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CPTSD and Others => Our Relationships with Others => Parenting (Children, Teens & Adult Children) => Topic started by: JohnnyBoy on November 17, 2015, 05:30:03 AM

Title: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on November 17, 2015, 05:30:03 AM
Went back to court the other day, now mind you, I paid all court cost and everything. Got all the way down there, I wasn't even put on the court documents, and the court gave her full custody and full rights back, my rights are still stripped. She had promised me when I sent the money, the papers were to be filed as joint custody and both of us getting our rights back. Afterwards however she claimed they wouldn't let her do that.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: arpy1 on November 17, 2015, 12:38:52 PM
oh JB,  :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: to you.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on November 18, 2015, 08:52:51 AM
Ty Arpy, its hard, tonight, I had to miss my 5 yr old daughters first school play because my ex chose to wait to tell me about it at the last minute, not that I could have gotten off work anyway *sighs, I missed my sons last year. I hope this all ends soon. There's an old song that come to mind, the chorus speaks volumes..."Take it away, take it away, take it away, take away this ball and chain, I'm lonely, I'm tired, and I can't take nomore pain, take  away this ball and chain, yeah take it away,  take it away, take it away, never to return again, take away this ball and chain" Happened to come across it the other day listening to the radio at work, came and bought the song on iTunes. Its almost verbatim how I feel.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: arpy1 on November 18, 2015, 03:03:54 PM
i'm so sorry it happened like this, JB. thinking of you lots. keep us posted won't you?   :hug: :hug:
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on November 19, 2015, 05:59:27 AM
of course I will, * sighs I'm still pretty much being given no choice but to take her back, I mean her dad pretty much made no bones about it "take her * to your home state and keep her there!" Sooo, it doesn't quite seem to matter that I'm talking to someone else, nothing serious, not ready for that, but still talking.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on November 20, 2015, 06:09:19 AM
My ex called my this moring begging me to come get her and the kids, shes says shes feeling suicidal again, I'm very worried because I haven't heard from her since 1:30 this afternoon. I only pray she didn't start drinking again.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: arpy1 on November 20, 2015, 03:20:23 PM
thinking of you hon, know this is so hard for you. much support to you  :hug: :hug: :hug:
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: C. on November 20, 2015, 05:52:52 PM
I haven't posted yet because your experience is still raw and painful for me to respond to.  And it's been 3 years.  After being the  primary caregiver for 13 yrs for my son, my ex wouldn't let me see him one summer for about 3 months.  It was b/c I was "crazy" (CPTSD cause by NPD ex), but I was always safe w/my son.  Stressed sometimes, but safe.  That was the hardest time of my life.  Looking back on it I remember being extremely depressed and looking for escape through an unhealthy life style.  I couldn't work.  Now my son is 16 and he sees better what happened at that time.  He talks about how his father lied and manipulated and didn't take responsibility as a father.
That was my experience.  Yours is different, but the separation.  I just wanted to let you know that I think I understand a bit about that pain.  And it sounds like your daughter might be w/you now...

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry you are experiencing this, and I trust things will get better.  It sounds like you are a very dedicated father and I believe that will pay off for you and your daughter.

Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on November 21, 2015, 06:27:42 AM
Two daughters and a son, no they are with her. And up until last summer she was also safe with the children, but that was before the drinking and drugs. Now she has destroyed any trust I had in her. I'm not being manipulative or dishonest about her, just truthful. I honestly wish things could be different with us and we could be a family, but I'm not sure that can ever really happen. Thank you Arpy and C. your support means the world to me.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: arpy1 on November 21, 2015, 01:04:12 PM
loads of  :hug: :hug: :hug: dear JB
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: C. on November 21, 2015, 02:27:01 PM
Your welcome JB.  I am grateful that we can be of some support for you during this time. 
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: Bimsy on December 02, 2015, 08:29:02 AM
My mother did the same thing to my father and it broke him, I really hope that you can find strength through all of this and that you still feel important and needed as a father no matter what! <3
I really wish I had my father today so you hang in there!
I am cheering for you and hope that you will be reunited with your children soon!
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on December 03, 2015, 05:57:54 AM
Don't you worry about that Bims, she will never break me, I'm a quarter Shawnee, a quarter Cherokee and half German Jew, lol none of us broke, may have bent alittle until we saw our moment, but never broke. I love my children way to much to let her break me, I will fight her tooth and nail. She doesn't really want them, oh she puts on a good show for acouple months, when I'm not around, then I come back and she ends up never home, or the kids and I go out and she never goes with. Ultimately sending me and kids to states away for months at a time to my moms house, partying and everything else while we're gone, then boom she'll start crying she was wrong she wants to work it out. I say all of that to say this, My Children Have Made It Crystal Clear.....they wish to be with me and my family, they do not want to be with their mother, my oldest daughter has blatantly told her mother that she hates her. I am of course sad to hear a 5 yr old say that, but I can not blame her. The child is autistic, and her  mother (claiming inability to handle or deal with her) has handed her off to anybody and everybody. I myself can attest, she can be a handful (especially if left unmedicated) but she is MY daughter, MY baby girl, I made her, I will deal with her. And it surprises my ex that the child listens to me and not her. Lol sorry I had to vent. For the record, I have had, I guess it would be refered to as physical possession of my 5 yr old for the better part of the last four years, my 8 yr old son almost as much, my 4 yr old honestly very little, she will not hardly relinquish her. The 4 yr old is epileptic, and she swears she has papers where the docter refused to release her to travel. But whats ironic, when shes with her mother she has wall to wall seizures, she was with me for 2 months last summer....not a single seizure the entire time. she had had so many before she came here they had changed her meds 4 times, and been hospitalized at least 3 times.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: Bimsy on December 03, 2015, 06:10:15 AM
I am glad to read that you've got spirit, JohnnyBoy!  :yourock:

It sounds like your children need a safe and stable life, especially because of their special needs.
It makes me wonder how she could have gotten custody of them in the first place but I've heard so many similar stories that I am not surprised any more.  :sadno:

You keep writing and fighting!
I'd love to read more of what's going on, I bet a happy ending isn't far away now!  :bigwink:
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on December 03, 2015, 07:47:01 AM a predicament brewing, a ladyfriend I have been talking to on and off for a few months wants to...uh....step it ex wont let the "us getting back together" go, she says we are getting married next week, I'm like "WHA?!! "We are?" what the hell do I do? If I quote un quote break it off with my ex (you know what I mean) It could spell disaster for the kids, not to mention she is bringing the kids up for Christmas, and she is notorious for reading my phone messages, if she finds a text from "my friend" oye vie!
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on December 03, 2015, 07:48:37 AM
oh and one other son is 8 and already going goth...kinda unsettleing for me to see him like that.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: Bimsy on December 03, 2015, 08:36:54 AM
No need to worry, alternative kids are usually known for being headstrong, to go their own ways and to be creative :)
I myself am good friends with a lot of goth/black metal- kids and whatever and we all have had troubles in the past that made us feel different from everyone else.
It doesn't mean he is going criminal or anything, I think it is a comfort to kids who already feel like outsiders to actually take their differences and do something creative with it.

I'd be more worried if I had a kid that would try his best to always fit in and dress like everyone else.
To have courage to be different from everyone else shows character!  :bigwink:
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on December 03, 2015, 10:07:14 AM
Eh...I was goth once lol....before it was cool....hell before it was goth lmao. Not really worried, find it kinda amusing he jams to the same stuff I do, Black  Sabbath, Motley Crue, Godsmack, et al. So advice on the uh...lady trouble? I'm caught betwixt and between, would love to move forward with it, but yet....helaciously bad timing. My ex keeps saying she knows she was wrong, that she screwed up, blah blah blah, its the same thing every fall, that summer she snaps her twig, just basically dumps me and the kids, goes god knows where all day, until I finally leave (with the kids at her insistence), then that fall (late sept/early oct) she calls me wantng me to come back, she loves me she was wrong she wants us to be a family. Things go as good as I can hope for until lat march/ early april, then bam everything blown to hell again and its getting worse every year, not better. I have absolutely zero faith in her anymore. She destroyed that when she put my children through the one ordeal I swore they would never endure. She attempted suicide (almost succeeded), My dad made his attempt when I was 14, and that is a pain a child should never have to feel, to know that your mommy or daddy deliberately tried to take themselves away from you. lol sorry I ramble some times. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, lol The new um, shall we say...interest?  Should I say hell with it a move forward with it, or what? Any advice would be appreciated.
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: Bimsy on December 03, 2015, 11:13:41 AM
Oh, I thought that you interpreted the goth- thing as something negative when I read your post.
Good thing you've got the same taste in music then :)

About your last question, I'm not sure what you refer to.
Are you asking advice about your ex's recent change of mind?
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: arpy1 on December 03, 2015, 12:58:13 PM
Hey JB, i am glad you sound so feisty and positive!  have been thinking of you.

about your love interest... this is a tough one, is the new lady one who is likely to understand and wait a while? if so, maybe you could talk to her?

are you  going along with your ex believing she is going to marry you next week or have you been able to tell  her how you see things? becos seems to me this could end up being a very uncomfortable situation for you if it goes on without your taking a bit of control over what's going on... oye vie indeed.

regarding the cycles of your ex's behaviour that you mention, i wonder if it might be an idea, (and this is only a question, hope you won't be offended) maybe to keep some kind of record, a journal or something you can keep private from her, of the incidents that happen over a period of time.  and keep records of her texts/calls, her doctors' recommendations etc  just so that when the doo-doo hits the fan again in the spring, you have some kind of documented record to offer the courts that might help your case with getting the kids back? i don't know how things work in the states, but here in uk, that might have a bit of mileage.

anyway, keep strong, JB, you're great!! :hug: :hug: :hug:

Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on December 03, 2015, 01:55:38 PM
Bimsy I was asking, if I should jump in and take the next step with the new "ladyfriend" lol, or appease my ex alittle longer.

Arpy darling, I've spent more time chronicling her disasters, I swear I think it took less time to write The Bible! There are inevitably, some bits of sheer genius on her part I wish I had caught but of course missed (she is so good at catching on unawares). And Arp, your so sweet and kind I don't think you have an offensive bone in your body. Thank you so much for your well wishing, support, advice and just plain giving a damn, they mean more then you'll ever know *winks
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: arpy1 on December 03, 2015, 02:54:41 PM
 :hug: :hug: :hug:
Title: Re: Im crushed
Post by: JohnnyBoy on December 04, 2015, 10:22:53 AM
Help Me oh Help Me I'm going through withdrawl lol.....I've run out of Ray Bradbury Books to read! Must Amazon some more lol! I think I've read just about everything he has Written, just finished Dandelion Wine and its sequel Farewell Summer for like the second time, read The Halloween Tree like for the 12th time before that. My son is already a fan of his as well, he has his own copy of Halloween tree book/movie, and acouple other titles, hes amazing, at 8 the child is perceptive enough to state the he loves the mans writing style and wording. And when he first watched The Halloween Tree Movie (Ray Bradbury does narrate it) the child said he loved his voice and his tone. He wants the complete series of Ray Bradbury Theater ( a series that was on USA back in the 90's.) And as many of his books as he can get. Lol sorry you could probably care less about this. Well I'm off to bed