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CPTSD and Others => Our Relationships with Others => Family of Origin (FOO) => Topic started by: Badmemories on December 24, 2014, 03:47:41 PM

Title: I have made enough improvement to stand up for Myself, and everyone is mad!
Post by: Badmemories on December 24, 2014, 03:47:41 PM
It is really crazy how a uNPD/BPD Sis can totally forget everything good I have ever done for her and expect for me to just give her everything she ever WANTED. She has told so many lies to people I have known and helped in various capacities since I have known them. They are all against me for evicting her. ( I have been thinking about asking them if they want to pay her rent!) As I have discussed before I had to evict My Sis and nephew to get My house back. The eviction was final Dec 10, but I have NOT called the sheriff to actually remove them.

Son does not think I should evict them because they are family. For once in My life unpdH stood up for me and tried to compare it to how he would not like to pay HIS sis's bills... I have not talked to him about it since.. just giving him time to soak it in. Son also called me to borrow money to keep his electricity on. He is in college so I have helped him in the past, and don't mind sometimes, but I had offered him money to come and fix My pipes and Her could NOT find time for it. When he asked for Money I told him I did not have any! I had to save all My money to fix the pipes. So, I did give him $150.00 and he did come and fix the pipes! No more loans to him... he is a very slow payer! :)

Due to anxiety attacks I have not gone to church for over 6 months. A church friend and tenant called and wanted for me to take her and kids to church for the Church potluck.  I always gave her a ride to church. IF She would have asked me when FALL church started I probably would have started going again....(she only goes when I give her a ride.) I told her I did not feel I could go to church right now, that I was NOT on the right frame of mind. Really the thought I had is YOU will go when they are having something fun, or to benefit her, but not for regular church. That irritated me, so no I am not just going to show up for fun stuff.

Then when We got into a discussion about uNPS/BPD SIS She thought I should give her all the time she needs to get out of the house. She repeated all the stories Sis told her and I said that She was not telling the truth.. I did not care what Sis said that She could be friends with Sis...That I knew what side the line was drawn and I would keep it in mind.

Then She asked for sympathy for another tenant who lost his drivers license because HE did not pay child support. well, her opinion is that he does not have any money left and he is trying to get disability and is on welfare. I said then HE should have went and had new paperwork filed and they would have lowered his payments... He had to have been very behind to have got in that position. I had offered that tenant $50.00 to fix the pipes under My trailer and ask his wife to help me clean it,for cash, and they turned me down. I told her I did not feel sorry for anybody that would not even work for cash.. Then she says that they DID NOT WANT TO HELP ME because they want to stay out of the problems that My sister has got every one involved in. I told her that I Didn't care. I do not want anyone to help me that WAS on her side, or trying to stay neutral. I did what I had to do with the eviction. I am glad Sis has friends, but I do not need to have anyone going back to her and telling her what I am doing! I told her that I have known My Sis for 57 years and nothing is going to change. I am NOT going to enable her and her spending habits anymore!

Then I have been trying to fix the pipes in My mobile home. Daughter has a roommate who is staying here. He is homeless, not paying her anything, He had an appointment in town and I told him I would NOT be able to babysit for 2 days. I set up babysitting for Grand daughters and told him that to tell Daughter I had lined up sitting for 11:00Am and if anything changed to call Sitter and let her know! Well He did NOT give Daughter the message, and he did not call and cancel babysitting. So, after sitter calls me madder than a wet hen, I call Daughter and He had not told her any of the conversion WE had! I specifically told him the sitter would be mad IF they did not call and cancel... I called daughter and told her how rude it was that She did NOT call and cancel sitter, and She did not know anything about it! So, I told her roommate was just trying to cause problems, that he was a flying monkey and that I do not trust him. Oh room mate wouldn't do that "He just forgot!" after I talked to him for 3 or four minutes about being sure to call and cancel? So, She thinks I have really gone over the deep end.

Honestly, I do not care what they all think! Maybe I am reaching a new point where I am not going to be walked all over anymore. I am not going to be a nice person afraid of breaking the eggs on the floor! I sense a bubbling of anger....I am still being the Minnesota NICE...but I am standing up for Myself. Actually this has been one of the least depressive winters that I have had in a long time. This crying, and thinking about Pammy Sue, reading on here, and OOTF, has helped me... Of course everyone thinks I am even crazier than I was...because I have an opinion now, I am expressing it and I am saying NO!  :applause: :applause:

Keep on Keeping on! ;) :hug:
Title: Re: I have made enough improvement to stand up for Myself, and everyone is mad!
Post by: wingnut on December 24, 2014, 08:33:32 PM
In a dysfunctional family, there is a balance. Not an equitable or healthy balance, so when one person moves in a different direction than expected, everyone else is thrown in a different direction, too. This causes serious panty waddage. Seriously, change will cause a stir. It's new, it's different, and most people have a hard time with change. And that is their problem. YOU have stepped outside, broken the pattern and done something different, and that's what matters here - you are taking care of you. Congrats for sticking up for yourself. That's huge.
Title: Re: I have made enough improvement to stand up for Myself, and everyone is mad!
Post by: marycontrary on December 25, 2014, 02:49:55 AM
 Users will be very pissed they cannot use anymore.
Title: Re: I have made enough improvement to stand up for Myself, and everyone is mad!
Post by: Badmemories on December 25, 2014, 05:15:13 AM
Thank You both Mary, and Wingnut....

 :hug: :bighug:

 It was a breath of fresh air for me to read with all the flying monkeys flying around! I expected that that was going to happen. I am ready for it... I did a lot of thinking when I was laying on the bed depressed and couldn't move! :) I am amazingly calm...

I wasn't to calm when I was trying to put the tree upside down and couldn't figure out how it worked!  ;D ;D... but I worked through it!  :applause: :applause:

Keep on keeping on! ;) :hug:

Title: Re: I have made enough improvement to stand up for Myself, and everyone is mad!
Post by: schrödinger's cat on December 25, 2014, 08:41:15 AM
Ugh, my mother sometimes does that too - whenever I tell her of a problem, she just takes the other side automatically. I only noticed how often my FOO did that when my husband again and again simply just takes my word for things and goes "you don't need to prove this or quote your sources, it's okay, I know I can trust your word", and I'm absolutely taken aback. It's only that contrast which has made me realize that my FOO rarely do that. It's subtle, but still. So I can relate to your anger. I mean, how dare they? Why on earth does everyone else get to behave like a flatulent elephant in a china-store - but you and you alone have to be accomodating and understanding? How's that fair?

Their reactions sound a bit like they're thinking: "Why is she rocking the boat? It was such a comfortable boat!" - yes, for them! Like little toddlers throwing a wobbly because you're tired and can't carry them around anymore.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and I'm hoping they're not ruining the holidays for you.  :hug: