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Development of CPTSD in Adulthood => Causes => General Discussion => Topic started by: JamesG on April 30, 2017, 04:42:51 AM

Title: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on April 30, 2017, 04:42:51 AM
Hi,
anyone in London with ideas or links to localised help? I just moved here and my first stab at a counsellor was a missfire, I knew far more about C-PTSD than he did and the vibe was that he wasn't even that convinced by it. I am, so that didn't last. I'm looking for any back up support I can get in London including meeting up with people with the same situation. Mine comes from a very long term narcissistic relationship with my brother, aggravated by his control over my mother. This flared up horribly as we came up to her death and collided with an alcoholic partner. My symptoms were far more than just stress and are raging on post event. The situation has left me single and starting again aged 54 and I am going to have to face this one down largely alone. Spartan life coach has quite literally been a lifesaver. But I will need more than that and I am not going near anti-depressants again having had a very rough time on prozac. The thing with C-PTSD is the sheer mental fatigue, it just will not let up and it is very very hard to get any steam up before the next trigger sends you flying. The current killer for me is early waking which is starting to wear me thin. However, my abuser is now getting his just deserves and I'm making new connections which are making a big difference, I had far too many cold and selfish people in my life before and I am making it a policy not to have anymore. So, London and help. Any ideas?
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Candid on April 30, 2017, 12:29:07 PM
I'm not in London but I'm in SE England. My GP referred me for trauma therapy and I'm on a very long waiting list for NHS help.
Another Englishwoman on the forum went through the same procedure and her NHS therapist acknowledges PTSD but not CPTSD, as well as telling her not to go on forums.

Seeing as I've been told there's an eight-month wait time, my go-to is this forum. People do get it here, and the validation feels wonderful. We also learn that we can help other members by validating their experiences. That's powerful, when we've felt so alone and helpless with our 'stuff'. You probably can't beat it for back-up support.

I'm over 60 and didn't identify as family scapegoat until five years ago, so don't feel too overwhelmed by the duration of your suffering. I'm glad you're finding the spartan life coach helpful, but please do stick with the forum where you'll get personal validation.

Agree with you about anti-Ds; I'm weaning off my latest one now. I really don't believe any pill can make my life look okay. It was not okay, and I still suffer from the effects of FOO abuse, including mental fatigue. What we have is the current name for combat fatigue, right?

When you're triggered, tell us about it here. We'll be ready with sympathy and virtual hugs. And oh... I have sleep issues too. It comes with the territory and makes the generalised fatigue that much harder to bear.

Quote
my abuser is now getting his just deserves and I'm making new connections which are making a big difference,

This is great to hear! You'll get through this, James, and we'll comfort or applaud you every step of the way.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Slim on April 30, 2017, 09:12:25 PM
Hi JamesG. Although there are some professionals who understand the concept of cPTSD, the majority do not understand it. As a Londoner, unfortunately, I speak from experience.
If I were in a situation where i knew more than the therapist, I might weigh up my options: if I like working with them, I would hope that they learn about cPTSD; if I don't get on well with them, I would move on.
The NHS in London will provide 6 sessions of IAPT via the GP. These practitioners are not experienced enough to work with you.
Secondary services will offer a psych assessment, then referral to a psychologist, and if you are very lucky, it will be more than CBT approach.
If you can pay...then try the BACP website. Personally, I like Existential therapists rather than CBT, psychodynamic, or counsellors.
Hope that helps
S
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on May 01, 2017, 09:35:22 AM
thanks for that. It's a very tricky path to be sure. I'm just coming out of a very hard few days with multiple triggers and its been pretty tough. Some of it was very deliberatly taken on tho, as I needed to talk to my brother's ex wife to confirm how our stories matched on certain events and put a few things to bed. That has dug up a few ghosts but worth it because the history was all wrong before and I needed clarity on what I know I experienced. I have also been weathering the separation from a GF in the states whom I was logistically unable to get to and my PTSD symptoms gleefully ruined what should have been an important time. There was no choice but to switch back to a friendship but that has given me some very complex feelings of failure, being damaged and abandonment. My family pushed me out to accommodate my cuckoo sibling, so you can guess how that feeds into these momemts. I'm also staying with friends while I wait for my flat to be ready. They are great but they happen to do a few things that have big triggers for me, not least leaving radio 4 on all day. This was exactly what my alcoholic ex did when she was out cold and working from home, I used to cry with frustration at that. I was working two days ago and blam, I was right back there. I rushed out to a pub and tried to drink it to standstill but it has now been 3 days and I'm exhausted. I've also had my old friends finally coming in to help but its a mixed blessing as I'm now finding myself repeating the whole ghastly story in a loop and its digging it up. Telling people is tough because there are often disconnects with those who think emotions are optional. Mine most definitly are not. If I could kick this aside and start living then I would. I'm just very very weary of it. There is a song by Magazine, my all time fave band - there is a song called 'song from under the floorboards' and it goes.. 'then I got tired of counting all my blessings.... then I just got tired.' that's very much where I am, I have notebooks everywhere that I have filled with lists of positives and things to drive me forward, but the notebooks in my head are crammed with a deep sadness and hurt at the behaviour of people that were supposed to be my nearest and dearest and who either let me down very badly or activly sort to abuse. Defeating that narative is very hard work.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Slim on May 01, 2017, 11:28:03 AM
Hi JamesG
Like you , I have been to that dark place. For me, it is a flashback in part, to a childhood memory, where there was utter betrayal and abandonment. A part of me died.
And the voices are also flashbacks and memories of the past
Maybe try to listen to The Light pours out of me. ;) It's what Howard Devoto would do......
"Time flies, and Time crawls"
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on May 07, 2017, 07:42:43 AM
Waiting on a new counsellor. More confidence in this one.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Eyessoblue on May 07, 2017, 02:19:58 PM
Hi James, I'm the other lady from S.E. England that candid mentioned to you, I have been luckier in my NHS process compared to her as my waiting lists haven't been too long and after being assessed by many people and having cbt I'm due to be seen by a Trauma Psychotherapist who is also going to do EMDR with me which I don't have to pay for. Because Cptsd isn't confirmed on the DSM my therapy team won't even consider it, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, but I myself know that it is CPTSD.  My whole process started with a visit to my GP who got me counselling through the surgery, normally it's only 6 weeks but they allowed me 8 due to my condition at the time. The ball has kept rolling from there and I have been very lucky as I know of people in uk on this site who are waiting a very long time. This site has been my life line even though my therapist tells me I must not use them as they would be of no help to me! Hope you manage to find someone to help you.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on May 16, 2017, 01:45:14 PM
hi Eyessoblue

I'm going to pay for the sessions and be dammed. I'm not going to put up with this. I'm on a waiting list for one that does EMDR so we shall see. I've just got so much to digest and it's going to have to be done pretty much alone. I'm just very angry right now, I got caught very badly by the way things played out and its going to take some real guts on my part not to cave in and to fight back. But I will.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Eyessoblue on May 16, 2017, 07:49:49 PM
Hi James, I wish you all the best. I've just had my second trauma therapy session today with a specialist trauma psychotherapist and it went well. She explained the whole EMDR thing in great detail which I now feel quite happy about in doing. She seems very normal and understanding which is what I need can't be doing with anyone I'm not comfortable with. Please let me know how you get on.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on May 16, 2017, 08:30:01 PM
and best of luck to you. Come on, let's kick this thing over and start living.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Eyessoblue on May 18, 2017, 12:44:20 PM
Yes let's! That's my attitude at the moment too, but got a narcissistic husband in the way too so need to sort that out too which adds to the complications!
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on May 19, 2017, 03:38:39 PM
put car into gear, foot on pedal....
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Eyessoblue on May 19, 2017, 08:15:20 PM
And go! If only I had the confidence to! Just been living a life of having every ounce of confidence knocked out of me and made to feel I'm not capable of doing anything for myself, I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that actually he's the one with the problem and not me and trying to find an easy way out avoiding all the grief that will come my way.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on May 21, 2017, 05:58:57 AM
understanding it is half the battle to regaining confidence. it does'nt go, it hides.

I walked out on an alcoholic and dropped what was left of my family and yes, the pain and grief flares, but it will subside and you'll be better off.

It's your life eyessofblue
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Eyessoblue on May 21, 2017, 04:36:41 PM
Thank you James you fill me with hope! That must have been hard, but good for you, you did it!
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on May 22, 2017, 10:15:37 AM
Bottom line with these situations is that if it isn't something YOU can solve or change, then it is pointless enduring it. You are not a bad person if you are driven to leave, the driver is. It's a very sad truth, bjut some things can't be fixed, and when that thing is a relationship, then it should not be endured. Looking back I can see that there was never a chance to have stopped any of it. They had no intention of changing, they had to stick to their own destructive agenda until someone got hurt, which was so going to be me. Left to their own devices they are living it out as if it's normal, let em. I am going to fill my life with better people now. It's time. I hope you break through soon. The good people on here will be ready to back you up, we all know this stuff better than the people around us. We learn, teach share and inspire. I'm yet to hear anything from anyone on here that sounds off, speaks volumes that we are all good people trapped in bad situations by less than savoury personalities. Making the change is going to be big, meeting new people who have warmth and humanity will be huge. Not all people are as dark as it may feel right now, there are some beautiful souls out here, and an awful lot in here.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Eyessoblue on May 22, 2017, 03:20:30 PM
Thank you James, you have offered me some good advice and words of wisdom! Hope you're ok? I had my first session of EMDR today, it went really well came out feeling good, not something I feel very often. At last I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: JamesG on May 23, 2017, 08:42:31 AM
wonderful Eyessoblue. That sounds like progress. Let's beat this thing eh?

I'm fluctuating a fair bit. My counselling and maybe EMDR is a month of most likely but I'm now on meds, free to be my own person and when it gets really bad I contact the samaritans. Worth pointing out that they are there for more than suicide. Lean on them if there is nothing else. I find that they help most because every so often I need to hear from someone new that I went through something extreme. Telling my story to a stranger and hearing the reaction is a comfort, reassuing to hear that it is no suprise that I feel so bad now. I think many of us have had gaslighting thrown at us when we were asking for peace, its legacy being that we are never really quite sure of our own narratives going forward. I had four very messed up people hitting me with that for 6 solid years and I still find myself wondering if they were right, when I just KNOW they wern't. Any message said often enough will get under your skin eventually. Look at the power of advertising. Narcissists are very good at this, but they are weak pathetic people who are actually staking everything on your strength to save them from the world and all its responsibilities. It's a very strange compliment in a way, the parasite needs a strong host.
Title: Re: C-PTSD London help and more
Post by: Eyessoblue on May 24, 2017, 12:33:25 PM
I have never contacted the samaritans but can imagine off loading to a neutral person when you most need it is very therapeutic for you.  Anytime you want to chat just message me, more then happy to help, this site is just so perfect for people like us in similar situations who understands what is going on and why we are feeling like we are. We will get through this no matter how long it takes!!