... yeah. I don't know what to think or make of it. I'm quite anti-medication overall, especially considering that C-PTSD is such a... what should I call it... "Natural" state of affairs. But still, the periods which I've been on antidepressants, I've been a little bit better, overall. Even though it feels kind of fake, when I think back at it. "Fake happy", when all the * that's there is just pushed underneath, still feeding on itself. But I've never been aware of my trauma when I've been on anti-depressants. I'm just wondering if the chemically altered state of mind will be troublesome in regards to the process of recovery/healing. I'm having a lot of stuff happening to me as of now. Flashes of the past... I'm starting to integrate some of my earlier life into the whole of it, I think, and process a lot of * that has happened. I dream a lot about the past, about the person who committed a lot of this. And there's just a lot of change. Nevertheless, I spiral in and out of severe depression all the time, and mostly in. When I think back to previous periods of my life, when I've been on medication, I haven't been that far down. But then again, will it effect my recovery?
Do you have any thoughts/advice/suggestions?
Hi convalescent
I don't have the answers I'm afraid but I can share my own experience
From my understanding research says that that anti dep and therapy is a good combination for healing -
I've had an on off relationship with anti dep and I am very grateful for them but on another hand I don't like being on them and the side effects-
This time I have gone back on them as my head was in such a mess with inner critic stuff -
I did some child trauma therapy last yr and was very helpful but being off anti dep and not being in therapy was too much and I couldn't cope
I know now that if I come off anti dep again I will need to be having therapy - I feel some hopelessness around my situation but I know I need to just take it one day at a time and do what I can in any given day--
At the moment I still am fragile and only been back on tablets 3 wks... I feel scared of the future and not coping but I know I only have to cope this one day and somehow I am doing that --
All I want is to have stability indie me and outside and I know I will get it again because I've had it before -
Have had a lot of good times in my life despite trauma symptoms and I will have them again --
I wish you all the best and find your way on this journey 1 day at a time - being kind to ourself is v important and realise our potential and limitations to look after ourselves
I think CPTSD is such an overpowering mental condition that I couldn't realistically work through my 'issues' and function a normal life (work, pay bills etc.) without anti-depressants. I tried and pretty much ended up having a mental breakdown. Maybe I could reconstruct my neural pathways given time but I don't think I could do this with all the standard pressures of modern life, I would need a lot of money with which to jet off to a tropical island somewhere and meditate daily with absolutely no pressure or distractions. Given the nature of the beast I think the tiniest upset can trigger us. As children we should have had the safety net and reassurance to learn how to navigate the world without feeling fear or oppression, which is what anti-depressants can allow you to do.
I think if you do have severe depression then you need the lift to get back into the realms of recovery. Once you're stuck down that black hole and the ladder's been withdrawn it's hard to see a way out without a little bit of help sometimes.
Just my two pennies' worth anyway, I think it's probably different for everyone and you have to try everything until you find the help that works for you. :hug: