoverished area. Although the people I connect with might not understand completely, we can share our pain. It reminds me of a song lyric:

Quote"Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone."

I don't think anyone, even here, will ever completely understand me, nor do I expect them to. I feel that I am the only one who will ever completely understand me, or my story. Even when I make a strong connection with someone, I don't try to connect my whole being with their whole being. We share bits and pieces, and help each other when we can.

Sorry, for rambling. Just one last thought:

Could it be that, every time someone asks this question, that you want them to understand you completely because you don't understand completely yourself?
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: arpy1 on September 09, 2015, 10:04:41 AM
i am finding, after first thinking 'woah, don't want to go there!', that this thread is actually incredibly moving. and i think it reveals a deeper question to do with being able to find a sense of belonging, in a culture that is mostly geared to not looking at those great 'elephants in the room', abuse and mental illness.

i think that often for people who've suffered in those ways, the primary aim in life necessarily ends up being emotional survival and recovery. they learn to be incredibly strong - and incredibly empathic, mostly. but doesn't that kind of life-struggle also make you part of a social minority just as surely as if you are deaf, or in a wheelchair?   

personally, when i think about answering q's about my childhood, i realise i have certain stock phrases and comments that basically keep people away from it. and that has never been a problem, i am a master in the art of dissembling.

QuoteShe reminds me occasionally that there are other sources of distress that I might try to understand.
(stillhere)

that's interesting. becos what has driven me into total social isolation is the whole cult experience of my adult years.   even the dicey childhood and my abusive marriage might be at least slightly socially acceptable to some sympathetic souls. but to say you spent a significant portion of your adult life as a celibate in a christian cult?... well to be honest, i don't, i feel too ashamed, too different, too stupid.

so, like those of you who have posted here,  there is a huge part of my life that is also 'out of bounds' . until i cracked up last autumn and couldn't work, i was too embarrassed to even admit it to my doctor...someone i don't know? no way.

i have searched for support online for people like me, without much success, plus it is simply not the kind of abuse that most people in the therapeutic community are geared to. the first T i tried just wouldn't even go there with me. wouldn't talk about it, as it if was unimportant and irrelevant to the complete emotional breakdown she was supposed to be treating me for.

this site is the nearest i have come to finding actual people who actually 'get' it and who are able, becos of their own journey, to empathise and support even if they don't share the precise experiences. i honestly can say it has been a life saver for me. but even here, i am hesitant and ashamed about it.


Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Laynelove on September 09, 2015, 12:49:37 PM
Sorry I didn't read through all the replies but in response to the original post:

Depending on how well I know the person I'm talking to, if it's just an aquaintance I keep it really impersonal. If someone says 'so what was your childhood like'? I might respond with 'oh yeah I grew up in [insert town name], great place to grow up but the winters were freezing' and then gently manoeuvre it away from the subject eg. 'Thats why I moved some place warmer...I can't wait to head to the beach this weekend what are your plans?'. Something like that. Then I might drop more info as I get to know the person more and feel comfortable. But I find saying 'oh I don't want to talk about it' straight up leaves an awkwardness afterwards that can be avoided if I fill the question with materialistic kind of things like describing what the town looked like or what your favourite show was or what bands were famous at the time etc. Other people are more intuitive then we think, usually someone can sense u are uncomfortable and if you are uncomfortable then it makes them uncomfortable and if the other person has any kind of empathy they won't push it. If you come across someone super pushy and nosy then you might just have to pull out the 'I don't wanna talk about it' card. I try to only use it when I have to. But It happens.

You should never feel like you have to tell anyone any kind of personal information you aren't comfortable with.

That's just how I avoid letting out personal information I'm not comfortable with telling people anyways and most the time it works pretty well 😊
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Trees on September 09, 2015, 08:17:55 PM
No one has actually asked me the question that Woodsgnome posed here: "What was your childhood like?"  But I am sure it would leave me stuttering and changing the subject. 

There are other similar questions that I deflect, such as "Where are you from?", and "What did you do before you retired?", and "Why did you never have children?", and "Why did you move so often?".  And so many more.

I agree with arpy1 that this does make me "part of a social minority just as surely as if you are deaf, or in a wheelchair."  I do feel a sort of affinity with people who are coping with the challenges and isolation of a physical disability.  But I still fear that they would not feel an affinity with people like me.

I also feel an affinity with people recovering from cult experiences.  The whole concept of the damaging narcissist really resonates for me!  It does sound remarkably like my FOO.

A lifetime of being the FOO scapegoat has made me sympathetic with civil rights issues, too.  During many of my darkest times I found inspiration reading about the struggles of Jewish people in the Nazi era and about the * survived by slaves in America.  Also emigrants from unrest and poverty in Central America, and refugees from war in Syria, and Sudan, and so many other places.  Not to even mention the many people with issues like mine who are struggling to stay alive on the street.

Perhaps an excess of empathy is a disorder.  Maybe it is a neediness for acceptance, I tell myself sometimes.

I do sort of think of people as being divided into two main categories, those who have been through * (or are still there) and those who are blissfully clueless.  As stillhere's friend said.

Yet my shame for who I have been still persists.  So this site really helps me because we remind each other that we do not deserve shame, that we deserve to stand upright, that we are lovable even while we are in this pain.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: arpy1 on September 09, 2015, 08:51:06 PM
here here, Trees.

and  thank you for your empathy and no, it isn't disordered, it is just, well, kind, and it makes a person feel understood.  :hug: :hug: :hug:
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Dyess on September 09, 2015, 10:01:46 PM
hmmmmmm...depends on who it is and why they want to know. I had told people about witnessing my grandfather's death at 5 , I was actually right behind him when he fell down some stairs to his death. I'm thinking, now, that may have been the start of the PTSD. Prior to that I really don't remember much about my childhood. After that is when it went to * on several levels and that is something I haven't shared with anyone. The fact I said it went to * should be enough without discussing the details. So I give this general descript., they can take it or leave it, up to them. But I can see where the T may want to know more, to determine if there was a chance of development issues, that may lead to issues now. It wouldn't be comfortable though.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: KayFly on September 09, 2015, 10:04:44 PM
Woodsgnome

I was pretty worried about this for awhile too...but I talked to my T and some others about it. My partner just naturally said to his family "She had a bad childhood."...basically, to sum up, I'm not really going to want to talk about it.

I usually just say, "I don't want to get into it." or what is more comfortable is just simply "I had a bad childhood."

Because people ask. So it's good to have a plan. Sorry that's so overwhelming. I get it
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: stillhere on September 10, 2015, 03:46:18 AM
Answering Trees's question from several posts back:  yes, I know much about my close friend's sources of distress.  I've spent much effort to try to understand the dynamics in her family, which are different from mine.  The effort has meant that, over more than 25 years, we've become extremely close and consider each other something like sisters, even though we are from very different families.

Coming to understand family dynamics for a few close friends (not many), over many years, has helped put my experience in perspective.  It helps me realize just how unacceptable my uNPD mother has been and just how much my father acted as an enabler.  I've learned some new labels, like CPTSD, recently, but I've known for a long time that my story is a hard one for some people to hear.

And so answering questions about it is an occasional challenge.  My response often reflects my assessment of the relationship and its prospects (is the inquiry casual, or does the inquirer really want to know?  is the relationship fraught with power differences?  how vulnerable am I willing to be over time?). 

The few long-term friends, the people I count on, know much.  A few have been witnesses to some horrors.  Anyone I might come to know as well in the future probably needs to be "let in," and that's always a risk.

Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: woodsgnome on September 10, 2015, 07:30:30 AM
While I've always found "what was your childhood like" to be problematic, I think my first post in this thread was more like a cry of despair. Because wouldn't it really be grand if it was really okay to be asked that question? Not to have to feel like hiding, to be proud of what happened, and not be in all this shame about good memories others take for granted? Oh, if only that were so.

I know. It didn't work out that way, did it. So "what was your childhood like" becomes kind of half-question, half-lament. It's like one's inner child peeks out and wonders: "Can't that happen for me, too? What must that be like?" And we know we better not answer upfront, if it was asked; we'll be misunderstood or face that fear business where we'll feel ridiculed or taunted as some misfit who needs to get over this weakness. But it's sort of a wash either way; there's just this void where once more we have to shut up and take it. Hold it in, all that rot.

I'm sometimes asked to entertain for a local historical society and the folks there tend to love nostalgic tales about their good ol' times growing up (embellished as some of them sound). When it gets rolling, I notice my own inner tension rising. It intrigues but also scares me how fond they can feel about their life stories. They felt so safe, so secure, so happy. I'm left feeling like a tourist in a distant country, and I'll never be able to speak their language.

I sense that they want to draw me in, but when I seem reluctant, in turn they pull back, too. The loop circles around and my invitation to share and join hits me flush; if I'm playing music in my entertainer's role, I retreat into it and let that be my talk. Lonely? Used to that.

On the one hand I'm fascinated by their joyful memories—it gives me a a "good for them" vibe. I just hope I'm not asked THE question for all the reasons mentioned. Cue up "When You Wish Upon a Star...how I wonder how you are...".
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Dyess on September 10, 2015, 07:51:34 AM
It would be great if there were no issues to hide or not want to talk about. But I think on this forum it would exception not the rule. I think what we are all dealing with stems from issues long ago. I could say my childhood was picture perfect but it would be a lie. Even though we are all different we are a lot alike on some levels. Yes, it would be nice to say childhood was wonderful like out of a movie and there may be childhoods like that, I don't know. I do have some good memories, it's just the bad over power them right now.
There were kids in my neighborhood that I envied because they seem to have the perfect family and life. They still have issues as adults. I hope at some point I can learn to focus on the good points of childhood and maybe that will help me heal and move on. As long as I hold on to the dark memories there's no room for the light. The key, for me, is finding out how to make that transition.
My T has been the only one to ask me about my childhood as part of her assessment I guess. Though we have talked in detail about it and I'm not sure we ever will.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Dutch Uncle on September 10, 2015, 09:21:51 AM
Quote from: woodsgnome on September 10, 2015, 07:30:30 AM
I'm sometimes asked to entertain for a local historical society and the folks there tend to love nostalgic tales about their good ol' times growing up (embellished as some of them sound). When it gets rolling, I notice my own inner tension rising. It intrigues but also scares me how fond they can feel about their life stories. They felt so safe, so secure, so happy.
[...]
On the one hand I'm fascinated by this—it gives me a a "good for them" vibe.
I sense a lot of happiness in these sentences.
Would it be possible for you to 'take in' what they share with you? To let their good stories rub off on you? Take a small bite of each of the stories and let it nourish you? They share them with you after all, and sharing is free giving, no?

What you wrote, and my reply to it, brings me a flashback to many months back.
A dear friend of mine, whom I have confided in regarding my troubles with my FOO, made a sort of proposal/hint I should meet her family. Which is a good and caring one by all accounts. She wants me to have some of that, I got the feeling.
I was so touched by that gesture.
I haven't followed up on it yet, it feels weird.  ;D (not in the least since she is in a divorce atm, and I'm certainly not going to marry her (nor she me  ;) ), but "what would the family think?". Probably nothing, or at best: "Nice she has such a nice man as a friend." Period. Says my cognition. But I think my Inner Critic finds that a ridiculous concept.)

I hope I will have the gut someday to meet her family, and let the kindness, kinship of them rub off on me. I'm pretty certain it would do me good, even while it might remind me of what I never had. At the moment itself, or later.

I sense that the community you are part of, albeit as a "sociable hermit" as you described it IIRC, is already rubbing off on you. I hope and wish there will be much more for you coming from that source.

:hug:
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: stillhere on September 10, 2015, 02:34:34 PM
For me, participating in other people's family life has been a source of both solace and sadness.  I have felt welcomed and comfortable.  Years ago, when parents of friends were younger and healthier, I could occasionally seek a little surrogate parenting.  I have happy memories.

But nothing ever truly compensates for what wasn't -- or for what was instead.  I enjoy only a corner of functional family life.

Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: coda on September 10, 2015, 03:23:11 PM
Quote from: stillhere on September 10, 2015, 02:34:34 PM
For me, participating in other people's family life has been a source of both solace and sadness.  I have felt welcomed and comfortable.  Years ago, when parents of friends were younger and healthier, I could occasionally seek a little surrogate parenting.  I have happy memories.

But nothing ever truly compensates for what wasn't -- or for what was instead. 
Wow, that's so beautifully put and very true for me. From childhood into adulthood, I once thrilled at being included -- at seeing how a healthy family life functioned when I had zero experience or knowledge. Meals, plans, traditions, the joys & tribulations of "ordinary" everyday life. I even imagined I was a part of it, but I never truly was. There are always limits, and eventually, always the searing, at times almost unbearable feeling of being outside, pressing my nose against the windowpane.
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: arpy1 on September 10, 2015, 03:41:10 PM
QuoteFrom childhood into adulthood, I once thrilled at being included -- at seeing how a healthy family life functioned when I had zero experience or knowledge. Meals, plans, traditions, the joys & tribulations of "ordinary" everyday life. I even imagined I was a part of it, but I never truly was.
:'(  what a painful chord that strikes, stillhere. in a couple of sentences you have summed up my life. and of late, having realised not only  that i never truly was, but that i never will be, i have stopped trying. if i am to be alone, then i shall choose  to be alone. i shall make a virtue out of a necessity and optimise, make it the best i can. that way it won't hurt so much, eh? that's the theory.

Conform? Healthy social interaction? huh, tried that so:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Jenny Joseph
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Dyess on September 10, 2015, 03:45:16 PM
I like that :)
Title: Re: Any safe way to duck the "what was your childhood like" question?
Post by: Cocobird on September 11, 2015, 02:26:16 AM
It depends on who asks me, and why they are asking. I don't need to go into abuse with people I don't know well or trust. I just mutter something about moving around a lot, and change the subject.