This gal's name is Lisa A Romano - never heard of her before but this was a great video.
https://youtu.be/6TSh9zTHz2k
It's not a long video but here's my notes anyway ;)
We cannot control someone else's reality. We do not have the right or the power to control anyone else's reality but our own. We get upset when someone else has a perception of us that we're uncomfortable with. But something amazing happens when we understand that others are allowed to have their own, faulty perception of us.
5 things to say to disarm a Narc
1. "I'm sorry you feel that way." The narc tries to engage you through blame and confrontation. But when you understand that they have a right to see you how they want to and that you can't control their perception of you, you disarm them - disentangling yourself from the dynamic that is going to go nowhere, fast.
2. " I can accept your faulty perception of me."
3. "I have no right to control how you see me."
4. "I guess I have to accept that's how you feel." Even though it bothers or hurts you to be misunderstood, this sends the message that they are entitled to their reality, and you are not going to be drawn into it.
5. "Your anger is not my responsibility." Many times the narc attracts an empath/codependent person/someone who seeks validation from outside themselves. We are afraid to make them angry and that's why they get loud.
When you start sending these messages, you're letting them know that you are not going to allow the fear of what they think of you to control you anymore.
All responses must be said calmly to avoid being drawn in.
This is very interesting. Will keep it in my portfolio.
Thanks, Three Roses.
this is really helpful! i'll check out the video as well. thank you for the resource!