Out of the Storm

Development of CPTSD in Adulthood => Causes => General Discussion => Topic started by: Kizzie on January 08, 2017, 09:30:32 PM

Title: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Kizzie on January 08, 2017, 09:30:32 PM
There have been a number of people who developed CPTSD in adulthood (versus childhood) who have reached to me about making more of a distinction between the development in childhood and in adulthood.  I have been thinking this myself as I suspect there are more in the latter category than I and others realize.  One example is from my country where our federal police force (RCMP) recently settled a large class action suit for sexual harassment of female officers.  For many it was years of ongoing interpersonal trauma from which their only escape was to quit.  Just one of many examples I've been seeing lately - refugeeism, divisive, corrosive politics in the US, UK and elsewhere ......

If you developed CPTSD in adulthood for whatever reason, please know you are welcome at Out of the Storm. We hope you will find comfort, support and helpful, relevant information about the disorder here.  :hug:
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Lycurgus on January 08, 2017, 11:21:54 PM
Thank you Kizzie

One of the issues I've been having is the tremendous focus on childhood CPTSD - both causes, examples, situations etc.  It makes it very hard to discuss with significant others or family when the traumatic event occurred in adulthood.

Is it worth creating an adult focused board to discuss?  Do others share similar difficulties in this regard?
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Darlenec1963 on January 09, 2017, 01:10:43 AM
  I believe I developed CPTSD in adulthood from being with a Covert Narcissist for 11 years. The constant emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse took its toll. I really didn't know what was happening to me, and now I find myself completely drained of who I used to be. I'm unable to make decisions and I feel completely lost. The shame and confusion I feel because of the constant gas lighting and verbal battery have left me reeling. I now see that I was the perfect sitting victim for his abuse because of my childhood with a bipolar alcoholic mother. Being the oldest daughter of six children put me in a terrible position as a child having to care for her younger siblings. But alas, I had pretty much put it behind me and led a "normal" life. Getting my education, marrying a good man, and having two wonderful children. I knew that my behavior and future depended on me owning my own actions. Then, after my divorce, there was the predictable guilt and worry and a little shame as well. That's when the covert narcissist came into my life. At first, of course he was a wonderful man. It morphed into a constant barrage of Narcissistic Abuse. Look it up. It ain't pretty. Calling me a terrible mother. Beating the dog and telling me it was my fault because I didn't do what he'd ask. Firing a gun near me because I "wouldn't shut up". On and on ad nauseum. I constantly tried to please him, but there was no winning because the rules always changed. Exhausting, to say the least. There were many break ups and back together cycles over the years, and recently I had finally realized what I was dealing with and how screwed up I now am. And how vile and abusive he was. Of course, the rest of the world thinks he's "such a nice guy". (They call it "covert" narcissism for a reason) So I have finally gone no contact and gotten away from him, but still find myself in a constant state of anxiety and hyper vigilant fear of the future. Frozen in fear I call it.  I have a therapist who has validated what I suspect is Complex PTSD, and we're working on my recovery. So there's my story. I joined this group as an addition to my therapy. I'm searching for all the help I can get.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Three Roses on January 09, 2017, 02:03:29 AM
Welcome, Darlenec1963! Thanks for joining
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Contessa on January 09, 2017, 10:39:46 AM
Such a great idea Kizzie.

I do identify as someone who has developed cptsd as an adult, and would love to meet others as well, though I'm sure that I already have. I'll admit there are some aspects that I do not understand, for instance the inner child.

A section on the forum for adult development of cptsd would be lovely :)
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: sanmagic7 on January 09, 2017, 02:33:51 PM
i also believe my c-ptsd developed in adulthood.  too many years of constant abuse from 2 hubs and daughter and therapist.  i may have been depressed and anxious from childhood stuff, but the actual c-ptsd didn't set in, i don't think, until i was much older.  i've also been frustrated by looking at sites about c-ptsd where they focus on childhood abuse, especially physical and/or sexual, and i've never been able to relate to that. 
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Kizzie on January 09, 2017, 07:26:13 PM
Hi and and a warm welcome Lycurgus and Darlene  :heythere:   Hopefully this forum will give you a safe place to share about developing CPTSD in adulthood.

Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: lillwall79 on January 20, 2017, 08:08:13 AM
Hi there!
I also developed CPTSD in adulthood. Was in a relationship with a narcissist for almost 15 yrs. My cptsd did come two yrs after I left him and was triggerd by an incident with my new man after we had our son. I´ve been living with this for 3,5 years now and I feel so tired and frustrated.

My foo does not get this at all and treats me like I´m having a light depression. I had an incident with my sister last week, she didn´t want to understand a thing from my perspective, and now she is punishing me by closing me out and not talking to me at all. She wants me to say I´m sorry but I did not do anything wrong. Both my sisters does this to me when I say something that doesn´t suits them. So after this incident I´m having a really bad week, with really bad thaughts and my anxiety is constant day and night. I´m just so tired, feel like I want to go and hide in a cave from all pepole in the world, for the rest of my life! If I didn´t had my husband and son, I probably would.

My husband is the best and helps me so mutch. But that also scares me every day because I get so afraid that he will get tired of me and leave me. I get paranoid and think he is seeing someone else mutch better than me. I also fight my flight mode everyday, I just want to escape somewhere else, to the end of the world or where ever. I want to move from my hometown because there is just som many triggers everywhere but i don´t know if it will help me or if I will feel just the same wherever I live? Does anyone have any thaughts about me moving if you think it will help? I live in a small town so there is memories pretty mutch in every corner! When we leave for vacation I feel so mutch better most of the times but when we comes home it´s like meeting a 100 ft black wall hoovering over me :(

Sorry if I misspelled words, I´m not from an English speaking country.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Kizzie on January 23, 2017, 05:43:59 PM
HI lillwall and a warm welcome to OOTS  :heythere:   Not to be concerned about your English, it's just fine  :thumbup:   Living someone who has NPD is wearing to say the least.  While I developed CPTSD in childhood, I was still in contact with my NPD FOO up until my fifties and that took a huge toll until I figured it out and went NC/LC. 

It is difficult for those who have not lived with it to understand how traumatic living with someone who has NPD can be, what it's like not to have firm ground under our feet because we face the whims of the disorder on a daily basis, never knowing what is going to come our way.   There are some information sheets about CPTSD in the "Resources" section under "Downloads" that may be useful in trying to help your family understand what it is you are dealing with. With respect to moving, that is an option to reduce being triggered, but ultimately only you can decide if that's right for you and your family. 

On another note, please give this forum some time as it is new and there aren't too many here just yet who developed CPTSD in adulthood. I think more people will join in once they realize it's here.   

Glad you found your way here and please keep posting  :hug:
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: sanmagic7 on January 24, 2017, 12:58:10 AM
living in a small town can certainly be triggering.  the choice of moving, i agree, is with you and your family.  as you continue in recovery, i'm thinking some things will be made even clearer for you.  best to you with this.  it's not an easy place to be in.  hugs.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: PhoenixRising2015 on February 01, 2017, 02:13:37 AM
I'm glad I found this board. It was suggested in one of the "Out of the Fog" forum replies so I thought I'd check it out since I'd had good luck there so far as well.

Interesting (though sad as well) to see others post about their CPTSD that was caused by a narcissist.  Mine was a diagnosed narcissistic sociopath as well. 

I'm also working with a therapist and am hoping this will be another outlet and resource for me.  It's hard to talk about it with friends/family sometimes.  They're sympathetic and supportive but sometimes I feel like they just don't exactly what I'm talking about.  I'm hoping to find some insight into others journeys and their roads to recovery.

Best of luck to each of you & Take care of yourself :)
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Three Roses on February 01, 2017, 06:06:13 AM
(Welcome, PhoenixRising2015! ;) )
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Kizzie on February 02, 2017, 04:59:05 PM
Yes, welcome PhoenixRising!  I hope you find some good resources and support to help you on your journey  :hug:
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Nicole13130 on February 02, 2017, 05:00:40 PM
I developed mine in adulthood. Mine came from abuse at the hands of my employer who showed all the symptoms of having a personality disorder. I wasn't his only victim and the ones that I met or talked to show long lasting mental problems from the trauma he inflicted. He dropped an atomic bomb on my world.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: mamato3 on April 02, 2017, 02:45:17 AM
Thank you for this post. I developed CPTSD after an emotionally and physically abusive marriage to an NPD man. We are now co-parenting our 14 year old son. Every conflict is a trigger and everything is a conflict. It's exhausting.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Kizzie on April 02, 2017, 06:13:30 PM
Those with NPD are truly exhausting I know Mama and Nicole.  That is the major reason I went no/low contact with FOO despite overwhelming guilt (at the time).

I developed CPTSD in childhood but it carried on into adulthood and the energy and toll they took on my well-being was just too much.  I wasn't so much "post" trauma, as still mired in trauma time when I was around them, couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight enough to make my way out of the fog long enough to get some good recovery accomplished, firm ground underneath myself to push forward.  Moving to the other side of the country made a huge difference for me.

In cases like yours though there isn't a real choice to escape completely, you simply can't when you are co-parenting or risk losing your employment.  I guess the question is "What can we do when we must be in contact with those who have a PD?"   Here's a few I can think of:

- work with a trauma knowledgeable T (family and/or individual) to deal with the stress and accept that the person is unlikely to change no matter what you do/don't do
- Use tools from Out of the Fog (http://outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro/) to establish & maintain clear boundaries and replace fear, obligation and guilt with healthier responses
- participate in a support group such as OOTS and/or OOTF where you can speak the truth, vent your frustrations, etc
- find out about your legal rights (as a parent, employee) 
- Minimize contact as much as possible

Other? 



Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: JamesG on April 30, 2017, 04:52:08 AM
Mine was set up in childhood but the real catalysts were over the last few years. Looking back tho I can see the patterns, I'm aware I was living with the damn thing a lot further back. Again, a narcissist, in my case a brother and mother tag team. The flare up of mum's illness and death were the final major trigger, exacerbated by work and an alcoholic partner. To my mind, nothing works better than new understanding connections and the help of old friends. It's been a close run thing for me tho, suicidal thoughts have been a regular feature. Having your life wrecked by other people for no rational reason is a killer.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Contessa on May 01, 2017, 12:46:53 AM
I agree JamesG

Trauma is adult onset, but recognising the set up in childhood.

Had my family upbringing been different, I know I would have been able to work through these events in adulthood much better, had the subsequent events to the first even happened at all.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Finallyseekinghelp on May 02, 2017, 05:12:50 AM
I've finally decided to make the call and start therapy tomorrow, it all came to a crashing eye opening situation for me this weekend that just made me realize there's so much going on inside that I guess I finally need to deal with.

I was raped at 15 and severely bullied  and even jumped by a few guys in high school due to my rapist telling lies about me, then had a child at 17, moved out and raised her with the support of my amazing family thankfully. I'm 36 now, but sadly I chose the wrong men since I was 21. My first real boyfriend after my daughters father was physically abusive, he choked me until I passed out, punched me square in the face, black eyes and faces, stomped on me and cut my hair, he ended up being charged for dislocating my shoulder and destroying everything I owned, even my daughters furniture, me being me I backed out of the trial last minute to spare him time, but went through a million things in the 3 years I was with him.

I took a break from men and met a nice enough guy along the way but that ended because it was all party high risk at that and no real life possibilities.

Next I met the worst of the worst, and lucky me, I married him! I spent 8 years with a narcissist who I had two children with, one born at 25 weeks due to the stress I was under my whole pregnancy. It was physical, but the worst was the emotional abuse, I lost myself, was so confused, blamed myself for everything and felt completely crazy. I finally charged him with abuse and followed through giving the police tons of evidence, the death threats, etc. There was a point where I actually slept with a knife under my mattress in case he tried to kill me. There a no contact orde now and he doesn't know where I moved to so I've had some peace since Oct 2016.

I don't have friends or anyone because I feel like no one really knows me, but my family. I finally met someone amazing after my sister and mom pushed me to "get out there". He's literally the nicest, most caring normal man I've ever met and I could honestly see a future with him. I've never been in a "normal nice loving" relationship before so I told him some of the stuff I've been through which was really hard for me and he didn't stop talking to me like I thought he would. He didn't try to fix me either, he just expressed that he was sorry I went through those things, which was something I don't know I've ever heard before. Anyway, this weekend he took me to a birthday party where I was supposed to meet all his friends and I drank a strong rum and a little too much of it and pretty much went off on him, just because he said I put a little makeup on his shirt. Thankfully he took me outside so i didn't really embarrass myself, half of it I can't even remember. He said the whole time he drove me home I was putting him down, building myself up, yelling, swearing. I'm so embarrassed and sad he literally did nothing wrong he just wanted to tell me to be careful :( I could've just said sorry, but I had this unwarranted feeling he was belittling me. He's forgiven me and said not to beat myself up, but it's hard not to I treated him so bad.

The best thing that came from it though is realizing I have a lot I guess I haven't dealt with. I've never dealt with anything with a therapist and when victim services visited me after the last incident with my ex they urged me to see someone and I still never did.

Has anyone else experienced lashing out at others due to their past unresolved traumas? I just want to be normal, not paranoid or overly sensitive and angry :(

Thanks for this group and for sharing your stories too xo
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Three Roses on May 02, 2017, 05:31:47 AM
QuoteHas anyone else experienced lashing out at others due to their past unresolved traumas? I just want to be normal, not paranoid or overly sensitive and angry :(

Yes!  I'm finally getting help now but I'm 60, I'm glad you're taking care of it sooner! It doesn't go away without treatment.  ;)
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: JamesG on May 02, 2017, 08:14:47 AM
it's really not suprising that experiences like that can make you react in severe ways, part of it is the luxury of expression after so much suppression. Don't be too had on yourself, see it as objectivly as you can and it makes it a whole lot easier. He sounds like a good man so work with him and not despite or apart from him. Sort it together. See this is as a great opportunity to work through these things with support but make sure you let him in and reassure him as much as you can that he is helping. Having been pushed away byt someone who really needed my help I can tell you that the rewards for being able to help someone you care about far outweigh the trouble that you are actually fighting. It's a privilege to escort someone through these journeys but you have to make sure they know they are making a difference or you'll build walls. I really hope things begin to settle for you and that good normal times lie ahead.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Finallyseekinghelp on May 02, 2017, 01:39:33 PM
Thanks so much Three Roses for your assurance that help is the best option, I'm definitely going to set this up today and NOT procrastinate. I'm glad you're getting the support you need too! Has it been helping?

JamesG thanks for your response, it means a lot especially coming from someone who's tried to help someone in the past, sorry you were pushed away because people like you are rare. I'll definitely take your advice and let him know as much as I can how his calm and caring demeanour makes me feel safe and secure. Honestly, the way I acted and the way he didn't react with anything but care was another silver lining, he dealt with me being out of control without lashing back so my trust has already gone up a ton.

I'm so looking forward to this journey of recovery after reading for hours last night it's been affecting my life in so many ways and I didn't even attribute to my past, just kept pushing forward like a freight train.

I'm looking forward to reading all of your success stories!
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Finallyseekinghelp on May 02, 2017, 01:51:35 PM
Quote from: JamesG on April 30, 2017, 04:52:08 AM
Mine was set up in childhood but the real catalysts were over the last few years. Looking back tho I can see the patterns, I'm aware I was living with the damn thing a lot further back. Again, a narcissist, in my case a brother and mother tag team. The flare up of mum's illness and death were the final major trigger, exacerbated by work and an alcoholic partner. To my mind, nothing works better than new understanding connections and the help of old friends. It's been a close run thing for me tho, suicidal thoughts have been a regular feature. Having your life wrecked by other people for no rational reason is a killer.

I hope you stay strong James, you deserve to have an amazing, fulfilling life! Keep surrounding yourself with positive connections and hopefully you'll be able to replace all the bad memories with amazing and happy ones soon.

Narcissistic people are so hard to get out of your head so I can only imagine how draining your situation was. Constant questioning and confusion is a tough thing to get over, I found writing things down and even recording conversations, when I was still in contact with my NPD abuser, helped me finally keep track of things and stop my mind from constantly trying to figure things out and question or blame myself. Maybe that could help you sort your thoughts and seperate your truth from their false reality, even after the fact.

Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Healing Finally on May 02, 2017, 07:02:52 PM
Hi Kizzie  :wave: - thank you so much for starting this thread and sharing your experiences.  Thanks to everyone else for sharing.  When I saw this topic it really struck a chord with me because I don't think my CPTSD developed until I was an adult.  I know my childhood emotional trauma (bullied severely for 1.5 years without any help, and being raised in a family with an en-Mom and uNPD sister) was the beginning, but I don't recall experiencing my cptsd symptoms until much later. 

I imagine it surfaced after I experienced more emotional abuse with my poor choices of partners, and I also have to wonder if alcohol played a part?  I drank heavily for 35 years (until I stopped 6 years ago finally.)  My addiction covered up all my symptoms so it was tough to know what was going on then.  But, I do remember needing to self-medicate with alcohol every time uncomfortable feelings came up.

I am going to seek out a CBT therapist as my current therapist is not very familiar with cptsd.  It pains me greatly that all my thearpists over the years have missed this, but they probably chalked it all up to my heavy drinking!  So good to be able to get through all this crap, finally, thank youuuuuuuu :bighug:

;D ;D ;D  Stay Strong Y'all!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Healing Finally on May 03, 2017, 03:59:08 PM
EDITED:  I have been thinking more about this and realize, I did experience these symptoms when I was a teenager, as well as young adult!  BIG SIGH - thanks again for bringing up this topic, I'm really going to have to do some digging in my mind about past reactions in my significant relationships.

Quote from: Healing Finally on May 02, 2017, 07:02:52 PM
Hi Kizzie  :wave: - thank you so much for starting this thread and sharing your experiences.  Thanks to everyone else for sharing.  When I saw this topic it really struck a chord with me because I don't think my CPTSD developed until I was an adult.  I know my childhood emotional trauma (bullied severely for 1.5 years without any help, and being raised in a family with an en-Mom and uNPD sister) was the beginning, but I don't recall experiencing my cptsd symptoms until much later. 

I imagine it surfaced after I experienced more emotional abuse with my poor choices of partners, and I also have to wonder if alcohol played a part?  I drank heavily for 35 years (until I stopped 6 years ago finally.)  My addiction covered up all my symptoms so it was tough to know what was going on then.  But, I do remember needing to self-medicate with alcohol every time uncomfortable feelings came up.

I am going to seek out a CBT therapist as my current therapist is not very familiar with cptsd.  It pains me greatly that all my thearpists over the years have missed this, but they probably chalked it all up to my heavy drinking!  So good to be able to get through all this crap, finally, thank youuuuuuuu :bighug:

;D ;D ;D  Stay Strong Y'all!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: steve1772 on May 12, 2017, 11:01:01 AM
Hi Kizzie I have recently been informed that I have CPTSD. I am a HSP ( Highly Sensitive Person) and so had issues growing up with bullying and feelings of isolation whilst growing up, however the real issue I had was having to deal with neglect and abusive within my 26 year marriage. Because of this I have real difficulty with personal relationships. Since my divorce 6 years ago I have found it extremely difficult to have a relationship at almost any level. Small things can trigger flashbacks,and I have found myself experiencing emotional breakdown at times. There have been at least 2 occasions when I have gotten really closed to someone when I have had what I can only describe as an emotional breakdown.
Just by being told that the most likely cause of this is CPTSD has been a real turning point for me. After a few years of wondering whether I am growing crazy I now have an explanation and a pathway to recovery.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Three Roses on May 12, 2017, 02:18:59 PM
Welcome, steve1772! Thanks for joining :wave:
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Blueberry on May 12, 2017, 04:56:47 PM
Quote from: Finallyseekinghelp on May 02, 2017, 05:12:50 AM
Has anyone else experienced lashing out at others due to their past unresolved traumas? I just want to be normal, not paranoid or overly sensitive and angry :(

In a nutshell, yes.
Much less now though, through years of therapy.
Title: Needed to vent
Post by: tilthead on May 15, 2017, 10:35:35 PM
Hey, I'm going to be selfish for once and let it out.

I've never heard of C-PTSD until today surfing the web. So i decided to check it out, and a lot of it hit home. I've never been to a therapist or even talk about it much, so yeah it's strange to talk about. I wrote my thoughts down a couple of months ago (without  holding back of coarse), and it was more of a release than I thought it would be.... To my life story in a nut shell.
Both my older brother and I were born in the 70's. Our mom is awesome, but our dad is a F***. Our mom had and has the purest intentions of doing what's best. Awesome lady! But on to why I'm writing this. My brother and I were sexually abused by my father. I can't recall how old I was when I first remember, but it was in the house that we lived in before we moved when I was 5. In some weird way I guess I liked the attention in the beginning, but I became uncomfortable, scared, and it was my fault that this was happening. That's what i was being told anyways. "Why did you get under my underwear son, you can't do that". The last time It happened I was between six or seven . I remember everything, the colors, the smell, where I was laying, the tone of voice, everything and the guilt, but I can't remember if I was six or seven. My mom divorced my dad when I was seven so that was the end of that. But through the years following I suppressed these thoughts, although they had a big impact on my life, I stuffed them. And then I had a child of my own (a boy). Which he's still with me, along with my wife of twelve years, but that's when it started hitting home. I couldn't bath him, change his diaper or sleep in the bed with him without this overwhelming anxiety. I was so scared that I was genetically prone to do the same thing, that I refused to do those things. So that opened up a can of worms. He's ten now and I'm proud to say, it wasn't genetic .. Back to my brother. My brother and I didn't know or talk about it until our father passed (three years back) and we had some family issues with burying him. We both didn't want anything to do with him, not our problem, let the state bury him. We're not signing *... That was the time we realized it happened to both of us. Very subtle and brief, but we both understood. That's when I also realized why my brother was so hard on me. While growing up he belittled me, made me feel stupid, and every decision I made was the worst decision that one could make. He took it out on me. Understandably. Well my brother lived for another year before dying of an overdose. That was hard, and very hard on my mom. Sucks.  He was successful. Successful at achieving his goals and making a living. It was about a year before our father died when I noticed him going down hill.  We've been in the same boat when it comes to drug abuse. We did a lot of drugs here and there but we've maintained keeping up with our responsibilities. Then we got into a fight and we didn't talk for a couple years and it was different when we reconnected, I could see the monster in him that addiction causes. I wish that I could have been there through those years. Maybe things would have changed. Maybe. Another thing that haunts me is that my son was there when he OD'd. We've been reconnected for a couple of years, and I had no idea he was shooting up. Neither did my sister in-law. And another weird thing is that I wasn't mad at all. I understood why he would hide it, and why..Moving on. I've had quite a few anxiety attacks, especially since then, some that last days and some that are short. Long story short about my life. I have a hard time connecting with some people. I just don't know about them. I connect with a hand full of people and the rest i'm just wiry about em. I wish I could let that all go and just act confident, but I get shaky and my thoughts get jumbled. I just straight up act weird. I feel like I'm being judged by the littlest things, and other unanswered feelings. Very unnecessary. I've had it for as long as a can remember. I'm tired of it and I want to think differently, the end.... Thanks for the vent, D
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Three Roses on May 25, 2017, 11:53:31 PM
Hello and welcome, letsdothis! I'm glad you're here.

Not all men are abusive, and not all women are saints. I'm so sorry you've been through such a rough time. And living in the same neighborhood with them all! Yikes. Maybe your front lawn needs a flying monkey with a line thru it ("No flying monkeys").

There is someone called The Spartan Life Coach on youtube, and many of us here are fans. He talks about narcissists and their effects on us. He has a lot of videos, some very long, others short. I'll bet you'd find him interesting.

So come on in, sit down, put your feet up! We're glad to have you - thanks for joining.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Western11 on July 18, 2017, 04:11:38 AM
I've joined this forum because I'm finally realizing that a behavior that's been affecting my life for about 10 years now is C-PTSD related. When I was younger I was so focused on being strong that there are a lot of things I just accepted, like nightmares and anxiety every night, hyper vigilance, and depression. Up until I was 37 I pretty much accepted that whatever anyone else thought was right and what I did was wrong. I was in emotionally abusive relationships that eventually left me so traumatized I'd be on the floor in a fetal position if they didn't call. My friends see me as so brilliant and together because I can put on a good act, because I'm a survivor, because I'm someone who reaches for positive solutions to everything, including depression. But ten years ago, I started going on TV binges, sometimes 10-12 hours a day for 1-4 weeks at a time. I was freelance so I could get away with it but I hated feeling so ashamed for wasting so much time when I could have been moving my life forward. Then 6 years ago, I got cancer so it didn't seem strange to lie down so much because I was exhausted during recovery and then for the past five years I've had chronic fatigue from the chemo and severe insomnia. But lately, with the help of a homeopath I'm getting stronger so I'm watching TV less and it's helped me to see a pattern that I didn't see before. I can't handle stress of any kind. when people expect things of me that feel like more than I can do, bam! I'm back watching TV for 12 hours. I can see now that it's my "avoidance" coping mechanism for feeling overwhelmed. I am catching and seeing now that this is a C-PTSD survival mechanism in response to stress that triggers early childhood stress issues but I could use help coming up with some tools for how to deal with it when it happens. I'm trying to do my usual - meditation and visualization and tapping but it's so much stronger than me. I want to become part of some groups so I feel more supported and less isolated but I'm usually so exhausted I don't have the energy to reach out and often people  exhaust me so I have to balance the social. Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this coping mechanism and how they got themselves to stop and replace them with new techniques that are healthier. I am happy I'm recognizing the pattern. I think it's a good step.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Three Roses on July 19, 2017, 11:42:40 AM
Welcome, Western11! So glad you are here.

I'm so sorry to hear all that you've been through, you are a true survivor. Have you heard of Pete Walker? He's the author of the book, "CPTSD: From Surviving To Thriving" which many of us have read. I keep my copy close at hand. ;)

He talks about the 4F survival coping skills, fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. It sounds to me you are describing what we around here refer to as "dissociation", a very common coping skill among us which falls under the freeze category of dysfunctional coping mechanisms. You can read more here if you like - http://www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm

Thanks for joining,I look forward to hearing more from you!
  :heythere:
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Wife#2 on July 19, 2017, 12:49:23 PM
Welcome, Western, we are glad you joined us.

You have survived so much already, that is a testament to your strength. I am in awe, even though I know as you read this, you'll likely look away and think I must not know you or I wouldn't speak such kind things. But, it's the truth. Inside you is a core of strength that makes me believe you'll make it through this.

This website is a wonderful place to come for companionship - especially companionship that GET IT, because we're on a similar journey as well. I suffer from the same distraction tendency when triggered. I don't have a solution, though I did try to think of a few. Check around the site, you are likely to find more kindred spirits. If you feel like posting, post! If not, read or check out some of the links you see. Regardless of how you choose to use or enjoy this site, we are very, very glad you came!
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: AphoticAtramentous on September 01, 2017, 11:09:45 PM
Quote from: giulianavcosta on September 01, 2017, 04:30:43 PM
I recently read an article about C-PTSD and I identify myself with this disorder. I have the symptons of stay away from people, isolate myself and difficult to find a relationship.
I realize that the cause is the long search for job in a foreign country for the past 3 years. To avoid finnancial difficulties, I've decided to do a PhD to have the bursery monthly, but the money is 10% of the salary I used to have. So, that make me feel very incompetent, a looser and at the end of the day I cannot stand to spend a day in the university in the middle of 20 years old students while I am 40.
Is that possible to be happen to me? I do not know else I can do it, as going to job interviews is making me nervous and I have the feeling I will never find a job anymore. I even tought maybe life is not good enough to live as I do not get even a boyfriend. How can you help me?
Hey there, mate, welcome to the forum. ^-^
Deciding to get a PhD is a very reasonable decision which I support you on, don't worry about the age difference though. This happens plenty of times and people will support you for wanting to learn and further your education and career. :)
I know how you feel though, I was unemployed for quite some time and looking for jobs was a very depressing process that really sucked the self esteem out of me. But I kept looking and eventually I got a job. If you want to find a job, perhaps you can walk in to any job-seeking site nearby. I went to one myself, they had plenty of resources that really helped me out. :)
Things aren't hopeless, just don't stop striving for your goals! It's hard but you'll get there. ^-^
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: EP on September 12, 2017, 01:53:15 AM
I developed it as an adult. I am separated from my very emotionally and sexually abusive husband who has painted me as a drunk for no apparent reason because everyone sees him as the model husband father friend and upstanding member of the community. He tells people I'm lying about his abuse. When he admits it all in writing texts fb messages etc. No one believes me. He talks behind my back and trashes me constantly. No one he talks to will talk to me just about me. It's awful. And he says it's al in my head because of my bad childhood I "never dealt with."
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Metanoia on September 20, 2017, 07:21:49 PM
Aloha,
My name is Stefania. I think I have CPTSD. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship from the ages of 19-21. It got pretty bad and I do believe it would have led to physical abuse down the road. At the time, I had never experienced darkness in people like that. It happened slowly, over time so it was hard to see coming.  I think I always minimized what happened to me because I felt fortunate that I was only 21 when I got out and I know people have way worse things happen to them.

I remember being very hateful and angry for pretty much the whole summer after we parted ways. I even had to block him from all forms of contact because he wouldn't leave me alone. I trained for a marathon that summer also. Which in retrospect was my way of not dealing with it. After awhile the hate in my heart went away and i never really thought much about him. In fact i totally blocked him from my life at all. Not remembering he was around at different events with me. I even got rid of all my clothes bc i would remember hurtful things that happened while i was wearing them.

I didn't really date anyone seriously for a couple years after. But when I did i got titles like "best but meanest girlfriend." I really didn't understand why I lashed out or was so quick to get defensive. I just said it's because I was raised by the crazy Greeks and the fighting Irish. I think it also affected my self esteem. I thought I had good self confidence but didn't really.

Which brings me to now, eight years later and 5,000 miles away and this trauma still influences my life. It wasn't until a couple months ago i realized I bottled all this up and never dealt with it. It wasn't until a few days ago i realized I have become an emotional abuser myself. I am in the best relationship of my life and with someone that genuinely wants to help. I feel like my family and friends overlooked me all those years. I was seriously fading away from all the stress and most people just commented on how skinny I was but that was it. I realized i probably can't get over this on my own and I don't want to look back and regret not changing my ways. I have been remembering things a little bit more that I had blocked out and understanding things about myself that had always confused me. I even, the last eight years, carried a lot of tension throughout my body (shoulders, hips) and people would always ask why was i so tense. When I first discovered this i was very angry bc so much time has been wasted on not dealing with these things and I started thinking of anyone I had emotionally abused. Now I am feeling more compassionate with myself. I was young when it happened, I didn't know I bottled it up and I haven't done any irreparable damage but I cannot continue on this path. I need help.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Wife#2 on September 22, 2017, 06:40:38 PM
Welcome, Stephania.  You are in a good place to begin your journey, and to find encouragement along the way!

I am so sorry that you suffered so much so young. Yes, you don't have to have the worst situation to have it impact you strongly. Bad enough is bad enough. Abuse is abuse. That you did get away from the situation is a blessing, but doesn't mean you broke free from the pain or consequences.

Still, here you are, reaching out. Recognizing that you do need help. That's huge! And we're glad you felt safe enough to post. We hope you'll feel the welcoming of this community and continue to grow into your best self.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Metanoia on September 26, 2017, 04:49:08 AM
Thank you for your kind words wife#2, it meant a lot and I have found myself re-reading it over this past week.

I am slowly accepting this part of me. I think I always wanted it to be something that didn't happen to me,but it did. It is apart of me. It's crazy how long it's affected my life and the lives of many others.

I have started journaling and doing some affirmations. I thought I wouldn't be able to write everyday and I find some days I can't stop.

I was wondering what are some techniques other people have used. I've been reading it is possible to change your brain back after having ptsd. It takes time and persistence though.

Just different ways to rebuild self esteem and to teach your mind and body that you are now in a safe place and have a good life.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Wife#2 on September 26, 2017, 08:29:54 PM
I can't speak to all of those ideas, but I can say that journaling helps me a ton. When I was in therapy, that also helped a lot.

This website also helps very much, because part of the healing is to know that I am not alone.

I am not alone as a human being - HUGE for me.
I am not alone as a woman - Lots have had lives which joined their journey and mine here in this healing place.
I am not alone as a survivor - My issues may be 'small' to others, but they were huge to me. Here, we are not judged by what brought us here, but how we choose to survive and hopefully even thrive.
I am not alone in this journey - Here I have developed friendships. In Real Life, being here has helped me open up - and discover that I know others who are hurting and healing.

You are also not alone. Not anymore.

Whether we can 'reprogram' our brains is beyond my knowledge, though I have heard others say it is so. That's very, very encouraging!

Keep visiting, keep journaling, keep knowing that we are here and we welcome all of you who are new here. When you find that combination of elements in real life and in this forum, keep them up! This is your journey and only you know just the right elements.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Rainagain on September 27, 2017, 05:48:11 PM
I have adult onset cptsd, I think a shaky childhood probably didn't help but too many disasters and tough times certainly caused my current difficulties.

I have weird symptoms which aren't cptsd as far as I know, has anyone heard of people using a phrase repeatedly at times of high anxiety? Sometimes I whisper it, sometimes say it normally, sometimes shout it loudly. Its not turettes, its like a pressure valve that suddenly switches on and it just comes out of me.

I have also deliberately faced dangerous situations and sought them out, think this is mainstream PTSD behaviour.

The vocalisation is very odd and quite embarrassing! Not seen it described anywhere.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Wife#2 on September 28, 2017, 12:42:45 PM
Rainagain - First welcome! We are glad you felt strong and brave enough to post! I strongly believe you will find hope and help here.

As to the phrase, do you feel better, stronger, soothed after stating your phrase? It may be a verbal self-soother, like I rub my arms when under stress - good or bad. Just because it's different doesn't make it wrong. There may be challenges if it's a colorful phrase - raising eyebrows when loudly uttered. Just know that it doesn't make you odd or strange or any other unkind thing because this phrase leaps from your lips.

I don't know if it's directly related to any of the c-PTSD but my instinct is that it is. I hope you know you are welcome here. I hope you join us again!
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Rainagain on September 28, 2017, 10:18:55 PM
Thanks wife#2,
Uttering my phrase makes me feel bad as it is a loss of control, it happens when self loathing and rage swamps me, its as uncontrolled as people with turettes, I think it is called a tic.

It used to be a load of swear words but over the years I have managed to replace it with 'I love you (name of my dog)'. My dog doesn't mind, she just looks puzzled.
Its a bit odd, but what the *, it seems to be something my brain needs to do.
Someone say if I'm over sharing here or if I should be on another forum, on my own....
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Wife#2 on September 29, 2017, 12:42:00 PM
I am the queen of oversharing, so I can say with authority that you are indeed NOT oversharing. And, too late, Rainagain, we already like you and want you to stay with us! When we welcome someone into the community, we mean it. And we are very, very glad you posted here.

If you feel better typing in a thread that you start just for yourself, that's wonderful. If you want to keep typing here, keep typing!

The rules are pretty basic around here: No cussing in posts, no disrespectful or judgmental language and be kind - warn if a post is likely to be triggering to other survivors. The best thing is that the moderators and administrators are happy to answer questions if you're still not sure. We want you to feel welcome and safe here.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Metanoia on October 10, 2017, 05:57:20 AM
I am curious to know if anyone else has split themselves in two from repressed feelings and c-ptsd.

For example, I'm really good at positive feelings but if something has annoyed or angered me and someone points it out I say, "I'm not angry" when really I am.  Like it's not okay to have negative feelings. But really we are happy and sad, angry and forgiving, jealous and confident. I'm learning all of those emotions, good and bad, are apart of me. It's okay and they need to be acknowledged. Also, I am working on humility. Which is easier said then done. I read one symptom of c-ptsd is a "grown up child" and I definitely fit into that category every now and then. When it comes to the way I handle conversations, instead of communicating clearly, I will have a tantrum or get overly worked up if something isn't going my way. Or turn the whole thing into a pity party for me before I even realize it.

I'm wondering what are some techniques others use to open up. I am pretty bad at communicating my feelings. I can't think of what to say in the moment. Or I just feeling nothing, also known as putting up walls.

One other thing- people from my past, that knew me during my abusive relationship, I notice I tend to get more high energy or anxiety when I am around them. Even though it was 8 years ago. I don't do it with new people I've met in my new life that I've created, but when I go back home or someone visitis me here it happens. People from home definitely think I am higher strung and more neurotic then friends I have made here.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Three Roses on October 10, 2017, 03:50:56 PM
QuoteLike it's not okay to have negative feelings. 

Yes, very much so. It's very difficult for me to discuss my feelings, but it used to be impossible for me to be honest about how I was feeling or if I disliked something.

For me the first thing was being honest with myself.

I can also relate to the higher energy around certain people, in my case that seems to be nerves and hypervigilance.

Keep posting here and asking questions as you need to - you'll find the answers you are looking for. I think they're already inside you but talking will help bring them out.)

:heythere:
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: AphoticAtramentous on October 11, 2017, 12:15:44 AM
I feel very much the same way, Metanoia.
And I REALLY suck at communicating my feelings. I can do it on paper, when I have the time and ability to erase and re-phrase things. But face to face, or over the phone or whatever, I just don't know what to say and if I try it comes out as this nonsensical mess. :S
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Metanoia on October 11, 2017, 05:50:36 AM
Thank you AphoticAtramentous and Three Roses, your responses are much appreciated. I think we can help each other. I definitely start to not make sense when trying to talk about my feelings or I will repeat myself a lot.

I read that PTSD is a learned behavior and you can recover over time. It's sad how so little of our society cares about mental health. I never really had anyone in my life, until recently, talk about mental training and how the mind needs to be exercised just as the body does. I also read the worst thing you can say to someone that has ptsd is to just get over what happened and move on, which I know was said to me, but the people did not realize I had ptsd. Ptsd just doesn't work like that and you can't exactly just move on.

Learning I have ptsd has definitely made a lot of things make sense. For years I wondered why I did certain things. I can't help but wonder the person I would be if i didn't have this all these years. Still the same in a lot of ways but without that element of anxiety and more self confidence, I would imagine. It really grosses me out how people can just come into our lives and think they can treat people horribly and literally change the way their brain functions.

I have been listening to this YouTube video called: the art of meditation by Matthieu Ricard, which I find helps breakdown meditation in an easy way to understand and it is inspiring.

I also ordered this workbook online that was recommended to me. It's called Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A workbook for women. (Men can use it too,they just refer to women as the battered person because it's more common and easier to communicate in text). By Edward S. Kubany as one of the authors. It uses cognitive processing therapy and it was very affordable on amazon. I would recommend this for others. Or at least look into it. It only recommends to do no more then one chapter a day so you can really dig down deep and take your time through this process. It also gives you journal questions to answer and "homework."
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Three Roses on October 11, 2017, 03:47:16 PM
PTSD and CPTSD are not learned behaviors, and wherever you read that, they're wrong. And it's not an illness, it's caused by traumatic injury, and the source of our symptoms has nothing to do with the way we think.

For more on the impact of trauma on the brain, and effective treatments, see "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. :D
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Metanoia on October 11, 2017, 04:34:29 PM
I guess by learned behavior I mean -when something traumatic has happened over and over again for months or years we develop defense mechanisms which lead to c-ptsd and when you're still in those circumstances can be lifesaving, cause you're on guard and can become hyper aware but when you are in a safe environment those symtoms become more noticeable and we can learn over time to change the way we react to stress and conflicts.

Still learning a lot about this so I will definitely look into that book
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Metanoia on October 11, 2017, 05:24:37 PM
I have noticed for awhile my resting heart rate is pretty high for my age and physical activity level.

I always wondered why, but the brain can start producing higher levels of adrenaline hormones when you're constantly in fight or flight mode, which ironically I learned about this in school for kinesiology while I was being abused,  but it didn't really register with me until recently because I blocked a lot of things out. I was in a major where we were constantly taking our heart rates, bmi's and measurements and not one person or my professor asked if I was okay. Apparently they just put me on the watch list for people that went to the gym a lot (which at the time was a safe place for me and an outlet). I learned about this a couple years after graduating. Even some of my friends knew about it and no one said anything. I know I can't blame others but it will cause me to not turn a blind eye to someone that may need help to get out of an abusive relationship.

Interesting finding about myself, and I will be happy if and when my resting heart rate goes down

Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: LearnToLoveTheRide on February 25, 2018, 01:46:42 AM
I developed C-PTSD during adulthood as a result of spending 8 years trying to heal my mentally I'll wife.

I did not notice the effects it was having on my life or my children's until we undertook an escape run 5 months.

Now, I can see and feel just how badly my inability to care for the caregiver and how unmanageable my life became.

We are NC but we have a lot of healing to do.

LTLTR
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: thetruth on May 30, 2018, 05:40:50 PM
I have developed cptsd in adulthood due to workplace harassment and being invalidated by my gp which helped the employer carry out unfair dismissal. I am terribly disconnected from who I used to be and my life consists of anxiety, depression and complex hopelessness. In a nutshell, it isnt worth living. Previous bouts of depression caused by bad parenting in childhood and adolescence always ran their course. This wont run its course. This appears to be for keeps and I cant live like this. Its not ok.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Kizzie on May 30, 2018, 11:57:21 PM
The truth, sometimes things pile up on us and we go to a dark place.  It sounds like you could use a friendly, understanding person to listen to you and provide you with some comfort and support.  I was in a similar place about 4 yrs ago and despite not being someone who ever asked for help or told anyone how bad I was feeling, Ireached out and am so glad I did, it really helped.

There is an organization called Befrienders Worldwide and the web site is here -   - https://www.befrienders.org/.  They have call lines all over the world and you can find one in your country on the top right hand side of the page.

Two other organizations are:

The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)  provides information about where to find help around the world - http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Your Life Counts - provides a comprehensive list of crisis hot lines and organizations around the world - http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines

I hope you reach out  :hug:
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: thetruth on June 01, 2018, 01:26:17 AM
Thanks a lot Kizzie. I'll respond better tomorrow. I cant really think now.

Thanks.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: thetruth on June 01, 2018, 11:17:31 AM
Hi Kizzie,

Thanks a lot for all of this. Im afraid Im too damaged now. My mental pain is set in and doesnt stop. I'm sure you know just what I mean. There is no escape. Today I will attempt some reaching out. I will br taking some advice.

Thank you.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Kizzie on June 01, 2018, 05:05:47 PM
Glad to hear this thetruth.  Please keep on posting or come back and let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it.

:hug:
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: thetruth on June 05, 2018, 03:10:28 PM
Hi Kizzie, 

Thanks for the supportive responses. It's kinda crazy that the most authentic support you can receive for your 'unmentionable' malaise comes from someone online that you dont even know personally. No one else can be bothered with it. Its too much hassle. You find that out and then you have to keep it inside. And all the time its grinds you down.

I have had my head in the sand a bit. I have neglected to reach out. It's hard to reach out when the most prevalent response is- "you need to move on". As if you havent tried that yet.

I have come to realise that the thing that people tell me I need to let go of will not let go of me. If you say that to someone they react as if you are being stubborn and entrenched and self pitying. They dont get the reality. They dont hear what you are saying. They still think your being troubled is optional and you have chosen to not let go. So you cease to reach out. Reaching out invites further denigration and criticism. I love how people try to tell you it could be worse. Yeah it could be. Try telling the person whose arm youve just cut off, 'it could be worse,;I could have cut them both off, now stop complaining.'

Today I have got the ball rolling on having my gp put in a referal for a private psychiatric assessment. Thanks a lot to Rainagain for sharing useful information on here on what to do.

My headaches are off the scale. They are a direct product of heavy, frustrated thinking for far too long. 2 ibuprofen have helped a bit but my head feels like its been to war. It has been and its still not over.

Thanks Kizzie.
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: Branchy3 on July 28, 2021, 07:16:42 PM
Yes only recently I have been assessed and diagnosed with CPTSD ..
Can't believe my childhood has affected me in this way .. I know I'm struggling every day with terrible anxiety and fear ..
Iv posted a new post on her as Iv inky just joined ..
Would love just one reply
Title: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
Post by: BeeKeeper on July 28, 2021, 10:05:27 PM
Me again, Branchy3,

Kizzie offered some good thoughts, and I'd like to underscore one:
Quotedespite not being someone who ever asked for help or told anyone how bad I was feeling, I reached out and am so glad I did, it really helped.

You're right, society does not understand or offer much besides the "move on" idea. There is a lot of value in bringing these things up, at your own pace, and getting authentic support from others who have been through similar things. Asking for help seems so "obvious" for that part of the population that does not have cPTSD. For those who do, the mountain is high.

Take care.