Out of the Storm

Treatment & Self-Help => Self-Help & Recovery => General Discussion => Topic started by: zoekaftan on December 05, 2016, 05:57:50 AM

Title: finding a job that I can do
Post by: zoekaftan on December 05, 2016, 05:57:50 AM
Hi everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post. I am curious what type of work people recommend for someone with C PTSD, or maybe recommendations on how to sort out what your limitations are.

I quit my job in September to go to school part time, and I started a job at Starbucks but only lasted 3 days. I got so overwhelmed, it was all I could do to quit with a professional statement to the manager.

Since then, a couple weeks ago, I interviewed for a job where I would have picked out groceries that people ordered online so they could come pick them up, but because I'm an idiot and mentioned that job, I think that's mostly why they said nevermind.

I just don't feel like I know what would work for me. I hate being alone and bored, but I also can't deal with high pressure, fast paced jobs either. My resume for the last 10 years is all tech support, which I hate, and before that I did fast food and some assembly plants. Mostly I know customer service, and that's about it.  I've never worked retail before.

I appreciate any advice. I have a good therapist but she's not really great at ideas for this.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Three Roses on December 05, 2016, 02:43:26 PM
Hello and welcome, zoekaftan! I'm glad you're here. :)

As far as suggestions for jobs for you - I'm stumped.  ??? I guess it boils down to what you can do, and that's so different for each of us.

What are your interests? Is there something you've always wanted to try?

Maybe others will have some better ideas. Anyway, thanks for joining. :wave:
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Eyessoblue on December 05, 2016, 05:16:57 PM
Hi, welcome! I have had to give up my job a few months ago because I have found that trauma has really affected my memory and decision making. Are you in a position where you have to work? Fortunately for me I don't have to work but am spending all my time in trying to get myself better in the way of therapy, self help such as meditation, journaling etc, I don't believe I will be able to hold down a job until I have psychologically sorted myself out. I feel frustrated and like I have no purpose, but I know I need time for 'me' now, I go to the gym and swimming a few times a week which is a struggle but I make myself go because I know long term it will make me feel better. I couldn't imagine working at the moment and try not to put too much pressure on myself to do so, but like I say I don't know your situation and am in a fortunate position where I don't need to work, in my situation I really know that I need long term professional psychological work before I could even consider working, my brain just couldn't handle it at the moment.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: zoekaftan on December 05, 2016, 06:10:54 PM
Hi there, thanks for responding. I know, it's hard because everyone with CPTSD has different abilities and triggers.

I should work, because I'm not married, my boyfriend and I live together but our finances are separate. He pays for things sometimes, but even though he makes good money, he's gotten into a bunch of debt recently helping his family, so I really feel pressured to not add to that problem right now. Plus, I don't feel comfortable living off of him. I've been using a credit card lately, because frankly, I'm planning on filing for bankruptcy anyways since I've had a lot of debt for a long time anyhow, and it's definitely not going away now that I'm not working in IT anymore.

My symptoms have gotten worse over time, although they got a little better than before in some ways, This time last year I was still having anxiety attacks every few weeks that would keep me from sleeping. I don't have those anymore (well, for a while anyways, we'll see) but let me think, what do I have..

I have a very short attention span lately. I have been taking a lot of naps when I just can't bear to be conscious anymore. I can't really use drugs because feeling too relaxed tends to trigger panic. I had a little bit of alcohol a few days ago and that didn't go well. When I get stressed, which is often, my arms get so itchy that they bleed from the scratching. I've been doing this in my sleep some, and it tends to wake me up. I've been really depressed off and on lately, usually been in a "* life" mood, wondering why I even bother. Therapy isn't helping lately because I've hit a bump with my therapist, namely I now am too scared to bring my feelings to her anymore, for fear of rejection. Despite having done okay the last year.

When I was still working, I was constantly feeling overwhelmed, and so I would dissociate to "relax" which meant I wasn't working.
At the job I had for three days, I was doing okay the first two, before working live customers. Once I did that, the manager's constant instructions caused me to panic and my higher brain function just went offline.  I excused myself to the bathroom and then quit.

That all being said, my ability to learn is usually pretty good until I feel pressure. I am interested in psychology for obvious reasons, and am going to school to get a degree I can use somehow in the field. I like helping people with important things, but the stress is often too much for me nowadays. I love animals, and volunteer at the shelter, but I don't think I could work there because they require you to be able to euthanize an animal if necessary, and I don't think I could do it.
I've been considering doing dog walking, but my energy level isn't great, I have a walker for my own dog part of the time as it is.
I feel like I have great critical thinking skills, and I like to write, but have never attempted to do anything related to writing.

All my skills are either customer service based or technical.

I'm not really sure if I am cut out for working right now. Part of me thinks it's impossible, and another part of me is saying "you're being dramatic, your symptoms aren't that bad."

Bleh.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Eyessoblue on December 05, 2016, 09:00:27 PM
I understand what you are saying. It feels like a viscous circle doesn't it, in one sense you feel you have and need to work yet in the other sense you know that mentally you aren't able to, I feel the same. Would you look at changing therapists if you have hit a bump with this one? I know that's hard to do as you put all your trust and understanding into someone then to leave that is like starting all over again and painful too. Just try and put yourself first for some time, if you can, then each day try and do something positive for yourself and try and build this up, my therapist said that I need to be kind to myself and by doing this sort of thing enables me to try and feel more positive about myself. I hope this may work out for you too.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: TheDamagedDiamond on December 06, 2016, 02:23:53 AM
I have a similar problem, trouble feeling damaged or fragile, but also finding a job at all in my city which has a high unemployment rate. I want a job that means something and makes a difference. So since a master's degree is not an option with my current student debt and lack of financial assistance I plan to take the state teacher's exam. I can only hope  that I don't let my fear of being too damaged to teach young people and be around people get in the way. I don't have much of a support network despite efforts build one so I'm pretty much flying solo and trying do as much as I can on my own.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Dee on December 07, 2016, 02:50:18 PM

Are there student jobs available at your school?  Because they feel a student's first priority is school they tend to have less expectations and be less stressful.  They also are not as demanding, not as busy, and on campus which might be a safe place for you.

Additionally, if you are diagnosed you most likely qualify for special consideration/priority placement.  If you are in the US it is called schedule A.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: TheDamagedDiamond on December 07, 2016, 11:47:17 PM
Quote from: Dee on December 07, 2016, 02:50:18 PM

Are there student jobs available at your school?  Because they feel a student's first priority is school they tend to have less expectations and be less stressful.  They also are not as demanding, not as busy, and on campus which might be a safe place for you.

Additionally, if you are diagnosed you most likely qualify for special consideration/priority placement.  If you are in the US it is called schedule A.

Oh I'm not a student. Just wanted to clarify that I'm not in school. Just having similar issues about where to work.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Dee on December 08, 2016, 01:35:08 AM

So sorry, think I am going to take a posting break for a little bit.  I'll still be reading!
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: zoekaftan on December 18, 2016, 06:02:04 AM
I didn't know that about the school jobs. I may look into that after all then. Thanks!
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: bring em all in on December 28, 2016, 07:38:31 PM
I had the same question- I'm on disability retirement and wondering what kind of job I might be able to hold down- just recently realized on the spectrum of recovery I'm closer to inpatient at a mental hospital than taking a job. Oh, well- got to deal with where/how I am and move onwards.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Boatsetsailrose on January 17, 2017, 11:09:20 PM
Thank you for this post
I'm in a similar position
I work as a nurse and am off sick at the moment as I can't cope with the stress and complexity of the role
I have been looking around at what I can do and I am at a loss
Need something interesting and forfilling yet not too stressful and complex - something that pays enough to live on though ..
As bring um all in says
Quote ' oh well got to deal with where / how I am and move forwards
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Candid on January 18, 2017, 11:22:21 AM
Quote from: bring em all in on December 28, 2016, 07:38:31 PM
on the spectrum of recovery I'm closer to inpatient at a mental hospital than taking a job.

Yeah, me too. And yet I am in a financial pickle, have no home, and need to do something soon.

I'm considering care work in a nursing home for the elderly. It's dirty, disgusting, heartbreaking and grossly underpaid, but those things mean they are always looking for staff. Now trying to psych myself up to apply.

Quote from: Boatsetsailrose on January 17, 2017, 11:09:20 PMI have been looking around at what I can do and I am at a loss

It's hard, isn't it? I'm another one who hasn't worked for a few years and therefore I have no recent references. Also, a dichotomy: Frankly I don't feel up to working at all, but I've always had a problem with unstructured time. I need to be doing something other than playing games on line all day!

Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Boatsetsailrose on January 18, 2017, 01:41:47 PM
Yes candid I agree too much unstructured time alone is not good either ..
Do u mind me asking how you have survived re no income from a job ?
I had a bad nite last night and an ambulance came out
Collapsed on the floor , short of breath and dizzy/ chest pain - all obs were fine they think it's anxiety/ hypo tension
Def can't work at the moment and trying hard not to worry about it
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Three Roses on January 18, 2017, 04:19:30 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that! That must have been scary for you.

My husband and I are on disability due to his on-the-job injuries. He's physically unable to work and I am considering applying for mine, bcuz of cptsd. I hope you find some answers :hug:
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Boatsetsailrose on January 18, 2017, 07:29:16 PM
Hi three roses
Yes it was scarey, I thought my time was up
Do u mind me asking what country you are in ? Here in the uk they are getting v tight on disability benefit . Friends brother has just had his taken off him and he has severe schizophrenia !
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Three Roses on January 18, 2017, 10:18:01 PM
I'm in the US. We have deductions taken out of our paychecks by law, that we can then collect on when we retire. If you're disabled you can apply for it when you're younger. I'm not quite to the age when I can just file for it.
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Candid on January 19, 2017, 09:10:48 AM
Quote from: Boatsetsailrose on January 18, 2017, 01:41:47 PMDo u mind me asking how you have survived re no income from a job ?

Not at all! I'm 'living' with my husband in his parents' home. I think it's shameful, after decades of independence. I absolutely hate having to creep around, and no space for my stuff... but we can't afford to rent on one low income. Hub has mental health issues, too.

QuoteDef can't work at the moment and trying hard not to worry about it.

I doubt I can either, but I feel pressured by circumstances to try. Our marriage has been fragile for some time and living here ain't helping. I hesitate because there would have to be a period of [how long???] when I'm working and still living here... and what if we get a place of our own, furnish it, and then I fall flat on my face??
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Boatsetsailrose on January 19, 2017, 09:19:18 AM
Thank you three roses ..
Ah ok
Did u get a diagnosis to the register disabled ?
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Boatsetsailrose on January 19, 2017, 10:28:27 AM
Zoekaftan
Thank you so much for this post, it is v helpful for me too
Quote 'my ability to learn is usually pretty good, until I feel pressure'
Yes this is exactly what I experience.. any type of performance based thing whether work, exam, classroom learning anything with people basically .. give me study and just me in a room and I'm good.. that being said I like learning from others and do enjoy learning when it is small groups and we discuss / brain storm..

' I feel I have good critical thinking skills and like to write '
Me too :) love writing and what I can express on paper is better than verbally when I have someone opposite me the stress is high


Hi there, thanks for responding. I know, it's hard because everyone with CPTSD has different abilities and triggers.

I should work, because I'm not married, my boyfriend and I live together but our finances are separate. He pays for things sometimes, but even though he makes good money, he's gotten into a bunch of debt recently helping his family, so I really feel pressured to not add to that problem right now. Plus, I don't feel comfortable living off of him. I've been using a credit card lately, because frankly, I'm planning on filing for bankruptcy anyways since I've had a lot of debt for a long time anyhow, and it's definitely not going away now that I'm not working in IT anymore.

My symptoms have gotten worse over time, although they got a little better than before in some ways, This time last year I was still having anxiety attacks every few weeks that would keep me from sleeping. I don't have those anymore (well, for a while anyways, we'll see) but let me think, what do I have..

I have a very short attention span lately. I have been taking a lot of naps when I just can't bear to be conscious anymore. I can't really use drugs because feeling too relaxed tends to trigger panic. I had a little bit of alcohol a few days ago and that didn't go well. When I get stressed, which is often, my arms get so itchy that they bleed from the scratching. I've been doing this in my sleep some, and it tends to wake me up. I've been really depressed off and on lately, usually been in a "* life" mood, wondering why I even bother. Therapy isn't helping lately because I've hit a bump with my therapist, namely I now am too scared to bring my feelings to her anymore, for fear of rejection. Despite having done okay the last year.

When I was still working, I was constantly feeling overwhelmed, and so I would dissociate to "relax" which meant I wasn't working.
At the job I had for three days, I was doing okay the first two, before working live customers. Once I did that, the manager's constant instructions caused me to panic and my higher brain function just went offline.  I excused myself to the bathroom and then quit.

That all being said, my ability to learn is usually pretty good until I feel pressure. I am interested in psychology for obvious reasons, and am going to school to get a degree I can use somehow in the field. I like helping people with important things, but the stress is often too much for me nowadays. I love animals, and volunteer at the shelter, but I don't think I could work there because they require you to be able to euthanize an animal if necessary, and I don't think I could do it.
I've been considering doing dog walking, but my energy level isn't great, I have a walker for my own dog part of the time as it is.
I feel like I have great critical thinking skills, and I like to write, but have never attempted to do anything related to writing.

All my skills are either customer service based or technical.

I'm not really sure if I am cut out for working right now. Part of me thinks it's impossible, and another part of me is saying "you're being dramatic, your symptoms aren't that bad."

Bleh.
[/quote]
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Boatsetsailrose on January 19, 2017, 10:34:24 AM
Oops sorry i cut and paste the whole post ( having problems doing the quote thing at the mo )

I too have the inner critic saying 'your not that bad ' just get on with it .. the thing is I have time off sick, get stronger , go back to a v stressful environment and then the cycle repeats ..
accepting my limitations with cptsd and really learning to take care of myself is a new thing .. because let's face it society says push until you can't push anymore and so that it what I have done ..
I wanted to be successful, I wanted to be 'normal' and high functioning
Living within my means is new territory but one that needs to be learnt if I am to learn this kinder way of being towards myself ..
Honesty being the first port of call to me and to others
Not weak, just unwell and trying to thrive
All best wishes
Maybe psychologist 1-1 may suit you :)
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: MyselfOnline on January 19, 2017, 10:40:32 AM
I relate very much to the dilemma. Most jobs prove stressful enough to spin me out and I start to forget important things (like newly scheduled shifts). Study is great but deadlines stop me dead.

But most I recognise the pressure, having a partner and wanting to 'do my bit.' The therapist I have has put emphasis on actually talking to my partner about what she expects of me. A relationship has many sides, and what we each provide the other with is a complex balance, with finances being only one aspect. People get into relationships for emotional reasons, and what can be provided emotionally.

Would it be worth putting that in real terms, rather than trying to guess what your boyfriend expects?
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Boatsetsailrose on January 19, 2017, 10:49:29 AM
Candid
I understand the worries as I have them too re working and living situation. I'm learning to take it one day at a time and just take the next right small action ..
That is the thing that I can't fully control the outcome , don't know if I'll fall flat or it will be ok .. but we try don't we and who knows maybe it will turn out ok ..
We are survivors and we keep showing up and doing our best in difficult circumstances i.e. Cptsd whilst all the while taking what we need to stay as well as we can. Acknowledging  and explaining my limits and my disorder really is where I am at right now , as I explain to another (friend, sponsor, employer, doctor ) I get to hear myself and find a little bit more inner validation that 'yes I do have post trauma and yes it is affecting my life still possibly in more ways than it ever has
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Candid on January 19, 2017, 03:24:04 PM
Quote from: Boatsetsailrose on January 19, 2017, 10:49:29 AMI'm learning to take it one day at a time and just take the next right small action ..

I wish I knew what that was! I feel like I'm having Groundhog Day here, begin by feeling upset that I've woken up in the same place again and drag myself through the day waiting for it to be late enough to go to bed. Then because I've done buggar-all all day, often lie awake half the night.
QuoteI can't fully control the outcome , don't know if I'll fall flat or it will be ok .. but we try don't we and who knows maybe it will turn out ok ..

And if we don't try we'll never know, right? I know I've got to get an income of some kind or I'll spend the rest of my life here. Which God forbid.

Quote... while taking what we need to stay as well as we can.

I must confess I've been smoking (cigarettes only) with the 'hope' that I won't live too long. I reached a low point with this nonsense around the time I started posting here, and am now determined to reach for a better life. I'm just not convinced I'll be able to stick it out if I go into residential care work, which seems to be my only option right now.

I'm fed up with delineating my past to cynics looking to pin a stigmatising label on me. If the latest psychiatrist can't acknowledge the existence of C-PTSD, I'll be giving up on shrinks of all kinds. I'm better off having a coffee and a laugh with my closest female friend or posting here!
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: healingInSeattle on February 14, 2017, 08:12:38 AM
Even if you feel terrible, start with some simple job.  Anything.  Even just an odd job to bring in any bit of money.  It is critical you keep the pattern of earning some wee bit of money so you know you can do it.   :yes:  You can always go to Labor Ready and get a job THAT DAY and get paid that day.   :thumbup:  You can even do it just once so you know, no matter what, you can always get some kind of job.  :yes:  Give yourself that wee bit of power and confidence and begin the path to employment.  Everyone can do something, even if you start small on an odd job.    :thumbup:
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Boatsetsailrose on February 14, 2017, 09:59:07 AM
What's labour ready ? What country is that healing in Seattle - America ?
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Three Roses on February 14, 2017, 12:39:47 PM
Yes, it's a temp agency. Temp agencies are a good way to get your foot in the door and try out a job, IF your social anxiety will allow you to go into such an unfamiliar territory. It's not for everyone. Be sure to move at your own pace and do what is good for you!

(Gentle reminder, Seattle - please do not refer people to an actual business or employer.)
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Moonlighter on February 14, 2017, 03:02:45 PM
Hello, and welcome

Are you in treatment?
How are you doing in school?

I've learned that I can't handle jobs with too many people around, customers or colleagues. I work best with only a handful of people so I've taken a job that's over night. If school is good for you, maybe you can take on a secretarial role. You could schedule appointments or do some light bookkeeping. Hospitals always need people to register patients. Maybe you can work at a library or movie theater--places that tend to be more quiet. If you don't need to work you can always working only a couple of days a week. Maybe you could tutor? I did that for a couple of years--I contacted the local high school and volunteered as a tutor until I got a feel for what subjects I could successfully help with and built a reputation, then I charged for sessions.

Hope this was helpful. Good luck!
Title: Re: finding a job that I can do
Post by: Blueberry on February 14, 2017, 08:51:48 PM
As with others here, I've been on a disability pension for a long, long time. I still work a little freelance in my original profession and in another somewhat related which I taught myself how to do. I particularly enjoy the second profession and it has helped me with my own healing. I don't enjoy my original profession much because it's very tiring for me, it taxes my brain too much.
Working freelance does have downsides and I know it's not generally recommended, at least not in my country, as a way out of eg unemployment, but it does give me full say over what work I do for who when and also how. My second profession often involves group work. I can't do this, it makes my head spin, so I don't. But an employer wouldn't hire me with this restriction.

It took me a long time to figure out what work I can do, and sometimes I still get frustrated and feel like throwing in the towel and applying to shelve goods in a supermarket or something. But then I realise that in my bad spells I wouldn't even be able to do that. Because all decisions are difficult. Even things like should I put this packet 2cm to the right or left?

Before I started freelance work, I did odd jobs from time to time, some of them paid-in-kind. Eventually I had to stop each one because I had trouble with colleagues or bosses or even customers. Once a scapegoat, always a scapegoat till you're well on the way to healing I guess.

I'd say, don't force yourself, if you can't. When I do too much, I still get ill, which forces me to take a break of a week or two.
I was pretty active in a LETS (Local Exchange Trading Society) for quite a while. When working for points, I can ease the pressure on myself about perfection.

In my country it's possible to be on disability pension and still work a little. This might not be the case everywhere.

I have to be patient with myself. It's like with my healing, keep going, taking tiny steps, noticing improvement in tiniest of ways.
Good luck!