As described by Pete Walker (2013) in his book "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving," emotional flashbacks (EFs) are one of the most common symptoms of CPTSD and involve mild to intense feeling states (e.g., anger, shame, fear) that were felt in past trauma, and are layered over present day situations. For example, a person who grew up with a parent who was angry and abusive may react with sudden intense fear to a minor conflict at work and not understand what is happening or why because often people with CPTSD do not connect these feelings to past trauma. Emotional flashbacks are contrasted by the visual flashbacks experienced with PTSD where the sufferer sees the traumatic event replayed in their mind's eye.
Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions ('amygdala hijackings') to the frightening circumstances of childhood. They are typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair - or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair.
How do I know I am in a Flashback? by Pete Walker
We can often find ourselves in a flashback without ever having seen the "flash". There are a variety of clues that we can learn to identify as signs that we are caught in a flashback. This is essential to recovery, as naming our experience "flashback" (step#1 in flashback management) often immediately brings some relief, and more importantly point us in the direction of working the other 12 steps of flashback management (listed on the flashback management page of this website).
One common clue that we are in a flashback occurs when we notice that we feel small, helpless, hopeless and so ashamed that we are loath to go out or show our face anywhere.
Another common clue that we are flashing back is an increase in the virulence of the inner or outer critic. This typically looks like increased drasticizing and catastrophizing, as well as excessive self-criticism or judgementalness of others. A very common example of this is lapsing into extremely polarized, all-or-none thinking – and most especially into only noticing what is wrong with yourself and/or others. On a personal level, I have learned over the years that when I am feeling especially critical of others, it usually means that I am feeling bad and have flashed back to being around my mother who hated any dip in my mood or energy level lest I be less useful and entertaining to her. During such flashbacks then, I am self-protectively over-noticing other's faults so I can justify avoiding them and the danger and shame of being seen in a state of not being shiny enough. See my articles on "Shrinking the Critic" for more info on how to recognize the various critic attacks that accompany as well as initiate flashbacks.
Another clue about flashbacks is seen in increased activation of the fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses (see my article on "A Trauma Typology"). Here are some examples of this. Many childhood trauma survivors learned early in life to manage and self-medicate the painful feelings of flashbacks with distracting activities and self-medicating substances - flight and freeze responses, respectively. Over time flight and freeze responses can become habitual. Flight types can devolve into distracting process addictions, and freeze types into "tuning out" substance addictions. The former can morph into workaholism, busyholism, consumerism, or sex &love addiction, and the latter into drinking, drugging, TV entrancement and compulsive eating (especially mood-altering junk foods that contain high quantities of salt, sugar and fat). Addiction for many survivors is a matter of degree, and an especially strong urge to use more substance or process than normal is a powerful clue that one is in a flashback. With practice, mindfully noticing a sudden upsurge in craving can be interpreted as the need to invoke the 13 steps of healthy flashback management.
Another clue that we are in a flashback occurs when we notice that our emotional reactions are out of proportion to what has triggered them, e.g., when a minor, present time upset feels like an emergency or when a minor unfairness feels like a travesty of justice; e.g., a spilled glass of water triggers an incessant diatribe of self-hate, or someone else's relatively harmless, un-signaled lane change triggers us into rage. If we are not mindful at such times, we can either inappropriately act these feelings out against the relatively innocent other, or we can let them morph into shame and act them in against ourselves in self-disgust or self-hatred. If on the other hand we mindfully recognize them as flashbacks to the way we felt about the real emergencies and injustices of parental abuse and abandonment, we can be empowered not only to invoke healthy flashback management techniques, but also to harvest the experience as an opportunity to validate the awfulness of our childhood plight. When we do the latter, we can assign and direct our anger into a self-protective protest about the unfair past, and our tears into self-compassionate crying for the plight of the child we were. Finally, it cannot be stressed enough that it takes a great deal of practicing both of these responses to heal the developmental arrest of being blocked from our all important instincts of self-protection and self-compassion.
Source Managing Emotional Flashbacks (http://www.pete-walker.com)
There is a great handout from Pete "13 Steps to Managing EFs" here - http://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm. Click here (https://static1.squarespace.com/static/56983ac169492ecf0c7dc1c7/t/5903855aebbd1a3c320df2a5/1493402971703/Pete+Walker%27s+Strategies+for+Recovery+and+Managing+EFs.pdf) for a pdf version.
This is a great description
"On a personal level, I have learned over the years that when I am feeling especially critical of others, it usually means that I am feeling bad and have flashed back to being around my mother who hated any dip in my mood or energy level lest I be less useful and entertaining to her. During such flashbacks then, I am self-protectively over-noticing other's faults so I can justify avoiding them and the danger and shame of being seen in a state of not being shiny enough."
I have just started to recognize this particular flashback in myself, and it shocks me how often I experience it. I'm getting better at recognizing when it starts, though, so I'm hopeful that I can learn how to battle it effectively.
Interesting. I think that's a concept my group T was trying to get through to me when I reacted negatively to my former shrink denying he said what I clearly heard him say.
As a child I was often told I did not see what I know I saw and did not hear what I know I heard. Depending on how medicated or not I happen to be at the time someone does this to me I experience the urge to rip their throat out. Clearly a reaction out of proportion to the circumstance.
Just as an aside, I wonder whether euphoric, eager and manic states might not be flashbacks too?
I've heard it suggested that mania can be a temporary form of, or EF of the narcissistic defence (as per Walker's four types).
Quote from: radical on December 28, 2016, 04:48:00 PM
I've heard it suggested that mania can be a temporary form of, or EF of the narcissistic defence (as per Walker's four types).
Thanks, really interesting. Perhaps more to do with what he calls 'Pseudo-Cycolthymia', a flight response which endlessly rekindles business after exhaustion.
Quote from: bruisednotbroken on June 17, 2016, 01:11:00 PM
"On a personal level, I have learned over the years that when I am feeling especially critical of others, it usually means that I am feeling bad and have flashed back to being around my mother who hated any dip in my mood or energy level lest I be less useful and entertaining to her. During such flashbacks then, I am self-protectively over-noticing other's faults so I can justify avoiding them and the danger and shame of being seen in a state of not being shiny enough."
I have just started to recognize this particular flashback in myself, and it shocks me how often I experience it. I'm getting better at recognizing when it starts, though, so I'm hopeful that I can learn how to battle it effectively.
This made me cry. This is exactly what I'm experiencing. I don't feel as alone. Thank you for this"
To Freedomissweet. I am glad you don't feel so alone. I have just joined this forum and I am glad I did. Too often I have thought it was just me.I have a feeling that I am going to get through this nightmare now and hope you will too.
To everyone, I am just learning about flashbacks. Flashbacks seem as if they are temporary, but Is it possible to have been in one for years? It feels like
I always been in one :spooked:
Yes, I suppose EF's can last indefinitely, especially if you are triggered repeatedly. So sorry to hear. :hug:
That was a very insightful reading. Thanks for that. With this I came to realize I need cooping mechanisms to deal with daily tasks in managing the house and the kids. Unfortunately, almost every step I take towards kids and household are EF's. This makes me angry, frustrated and overwhelmed by not only the tasks itself but also by the idea of nurturing my kids childhood. There is no model to follow. The situations common of childhood comes with so much baggage. I used to use children's programs (Caillou, Daniel the Tiger, Mr Rogers) to deal with the fact that I did not have a childhood myself, so I thought. Now I see I had one. As the kids grow older its becoming harder and harder to connect in a healthy way. Today for instance, my 4 year old difficulty to deal with a situation just stroke me. That picture of her standing there searching for an answer within, lonely, vulnerable and feeling at loss brought me right in, but instead of reaching out to her I just felt mad and frustrated. I have been asking myself how to overcome that. This EF article seem to have reopened a door of understanding. However, I would appreciate any other resources that could help me in such situations as I am thinking now to empathize with the kids and focus on them instead of my fears. Thanks in advance!
Hi Avemaria - Raising children can be triggering no doubt about it. Are you seeing a therapist? I ask because one way to help our children is to help ourselves first. It's a bit like flying when in the safety briefing they tell you in the event of an emergency to put on your mask first so that you can then help others. FWIW, I think the same applies to those of us with CPTSD. We need to do something to help reduce the EFs (i.e., process the trauma), so we have enough oxygen to parent in the way we want to. :hug:
:hug: to you avemaria. Doing household tasks exhausts me something awful, and always has done. So I presume there's an EF there. However I only need to look after myself and my pets. Looking after children on a full-time basis - I cannot imagine what that would be like or how I would cope. So :applause: :applause: to you for doing it.
My EFs have in general lessened, even those relating to household tasks a little tiny bit, and for me the way to that has been processing trauma and re-integrating as well as looking after and beginning to understand and even bond with Inner Children. Before I could attempt any connection with and healing of the angry, hurt, traumatised ones, I needed to connect with the less damaged ones, the ones who were able to put me back in touch with my inner resources as well as a child's way of seeing the world and even just fun and games, sometimes really simple 'child' activities like doing a dot-to-dot drawing or finger-painting.
Reading this just validated a lot of things in my life. I have recently learned about complex ptsd, and the more I read about it the more my diagnosis make sense. I had never heard of an EF but now I can see that I possibly do this a great deal. I am glad to hear others have experienced this, and that there are ways to cope with them. Thank you all for sharing
Quote from: Elphanigh on April 12, 2017, 07:52:30 PM
Reading this just validated a lot of things in my life. I have recently learned about complex ptsd, and the more I read about it the more my diagnosis make sense. I had never heard of an EF but now I can see that I possibly do this a great deal. I am glad to hear others have experienced this, and that there are ways to cope with them. Thank you all for sharing.
:yes: YES, isn't it amazing Elphanigh? Last year someone mentioned on one of the many websites I've been using for support that I could be experiencing C-PTSD. I was floored. I just thought I was dealing with my over-emotional and/or over-sensitive nature. After more research, and especially once I joined this forum; IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. :doh: My outbursts of anger, my inability to control my feelings, my need to point out other people's issues, my feeling helpless, my feeling invisible, my depression that sends me to bed for days; happens when I am experiencing an emotional flashback!
I have picked up Pete Walker's book "C-PTSD from Surviving to Thriving" which has been an excellent resource on C-PTSD, but the book I'm working with now "The Complex PTSD Workbook, a mind-body approach to regaining emotional control and becoming whole" by Arielle Schwartz Phd is really helping me.
I'll bet there are hundreds of thousands of people out there that have c-ptsd and don't know it, as they struggle with feeling less than, bad, and/or not worthy. If you think about it the % of families that have dysfunction is properly much greater than we have ever realized due to all the stress and strain that is part of our daily existence today. And I am beginning to understand that this stress and strain, anguish and dysfunction has been passed down through the family over generations.
And avemaria, your posting and being here is a huge sign that you are helping yourself heal so you will be there for your children. If you haven't picked up "Healing the Child Within" by Charles L. Whitfield I would recommend it. It is "...a strong introduction to recognizing and healing from the painful effects of childhood trauma." It has helped me to embrace and love the child within me, which helps me to get in touch with my authentic self. It might help you to be able to be a child, with your children, enjoy life through their eyes?
Where does one start to begin healing or managing ones CPTSD? I have used alcohol for over 20 yrs with some yrs of sobriety through AA in there. Recently I relapsed after 13 months of sobriety on April 7th. My father was an alcoholic, Vietnam combat vet who met his end, due to cirrhosis, in 1994 at the age of 44. I know AA is not helping me get to the root of the problem(s). Suggestions please.
Hello and welcome! I am glad you're here. Many of us here have substance abuse issues, or other coping skills that are no longer helping us cope.
I think it's been vitally important for me to learn that the differences I see in myself, comparing myself to others, are a natural consequence of abuse and not character defects. CPTSD causes changes in how the physical brain processes information.
Unfortunately, many doctors and therapists are ignorant of the differences between post traumatic stress and complex ptsd. Ptsd is from a single incident - car crash, mugging, etc. - while cptsd is caused by multiple, interpersonal, inescapable traumatic injuries. Our symptoms are different and effective treatment should at least be trauma-informed.
We have a resources section containing printable info (http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/) as well as many book recommendations (http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/Books.html); two that I found particularly helpful were "The Body Keeps The Score" and Pete Walker's "From Surviving To Thriving". Walker also has a website, http://pete-walker.com.
Above all, know that we are here to listen to your experiences and pain without judgment, and to validate your feelings and share what's worked for us. Thanks for joining! :wave:
Hi David1973 :wave: thought to share that the LifeRing Secular Recovery program provided the best help for me to retain my sobriety. They get that there are numerous reasons someone drinks and we each have our story and ways of recovering. It's all not like one big blanket statement which AA expects everyone to swallow... :blink:
More here: http://lifering.org/
And, they have an email support list for those of us who are considered "Dual Diagnosis": LifeRing Secular Dual Recovery: Sometimes those seeking sobriety also suffer from emotional and mental challenges that can make recovery more difficult. LifeRing SDR is a safe place to discuss those highly personal issues among people who may not share the particular problem, but who understand what it's like to deal with life-limiting issues in addition to addiction. Whether the difficulty is depression, or anxiety, or some other emotional/psychological challenge, the members of this group will listen and respond with positive and supportive messages.
Good luck with all the challenges we are here for you too. :hug:
Quote from: Kizzie on April 02, 2017, 06:50:38 PM
Hi Avemaria - Raising children can be triggering no doubt about it. Are you seeing a therapist? I ask because one way to help our children is to help ourselves first. It's a bit like flying when in the safety briefing they tell you in the event of an emergency to put on your mask first so that you can then help others. FWIW, I think the same applies to those of us with CPTSD. We need to do something to help reduce the EFs (i.e., process the trauma), so we have enough oxygen to parent in the way we want to. :hug:
Yes Avemaria, raising kids is so hard, I sought help from everywhere I could as I didn't have a clue. I found the 12 steps of Alanon helpful (had an alcoholic boyfriend once) and any kind of parent support group going, the last one originated in the US I think and it was based on the work of Webster-Stratton. It is all about making sure you meet your needs in order to meet the needs of your children. BTW I found when my kids started school there were other triggers too as I had been bullied at school. Be kind to yourself. The slogans I remember best from Alanon, 'how important is it?' And using 'when' and 'then' from the parenting help groups. 'When I have done this, then I will....' 'When you have cleaned your teeth, then I will read you a story' for example.
Just bought Pete's book and the excerpts I'm seeing on these forums makes me even more excited to read it! The traditional idea of "flashbacks" has never really jived with me because I don't feel sucked into actual memories (like many of us, I barely feel like I have memories) so I always thought this symptom didn't apply to me.
But this I have definitely experienced. It validating to know that this is normal and just another part of C-PTSD; it's good to know it's something I can work on. Thank you for sharing.
If this is true then I think in currently constantly fighting between emotional flashbacks, and visual and auditory ones constantly. My mind loops through my past like it's on repeat trying to find the way out the magic button that will make it all make sense. I'm not sure how to stop the loops? :'(
I hope this will help - we often refer to Pete Walker's work (books, website etc) and he has some excellent information. He is a therapist who is also a childhood trauma survivor. Here's a link to his site regarding EFs and the steps to work thru them - http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm
I second what Three Roses says. :yeahthat:
I keep copies of the 13 steps (page 3 in the link to the pdf) at my home desk and in my purse. Because I never know when I'll need the help. :sharkbait:
Another resource for thinking about and dealing with flashbacks from an author/survivor I quite like:
Flashbacks: Experience Distress in Safety (http://traumahealed.com/articles/flashbacks-experience-distress-in-safety/). Here's an excerpt:
In his self-trauma model, Dr. John Briere proposes that flashbacks are part of the healing process for PTSD, rather than a symptom. Each flashback helps defuse and integrate raw traumatic memory into less charged narrative memory.
The key is to experience the distress of the past within the safety of the present. If past distress entirely blocks out awareness of present safety, the effect is re-traumatizing rather than therapeutic.
I especially liked this:
Flashbacks can contain wrenchingly painful material and interfere embarrassingly with daily life. At the same time, they are a sign of your body's wisdom reaching for healing. Remember to take pride in your survival, your current safety, and your strength as you confront and heal from past trauma.
Good article. Thanks for sharing.
Quote from: Kizzie on November 29, 2019, 05:50:42 PM
I especially liked this:
Flashbacks can contain wrenchingly painful material and interfere embarrassingly with daily life. At the same time, they are a sign of your body's wisdom reaching for healing. Remember to take pride in your survival, your current safety, and your strength as you confront and heal from past trauma.
Me too.
Thanks for sharing. This has been something that's been particularly confusing for me. Now that I know about EFs, I think I've probably gone through many a day at work, constantly in EF states of overlapping distress. I'd have to struggle to cover these up, and then would be utterly mortified if people noticed. Unfortunately sometimes bullies notice distress and go right for the throat. Something from The Body Keeps the Score comes to mind. Bessel van der Kolk described bullying as often a response where the perpetrator spots something in the victim that triggers a denied, shamed aspect of self, triggering the hostility. It helps to know that now.
Quote from: Kizzie on November 29, 2019, 05:50:42 PM
The key is to experience the distress of the past within the safety of the present. If past distress entirely blocks out awareness of present safety, the effect is re-traumatizing rather than therapeutic.[/i]
The difficulty for me is that the distress takes over completely. I cannot connect to a sense of safety or well-being at all. How does one manage to safely experience the distress without it feeling traumatic all over again?
This is a tough one, Owl. I also find it difficult to feel safe enough to do that work. Finding a great T can help, though it can take some time to trust enough and feel safe there. These forums help, when we feel safe with one another to have others witness us somehow and then feel safer going to terrible places, slowly and gently. Trusting yourself and whatever discomfort is happening and that it will pass can be practiced and learned. It can become really interesting then to get to know these dark places and see what we can learn from them. It makes me think of a favourite poem, The Guest House by Rumi:
https://www.thepoetryexchange.co.uk/the-guest-house-by-rumi