Hi all! This is my first time posting in an online forum (believe it or not, in this day and age)! I believe I have CPTSD; although my therapist was not aware of the term, the description seems to fit. I have read Pete Walker's book and am halfway through "The Body Keeps The Score." I have also read through a lot of the posts on this forum and am learning a ton from hearing others' journeys.
I have to say, I am finding just the act of posting a "hello" message to be anxiety-producing, but I am reaching out because I feel that I need to do so. I have social anxiety and am hoping that reaching out will help me feel more connected and not so alone. I have a few friends and can socialize functionally at work, but I find it difficult to get close to people, let people know "the real" me, and feel comfortable around even people with whom I spend a lot of time. I just feel like something is missing in my relationships with people, you know?
Anyway, I am grateful to have found this website and forum and am looking forward to continuing my own journey of recovery.
so glad you took the chance and posted! nope, you're not alone.
i'm a therapist, and it's not uncommon that those in the therapeutic world are ignorant of c-ptsd. i've been doing this for over 25 years, and never heard of it until i was able to see if for myself in myself. c-ptsd is not a recognized diagnosis (like ptsd) in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM), which is basically the therapist's bible, so it's unfamiliar to many therapists. that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. i know it does. sometimes therapists will use a diagnosis of something like 'developmental trauma disorder' instead of c-ptsd. i do hope that your therapist will do some research, though, in order to get familiar with the particulars of c-ptsd.
in the meantime, i hope you find support here. i have found this forum to be extremely helpful, with kind, generous, caring, and supportive people involved in it. this was a big step, and i'm happy you took it. welcome.
Welcome, mimiboo! :)
Hi Mimiboo,
I just joined today and reaching out to say 'hello' . :wave: I feel a little self-conscious out here too, as I don't know anyone. It's like stepping into a room full of people who all know each other.
I wonder whether you might want to consider finding a T who has expertise in CPTSD? I feel blessed to have at last found one who really understands this condition (I don't like the word 'disorder' or 'illness'). So much has shifted since I started working with her, and I've learnt loads!!
I only found out by chance 11 years ago that I had PTSD by reading an article online, then later on I recognised the symptoms of C-PTSD in myself as I read further articles and Judith Herman's great book: Trauma & Recovery. I haven't read Pete Walker's book, but it sounds really good. I am an empath - I thought I was, but I had this confirmed recently by my T, and that means I am extra sensitive to people, places, sounds, smells - everything. So, coupled with CPTSD that means I spend a LOT of time on my own and find most people draining, as I pick up their energy. I find conversations are often superficial with people, and dislike putting on a fake image, talking about trivial mundane subjects. I really love good conversations with people on my wavelength though and can talk for hours when I find people who share my interests.
I think it's normal to find it difficult getting close to people when you've been betrayed and hurt by others to the extent that it's caused trauma. So just saying I understand that part really well. You're not on your own there! :bigwink:
Wishing you well on your journey of recovery.
Fen
Hi mimiboo :wave: and welcome. :hug:
Congrats on making the step to posting. :applause: The anxiety of doing so is something I can relate to, though judging by my post count I apparently had some catching up to do. ;)
Feel free to share, ask or just read around as you wish.
I hope and wish the site and community will be of aid to you, both with the cPTSD as well as the social anxiety, which is a very common theme among us here.
Welcome again,
Dutch.