Today, I feel
-a little bit anxious as I extend among a new group.
-happy to have found the group.
How do you feel? Please feel free to add yours! ;D
Great topic, Toby!
Today I feel:
-general anxiety (per usual)
-proud, that I set a few small goals and accomplished them
-anxious about an email I sent off
-worried about work
:hug:
Alone, depressed, frustrated, tense, lost, .....
Hi nursenewb, pleased to meet you! Sorry to hear that you're feeling so sh*tty. I woke up feeling stuck, lonely, frustrated, hopeless, bored, and also guilty for feeling that way. So I guess we could form a club and print t-shirts. That would fix the "alone" part, at least a little... :bighug:
Today I'm angry because I feel that it's inevitable that I'll lose who I was because of all of this.
And I'm aware that I could put a positive spin on that but I really don't want to hear it.
Right NOW I feel great! I finally feel like I am not so depressed! This is a great feeling since this time of the Year I usually get SADD.
I want to think YOU ALL for all the input and posts etc that have helped me move on... until the next wave of issues I am feeling MORE settled! Thank G-d for that, every good day is a miracle!
Keep on Keeping on! ;)
Anxious. Have to go back to work tomorrow after a week off. I have a soul-sucking job. Very people intense while I am not comfortable around people. The time I have spent working on "myself" has left me feeling overly sensitive. I know I will feel better once I am there and busy tomorrow but for now, feelings of dread.
Tired and jittery because I gave myself an EF yesterday. It was the silliest reason imaginable: the computer game I played felt like home. There was this same sense of bleakness, isolation, hopelessness, and post-apocalyptic threat. I'm trying to see the funny side of it - I can't relate to warm-hearted Christmas family movies, but Fallout New Vegas, that's relatable. (Bleargh.) Off to uninstall the sodding game. Of all the stupid reasons to get an EF...
I am having a rough day. I took a higher dose of melatonin last night, as sleep was getting really bad (9mg). Woke up at 2 as usual but then crashed on the couch.
When I woke up in the morning, I felt hungover...tired, headache and very depressed. I slept for most another 5 hours during the day. Still feel a bit groggy but not so bad. But struggling with the low.
I also had a memory pop up yesterday which might be impacting my mood. I'm not sure. It's just sucky.
Thank you, Rain. I usually bottle things up when I'm feeling down. Your caring responses help with staying open. :hug:
No bottling, friend. Opening is lovely, as then we get to see you, spend time with you, Sandals. You're a treasure. :hug:
Stressed, tired, overwhelmed, lonely
Hi emiluke, pleased to meet you! I hope life will treat you kindly today.
I'm feeling tired, woozy, a little nauseated, and a little happy because this is one step up from how tired I've been feeling this last month. (VERY tired.)
Thankful for all of you! This is always a stressful time of year for me. I am on guard to try and notice when I am overwhelmed and to make smart decisions about what to do. It is so great to have OOTS to go to this year!
today I feel lonely, used and sad! :sadno: :pissed: :sadno: :'(.
....wonderful, just so happy to be here and with my FOC and heading into a new year that holds so much promise and hope.
Chronic physical pain
Kindness towards the crap feelings that arise from my chronic pain
Sorrow as I have recalled abusive stuff but hope that it may benefit others and so acquire real meaning and preciousness.
Sense of battling brain fog as I have stuff to do tomorrow and I hope I notice the post it notes I have left myself.
General background sorrow.
One bad EF today but was the short but severe sort.
Gratitude for my friends.
Yes, general background sorrow, for sure, and fear and grief, etc
Plenty of fluctuating brain fog with intermittent flashbacks.
Amazement and gratitude that I am alive at all, and, more importantly, that I am actually glad to be alive these days. And that I feel better this year than maybe ever.
Gratitude that I have a home and a FOC (two live canine cuddlers). Having experienced homelessness, there are lots of "little" things that fill me with gratitude, like hot running water! and a bathtub!
And I am happy to be here.
Deaflated... I come to the realization that I need to make more changes in My life to heal. I wrote to Rain a little bit about the flying Monkeys in my life and Rain wrote in PM
I have an easier time keeping up with a TV soap opera storyline / family history than I do with your life, friend. Simply unbelievable ...and, all this in a tiny town.
And, how many PDs can you endure!?
I so hope this all calms down for you, Pam, so you can heal. Finish healing.
It dawned on Me that with ALL the stress and PD's that I have in My life, how can I heal? I mean I really AM making progress from Last year.. But I keep getting bombarded with problems others are putting on Me that I can't have time to heal. Kizzy here somewhere wrote that She was in survival mode for so long... That,s me I am in survival mode yet!
I am still helping so many people out I still do not have time to concentrate on MY healing! The best thing is that I AM NOT as depressed as I usually am... But still find Myself in a freeze mode often. (At least not months and days on end like I used to be!!)
Anyway just My thoughts... Not sure what to do yet... Still in thinking mode!
Keep on keeping on! ;) :hug:
Sending you a hug, Badmemories. It is a challenge we all have in building distance and protection from PDs in our life. Sadly, there are good people that get recruited by the PDs to be those flying monkeys, so I know for me, I've had to distance from them also.
Life was never guaranteed to be fair. But, we can make positive, healing choices for ourselves now.
:hug:
Quote from: Trees on January 01, 2015, 11:36:28 PM
Yes, general background sorrow, for sure, and fear and grief, etc
Plenty of fluctuating brain fog with intermittent flashbacks.
Amazement and gratitude that I am alive at all, and, more importantly, that I am actually glad to be alive these days. And that I feel better this year than maybe ever.
Gratitude that I have a home and a FOC (two live canine cuddlers). Having experienced homelessness, there are lots of "little" things that fill me with gratitude, like hot running water! and a bathtub!
And I am happy to be here.
I treasure your post, Trees. I am guilty for taking for granted what is denied many. A warm home on a cold day, blankets, proper boots, hot running water ...a bathtub. What would I do without a bathtub to soak my hurts away?
Most of all, those beautiful, unconditional love fur friends. Smiles here.
Not so little things. And, it is easy to focus on what "I do not have and others do" (which is destructive envy), instead a focus of gratitude in the gifts I do have.
I'm glad you are alive, as you share a gift of deeper awareness for me, friend. Happy, truly Happy, New Year, Trees.
Onward!
Sorry to hear you are deflated BadMemories :hug: but I also see that you wrote The best thing is that I AM NOT as depressed as I usually am... But still find Myself in a freeze mode often. (At least not months and days on end like I used to be!!) so another :hug: and also "Yay you!" :cheer:
:hug: BeHealthy, I hope tomorrow is better.
Bummed - it was a "bad news comes in threes" kind of day yesterday and I'm still feeling it today. BUT, I did not dissociate (admittedly I really kind of wanted to :disappear: ), and I did not have an EF (those I don't want any more so really make an effort to not allow past trauma to overlay current difficulties and seem to be getting better at it). I think "bummed" is a more 'normal' response to life's ups and downs so in one way I'm pleased but it still sucks to feel bummed :yes:.
BHeart - that's awesome that you got a little furry friend - best therapy ever! What's his/her name?
Broken. Took my new husband several states south to meet my family last week. Got back Thursday. Broke down crying and sobbing and screaming after trying to burn some badness out snowshoeing, but got too cold/frustrated after a minute or two. Thought I could handle seeing my mother for a few days. Guess not- all she's done is gotten worse in every way possible.
Oh Stormwolf, sorry it did not go well :hug: It may be that because you are starting to see you M's behaviour for what it is and to want a better life and relationships for yourself it will feel bad when you are around them. I got to the point where even an hour with some of the really PD FOO members was too much. It just scraped nerves that were already rubbed raw too much to be around them and her.
Is it possible that you aren't handling your M because you are ready to not handle her anymore, that it is too much to ask of yourself? Perhaps your anger and grief are healthy and have to do with wanting better for yourself, and that it is you saying "Enough is enough, I will not put up with this anymore"
:hug: x 10 for you on a hard day.
-hormonal
-slightly tired
-a little unbalanced
-calm and quiet
-withdrawn
:blink:
A "friend" did that to me once. It did a number on my ability to trust people. Well, another number, since I've had trust issues anyway. I thought about it a lot, trying to find closure. My husband recommends the following closure: "some people are jerks". I'm coming to think that he's got a point.
I believe one sign of recovery is when we start cutting people like this out of our lives to make room for healthy relationships. If you can't discuss this and feel validated, let er rip. There are lots of good people worthy of our friendship. Best to you.
Today I feel:
Tired
Stressed (lots going on at work)
Worried
Panic and anguish. Fearful and alone. Misunderstood and desperate.
And trying hard to turn it all over to my Lord.
:hug: BHeart
:sadno:
You couldn't hurt a fly, BHeart. I'm sorry you went through that! :hug:
Helpless, alone, sad, scared, desperate, lonely.
Like most days, in between. Not especially happy. Not especially sad. My tummy hurts a little from the bell peppers I ate. I want more joy...
Convalescent - I'm sorry that you are in pain today.
Quote from: C. on March 22, 2015, 06:35:17 PM
Like most days, in between. Not especially happy. Not especially sad. My tummy hurts a little from the bell peppers I ate. I want more joy...
Convalescent - I'm sorry that you are in pain today.
Thank you, feeling a bit better after talking to a friend of mine just now :)
I'm glad to hear that you feel a bit better and that you have a friend who can help.
Defeated. I was given some bad news at work which might place me in a disadvantage for career enhancement. I appealed to the powers that be and they said they would look into it.
Still can't shake the feeling of being "the targeted one".
I'm very sorry about your experience. You may have noticed that I recently was targeted at work, so far it's improved for me. But I still feel a bit anxious around the person who's currently behaving appropriately. And I've had this experience a few different times and each time it was a little different. I hope that you can find support in your work place and some resolution soon. I wish you the best with this situation.
Today I feel tired. And with exhaustion comes impatience.
I want the journey to be over. I want to wake up in my bed, just once, and not have the horrible reality that was my life wash over me.
I want to forget. I want to run away from the memories that haunt me. I want to curl up into a little ball underneath the covers, and pretend the world doesn't exist.
I want a soothing rain to replace the raging storm. I'm tired of dodging the lightning. Sometimes, it seems like it might be worth it to just let it hit me.
It used to be enough for me, to just survive. But now I want to live, and it feels like it's killing me.
Widdiful Falling: :hug: :hug: :hug: . I hope you'll soon have the wind in your back again.
:hug: I know how you feel, Widdiful Falling. It's horrible. I don't have anything to say at the moment, but I have a hug :hug:
Frustrated with my body because I keep getting sick. This has been the third cold of the winter season.
Anosognosia, I'm sorry to hear you're sick. Make sure you're taking care of yourself! Your body can't help it, after all.
If you're getting colds, with symptoms, it means your immune system is hard at work. It's trying to protect you. It's kind of a nice thought, to me.
I hope you feel better soon! :hug:
Quote from: Widdiful Falling on March 28, 2015, 12:22:12 PM
Anosognosia, I'm sorry to hear you're sick. Make sure you're taking care of yourself! Your body can't help it, after all.
If you're getting colds, with symptoms, it means your immune system is hard at work. It's trying to protect you. It's kind of a nice thought, to me.
I hope you feel better soon! :hug:
Thank you, I've been feeling much much better this morning. I think I'm just the kind of person who gets sick often (maybe I should move to a warm state like Florida) so I've decided to just have a strategy for when I'm sick. Eg. Get more sleep, get up early to medicate before work, so I don't feel miserable throughout the day.
...very conflicted.
It could be the lack of sleep talking, but I feel like my in-laws are a lot more comfortable with me than they were, before. Maybe because of my lack of sleep, I talked more than I usually do, or I just wasn't as vigilant. But I didn't feel the overwhelming need to keep track of everything that was going on like I usually do. This allowed me to follow one conversation at a time, and interject when it was appropriate. I didn't feel paralyzed, worrying about what I should say; how it is going to impact everyone, what it gives away about me, if it makes me sound crazy, etc.
I also feel sad, though, remembering easters when I was a kid.
Quote from: Widdiful Falling on April 06, 2015, 12:05:01 AM
...very conflicted.
It could be the lack of sleep talking, but I feel like my in-laws are a lot more comfortable with me than they were, before. Maybe because of my lack of sleep
I also feel sad, though, remembering easters when I was a kid.
It's not lack of sleep, Widdiful Falling. It's real. It's a great step and don't diminish it. I too know that feeling of trying to be hyper-vigilant in every conversation. Now I realise it wasn't me that couldn't connect with people, and that's such an empowering feeling.
I'm with you on Easter too. Easter's were one of my happiest times as a child, so I'm thinking of that too today.
Today I talked to my B about my testimony of having gone through narental abuse. His reaction was basically a cold non reaction, followed by some hypersensitivity around other unrelated knitpicky things. So invalidating.
Kind of confirms how dysfunctional my family growing up really was, to see his reaction like this.
Not gonna lie though, I'm a little disappointed in him.
Sorry about your bro, anosognosia. Maybe he'll come around in time? It takes a while to see the abuse sometimes. Best of luck to you. :hug:
:disappear:Today I feel ......
alone
scared
drained
tired
sick :disappear:
Bheart :hug:
There are many forms of love, unconditional is the most valuable and powerful.
I know we don't see each other physically, but love is something you can't see.
I am starting to see how valuable to my recovery and growth this forum is.
with love from me.
:) :hug: wouldn't it be nice to chat over a cuppa? :) but it doesn't matter. We can talk on here.
Have you still got that T that was helping you?
Where do you find those lovely hug pics?
much love
Afraid. We're having to find a new flat, but our town has seen an influx of new residents, rents are up, and we might have to move away to another town - which will very probably traumatize my oldest kid. I'm so afraid. I can't let my kids see that, it'll just make them feel insecure, so I'm having to scrape together all the hi-ho Mary-Poppins-like optimism I can find.
Sorry about that Cat. Hope you can find something reasonable close to where you are. Just talk to your oldest, maybe they will understand what you are facing and what the options are. Best wishes to you though.
Thanks, Trace. :hug:
Yes Bheart :)
Oh dear SC, this sounds very hard. Moving is very stressful!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: I wish I could help more only saying we have moved 16 times in 10 years and our kids are doing great, having said that i never ever want to move again though. I hope you will find a good place where your eldest will begin to feel at home again. Im really sorry for you to go through this stress.
Ugh. Just ugh. I had a super long day yesterday (busy from 9am until 4am with only a 2 hour nap in the middle), and I got through it, but only with the aid of copious amounts of caffeine. Now I have a headache and nausea, but I have to find my wallet. This means cleaning the entire house by myself because everyone's at work and can't help me. My stomach feels all twisty every time I think about finding it. I have to find it today because there are events I want to go to this weekend, and I need my ID to get in. Maybe I'll take a nap.
Unmotivated (got sick AGAIN!) and still having a lot to do (things I want to do vs things I should do are weighing me down).
Today I feel ....blah, empty and very unmotivated
Today I feel optimistic for the future. :sunny:
bheart, :hug:
I am so sorry you were so ill used and your trust betrayed. But please do not blame yourself - you deserve to find friends who are as good and true as you are yourself.
It is very hard to break the cycle of attracting the wrong kind of friends - the people who pretend to care, pretend to be your friend, but all the time use you for their own purposes. Truly: It's not you, it's them. All you can do is try and set better boundaries so you repulse those kind of people before they can use you. At least, that's the way I am trying to handle it (I seem to be some kind of a narc magnet and was terribly betrayed by my two female 'bffs').
Be nice to yourself - you are a good person and you deserve to have good and decent friends. :hug:
Bheart-
Like you, I am sometimes tempted to judge my past choices and actions, "shoulding" myself. Please don't this to yourself. We all do the best we can in the moment with what we know at that time. This is a different moment - you can see better what was going on between yourself and your "friend" from this distance, and you deserve self compassion. You DO deserve real friends who will be there for you in the ways that real friends can be there.
I am so sorry this person turned out not to be the friend you thought he was. The best you can do RIGHT NOW is to be a loving friend to yourself and give positive messages to yourself....I am enough, I matter, I am safe. And whatever else you need.
May you heal from this and be stronger as a result.
Bheart and there are people here who care. It may not seem like enough sometimes, but I hope that gives you some solace too. Thankfully you are reaching out here for support. And people here care, they believe your story and they want to hear you. Hugs as you move through this unjust betrayal by a friend. :hug:
:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
I'm thinking of you, bheart.
I feel hopeful and helpful. I feel like I deserve to be taken care of by myself, and others. The good days are happening more frequently now that the sun is out, and I can take walks. My T plays no small part, and, of course, everyone here helps enormously. I'm very glad that I've decided to take this journey, and that you're all here to share it with me. :hug: