Out of the Storm

I'm working on believing that I deserve my pay. Deep down I don't believe it.

I have trouble writing my invoices, then trouble sending them, even if that just involves attaching it to an email and clicking Send. In the past I've mentally blocked how to turn a Word document into a pdf (advisable so the invoice can't be tampered with) even though I actually do know how. But that's one of my problems - suddenly part of my knowledge or one of my skills disappears. So far I've had no control over such things returning either. Suddenly occurs to me now that I maybe block this particular skill (converting Word doc to pdf) so that sending the invoice is impossible?

Even before I write my invoices, I often have trouble just seeing how 'expensive' my services are. Yesterday I was re-calculating a client's monthly fee for May to July because the person has already doubled the amount of time I'm working for her. In this type of work, double time means double price. But still the doubled price took me totally by surprise. It was a shock! OMG! Am I charging that much?? That's a ton of money! I can't possibly ask for so much money. (Even though the client has no problem with it.) While these thoughts were coming tumbling out, I felt this was an Inner Child?/Teen? reacting, but I can't yet feel which one. That will come when I'm ready. The 'double price' is 3-digit, whereas my original price was 2-digit. In the scheme of things in my country and this line of work, that's not an exorbitant amount of money, but I guess that it would be to a child or teenager.

This is progress  :cheer: A majorly important realisation for me so that I can develop a more successful business and earn more of my own money. 

Can anybody relate to this kind of problem? Whether you're self-employed or just a regular employee?

can't really relate, but i can definitely validate the fact that you do deserve your fee.  anyone who's good at their job deserves, at the very least, the going rate.  anyone who's better than good deserves more.  you know what you deserve, cuz you know what kind of work you produce.  big hug.

 :cheer: I finally worked out the back payments I'm due for the client above.  :cheer: A 3-digit number too, but this time it doesn't take me by surprise so much, so that's progress.

The really good thing though is that I finally worked out how much the client owes me and I was able to send the amount too, without waiting a day as I sometimes do - just in case I notice it's wrong or because I don't dare, or something.   
So slow progress in tiny steps, but it's coming.

I'm still not really feeling what's behind this.

One thing is: it's a lot easier to do things for other people. Like before I could even work out the amount, I sent some information to the client that I promised a couple of days ago that I'd send. The exact money I'm owed - this information has been waiting to be sent for about 5 weeks now, so should have priority. The client probably sees it that way too. But somehow with this extra information waiting to be researched and sent, I couldn't work out the financials. Undoubtedly my priorities are wrong in my head and in my emotions, but as I say, I'm not feeling very clearly what.

I do read books on starting a small business and all that but the how-to isn't really the issue, it's a deep-seated emotional problem.

I no longer work but when I did I was considered very good at my job.  I have just started to come to the conclusion I was very good.  I had a lot of reasons to discount my successes and that isn't right.  It feels good for the first time to feel like, I can do things well without it being because all the stars aligned perfectly. 

I had discounted everything.  I got good grades because the class was easy.  I did well because the competition wasn't great.  I was good at my job because I was lucky....  NO, it was because I did well, and that feels good.

Blueberry, you're not alone - this is an actual thing and even has a name! It's called "Seller's guilt" and here's a link to a great article on it - https://www.workflowmax.com/blog/why-you-need-to-stop-feeling-guilty-about-charging-for-your-time

Let the wild invoicing start! :D

Thanks, Three Roses!!!  :hug: That's a great article behind the link. It might not be easy to work on emotionally-speaking, but it's certainly easier if I know the problems behind it. And they're even problems 'normal' people have.

Today I got validation from this on a client. Last time I got a contract from them, I billed slightly under the original price I'd asked for, for reasons I won't go into. Today I got another small contract from them. Double the work of last time, but also double the price, and specially stated double the original price of last time.

This client could have stated double what I charged last time and I would've accepted, but he didn't. Others would've undoubtedly. I do roughly know the market I'm working in  ;) but this one didn't.

He obviously feels I deserve my pay too.  ;D

Quote from: Blueberry on April 26, 2017, 08:55:14 PM
I often have trouble just seeing how 'expensive' my services are. Yesterday I was re-calculating a client's monthly fee for May to July because the person has already doubled the amount of time I'm working for her. In this type of work, double time means double price. But still the doubled price took me totally by surprise. It was a shock! OMG! Am I charging that much?? That's a ton of money! I can't possibly ask for so much money.

Another instance of that today. Same client wants double time from me in January and possibly February. The price for January still shocks me. OMG! How can I possibly charge that much?? But I sent it off after calculating. I didn't postpone sending the email. Slow but steady progress.  :thumbup:

Man, do I need that great link from ThreeRoses this evening! Apparently there was somewhat of a misunderstanding between a person who first hired me to do a contract job and the person who took over the funding of it. I should have got more money, Person A said I certainly would but there was no definite amount mentioned. I checked today - no, I was paid original quote. Spoke to person B who put blame on person A. Spoke to person A who asked me what I wanted price-wise, which I hadn't been expecting at all, I thought I'd have to explain myself. Person A said if I send a bill, he'll pay his original amount from his group. I said he could pay somewhat less (his group is a charity), but he declined. No, he'd pay it all.

I still feel somewhat guilty. But I really do deserve my pay!! Person A and B both underestimated the amount of effort that I put into this job or that anybody would put in. Originally I was doing it as kind of a favour to person A, but for pay. The favour was doing it at all, and because a charity was paying it, I wasn't going to haggle price. Then the job got bigger and bigger and actual content less and less clear. It's real spur-of-the-moment type work which is really difficult for me thanks to cptsd. But even without cptsd, it's strenuous. Everybody who does it regularly says that.

Person A was kind of gruff and almost impatient in his voice about offering more money, but he often is about lots of things. Nonetheless I believe somehow...
Yeah, OK, I get it. Bit of an EF. I feel it's like my F saying "alright, alright, alright, you can have whatever it is, if you really want, not that you're due it, or it's any of your business, but you can have it" about things my slightly elder brother had access to (like information on family stuff) or 'privileges' I wanted like eating my meal in a different room to escape tauntings and mockery (it's like I went LC occasionally at mealtimes to protect myself because no one else would and I wasn't actually allowed to defend myself. It's pretty weird all the gaslighting and other emotional abuse that went on in FOO).

OK, now M's putting her 5 cents in too: I'm not allowed to ask for more, it's begging. It doesn't count. Appreciation you have to ask for doesn't count. Though that's going back to one very specific memory that didn't have anything to do with paid work of any type. But being forbidden to defend myself came chiefly from her and that's playing a big role here too.

I know one of my problems is that I get stuck in a particular time, a particular era a few decades ago and that counts 'for ever after'. But I know that's an effect of cptsd. So I'm doing good questioning a couple of these things rn.  :cheer: I feel a bit less guilty now.

Thanks anybody and everybody who reads. It's much, much easier for me to write on here and come to realisations while posting than it is in my paper Journal. Big thanks to OOTS.  :applause:

I'm constantly impressed by the amount of clarity you get while you're writing out what is happening to you. And I also relate that sometimes it's easier to write here than in the physical journal - perhaps it's because we feel like we're talking to someone else?

I also find pricing difficult, I don't work right now - but I've had to price my art and other things, and each time I find it equally stressful. "Is it too much? - Is it too little?" Essentially I'm asking "What do you think I am worth?". It might seem like a silly question to someone without cPTSD, but for me - this question is vital. Perhaps it's also a question you ask yourself when you're sending out those bills and invoices to people who's hired you? I might be far afield here though.

Thanks Sceal!  :)   I think you're right with that question of "what do you think I'm worth?" Might be more so with art than what I'm doing. But still quite a bit of my soul goes into my work and also sometimes soft skills that you can't price so well, or at least I can't.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure writing on here is a bit like talking to someone so that's why it's easier for me. I've been writing a paper Journal on and off for years and at some point it stopped helping me so much with clarity. Nobody reads my paper Journal so I don't get the (potential) validation from here.

ThreeRoses' link further upthread was very useful for me today. It helped me pretty much decide not to sell myself short x2. I've been offered work twice a week till about Feb. next year, teaching 2 different courses, both pretty badly paid. I've pretty much decided to only do one, not two.

Also I was actually meant to say by today but I couldn't make up my mind quite, but said I'd do the Thurs course. Afterwards I noticed  :doh:, no actually it's the Friday one I can agree to, the Thurs. probably not. When I realised I'd made that mistake, I thought  :pissed: now I'll have to do both, like it or lump it. But since then I decided: I made a mistake, so what, I'll tell the guy tomorrow I confused the days, Friday course, yes, Thursday course, no (or maybe yes if they put the pay up  - but even then I'm not sure.)

A bit more progress.  :cheer:

Further progress today  :cheer: As I wrote elsewhere, I zipped across the road to do some spontaneous professional work for someone. Luck that I happened to be home at the time ;)  I didn't set out a price in advance, which maybe I should have, but whatever... Anyway  the clients asked at the end after I'd spent an hour on their case. Some of it was waiting around but it's still my time. So I gave my price and the one of the pair hesitated and asked "thirteen or thirty". I repeated in a friendly but firm voice "thirty" and they paid up, thanked me, asked if they could get back to me if they needed my services again. No explanations on price from me, no justifcations etc (JADEing). Explaining price is valid but defending your price of 30 euros instead of 13 for an hour's work as a freelancer?? No. If anything, my price is a bit low in my market and country but it's what I felt comfortable asking.

Everytime I see the title of this thread of yours I smile and silently yell inside my head "yes! Yes you do!"

You are a brave person! It's takes alot to stand firm on your worth when you've got trauma in your baggage that resolves around  your worth.
:cheer: you did amazing

Thanks Sceal  :) :)  :hug:

I'm having trouble with this topic again today.

Maybe I'll take a little tiny walk to run an errand despite my hurt foot and hope I'm better able to deal when I come back. Three clients. One hasn't paid my bill and the other two are waiting for me to work out exact amounts. In one case retroactively, my bad.

I hope it worked out OK, Blueberry. Reading back through the thread I'm very impressed by how you've been handling these situations and making your own money is just so admirable. Well done you.  :) :hug:

Thank you blues_cruise :) :)   It did work out too, all of it.

Yay that's great.  :) Often things do work themselves out but at the time it can be really stressful and hard to believe!

Not only do I deserve my pay but I deserve adequate pay!! That means including the time writing invoices for clients!! That was very clear to me this morning that those "few minutes" to write the invoice, add new address, change the wording a bit to reflect this particular client's requirements, save and print out are my time and even mental effort. Not something I do in my spare time for fun. So after I'd done that with the client still waiting around, the €15 minimum charge I have and stipulated seemed rather small.

In my head there are these voices that say "Don't be so ridiculous. If you were faster, it wouldn't take so long....  Don't be so ridiculous, that's hardly any time. It's not worth even mentioning that short period of time." Wrong. ICr, you're wrong. It's MY time and clients have to pay for it. In order for them to do so, I have to bill correct, adequate time though. Often clients are quite happy to pay it too. If they're not, a bit of negotiation might be possible (though I find negotiation difficult), and if not, they can look for somebody else!

I deserve adequate pay for the time I spend completing my clients ' orders, including invoicing!

I've heard it before of course but this is the first time I can feel it.  :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

You DO deserve your pay!  :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

Quote from: Blueberry on November 12, 2018, 10:55:59 AM
Not only do I deserve my pay but I deserve adequate pay!! That means including the time writing invoices for clients!! That was very clear to me this morning that those "few minutes" to write the invoice, add new address, change the wording a bit to reflect this particular client's requirements, save and print out are my time and even mental effort. Not something I do in my spare time for fun. So after I'd done that with the client still waiting around, the €15 minimum charge I have and stipulated seemed rather small.

Similar going on today except it's about one-on-one teaching instead of translating. The client is pussy-footing around and wasting my time. It blows my mind how she won't accept my contract more or less as is. Even though I've explained why it is. She appreciates the time I've already put into it, she says. The only "appreciation" that really counts this far along in the proceedings is: money and acceptance of my contract!

Customer/client is king and all that, but with my prices I just don't have that much leeway, not even time-wise to keep discussing with pussy-footing clients.  :pissed: :pissed: It's not as if I'm in some technical/engineering profession talking about thousands of euros! No, I'm talking 3 digits, which the client's company has agreed to pay. The woman herself isn't paying.

NTS: I want to learn to say: "These are my conditions and that is final" earlier in the game. It's just not worth all this hassle. This prospective client didn't want a 12 month contract (which can be cancelled - you can get out of my contracts under certain conditions! That's not always the case at all in this country, which I told the woman). She wants to learn the local language from scratch. I offered 6 months. She stipulated 10 lessons and then renew another 3 times. So I asked what the time-frame is for those 10 lessons adn explained why I want to know. No answer. I probably should write a Recovery Letter to get it out of my system.  :pissed: :pissed: :pissed:

Quote from: Blueberry on April 26, 2017, 08:55:14 PM
Even before I write my invoices, I often have trouble just seeing how 'expensive' my services are. ...the price took me totally by surprise. It was a shock! OMG! Am I charging that much?? That's a ton of money! I can't possibly ask for so much money.

This happened when I was calculating my price for present prospective client, and I even said it unfortunately :aaauuugh: :doh: :doh: Just because I was talking to her in English, native language, doesn't mean it's a relaxed non-business setting. Watch yourself there, Blueberry. My bad to myself. NTS.

I think it is okay that you are realising how much you are charging, and I hope part of the realising is how much certain parts of those services cost you as well. Both financially, time-wise and emotionally.

The cost of my services time-wise and emotionally - that's really good to note! Thanks for reminding me, Sceal.

It's not very good to say it out loud in front of clients, that's all. Live and learn.

Maybe not all, but some clients it's alright. Because then you both get an understanding that this is actually what it costs, nothing less will do.

Quote from: Blueberry on February 15, 2019, 02:35:24 PM

Quote from: Blueberry on April 26, 2017, 08:55:14 PM
Even before I write my invoices, I often have trouble just seeing how 'expensive' my services are. ...the price took me totally by surprise. It was a shock! OMG! Am I charging that much?? That's a ton of money! I can't possibly ask for so much money.

This again today when I see what 10 separate translations as part of one order would cost if I billed absolutely everything, or even when I reduce price because there are some text chunks which re-appear word-for-word in other documents, it still looks pretty steep! And I am actually offering a discount on documents because of these repetitive text chunks. But still I look and say to myself "OMG you can't charge that much!" Even though the client said "Go ahead, charge whatever it costs".

Part of my saying to myself "You can't charge that much!" stems from the length of time it took me to do the work. But... it takes the time it takes, including time for me to go back to bed for the day and do nothing. Once I did a couple of days of that, then I was able to get going again.

So now I realise when I undersell myself and my work 'because of the time it took' I'm going back to my age-old behaviour of punishing myself for achieving something :blink:

The client was more than happy to pay what it cost :cheer: She said "absolutely not" to my suggestion of me going down a bit in price. ;D This feels good. I'm smiling as I write it and sitting up straight. That's part of my homework from therapy - observe my posture, facial expression, physical feeling and emotional feeling when something is going well, as opposed to observing that all when I'm in an EF.

I haven't been doing my homework much at all, but my T would just say that I'll start when the time is right. He's correct on that. I just started spontaneously without "should", "ought to" etc.  :cheer:

Quote from: Blueberry on March 27, 2019, 09:36:17 PM
The client was more than happy to pay what it cost :cheer: She said "absolutely not" to my suggestion of me going down a bit in price. ;D This feels good. I'm smiling as I write it and sitting up straight.

:cheer:  :applause:

Quote from: Blueberry on March 27, 2019, 09:36:17 PM
I just started spontaneously without "should", "ought to" etc.  :cheer:

:yourock:

I can definitely relate to this.

Even though I have two degrees, three internships, and two certifications, the last time I got a raise I felt like I didn't deserve it, it was too much and soon they would figure out that I wasn't worth it. I went through a whole period where I was struggling with imposter syndrome at work. Every time I would get promoted, I would feel like I had to work that much harder to prove that I was worth the promotion. But it's silly because they didn't promote me based solely on what they thought I would do in the future, they promoted me based on what I had done in the past and how I had proven to be worthy.

I had the same problem in school. Whenever I would finish a year of school, even if I got straight As, I would think to myself, this is temporary, this year was just unusually easy and next year the real work begins. It will be twice as hard, three times as hard, four times as hard and you will fail. I convinced myself that the level of difficulty in life just always, constantly increases and eventually I would reach my maximum ability.

Well, it's been almost 15 years since I entered the professional world, and my predictions/self-sabotage haven't come true. I think for me, it had a lot to do with my fears of what other people are thinking and that I can't trust them. I felt that people only said nice things and promoted me because they were nice, and it wasn't a reflection of my abilities. I didn't trust them to be honest with me about whether or not I was a good performer. If I got a good performance review, I thought it was because the manager just didn't have the guts to give me real, candid feedback.

But after going to support group for awhile and getting therapy, my eyes started to open to the things I was saying to myself, the voices in my head. I started to notice more that I was actually capable, and sometimes more capable than those around me, and that's why I got promoted or got raises. I'm still afraid of failing, afraid that it's all a house of cards and I'll knock it down somehow. But at least, like 60% of the time, I can suppress those voices.

 :cheer: for being able to suppress those voices more than half the time, truus  :cheer:

Yes, I do deserve my pay!! This time I managed to believe that while writing an offer for a potential client. On thinking it over, I decided to put my price for one service up. First I was thinking: I've done a similar one before so I can copy some information over :blahblahblah: and charge a bit less and then I realised  :doh: and NO!! By charging this client same price I charged last time for similar work, I can now actually make more money, more profit! Because the very first time I do one type of work, my profit is usually miserable. Some of the reason for that is cptsd. It's not until I get a similar piece of work a few more times that I can even begin to make anything to live off.

Believing in myself while writing = real progress!!!
:thumbup: :applause:   
The client has just accepted my offer :)

P.S. In case anybody wonders: it's absolutely normal for a freelancer in my field to juggle around with prices. Almost all projects are pretty individual, and piece work rather than time-based. So it's neither normal nor even possible to say: I always charge everybody the same and then it's easy. 

 :cheer: :cheer:

Kind of another breakthrough this evening with this topic. I've been writing invoices, one of which is overdue by ahem a couple of months. So this overdue one is for work already completed. When I completed the work, I was on the late side, possibly because of illness, and told the client I'd been thinking only of getting it done in time, not even of a price. So now I've been able to work out an exact price rather than guesstimate, it looks a bit on the high side.

The interesting thing: I noticed how much those ICr. voices of "you can't charge that much!", "you should have been able to work more efficiently", "it's your fault that... "  :blahblahblah: :blahblahblah: :blahblahblah: - all these internal reasons why I supposedly don't deserve my pay - I noticed how much they are FOO voices. Atm M and B1 are very present in my head. I've known of the connection for a good while I guess, but this time I felt it. So I feel ever more how absolutely toxic they and their ideas and opinions are, especially of me, and so I notice how right I am to be continually reducing contact. There's just no other way for me to survive. Screen Processing to lesson presence of M and B1 before I go to bed? Not that I don't have 600 other things to do :fallingbricks: especially important care of Little Furries.

Quote from: Blueberry on February 15, 2019, 02:31:17 PM

Quote from: Blueberry on November 12, 2018, 10:55:59 AM
Not only do I deserve my pay but I deserve adequate pay!! That means including the time writing invoices for clients!! That was very clear to me this morning that those "few minutes" to write the invoice, add new address, change the wording a bit to reflect this particular client's requirements, save and print out are my time and even mental effort. Not something I do in my spare time for fun. So after I'd done that with the client still waiting around, the €15 minimum charge I have and stipulated seemed rather small.

Similar going on today except it's about one-on-one teaching instead of translating.

Back to this issue, even though I had made some improvements on this. Two steps forward, one step back.

This is once again a case where the client appreciates the work I do of tutoring her daughter, and is happy to pay the normal amount. Still, in my head "You can't charge that much!!" Well, in addition to weekly lessons, there's going to be one week where I'm tutoring her everyday for several hours. Obviously that adds up! I could offer a slight discount e.g. 10% but certainly not round down to the nearest hundred the way some spontaneous voice in me suggested.

It's probably not really surprising that I'm having trouble with this issue again. There is really a lot going on in me atm, including bad dreams with FOO in them.

It's been good to read my thread again. So now back to the email on this.

Just wanted to let you know I am rooting for the new healthier part of you to shut down that tired old Inner Critic blabbing away at you  :blahblahblah:

 

Thanks Kizzie ;D  ICr is definitely getting quieter despite raising his/her ugly head from time to time. After posting here, I sent off the contract and didn't feel a need to turn off the computer and leave the room as in previous months/years.   :cheer:

Well done you  :hug:

Back to this issue again. :thumbdown: :doh:

A student is now coming 60 mins a week instead of 45. Obviously that makes a difference to costs and the employer is happy to pay. Whereas my ICr. "you can't charge that much!" as usual.

My immediate reaction - go check my thread on OOTS to bolster me a bit.  :yes:

That's quite an extra chunk of time! You're worth it. 😊😊

:yeahthat:

The 15 minutes extra means that it's taking an extra third of your time. You deserve to be paid for the extra time and effort.

Thank you both 3R and Snowdrop! I'm still not taking the information on board really. However, it's too late to send it now anyway. It won't be read before Monday so I can hope to gather up more courage over the weekend. I feel really dopey atm and so will go off and  :zzz: :zzz: quite shortly.

A client did an about-turn on payment yesterday. He had agreed and then yesterday he said my price for one-on-one teaching is exorbitantly high, but he would manage to pay it. I was too flabbergasted to say much apart from "my prices are not too high". Today I'm feeling somewhat angry, which is definitely a step forward.  :applause:

Just a thought if this were to happen again. Perhaps you could say something like, "I believe my prices are comparable to others who do this work." Like your post title says, Blueberry, you deserve to be paid for the work you do.

I think I would be upset too if he agreed to your fee and then turned around and said something like that. He can always choose to go elsewhere if that's what he thinks. 

Thanks notalone and Kizzie.
When I am blindsided the way I was on Saturday, I mostly can't defend myself. It was pretty good that I managed to say that my prices aren't too high.

Kizzie, normally I would say: then go elsewhere! In this case it's worse for me because it's people I know - from the farm to be exact. There's a young man staying with them this year who should be in an adult education class learning the local language but he can't because of corona. Because going to the farm is too risky for me atm I offered to teach him for my usual rate of food off the market stall and the older farmer actually rejected that, saying I should be paid. After meditating on it for a few days, I decided he's right. And now undoubtedly after discussing with others on the farm, he's decided my price is way too high. It's not in general though it's undoubtedly too high for them. But he'd agreed to it :pissed: Beyond that, this is a case where I intend to discuss it with them. I appreciate the quality of their work and I know how much goes into it. I would like the quality of my work to not be taken for granted. I have explained it to people before, I will try again here. Before I do any of that though I need to do some EFT and maybe some other processing.

I know how jarring these kinds of things can be so  :hug:    Glad you're doing some things to calm things as much as you can before talking with him.   :thumbup:

I'm back to reading my own posts on this and of course posts from others on this thread cheering me on.

Client turned down yesterday because feeling really upset and probably not able to focus. I was willing to move to this evening and so far no show (on Skype). I have to discuss some payment matters with her anyway and now be firmer on her need to be respectful of my time!

From a post on my own Journal yesterday
"I noticed a few days ago that I've been undercharging my adult students who do 60 minute lessons, by €1 and a few cents. Maybe I originally decided on that as a discount for somebody doing 60 minutes instead of 45? Anyway, no discounts for that any more :no:  I need my money and I put a lot of work and preparation time into my lessons, so I'm raising those prices by €1! It's taken me a few days to really decide that, really it's a case of daring to do it, even though both adults with 60 minute lessons have said my prices are very reasonable. I have a nervous feeling in my gut, which I don't want to work on though it would be useful. Oh well, T appointment tomorrow." 

So I mentioned this and my T suggested a €5 increase instead of just €1. I decided on a €2 increase on my 45 minute price for adults which means my 60 min price increases by €4. We spent about a third of the session on this topic and I did manage some processing of it. Now to practise saying "I'm raising my prices." But my T said also to observe. Fear back in my gut.

Part of raising my prices is getting better at accepting that humans aren't perfect, so I also do not have to be 'perfect' and teach 'perfect' lessons, write 'perfect' homework every time etc. Humans are by nature imperfect - my T repeats this fairly often.

Quote... I also do not have to be 'perfect' and teach 'perfect' lessons, write 'perfect' homework every time etc. Humans are by nature imperfect....

Love this ❤️

Blueberry, I relate to what you are saying and this topic. I didn't read the entire thread, but I believe without a doubt you deserve to increase your pay. It's the nature of how things work, and I am willing to bet your clients will happily pay a little more for you and believe in your decision. I think about all the individuals who raise their pay over time, and I am good with that. Cost of living. But, I really feel you when you say that feeling in your gut. I tend to undercharge and undersell myself as well. It DOES stem from that feeling that I'm not perfect so why charge more. Interesting...I don't know if you watch the show Queer Eye, but Johnathan mentioned this when giving advice to a business owner as well. It sounds great when he says it- know your worth and charge accordingly. Easier said than done for us, but I guess I'm making progress, however slowly.

QuoteHumans are by nature imperfect - my T repeats this fairly often.

Hard for us to accept this given it made us vulnerable to abuse, but definitely something we need to embrace in recovery (and also begin to bring people who accept this too into our lives, that's another difficult bit).

:thumbup:  Good on you for wading in BB  :grouphug:

I have been talking to my adult students about my increase in prices. The more I do it, the easier it gets. Three have agreed to it without batting an eyelid, but one other student I still need to pin down about it. One of the three agree-ers has just backed out altogether but price isn't the problem. She realised she just doesn't have enough time regularly for lessons. I actually think it's better she backed out and will come back 'when she has time' which may be never, ime. But that's way better for me than her leaping all over the place cancelling lessons right left and centre and needing new appointments which she then also cancels due to something coming up at work etc.

It's really great to hear that this is getting easier for you! Bravo, well done you  :cheer:

Thank you 3R!  :hug:

 :hug: good job setting boundaries blueberry :applause: I'm glad it's getting easier and you feel good about the out comes. :hug:

So pleased to hear this.
This site works wonders for us

This site does work wonders. No idea what I'd do without it.

That's so great to hear, Blueberry. You're doing great :)

I deserve my pay for today too. Even though I didn't do a perfect job. Both parties to the contract were well-satisfied and the one representing his company asked if I'd be up for doing similar another time. Obviously he wouldn't have asked that if he hadn't been satisfied.

It's pretty difficult to do a 'perfect job' in this field. The appointment ran on longer than planned too. Almost 3 hours. I have trouble concentrating that long at the best of times.
They guy representing his company knows that the work is really hard for somebody doing it the first time, which was cool. He didn't expect perfection from me and he didn't expect me to do all the interpreting. He did some of the explanations into the other party's language. So I thought I was performing really badly, making a pig's ear of it all. Apparently not.

I get travelling time paid too. I was away from 8:30 till after 2pm. A long day, especially in this heat. I'm exhausted. My brain is all foggy. But I still deserve my pay because I did a good job!

It sounds like you did brilliantly. Well done!

Hi Blueberry,
Yes, I agree, and I also think you're doing great.   :)
Hope  :)

 :applause:  Way to go BB!

Thank you all! :)

I have yet to write and send the bill. That might be another hurdle which was part of my reason for writing on here right after I got home again yesterday. I feel as yet too brain-fogged to do it, but at least I have been getting on with other things which I think means that that's what I need for regrounding, but I haven't given up, which I often used to do after successes. Give up, spend hours on sofa, reading, dozing, crossword puzzles. Nope, not today. I have been taking it easy but doing mostly household stuff.

I still haven't written the bill. We worked on that in T today. This stuff goes very deep; deep down into the intellectual, emotional, verbal trauma. If/when I manage to, I'll write about it in my Journal.

This topic has become much, much easier for me  :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Both last night and some day in June, I was able to write and email invoices for about 3 different clients and just send them off without batting an eyelid. There's not all this fear in my gut anymore :cheer:

With one invoice yesterday I did have a little trouble and that was because the adult student has 3-4 lessons more than she did in earlier months. She has 90 minute lessons, so that really adds up. I did have a little bit of the "What?? You can't charge that much!! I must have miscalculated" moment. But I didn't miscalculate. It was then relatively easy to send the invoice, though I left the option open for the client to pay in 2 installments. Or in my own head the option to reduce the number of lessons. But she emailed back this morning that she's fine with it.  :)

Anyway, it's big progress and I want to remind myself that it hasn't come with slogging myself and haranguing and so on. No, it's come about in its own time due to other healing steps, though I don't know exactly which ones. Maybe even standing my ground versus both friends? I do know that taking steps like that leads to progress in other areas, but it's never clear to me in advance where the progress is going to come  ;)

Hi Blueberry,
:cheer: to the fact that this topic has become much easier for you -  :cheer: for the progress and healing steps.

Hope  :)

Thank you Hope! :)  Seeing a new response - yours - reminded me I'd written this post earlier today and therefore that I had made this progress. So double thanks for responding. :hug:

Blueberry,

Adding my cheers and encouragement too!  :cheer:

QuoteIt was then relatively easy to send the invoice, though I left the option open for the client to pay in 2 installments.

Quote from: Blueberry on July 07, 2021, 02:05:12 PM
Anyway, it's big progress and I want to remind myself that it hasn't come with slogging myself and haranguing and so on. No, it's come about in its own time due to other healing steps, though I don't know exactly which ones. Maybe even standing my ground versus both friends? I do know that taking steps like that leads to progress in other areas, but it's never clear to me in advance where the progress is going to come  ;)

I'm having a lot of trouble sending an invoice for work I did 3 or 4 weeks ago. I did a good job too. But I'm having so much difficulty. The invoice is half-done and has been for over 2 weeks. I can't bear to look at it. It seems so much work. I don't know why. I don't want to feel into why, I just want to get it done. But then I don't take those steps I need to.

My own post from the summer reminds me that the progress I made whereby sending invoices became a lot easier didn't come through haranguing myself but because something changed, something clicked. Not that it really helps to know but I suppose some synapsis has become unclicked again.

I suppose also that I need to do EFT or Screen Processing or some other method(s) to get through the invoice. Not sending doesn't look professional but I need the money too, obviously. Neither of those thoughts are helpful though.

I think 5 pps will be up when I add this entry, so time to close this thread.

Writing invoices is really difficult rn, but I managed one this evening! :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Fortunately I know that all my current clients will pay when I send the invoice. In fact one gave me an envelope of cash today and one always gives her daughter the money each lesson. But for me, I still need to write invoices otherwise I'm working illegally which I don't want to do.

We lock threads that are 5 pages in length (except journals), and start a Part 2. Link to Part 2 = https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=14859.msg123243#msg123243.