Last night I had a really weird and disturbing dream. Ita quite long so I'll summarise -
Some men took me away and killed me. My physical body was there but I was dead.
I had a few hours of my physical body before it too died.
I cried and sobbed that I would have to leave my partner - I love him so much and couldn't bare the thought that life was over for me and that he would move on and forget me.
I found a policeman - told him who killed me and asked him to get justice for me.
Somehow I found myself in a boot of a car and then on a street (where I was killed) my remains were on the floor - 2 fried eggs as eyes and something else for a nose - it made me sick but the sick stuck in my throat and I had to pull it out - it was like dry porridge oats.
I know it's so stupid but I feel so weird about it today!!!
I hate it when my dreams won't go away after I'm awake :P
I don't think it's stupid. I'd sure as heck feel weird after a dream like that! Yikes. :hug:
Hi, TwinkleToes
That is a really weird dream (especially the part about having fried eggs for eyes). Pretty disturbing, too. I wonder if your subconscious is trying to tell you something? Most of my dreams seem to have a message or wish - fulfillment aspect to them.
I started having more dreams after I came out of the fog. I've always been a very vivid dreamer. I've even had a few lucid dreams but now I'll dream about really ordinary, everyday things. My mundane dreams tend to be so realistic I often have to check stuff to tell if it's a dream or a memory, lol.
I think I process a lot of my trauma in dreams. I've had dozens of reconciliation/confrontation dreams. Usually I dream about getting the reaction/response I wish I could from my abusers (or people I'm upset with). I often feel better afterwards despite waking up knowing the dream will never come true.
I also have dreams that are unsettling or nightmarish. These ones usually are surreal but still realistic. The surrealness is the part that is symbolic. Usually they have a warning hidden in them. I think because I dissociate a lot, or when I ignore my gut feelings, my subconscious will try to communicate via dreams. They tend to have themes or symbols thst will reoccur until I get the message, lol.
The part about you remembering the dream and feeling weird makes me think it may have a message from your subconscious in it. Is dying or anything else that appeared or occurred a common dream theme for you? The worries about abandonment and justice seem like they could be significant. Also the fact that your remains were scrambled, I think is interesting.
Maybe you feel like your abusers abandoned you, scrambled your soul up, and then forgot about you. And you want justice before you can move on...?
I'm just throwing interpretations out to see what sticks, hah hah. :Idunno:
Ah thank you so much for your reply, I've been desperate to have chance to write back all day but that's hard with 3 step kids!!
Well, my therapist says that I've spent most of my life dissociated and so I also feel most my dreams seem to be how I figure stuff out.
Death hasn't been a real regular symbol or anything for me before - abandonment has - that's where my main issues lay - attachment related stuff. It felt like abandonment in the dream but can it be if it was me leaving and not someone else?
I can't help but feel the part where I was dead but my physical body wasn't is something along the lines of being dead/killed inside... does that make sense? Possibly relating to dissociation or something? I've previously had a dream (worst one I've ever had), where I was raped in my bathroom and I said in that dream that I wasn't there but I knew what was happening - does that make sense? It's like both are me having something awful happen (rape, death) and me saying that I wasn't there even though I was physically.
Justice has Played a part a few times. The police too.
My remains and the eggs I have absolutely no idea!
I feel silly but I feel like these awful dreams are trying to tell me something and I can't shake the thought I've not remembered something awful that's happened to me but I feel bad and a bit sick thinking that if I am wrong! ..!
Hi, TwinkleToes :wave:
Hmmm, I'm cautious about taking my dreams literally. But I think it's ok to take at least symbolic meanings from them. I think ultimately only you can decide if your dreams are reliable at revealing your own abuse.
I think you are right that leaving your body is about abandonment. I think you may feel that someone passively abandoned you, like you were "forced" to leave by dying.
I know in my relationship with my ex I felt horribly abandoned even through I broke up with him. He was enmeshed with his mother, so there was no room (emotionally) in the relationship for me. He ignored most of my issues while I would help him take care of his, too. He was basically there for the physical stuff, but mostly neglected (or straight up rejected) my emotional needs.
So in the end I feel like he passively abandoned me first, but I had to actively abandon him by leaving the relationship. It still makes me mad, because most of the sympathy goes to the person who was left. Even though their behavior may have driven their partner away. This dynamic has played out in my family relationships as well. So they all cry abandonment even though the rejected me before I left. And I'm the big meanie :dramaqueen:
I don't have very much input on the rape and death aspect. It does seem symbolic for dissociating your abuse, or even symbolic for PTSD. Like your not there but it's still happening anyways...? I do think it being symbolic for being dead on the inside makes a lot of sense. I like a lot of vampire themes when I'm really depressed or dissociated because their transformation reminds me of how it feels to have PTSD.
Hopefully some of that is applicable to your situation! :disappear: