I'm sure most of you know my situation by now. I have three beautiful children by a woman who seems to think the relationship is a light switch, turn it on when she wants something, turn it off when she wants to go play. That's her way of soothing her conscience I believe, she convinces herself that " Hey I didn't cheat, we were broke up" which in theory may be true. Anyway, she is back into her, I wanna be together with you mode, this time however I'm having a lot of trouble shifting back into that gear. II do care about the woman, I do wish I could help her with her "issues" I also know from experience with her family that she is pretty much alone except for me (her family is the most extremely selfish bunch I've ever met) Finally, I also know her dad unfairly dropped all responsibility of her into my lap. Basically stating that I had no right, nor should I expect to be happy, and that I had no choice but to take her back. *sighs, now my dilemma, there is someone else. I can honestly say I wasn't particularly looking for someone else, but we found each other. Been talking and stuff for about a month. Am I wrong for letting that happen? Should I "go with it?" Would really appreciate some advice, I'm so mixed up right now.
Hi johnny,
From my outside point of view/perspective I think the clue is in your last sentence:
Quote
I'm so mixed up right now.
What you post here ARE two separated issues/events. My advice would be to treat them as such.
Easier said then done, as the way you treat one issue will
possibly have consequences for the other.
While the following may come across as me telling you what to do, it isn't. And you should be aware that I'm a long time bachelor with no kids. So what do I know...
Quote from: JohnnyBoy on December 20, 2015, 07:39:43 AMa woman who seems to think the relationship is a light switch, turn it on when she wants something, turn it off when she wants to go play.
And your idea of a relationship is markedly different. For you the switch is "On" and it stays "On", whatever she does.
You and her see a relationship very different.
Quote"Hey I didn't cheat, we were broke up" which in theory may be true.
Not in your book, not by your theory. Not by the way you act and have acted.
You and her see cheating very different, as evidenced by:
QuoteI'm having a lot of trouble shifting back into that gear.
Quoteshe is pretty much alone except for me
I'm sorry to say, but she is not. I know from the other threads where we spoke that when she puts the switch "Off", she has a ball with a whole bunch of other people. She's far from alone but you. Sure, she acts out all kind of dysfunctional behavior you don't like, but SHE is perfectly fine with it. Or at the very least is not at all concerned and doing anything to change these ways.
You get to pick up her trash, and you do.
Quote(her family is the most extremely selfish bunch I've ever met) Finally, I also know her dad unfairly dropped all responsibility of her into my lap. Basically stating that I had no right, nor should I expect to be happy, and that I had no choice but to take her back.
Right, her family... Her family is HER family, not yours. They are your in-laws, and IIRC they aren't even that by law, but you are only related since two of the kids are
lawfully yours as well as hers. The third she is not allowing you to be recognized as such (IIRC). She has sabotaged the agreement you two had on getting that done.
OK, that is issue One. Your family that by your own standards is not a family. (and by the standards of many others as well. I'll sit on the fence for arguments-sake)
S
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Second issue:
Quote from: JohnnyBoy on December 20, 2015, 07:39:43 AMthere is someone else. [...] Should I "go with it?"
It's not clear at all what "going with it" would mean. And I very much doubt you will get that clear any time soon.
Issue One has you by the 'you know what', and in a quite literal sense, as she playing you with your offspring.
My advice to you is:
Read up on Boundaries (http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Boundaries.html)
And pay extra attention on what YOU can do when YOUR boundaries are violated.
As for issue two:
Read up on Boundaries (http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Boundaries.html)
And pay extra attention to what boundaries YOU (want to) set there, and how.
:hug:
As usual, great advice, flawless delivery A+ lol thanks Dutch
My ex brought the kids up for Christmas, i have been sitting here in her hottel room (no we didnt do anything) im spending time with my daughters. Anyway, I've come to the realization of something an awakening if you will. I Dont Love Her Anymore.I dont know if im being awful or finally setting myself free. Dont know whether to be happy or break down and cry.
:hug:
Ya its a most incredibly exqusite pain to realize that within your, in regards to the woman you at one time loved with every oncr of your being, there is no longer anything there.
I can relate Johnny.
Heartbreak.
I wish I had words of comfort for you now.
I don't.
But I have a cyberhug for ya. :hug:
Take care. You're a good man. You always have been. And you are still, even now that you don't love your women-you-once-loved anymore. :'(
Dear Johnny Boy ... don't let this woman bounce you around - it's her rollercoaster and you don't have to ride - be true to yourself first and then your children - they grow and repeat patterns learned from their environment so a better role model is what they need - put your efforts there and don't let yourself be manipulated. If it feels wrong it is wrong - and you bet she is most likely manipulating the children so how does that feel ? Sick right? Read up on narcissistic behavior and see if that fits her. The more you know the more you understand and the more you can move away from the pain and be stable and normal and start enjoying and being grateful for what you have left - your sanity and 3 beautiful children - and the children need you and your morals/higher standards of living life more than they need hers
... just a note from an older sage woman with the experience and education to stand up and say what is right for those who could use a little light ... and i have much to give ... love to all !
Thank you all so much. But i must confess, i have an ugly past, but that is what it is...past. I learned from my mistakes, and have grown so much in the past 115 yrs 8 of which learning to be a parent...still learning lol. I dont want my babies goin through what did, to be forced to do the things i did. THAT is why im fighging so hard for them. I tell them everyday 400+ times a day that i love them (something my parents never did) and love on them constantly to the point i aggravate them lol (again my parents=no affection unles we kids made first move). Oops sorry to ramble. Anyway not gonna be her toy anymore either.
That is good JB, so good ... stay in the present and continue to learn and grow - that is what life is all about. We can't change our past but we can make better choices in the present. Stay in the present. Live a good life, strive for a happy balance, laugh, learn, and most of all love. I always told my son, do better than I did in life. And he did. It is for our children to carry forth and forge a new world but they need a good base from which to form their concepts of life. No one is perfect, no one. It is for us to continue to work toward perfecting ourselves and that my friends is where lies the joy! Peace!!!
Quote from: JohnnyBoy on December 24, 2015, 05:42:37 AM
have grown so much in the past 115 yrs
;D
That made me chuckle, Gramps!
QuoteI learned from my mistakes
I told you you were a good man. :thumbup:
The only downside I can see is that relationships take up time and you have a lot going on right now.
Thats suppose to 15 smartass lmao
My kids went back "home" with their mother this evening, I always feel so sad after they leave...but im glad their mother is gone. I know infactically now, theres no way I could stand to be with her anymore. I cant take her doing thing 20 directions at once and I'm the one who ends up losing stuff or getting screwed,for instance somehow i lost my bankcard it should not have left the bed, but the more i think the more im sure she had it when she went downstairs to the office. But she asked me when she came back if I had it. Then made sure to let everybody know I lost it and how irresponsible I am. I just cant take her half cockedness. I never have as much bad luck as I do when Im around her. And its because of how she does, you cant think straight, you cant take a breath, I kkid you not, youll be holding a kid, a cup of coffee, and three bags of food and shell tell you to get the door for her. And Im not thrill with her screaming at our autistic five yr old to shut up and locking her in the bathroom with the light off (the child is petrified of the dark). I learned last summer the way to calm her down and take her mind off what caused the breakdown is to talk to her, ask her different questions, and when she expresses feelings (fear, anger, etc) address them accordingly. Example: She (the 5 yr old) wanted to watch netflix (shes an addict lol) she had a meltdown over going to bed, my ex screamed at her to shut up then put in the bathroom
Of course it didnt work, I laid down on the bed next to her, started asking her questions as nd talking about the apartment we looked at yesterday, she started calming down, but told md she was afraid of the dark, i held her told her i knew and assured her that i was there and i wouldnt let anything hurt her, she went to sleep in my arms.
Block the bankcard, bud.
I did lol
Im sitting here, wishing for anything that I could sleep, im lonely, so very lonely, oh new girl and I are still talking, but right now thats about it. I keep think bout my ex, and * I was just as lonely when she was around, in the same house. Theres a song that ive played over and over, its called "Changes" by believe it or not Black Sabbath..
Im feelin down
I feel so sad,
I've lost the best friend
I ever had
She was my woman
I loved her so
But its to late now
I let her go
Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes
We shared the years
We shared each day
In love together
We found our way
But now the world
Had its wicked way
My heart was blinded
Love slipped away
Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes
It took me so long
To realize
That I can still hear
Her last goodbye
Now my days
Are feel with tears
Wish I could go back
And change these years
Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes
so sorry JB - I feel ya!
been there, done that, and walked through the pain ... sometimes it rains hard and we can't see the end of the storm ...
god or fate or what have you has been good to me - at age 57, I am still here and I still have hope and the next one has always been better - yes, different, but a better match for me - sometimes I think that is part of the plan - of course that does not dimish the pain at all ...
if she doesn't know what she is missing - be the good man you are and show us all when you can dig deep and find your bootstraps!!!
I found em now just to keep her away long enough to pull myself up and get the damn things tied. But I swear, every damn time I start gettin comfy, feelin strong and secure, that maybe I can be happy, my own damn family wants to destroy it, they ran to an older cousin, told him a bunch of bs and half trues right, so the next day just before Im to leave for work he comes in and starts berating me about everything under the sun, including my personal hygiene, i was like "whoa...what!?" I got up and walked out, Im a very private person and it disturbed me deeply for him to discuss that. My mother told him i never shower ahem i shower when everyone is asleep. Im not stupid. He thought it was acceptable to throw something at me that happened 4 yrs ago. And find he made me sign a contract that if i dont "straighten up" i would be asked to leave. When i walked out he said i had the attitude that everybody owed me everything. Ive given everything ive ever owned the past 10 yrs, losing it all on a r/s that ultimately wasnt worth it, so it kills me to have my own family say im selfish, or i dont care about anybody but myself when i get something as innocent as a jacket, or do something i enjoy. I was recieving SNAP benifits before I started working, so I have fed myself basically since I came back.. I tend to my own needs. My cousin ordered me to pay rent...to my sisters, because they gave me a cot in the office (which was my bedroom for most my life, they took all my stuff out and i basically ceased to exist the day after i left. Sorry im rambling lol, just got so much i wanna... no need to say, and no one really to say it too. *sighs off to bed I guess.
a big part of our dysfunction starts from our environment - we were not born this way - learned in early childhood where we all take a spoke on the family wheel and are expected to play out our part no matter what and then when some of us start to find a way out and are longer playing the same roles - they get uncomfortable because we are changing (for the good but they don't understand) and try so despearatly to draw us back into their little world on the wheel and to get us back into that very same position so their world doesn't collapse - lies, negativty, drama, stress, they will use any means necessary - that is why we have to get away from that to survive ...
focus on getting strong financially to get your own place and be self sufficent and get away from all the drama, stress, negativity - you don't deserve that either ...
Well its 100% official, no going back. Ive cut ties with my ex, i finally let go of all the baggage ive been carrying around wanting to say to her. Of course her reply was, "why does any of that matter? Totally exasperating when everything you say does a total flyby. Why does it hurt so bad to lose her?
I have a song that I have bonded to...by Halestorm
Drink the wine, my darling you said, Take your time, consume all of it. But the roses, are to drain my inspiration. The promises were spoiled before they left your lips and...
I breathe you in, again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste, of poison.
I tell myself, your no good for me. I wish you well, but desire never leaves. I could fight this till the end, but maybe i dont want to win....
I breathe you in again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste of poison.
I dont wanna wake up, i dont wanna be sober i want you on my mind, in my dreams, behind these eyes,and i wont wake up, no not this time...
I breathe you in, again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste, of poison
A familiar taste, of poison.
This is the strongest financially ive ever beenbut my credit still sucks, and because my exes mother illegally filed my children on her income tax for 3 yrs and my ex kept me from filing one year i owe the government $4000. Plus a ffew other things like a shitload..sorry...of back utility bills c/o my ex. She has screwed sooo many people with her scheme, i feel awful i went along for so long. Setup a utility in somebody elses name run it up, let it get shut off, turn it on in another name.
Been talkin to my ex the past couple days....she admitted and its obvious she is off her meds....im having a normal convo with her, teasing her about her pessimism, she pops off that shell talk later that shes not arguing with me....fast forward to today, something happened down there, she wouldnt say what, i said i would appreciate an answer, she said she would talk to me when i could stop treating her like a slave..."huh?" 😨 later she told me she didnt like the "new" me that i had become a jerk, that she missed the old me. I responded that the old me was still there, she asked where, i said inside, she said i guess hes lost, i said no....protected....that i let him out occasionally, but not for long, dont want the lil guy gettin hurt....she got pissed said ahe refused to talk to me cause i couldnt be serious😑 ive never been more serious in my life.
JB, yes yes, just a small place so you can still afford to slowly pay off the debts - don't have to go all out - just need a place to make some food, bed and bath ... you need to take good care of yourself and be patient and while you are taking care of you and your "backlog" you still have time for a good life with your kids and finding your way in the world with the new you who is only moving forwards.
Talk to the ex yes but beware of any traps. If it's on the up and up, it will sometimes be heartbreaking for the loss of the past but hey - we can all hope that our loved ones turn out right after all that is what they should want for us. Again, there are those that only want us back in the same position on the wheel where we can be used and they can take from us what they don't have or don't want to earn on their own. Make sure you are only letting the good ships in the harbor, not the bad ships who mean you some sort of harm. If the hair stands up on the back of your neck, then be cautions. She doesn't understand, she may never understand.
So - listen to your spirit, for it knows the way ...
Well its been a while since ive been here, im trying to get a handle on this new format. I still havent gotten a home for my kids, and so much has happened since the last time i was here. My ex, as I knew would happen has gone back to her old ways, completely denying any wrong doing. I had a new girlfriend for about a month, all in all she ended up being worse then my ex. I lost my job acouple days ago. I will post more later.
Hi Johnny :wave: and welcome back.
Quote from: JohnnyBoy on May 08, 2016, 04:38:34 AM
My ex, as I knew would happen has gone back to her old ways, completely denying any wrong doing.
:sadno:
Take care,
:hug:
Welcome back Johnny :wave:
I'm so lost, my ex is wanting me to marry her....she even set the wedding for January, and it is now as per her "orders" I cant get on my sons bc until I marry her. Ive had my children for the summer, my daughter (6 yrs old) confided in me that her uncle (exes in blw) has been molesting her. I'm in her home state for while for the investigation and for my children. How many more ways can my ex show her irresponsibility? My son confided that she has continued to drink, and she has admitted drug use, with the children present. She actually has to ask why I show so much animosity toward her. On a good note I have my own car now, one step up.
How is she not in jail?
Johnny boy, I'm so sorry you're going through this, and horrified to hear that your daughter's been molested! Do you have someone who can help you wade through all the legal and psychological stuff?
But I'm glad to hear you're stepping up to the plate, and being there for your daughter while the investigation goes on. Keep us posted, we care. (And grats on the car.)
Dear Johnny,
let me start by paraphrasing Shakespeare:
"How many more ways can my ex show her irresponsibility? Let me count the ways."
Endless. She will always find a way to one-upmanship (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-upmanship) you.
I think you should get legal counsel for yourself, on behalf of your daughter. If she is a kid that you acknowledged and she has not contested (IIRC she has one of your kids in legal limbo-status with regard to you being her dad) you have rights. And quite probably even obligations.
I understand from you there is an investigation going on regarding the story your daughter has told. Inform yourself at a legal counsel what this entails, and what you can do in this process, and certainly also inquire what you are legally obliged to do and/or are refrained from doing.
Possibly these services may even provide you with legal ways to get tour kids out of harm, and support for you and them in the aftermath.
I personally think that marrying this women under any pretext is a very risky decision.
It sounds like playing Russian Roulette.
I never married, but I've heard so many people saying "It's much easier to get in, than to get out." Given you have had such a hard time getting in...
:hug: Johnny, and well done on calling in (or simply supporting) the investigation on the molestation.
You are doing the right thing.
Thank you to everyone for your input and advise, and I will absolutely keep everyone posted. How is she not in jail? Easy she pins it on everyone else, and the authorities are stupid in this state.
I'm back, and in misery here, nothing has changed with her, not one Tiddle, she still is either absent or lying about barking orders, but when a friend says jump she takes off, she's cutting again, and attitude starting changing when a guy she was sleeping with last summer started messaging her again. I don't want to be here, and I no longer want be with her, I'm here for my children, as atrocious as the situation may be.The police dropped my daughters case, she wouldn't talk to them. CPS claims she was coached, my her mother doubt's her, my poor little girl. Well I don't know what to do, but I can't leave my kids ever again. One more thing, my son was proved to be telling the truth about last winter yesterday, my girls were playing yesterday in his room of all places, and they pulled a tequila bottle OUT OF HIS CLOSET, with her name, her sisters name and bro in laws name (my daughters molester) written on it! This after she swears to my face our son was lying on her! I now know why my daughter screamed for her mother who was right beside her to stop the abuse but wouldn't wake up...she was past out drunk. I have a job offer in my home state but I'm NOT ALLOWED to accept it because she doesn't want to go back there now. As I've said before keep me in your thoughts please, will talk later
I almost left a couple days ago, my whatever you want to call her, has started having severe "temper" issues, worse then ever before, she gets downright violent with our children, two of which as you know are handicapped, my 6 yr old has the mentality off a 2 or 3 yr old. She will scream hysterically at them,and jerk them up slamming them into whatever's in the path (cardoors, coffee tables, cabinets, etc. Anyway she has been very I'll tempered toward me for about 3 weeks now, the other day, she stared her "famous" smarting of and insulting me under her breath, then started screaming at me and insulting me visciously, so I grabbed my keys to "go for a drive", my 4 and 6 yr old followed me out, I picked my 6 yr old and started carrying her to the car, her mother threatened to call the police if I took the child, the told the child I was leaving and never coming back. She told me I wasn't allowed to come back into her house, then called me a worthless piece of #$@& for abandoning my kids. So....things are bad here. Will text more later.
Hi there, I want you to know you're not alone. :hug: I am keeping you in my thoughts tonight. :hug:
Hi JohnnyBoy,
:hug: I wish I could give you a real-life hug. Your kids are lucky to have you and if you are supportive and clear in your love while behaving as stably as you can then it will make a big difference for them. This must be so hard for you.
What you just wrote is so similar to some of my experiences growing up that I am crying.
Try to make it clear to your kids that you would never kidnap them and that they don't need to fear you, if you can.
One of my worst memories from childhood is related to my mother lying to us that our father was going to kidnap us... Can't write it here, will add it to my own journal. Have already done therapy on it but it is still sad to recall. And I believed her lies for years because I didn't know better. Do your best to be clear that you only want what is best for them, whatever that is. My heart goes out to you in this difficult position.
my heart goes out to you as well. what a terrible place to be stuck in. i agree that your kids have a good and brave dad. i wish i could do more. big hug to you.
When I was a child I had fantasies of climbing out the bathroom window, over the back fence and running away to live with my father. He died 14 years ago. I still deeply regret having been cheated out of the relationship we could have had. I'd wish you good luck, but what you need is a miracle. I hope you get one, for your sake and the children's.
Sorry I took so long to reply, I can't get on my phone much these days, my "girlfriend?" Gets really jealous if I even look at my phone, starts insulting me, belittling me etc. Anyway, she's started hanging out with her sister and blw again (the one our 6 yr old accused of molestation). That daughter refuses to go choosing to stay with Daddy, but I'm forced to let her take our youngest around him. My gf now refuses to believe anything happened to our daughter, swears CPS ruled that I lied, and there's the issue where our daughter won't say anything and or denies it. She is autistic, she doesn't talk to anybody, it was a minor miracle she spoke to me. And I know why she won't say anything to her mother. I've been there, the child is afraid to say something about a friend of hers and who is also family.
those friggin' predators who take advantage of the 'less than whole' kids are the worst, and i can't say what i think they deserve. i feel bad for you that you can't keep your other daughter away from him. what a nightmare! so hoping you'll be able to wake up from it soon. big hug.
Ty whats sad is he was accused of molesting someone else's 4 yr old as well but still goes free
any way to bring him to justice? collaborating with the other parent? he will keep repeating, hurting more little kids. my very best to you with this. he needs to be put out of everyone's misery.
The authorities never really made any effort to find them and i don't know there names just the info from the father because he confronted you know who in front of my gf
*sighs I don't know how long I can keep going like this, I feel so emotionally drained. I watch a movie, or hear a song that goes on about love, that feeling or "omg your the one! I'll never need anyone else, instant bond, yarda yarda yadda.... It tears my heart out, I mean causes physical pain sometimes to know I no longer feel that with my "gf", aamf there's times I downright hate her. I know there's no going back its gone to far, too much damage. I'm here for the kids, but I don't want to be like my uncle, stay with an unfaithful uncaring woman solely for the kids, die alone in my car from an alcohol induced heart attack. I want to be happy again, I don't care if I meet anyone new, I just want to be able to live my life for once without having to "just settle". Sorry I had to vent.
Dear Johnny, are you seeking help for yourself? Are you seeing a therapist? Friends? I know your FOO isn't supportive (to say the least), but IMHO you got to find support for yourself as well. You can't keep up 'taking it all for your kids' without you having support for you on the side. You got to have a place to 'offload' all the crap 'wifey' is loading on you.
Possibly this website might be of help to you too: http://shrink4men.com "Helping men break free from abusive relationships since 2009"
I also want to ask you to share some on what this all is doing to you, apart from the direct effects. What cPTSD stuff do you recognize in yourself? How does all this affect your life outside your FOC-life?
Don't feel obliged to do so, but possibly it might be of help to share some of that here. Your focus is very much on your kids and 'wifey', which I totally 'get', but don't forget yourself.
You count! You're worth it! :hug:
Ok, well I stay angry, frequent panic attacks, and exhaustion with memory lapses. I have had 4 heart attacks in the last two years. No I don't have a therapist, it has been pretty much made clear any attention on myself is superfluous and egotistical therefore unfair to the kids. My mind races, it won't shut down, so I can't sleep, lots of flashbacks, etc.
Quote from: JohnnyBoy on September 18, 2016, 06:02:03 AM
Ok, well I stay angry, frequent panic attacks, and exhaustion with memory lapses. I have had 4 heart attacks in the last two years. No I don't have a therapist, it has been pretty much made clear any attention on myself is superfluous and egotistical therefore unfair to the kids. My mind races, it won't shut down, so I can't sleep, lots of flashbacks, etc.
:hug:
I keep replaying this one line in my head, over and over....
To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind, theres no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find.
I think what hurts what drives me insane really....she let herself go for those guys last summer....something I haven't been able to get her to do for the whole 10 yrs of our relationship. Doing for them things she would never in a million years do for me.
Quote from: JohnnyBoy on September 18, 2016, 06:45:24 AM
I keep replaying this one line in my head, over and over....
To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind, theres no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find.
The trouble is... you are not ignorant of it all. You already are in great pain. And you can't ignore it either... no matter how hard you have tried.
Whatever you are doing and have been doing for the last years, being ignorant of it has not been part of it.
I'm sorry to have to break that news to you.
if you don't take care of yourself, as i've been told, you won't be good for others, including your kids. it may be time for you to leave those neg. messages behind, get into therapy, get some professional help so that you can focus on yourself, finally, in order that you can be there in a more healthy way for your children. focusing on ourselves is actually an altruistic rather than an egotistical act - something we are doing for others, not just ourselves. with your history, if you keep this up and not get some professional help, you won't be around much longer to help your kids. your body is sending you some pretty clear messages, to my mind. please, take care of you first.
Your probably right, but everytime i get fed up and try to leave she throws the kids in and says I'm walking out on them again, which in itself is funny considering that the last 2 times I left the kids went with me.
I'm not quite sure I care if I take care of myself anymore, I know I've given up on relationships, what's the point? The next one will cheat too,oh she'll swear she's not like the others I've been with, but they all are aren't they? Yep. How could she do it? Swear she loves me, that she'd never be that way, never hurt me like that, then be worse then the other 2 combined. I don't understand, what did I do to deserve that? I gave her everything, I wore rags for her, starved, went blind, * she broke my hand and I went without resetting it. I just can't do it anymore. I want to tear her apart, I want her to hurt as I have hurt, but I can't, I'm just not as cold blooded as she is. It kills me the condition she let this apartment get into. I just don't know. I've never been this hurt.
Sorry if I offended anyone, I'm just really confused and frustrated right now.
You didn't offend anyone, I don't think. Our silence may just be that we simply don't know what else to tell you.
You will either care for your self or you won't. Self care will almost inevitably lead to you saying enough is enough, and going on without her.
*sighs i do care about myself, I want to move on from this situation, but how? I cant bear to leave my children stuck on her rollercoaster.