Out of the Storm

I thought it would be useful to share our experiences with what triggers us so the question in this thread is:

What Triggers Your EFs? Certain kinds of people? Specific people? Certain types of situations? Places? Smells? Sounds? Other? 

I've thought about this and I have so many triggers, some I am not comfortable sharing.  I feel it reveals too much.  I have a few that I am okay sharing.

A common saying.  I don't hear it as much as I did.  People say it to be nice and I get really upset.  I hate that.
Time of day.
Feeling like I have done something wrong.
Hearing stories about family by family.
TV, news
Photos
Events
Some smells
If someone looks too familiar.
Madonna song "Live to Tell" and another one.

Though, sometimes things just hit me.  There is no way to prepare for that.  There are some more specific triggers.  Those are easier to avoid.

I am very triggered when I think someone is trying to be controlling. It doesn't have to be me they are trying to control.

Feeling like someone is angry with me causes a feeling that is close to panic. My heart pounds, I get sweaty.

Those are the ones I feel comfortable sharing.

People are a huge one for me. Anyone who reminds me of my FOO even just a little can set me off, depending on how I'm doing on the day. Having too many people around I find trying as well.

Some songs I can't listen to

Any place that's closely tied to a bad experience or person

Unexpected physical contact

Noise

Feeling 'trapped' e.g. a guy fell asleep next to me on the train once and I nearly punched him because I got so panicked

There's one language that drives me crazy too because of problematic housemates who spoke it. I get scared someone will call me a racist because of it.

Being tired or ill, I was not allowed to be tired or ill when I was a child.

People who try to control others and want attention all the time.

Lingurine

Coming home from school time, heads for food. Bad well into my 40's, almost gone now.

People showing no interest in my thoughts/feelings and perceiving being ignored.( well this is better than it was, can still trigger if its FOO.)

Invitations and having to commit to things in advance.

Loud noises, loud talking.
Manic busyaholic people.

Immaculately groomed and v well dressed people.

Thinking Ive upset someone.

Being controlled in any way.
Authority figures abusing power.

Her visits. I survive until it's over, then I descend into a depression and thoughts of self-hatred. I'm only recently consciously aware of this trend after years of therapy and recovery. I didn't realize that I was triggered to a trauma loop.

Her touch, when she tries to hug me.
Her rage.
Seeing a mother yell at her crying child. Actually, just about any instance of inappropriate rage toward a child.

There are others but I'm very close to a recent visit of hers and in the middle of healing, those are the ones I'm in touch with.

V interesting that the worst trigger of all disnt even get a mention on my previous post!!

M.

Her voice.
The thought of seeing her.
Memories of her behaviours that pop up randomly and often at the moment.
The fact she lives so close by means am always hyper alert. I need to move away.

Having to ask someone for something, especially if they seem to have more authority than me
Feeling I have done something wrong
Feeling I have upset someone
When someone is angry, annoyed, frustrated....leads to the above feelings.
When I am misunderstood
People messing about, being silly, I just don't know how to behave
People ignoring me
Rage towards a child
Too much happening at once
The thought of seeing my mother

I will probably think of more. My counsellor asked about asking for help today and I said it triggers me.
How does this help? Having shown her the NHS information about C-PTSD which is added on to PTSD she says it is as if I am in a cage, but the door has been opened, I just don't know what to do about it.

thanks for a great thread. I am in an emotional flashback right now. I am shaking, I have a headache, I'm afraid and lonely. I just got off the phone with a person who interviewed me for a group and turned me down. I said "You may want to tell future applicants that you are looking for qualification "x" before setting up an interview. I wouldn't have scheduled the interview had i known you were looking for "x". IN fact I asked you what you were looking for and you didn't answer."

Anyway, I felt lots of tension during the conversation, probably because speaking up for myself was a big no no growing up. I feel so alone. I called some recovery friends. Didn't feel any attunement.  :dramaqueen:  Need some attunement!

So, being mistunderstood, BIG EF trigger for me. Being treated unkindly...I automatically think, "well this is typical," and I get angry and self-protective...assertive and intense.

this stuff is so hard

EF triggers for me:

Being ignored/abandoned
Feeling like a burden
The thought that someone is "tired" of me
having to ask for help

All of these send me into EFs which i call "spirals". I guess I just didn't know the correct term before. I just had one earlier so these are triggers currently in my mind.

Texannurse

I crave that attunement too Anne...because when it is missing aaaaagh! its so awful...and often it is missing because most people are not authentic. We can't ignore feelings because they are so powerful in us...I hope your flashback subsided soon... good to meet you here...a hug if you need it...  :hug: 

:band:  these guys are the nearest I could get to a tune ment...!! 

Spirals is a good word for it TN.... down the plughole it feels like to me.... sometimes I picture that in fact which weirdly helps a bit.

I try to see my EF's as like the weather...and allow it as much as poss tho thats such a challenge when its happening.

Ignored for me too such a trigger tho this has improved a fair bit recently.

The forum is so amazing for being seen...gradually it sinks in that people who care actually exist...and 'get it' which is quite miraculous really.

:wave:

My mother-in-law.

I've only recently discovered I have CPTSD.

How do you reverse someone emotionally triggering you, I wold be quite happy not seeing my MIL however my husband would like me to visit her next month with him.  Any advice?

EF triggers of mine are so numerous they're impossible to compile into a comprehensive list. Much as I've worked on various ones, it's shocking to me how easily and frequently they'll take over my entire being to where I feel unhinged and dissociate a lot.

Some EF's are surprising, even when I know I'm in vulnerable territory and can prepare accordingly. Recently I underwent knee replacement surgery, and despite steeling myself for some invasive aspects of it, there were moments (e.g. ultra-sound) when I felt particularly close to the edge of sheer panic, not from the procedure per se but the associations that kicked in.

These icky feelings can still surface post-surgery while doing physical therapy. If not the activities themselves, the hypervigilance can be acutely present and play havoc with my thoughts to where I'm an awkward mess.

Hi buddy. Google Pete Walker, he is the master. He has a website with tips about how to cope with EFs, like when you visit your MIL as well as in general life, and he has a book which is an absolute godsend.

Sometimes when I ask a question and people refer me to a website, I feel rejected. It feels inhuman of them, like they can't be bothered answering me. Please know that the only reason I referred you to Pete is that the answer to your question is too involved for me to adequately put into words, but I know that Pete does an excellent job of describing what to do, far better than I could ever hope to express. I hope one day when I have learned all this more thoroughly for myself, I will be able to give good answers to anyone who is beginning  :)

Meanwhile, what a great thread!

I'm not new to my diagnosis (psych person told me I have CPTSD a few years ago) but I am new to learning about it, so I have not reflected on what triggers me yet. What a great prompt for an exercise.

Sooo. EFs.

Anyone criticising me or appearing to
Images, thoughts or suggestions relating to children being hurt
Me making a mistake
Eating
Money
Exercising
A lot of noise
Angry/discontent looks on peoples' faces
Anyone seeming to be upset with me
Welfare agencies and their corruption/incompetence being discussed
Any reminder of the lack of good help available in general for people suffering mental illnesses, addictions or family violence
Seeing my FOO
Any family dynamic, eg time with partner's parents
Night time
Lying down to go to sleep
Waking up
Me not being perfect

Gosh, lots more. My head is going dizzy, some part of me doesn't like doing this at all, wants to dissociate.

Just wanted to interject a quick "Welcome" to you, Buddy. May I encourage you to post in the "Welcome to OOTS" board, that is if you'd like to be welcomed more thoroughly.  :wave:

• Anger, either mine or others.
• Being called stupid.
• Making mistakes.
• Powerlessness
• Some songs my mom used to listen to.
• September.
• People being treated unfairly.

I dont know if I know all of mine. Sometimes I get triggered and I am not sure what happened.
But, those I do know:
The whole of an island outside my city.
The busstop  to said island
Clams
Uninvited hugs by men I dont really know
Flirting
Nescafé shop
Whiskey
Ceritain kinds of cars
Confrontations
The news
If I am really bad: the bed and sleeping
Lying down and people standing above me.

But there are words too. I just dont know which ones. Or which topics beside abuse in general, I often react when I am in DBT therapy group.

- Airports
- Police
- Certain looks/facial expressions
- Yelling
- Grooming/Slave Trade
- Stupidity (Is that mean? lol) Or at least people that refuse to listen/are willingly ignorant.
- Some types of people that are overly happy, laugh at jokes that make no sense, be overly silly, make me feel left out.
- Holidays/Vacations/Trips
- Sudden movements sometimes, especially from people.
- Tradition
- Churches
- Weddings/Marriage
- New Year's/Father's and Mother's Day/Rent Inspections
- Unproductivity
- Being trapped/Not in control
- Pet Birds (lol, a little random but eh)

I find it really intriguing reading everyone's list of triggers. See if we relate, see how vague/specific they can be.

Interesting thread. Like Aphotic, I find intriguing to see how many times similar triggers come back on most lists, and how we relate to each other.

Don't know all of mine either, but I'll try to list a few.

- My birthday
- My abusers' birthday
- Christmas
- Spiders
- Crowds
- Dark and cramped spaces
- Being naked in a bathroom
- Being wet (as in, water over my body)
- Places related to my abuse
- Manipulative people
- People looming/towering over me
- People encroaching on my personal space
- People trying to lord their authority over me
- Any accidental or deliberate touch I'm not prepared for (the only safe spots are my hands and top of shoulders, and again only when I'm feeling safe)
- Compliments and kind words (I can tolerate a few, but not much)
- Pity toward me (including compassion and sympathy, because when I'm having an EF I won't see the difference)
- People laughing at me/making jokes at my expense
- Feeling unheard/invisible
- Lack of proper trigger warnings in fiction
- Books/Movies/other fictional media with vague descriptions of implied CSA (graphic CSA triggers me less, but implied makes my imagination turn wild)
- Books/Movies/other fictional media with characters going through derealisation/depersonalisation (makes me go through the same thing)
- Gross misrepresentation and propagation of mental illness stereotypes
- Being pinned down
- Being asked to say "I love you" back

And I'm going to stop here because I'm triggering myself, haha.

Different triggers bring forth different emotions.  Mostly self-loathing and anger, but sometimes discomfort.

• "Clumsy" mistakes.  Especially when I drop or spill something.  Extra when something breaks.
• Angry yelling.
• Belittling, especially my intelligence.
• If I make a loud noise and someone asks if I'm okay.
• Compliments or people being nice to me.  Like Liminality, I can tolerate a little.
• Haircuts.  I'm getting better on this one.
• Letting my hair grow long.
• Random stuff that I'd forgotten about.  Usually home decor.
• Certain phrases.
• Sometimes I'm triggered by something I can't identify.
• Money troubles.
• Having to ask for help

Well, I'm tempted to write "anything" but maybe that's taking it a bit far. So apart from absolutely everything:

Indifference
Being ignored
Nighttime
Waking up
Certain people: abusers and those who do their bidding
Sudden or unexpected movements
People moving around behind my back
Throwing up, choking
Thinking someone is tired of me
People looking bored
having to ask for help
Thinking I failed
People towering above me
Well-wishers
Happy people being silly
Loud noises
Repetitive noises
Birthdays, holidays
Families
Compliments
People saying loving nicknames to their parents, siblings
Kindness shown to people
Loving parents
Feeling my privacy was invaded
People

I have found a few triggers I never realized I had through other's postings, because as I was reading I could feel myself remember something and reacting to it.

But to join in: 
-yelling
-clothes/my hair touching my neck
-feeling like I can't breathe (specifically through my nose)
-loud noises
-anger (or perceived anger)
-things being too quiet (if that even makes sense)
-words/phrases
-certain body language
-when I don't do something correctly/make a mistake
-feeling someone behind me
-having someone come in my room (opening my door to come in)
-the dark
-men...in general
-swearing
-being in a dirty environment
-speaking up
-feeling shut down
-not understanding something

There are so many, and I don't think I could even say some of them, so I will leave it there.

Melodie

1. Thinking i've displeased someone
2. Making a mistake, or fearing I will
3. Feeling ignored
4. Social gatherings
5. Small talk and "Clever" conversation
6. Having to do a lot of social interacting during a day
7. Romantic movies
8. Certain songs from my teens and twenties
9. Being in the presence of particular FOO members
10. Being in presence of acquaintances who I believe have seen my troubled side and behaviors and who I think do not respect me because if it

11. Catching myself with a selfish/shameful thought

Quote from: Three Roses on July 13, 2017, 04:00:39 AM
I am very triggered when I think someone is trying to be controlling. It doesn't have to be me they are trying to control.

Feeling like someone is angry with me causes a feeling that is close to panic. My heart pounds, I get sweaty.

Those are the ones I feel comfortable sharing.

I feel you on both of these, Three Roses, and I like that you phrased it as "when [you] think someone is" doing xyz because it highlights the personal, cognitive aspect of the EF. I have a tendency to misconstrue actions as controlling or demeaning even when I can rationally see that it's probably not the case. It's just part of that faulty wiring, I guess. Accepting that this cognitive fallacy is part of C-PTSD without blaming myself for the resulting EF has been a big growth point for me; having dealt with this a lot, I just want to remind you that it's not your fault :hug:

Just a couple of other triggers for the growing list:
- certain music from my childhood
- clumsy moments or breaking things
- being corrected --> my brain translates this to "you are bad at the thing and you will always be bad"
- any communication from or about the NM
- nightmares about the NM (I guess these actually are an EF, in part, but they exacerbate the cycle)
- the holidays

Just to name a few:

-Music
-Crowds
-Harsh criticism
-Toxic people
-Situations at school (big one)

I've also noticed that certain times of the day automatically trigger them for me. Even if I've had a normal day, at 5:00 pm almost like clockwork I get an EF triggered by memories of my abusive father coming home from work around that time when I was a kid.

I'm still trying to identify many of mine, as sometimes flashbacks happen with no obvious trigger.  The more easily identifiable share many common themes with others on here, and include:

- Any authority figure, in particular anyone in uniform, even though to my knowledge I was never hurt by someone wearing a uniform!
- School railings / gates (huge issue)
- The slightest hint of criticism, real or percieved
- People with certain sounding voices / ways of talking
- Anyone who stands too close or 'leers' over me (space invaders)
- Public transport
- Crowds
- Valentine's day
- Being touched unexpectedly
- Others talking in whispers
- Laughter in the near vicinity
- Realising I forgot to do something
- Religious paraphernalia (again no direct link - I think I associated that with authority, and my learned distrust of it)

That's actually quite a list.  No wonder I walk around feeling danger everywhere, and from everyone!

Any kind of compliments or gratitude shown towards me.

Any acts of kindness or compassion shown towards me.

Telling me I deserve anything good.

Telling me how someone else thinks so highly of me.

Getting called to supervisor office.

Telling me I'm a good son in law or father to my face while trashing me behind my back.

Other stuff I can't say.

Mine:

-The faintest whiff of criticism.
-If someone even disagrees with an opinion sometimes (though this has improved thank gods).
-Yelling/outbursts of anger.
-Crying, unfortunately.
-Being cussed at/made fun of in a friendly or non-friendly way.
-Making a mistake.
-Not knowing what to do.
-People who remind me of FOO/toxic people in general/my actual FOO.
-Trying to get medical treatment. Even if they're nice I'm still left in pieces but apathetic doctors or people who don't understand the severity of the problem (because I'll find myself downplaying my problem automatically) are huge, huge triggers.
-THINKING I'm not liked. If I find I'm not liked for real, I'm not particularly bothered. It's just the threat of it!

I'm sure there are more to discover but that's off the top of my head.

~ Toxic people  :aaauuugh:
~ Being misunderstood
~ Being blamed for something I didn't do
~ Seeing people act in a selfish way
~ Listening to people who aren't compassionate
~ My own personal critic
~ Having to do someone else's work
~ Being bullied

Have been giving this question more thought, and I noticed my list of triggers keeps changing.

Something that wasn't triggering yesterday can easily become triggering today, all it takes is for it to be paired for a moment with self hatred, or a moment of trauma or new abuse, and voila! I got a new trigger.
It's like it gets "stamped" and my mind recognizes it as a new trigger, and adds it to the ever growing pile of neutral, innocuous looking objects and experiences that have each suddenly exploded and turned into new triggers.

And sometimes I can desensitize myself so a trigger becomes less hurtful and I can become less involved in it. It turns back from a trigger to just an ordinary object or experience.

I'm not sure what's at the basis of all of that pile of triggers. Self hatred, maybe?

Dominant/ aggressive people ( Especially those with certrain traits that give me the feeling of being inferior).  I usually react vy either being aggressive or simetimes giving in. Because I fear that someday I will be punished

Angry people
People specifically angry at me - this is probably my worst trigger to an EF
When someone finds out I've done something wrong
Pretty much all authority figures
Knowing that friends or family are out doing something and I'm home alone
Feeling like I'm a burden to people
Having to ask for help
Having to admit that I have emotional/anxiety problems

More often than not, I wake up with an EF from sleeping. I don't remember any actual 'nightmare' most times, but occasionally I will wake up in full-blown frustration, anger, rage or in a complete shut-down mode where I am afraid to make myself known so I don't really speak - only when required - I don't volunteer anything. My desired super power is invisibility on those painful mornings.

Having read many of the triggers below, I can relate to many of them... but find it very hard to articulate them, let alone identify them for myself.
It's almost like someone somewhere has dictated that I don't have a right to notice my own feelings.

I am new -- just joined and this is my first post. I will introduce myself in another post, hopefully soon.

Any contact with adults in FOO whatsoever, including thinking about them, especially when thinking about how to explain to them how badly they damaged me.

Explaining same to other disbelievers and/or sceptics.

Hi  :wave: and welcome, Seeking Solace.

Triggers
Antiseptic
High frequency sounds
Being late
When FOO call me
When FOO don't call me (Stockholm)
Being ignored
Feeling ignored/disregarded/unheard
Seeing emotional abuse occurring
Anything (literally) to do with medical/dental professions or concerns that they may need to be involved
Feeling judged/criticised/blamed
Feeling that I should have done something and self criticising
Seeing someone else being judged/criticised
'Death talk' - partly because of the professions involved, partly because of unresolved grief by littles.
Dysphoria.
Public showers/bathrooms.

My, what a list...

:grouphug:

Rowan

Dominant and loud people
Something a bit tricky in a relationship
Work pressure
Stress
Something happening in my life which rocks the boat eg work, money

Its a great question and i don't always know but often it is interpersonal issues

The most prominent at the moment, is a feeling of being physically restrained, every time I have to do a job/task/goal.
Had it most of my life.

Slim I think I relate to this...

I was only recently diagnosed, though I've suspected for a long time that I have CPTSD. I'm trying to recognize my triggers, and right now it's a pretty long list.

- needing help from others/feeling vulnerable/feeling like a burden
- adults who are angry, especially if I perceive them to have more power than me
- not feeling heard or feeling misunderstood
- any reminders of my FOO, especially my mom, stepdad or my little brother (I felt unable to protect him)
- when people celebrate mothers/Mother's Day
- when people talk about how hard it is to be a mom
- hearing/seeing children cry, especially the really heavy sobbing
- witnessing or hearing about physical or emotional abuse towards children
- Christianity, churches, people talking about God or religion
- feeling like I've done something wrong or made a mistake
- feeling like someone is upset or angry with me
- people who dominate the conversation with strong opinions
- when someone demands something of me
- any sort of verbal or physical violence/ conflict of any kind
- speaking up for myself
- being ignored/abandoned
- feeling angry/sad/or tired
- feeling criticized
- physical exercise/food/people talking about dieting
- when people show their displeasure with their faces
- being in a relationship/having to trust that they are safe
- forced physical contact
- sex
- the news
- yelling
- people in positions of authority
- pruney fingers (we were often left in the bathtub for hours at a time)
- being made fun of
- other people's expectations
- being clumsy (dropping something or tripping/falling)
- children being silly or loud
- people justifying spanking
- good-looking men
- sensory issues: socks, pants, suddenly feeling hot or itchy

I'm hesitating to post this because I'm embarrassed that the list is so long. But I'm working on that self-criticism piece and trying to remind myself that it's okay and I'm working on it. If you read all of that, thanks for listening  :yourock:

Welcome to the forum Lillian!

Please don't feel embarrassed by your long list. At least half of your triggers are mine as well and I have other ones on top of that.  I simply cannot write a list of my triggers, I can just write one or two and then I go blank.

Thank you, Blueberry! I love how supportive everyone is here. It feels safe  :grouphug:

Lilian, I'm so glad you feel safe. That's what I've felt here since day one  :) :hug:

Most of my EFs happen in the face of abuse/neglect not just of me, but of other people especially children and animals.  What it triggers isn't fear but anger and outrage and I freeze I think b/c it was dangerous to fight back in my family, things typically got much worse.  So hard to swallow the anger though.

I also have EFs when I feel like I don't have enough psychological/emotional space which comes from enmeshing & boundary busting NPD parenting. 

Lillian, thank you, I nodded yes to virtually all your triggers.  I've experienced at least three of them in the past 24 hours. And by 'experienced' I mean not only that I suddenly fell into a different state of being which felt to me like I was in the past - fearful, anxious, lost, and without a firm footing in life - but then I had to spend ages trying to get myself out of that different state of being. It's truly exhausting. Takes a huge amount of energy. One trigger was a fleeting expression of what I thought might be disapproval on someone's face - it's bothered me for hours - did I do something wrong? I shudder to think how much of my time alive on this Earth has been spent flailing around emotionally as a result of being triggered.

Big hugs to you, bluepalm  :hug: I know what you mean. I feel like I fight my triggers constantly, and it's exhausting playing the part of a normal human sometimes. It's really hard for me to let go of things sometimes, especially when I worry about what other people think of me. I usually spend the evenings just laying down because I can't handle doing anymore things.

Quote from: Lillian on May 17, 2019, 05:41:15 AM
I usually spend the evenings just laying down because I can't handle doing anymore things.

Thank you Lillian. Me too! I'm noticing that as I get older, I'm now in my early 70s, my exhaustion at managing the world and people and everything that has triggered me during the day has become more pronounced and my evenings (indeed, even late afternoons) are now spent in recovery mode - resting, reading, contemplating, reflecting on the day, being quiet, just being. It's fine though. I am grateful my life is peaceful enough now, after so much turmoil, to allow this. I wish in my earlier adult life I had had the strength and insight to deliberately allow myself the space to rest and recover each day; instead I kept driving myself forward into each night, 'managing life'. Indeed for much of my life I felt I didn't have evenings. Just a day and then exhausted sleep. Part of this was raising children on my own and having a very demanding work life, but part of it was fear of what would happen if I stopped actively managing life. And part of it was a sense that I didn't deserve to stop, rest and recover. That wasn't 'allowed' for me. My mother's angry command, if she found me reading on my bed as a child, was "Get up off that bed, stop reading, and go and do something useful" (meaning housework). So I think you are eminently sensible to rest in the evenings.  Resting after being triggered has got to be beneficial.  :hug:

Thank you, BluePalm  :hug: I definitely know that feeling of needing to be "useful." I constantly have to remind myself that resting or doing something creative or doing nothing even is still "useful" in a different way. I used to read a lot as a child as well, and I found it surprising that adults could become angry with me about that. I'm glad you've found some peace in your life and are able to get the rest you deserve.  :hug:

Lovely... Yes rest is sooo important I am releasing more as I get older.
Currently being referred to a cfs clinic and so I'm now in a place where I am paying attention more than ever of a slower pace, pacing and not being driven by a mind that tells me to keep doing.
I'm blessed I don't work and so I have this opportunity in my life to really change the programme.
I used to be so annoyed with myself when I was working that I'd just lay on my bed, or lay down after a shift. Now I see it would have been much more self loving to accept that is what I needed and that's why it happened. Doing is so over rated

Reading these lists is triggering me because I'm realizing just how many of these I share, I could say almost anything could trigger me these days, but I'm better than I was a few years ago. At my worst I was triggered by seeing a spoon in the sink, a spot of dirt on a cupboard, seeing any kind of insect, hearing any human voice, any thought at all about the future. During that time I think I was in a permanent low level of EF and any sensory change would cause a spike.

I haven't always been as bad as I am today, since my breakdown from my last traumatic event, but triggers which I've had since childhood have been:
Injustice
Anger
Seeing anyone out of control, especially anyone being drunk
Babies
Loud voices
Authority
Certain people from my FOO

Unexpected smoke, sirens, flashing lights, firefighters

situations where I feel ignored, discounted or disregarded, disrespected..... like someone switching off the lights without considering whether I needed them, or turn off/on the radio/tv/the heat without considering my opinions/wishes, a very slight version of this can set off a cascade of "My feelings don't matter!" to the point of me feeling like a hostage with all of the physical reactions to go along such as, racing heart, shallow breathing, jittery nerves, twitches, panic

I have only recently come to understand these as EFs and it has made a huge difference to how I perceive both the situations themselves and my mystifyng 'over-reactions'

Your post Alice really resonated with me Alice so thought I'd post a bit about what helped me when I was badly triggered in an "I do not matter" situation.

When Trump got elected I was so triggered not because of his politics but his behaviour - clearly has NPD and able to demand constant attention so no escaping him and his N antics.  I'm a Canadian but we're inundated with American news so two years into his term I was suffering greatly in the face of his constant "No-one matters but me" messages.  I went for EMDR.  What came out was that he constantly triggered deep feelings/fear/anger of "I don't matter" and the traumatic feelings associated with being unsafe, invisible, not having any power or control I grew up with in a family rife with NPD.

The EMDR helped me to shift out of the constant triggering and all that came with that.  I have so much more distance and objectivity from his behaviour now.  Moreover I am coming to terms with the underlying grief of being made to feel I did not matter now that I see it clearly. 

I wasn't a fan of EMDR because the first two times I tried it were with a T who was inexperienced and it was more triggering than helpful, but the last time really was quite helpful. 

Thanks Krizzie (and fellow Canadian ) I actually tried doing a "news fast" for that exact reason. Still a challenge. But at least now I know that part of my response is my own "stuff" and that helps. Feeling at the mercy of a person or situation is a huge trigger for me. Thanks for being here.

 :grouphug:

My number one trigger is noise outside the home - particularly loud, thumping, aggressive noise. Latterly this has over spilled into sunny weather, too.....which to my addled thinking increases the likelihood of noise - sunny weather also adds to the teenage shame of hiding indoors because you think you're too fat for the beach.

Happy to say I had a huge insight recently which opened up the memory of my noise phobia. My shame is easing too - about bloody time.

anybody crying...for any reason...even frustration...yelling...coercive control...

Things that trigger me in no particular order:

A certain colour in a particular context

Sounds

Doorsways, the position of them in relation to things and often the sound of them opening and closing. Finding a seat in a restaurant in an ok place in relation to the door is sometime almost impossible.
Entering my church via the main door has become almost impossible. Online services have been great for me. :)

People in my personal space and some physical contact.

The smell of fuel.

Contact with family members.

I wanted to also share my triggers here, mostly so I show my parts that I care.

Pain (any kind, even if it’s from my period,etc..)
Loud and sudden noises
(On very bad days) intense light, the sun
Cold “Innocent” smoothie
Very depressive music
Shouting (especially if at me)
Crying
Babies, toddlers
Kids screaming (even if it is from joy)
My m looking red in the face (like after crying)
Packed public transport
Any kind of disciplining
Violence
Anger directed at me (trying to get better with this)

Violence or verbal abuse in the news, or in a movie, or even a billboard. Hearing a parent shush their child or a couple arguing, anything like that. Seeing a child chase pigeons or other animals.
Inappropriate sexualisation of various at risk groups in media, or in speech.
Bloody noses, busted lips, or any other very normal childhood incidences that occur while playing.
Having a professional speak in any patronizating tone. For example, a bank teller refused to let me open a bank account, after speaking quite condescending to me.
Actually, being in any situation of perceived social hierarchy. Doctors, dentists, the police, etc.
Crowds, or other situations of sensory overload. Flourescent lighting. Construction work.
I am often triggered by events that could have happened, but didn't. Seeing a bicyclist get into an accident could elicit the same response as seeing a bicyclist swerve out of the way of a car.
Hurtful opinions pertaining to sociology or child psychology from those who have lived a 'typical life'. I can't even elaborate on that without being triggered.

(trigger warning, dentists) I know I already mentioned doctors, but I feel dentists require their own category, as they trigger me differently. I often feel that dentists speak in a way that undermines consent, 'Open your mouth.' It's a statement, not a question... Coming from a person who wants to not upset anyone, ever, it's a very difficult situation. If a dentist notices my gums are swollen and says I need to floss, instead of correcting him to the fact that I have an autoimmune disease, I will listen to ten minutes of him lecturing me about my dental hygiene while poking me with a sharp object repeatedly. After visiting the dentist I feel violated, coerced, disgusted, and shameful...

The taste of blood.

Probably 100 other things, but these triggers are near guarantees.  :'(

I was reading these posts, and found myself mildly triggered. so it will be hard for me to type this post.  I do have several that I can't think of now. but the main one that I find myself always triggered often.

M
people in authority being angry directing their anger towards me
people who criticize my work and respond in anger
when tasks that I have to do gets out of control or overwhelming ie: too much work
things that are unknown for example, planning for a trip.

I did go on a month long trip, It was my way of trying to get out of my comfort zone, in the end, I am pleased to say i did enjoy myself a lot, and I was fortunate to have a friend along with me, as he was the one who help prepare and make sure things are going smoothly. I don't know if I was able to do it all by myself.  like they say, "a journey begins with a single step." so that trip was my way to see just how far I can go. and soon i will attempt a shorter trip on my own, closer to home.

I do have many other triggers but right now, I am drawing a blank.

Silence

I have found that my list is always growing. I've also learned to appreciate discovering new triggers as they are pieces to a puzzle. I only know what's in my subconscious when it is revealed through a trigger. I try to link the trigger to its origin so I can focus on healing the original wound, usually by allowing myself to express what I didn't feel safe to express at the time. In other words, lots of tears!

Feeling misunderstood
Feeling unseen
Feeling unheard
Being ignored
Having someone tell me how I feel (this happened recently about something trivial. I processed it quickly but, wow - why would anyone believe they know with 100% accuracy how another human being feels!)
Having someone deny my reality
Feeling that someone is angry at me (uh oh - now I am in physical danger...)
Feeling criticized
Seeing my FOO!
People with low empathy
People with large egos (this is a big one and the one I have to work on the hardest since large egos are plentiful in the corporate world)
Dishonesty
Superficial people

All of the above triggers were SO MUCH STRONGER before I knew that there was a pattern and I could begin to identify what they are. Just learning that the reactions I was having are really " normal" reactions by someone with my history was a relief. I felt crazy before that and blamed and shamed myself. They don't necessarily go away once identified but I have found there is value in learning where they originated from. My experience is that has diminished their intensity. I've come to the conclusion they will probably never go away. .

Having a chronic physical health condition. M. E cfs and fibromyalgia.
When I. Go into a flare up ( they can last wks) I get v triggered. I feel unsafe vulnerable, lonely and a lot of shame.
My anxiety is through the roof.

Like having a chronic condition isn't enough!

A driver of a car where I am a passenger getting angry
The smell of smoke unless I know to expect it
Someone disagreeing with me or telling me I am wrong unless they are very gentle about it
Someone shouting in my presence
Unexpected or unbidden physical contact of any kind

Telling me what I should do and how to-do it.
Encroaching my physical space
Not feeling safe
Someone angry at me
Someone is unpleasant with me
Guns
Dreams
Memories
Yelling
Condescension
Conflict
Anything to do with work, I can't watch movies that have conflict work situations or stress related situations-anxiety becomes very high
Authority figures
Christians that are judgmental or have a know it all attitude (kind of the same as authoritative)
Seeing, thinking or talking about coworkers that gaslighted me

I stay home a lot, bahahaha

Being laughed at or mocked
Group activities of any kind but especially competitive ones
Overstimulation especially yelling and noisy over-lit places. (I love that I no longer have to go into stores and can now just order online everything I need)
And sometimes, nothing apparent at all. Guess I still have a lot of work to do..... ???

Geez I feel so angry when I read what triggers us and how. It's clear to me any treatment has to include the physical responses we also have to triggers, not just the psychological/emotional. They are paired so much more than many professionals may realize. 

I told my T in our last session that some things affected me so badly (people with NPD are top of the list), it's like I have a fire alarm clanging in my ears, my BP spikes, I feel really anxious and either like fleeing or fighting.  I honestly don't know how to emotionally/physically regulate all that although I do know now to walk away as soon as I realize I am dealing with an N or other big trigger if I can.  I don't think all this will ever go away entirely considering I am 66.

I don't think all of this will ever go away entirely either, Kizzie. Once our neural pathways have been installed they are always there. Even if they are seldom triggered they don't go away. I do hope that as time goes by I will be able to manage the physical and emotional reactions and damp them down before they reach the levels they do now.

I was on a cruise last year and something caught fire on board. It was minor, immediately put out, the announcements were good and I was never in any logical doubt that I was in danger. But then the smoke smell got pulled through the air conditioning system and our cabin started smelling of smoke (one of my huge triggers) and I was quite simply unable to function. I paced the cabin like a caged tiger for at least an hour until the smell dissipated. Normally I can dissociate if I can't escape a trigger, but this was something else.  I was discussing this with my T in our most recent session. Her advice for dealing with physical reactions to future triggers is to recognise and name the reaction to myself as a trauma response. My trauma all arose from childhood so once I have identified a trauma response I can tell myself I am an adult. I have agency and power to deal with the situation. Deep breathing is also something she told me to do but if I am very heavily triggered deep breathing alone does not seem to do anything for me. If I catch a reaction early enough or it is fairly mild then deep breathing helps.

Like many of you there are many things that trigger me and I go into a spiral.

-Going to the doctor and talking about my medical history
-Funerals, hospitals, family gatherings
-Feeling like I am wrong, incorrect or don't have an answer = I am not smart
-Feeling like I am a burden
-Feeling like I am too emotional (which just sends me into a spiral of guilt and shame and shutting down)
-Feeling like my pain is causing others pain (makes me tend to not open up and do a lot of shielding)

EDMR is helping a lot with these feelings. I really can't say enough positive things about that type of therapy and I've tried many others. That one seems to be helping me desensitize (the D in EDMR) when I have these triggers come up. It's not that this takes away the memory or even the feeling, it just no longer takes the breath out of me, or makes me overwhelmed by my emotions.

PaperFlower

That's great you have found something that is working for you Paperflower!   :thumbup:    These issues don't normally go away entirely (IMO), but through various approaches we can learn to integrate rather than stuff them, to defuel them so to speak. From my understanding, EMDR gets the whole brain working on the trauma so that it is processed and integrated to a greater degree.

I might sound like a sexist or a racist because of some of my triggers sadly. But I swear I don't mean any harm. And I can remove them if I'm not allowed to post them.

• Any stories (real or fictional) of CSA (esp if by a family member)
• Violence (real or fictional)
• Brother/Sister fighting or bullying or bickering even if it's just playful (esp if brother is older or more powerful)
• Being in an enclosed space like elevator or closed room with male(s). It might be a stranger or even my boss.
• Construction workers (i feel so sad about this because I don't know what about them triggers me)
• Bearded males especially if they resemble my perpetrators.
• Crowded places, public transport, movie theatres etc.
• Anyone standing too close to me (exception: husband and dogs)
• Physical intimacy with husband (this is the saddest and hugest one) especially if I am lying in bed on my back, facing the ceiling.
• Anybody's anger in general but if they are angry AT me then oh boy does my inner child freezes and I feel like I will do anything to please that person.
• When people say "Oh I wish to go back to being a child" or "Childhood was such a lovely time" or just assume in general that everyone had a pleasant, stress-free childhood.
• Brother's Day. Yes people, in my culture there is a day when brothers are celebrated and worshipped by their sisters. In my case that meant I had to worship my sexual perpetrator for years. This day comes around every year and I feel so mocked and humiliated.
• When people boast how many sick leave they have banked and how they come to work even when sick.

I could go on and on if I keep brainstorming. And on bad days, anything can trigger me. Like if my husband pulls away the blanket covering me in an attempt to wake me up.

blue_sky, I don't see any of these as being sexist or racist! They are there because of what was done to you (or not done for you in the case of neglect). No reason to delete them or anything like that, no worries.

I'm sorry you have so many. Gentle, safe  :hug:  if helpful, if not e.g. too close, then just ignore.

I was just writing something and I was reminded of a trigger. It sounds silly on it's own...

Alarms. Alarm clocks. Time.

I can't sleep with a clock next to my bed. I will not sleep if I can see the time. If I am woken up by even the most jingly gentle tune, I will panic. I have a very sensitive biological clock and don't require an alarm. As a child I would wake up every morning for school at 5am precisely without an alarm to do my routine. I had a lot of sleep disturbances that I didn't realise yet... Sometimes I would see the clock in the middle of the night, and my brain would rearrange the hands on it. I would often shower in the middle of the night and begin getting ready before realising it and going back to bed before anyone noticed what I had done.

If there is a clock in the room, visible from where I am sleeping, I cannot sleep. I can become quite obsessed with the idea that I am late.

My biggest trigger are N's or people who might be N's who monopolize the conversation, just talk and talk without any regard for others. I recently went to a couple of luncheons for stroke survivors and there were two non-stroke guys who just held forth the whole lunch and not a word about strokes.  Talk about tone deaf.  I am NOT going back even though I want to support my H (had a stroke 2 yrs ago) because it sends my BP shooting up up.

Where we used to live in BC (left because of all the wildfires) there was a single guy on our street and if he caught you you were there forever listening to him.  I never quite learned how to stop him talking but I really wanted to without being angry or insulting. My H would just start up the lawn mower or turn and go about what he was doing if the guy wandered by when he was outside. H was army so thick skinned. 

I can be firm with my boundaries but it is so deeply imbedded in me that I don't interrupt or walk away or say anything because my M was an N and my F an angry alcoholic you didn't want to p off. It's also that I can't bring myself to hurt people. I felt that part of his problem was that he was lonely but at the same time I knew that shouldn't give him license to trap people into long one-sided conversations.    :Idunno: 

Interested to hear if anyone has a way of dealing with these type of people. 

So many triggers.

I agree Bermuda. Dentistry is a class of it's own in terms of triggering. Now that I'm more aware, the suction thing they put in your mouth is the worst. One time she just dropped it in and it landed in the back of my throat no warning. It's such an awful experience all around.

Intimacy

Sitting close to someone especially if I feel a bit trapped in

Small rooms with closed doors

Being praised

Being asked to do something i dont feel qualified to do (these are all specific triggers from a specific circumstance, not just oh i don't like it)

Being asked a question about myself

Introducing myself

Speaking up in meetings

Feeling like I might appear to be misleading someone even if I know I am not

Cleaning

Anyone being upset or me not doing enough for someone (because they might suicide)

People looking at me

Someone saying something bad about another person

I guess I could keep going...

Dentistry is interesting for me. For as long as I remember I have not been scared of the dentist, at least not consciously. I had to have a lot of dental and orthodontic work as a child and none of it was pleasant. The dentists I saw were always kind but the orthodontist was an absolute  :pissed: . He told me off in a very nasty way when I had not cleaned my teeth to his satisfaction before an adjustment visit. (Even now I clean my teeth extra fastidiously before a visit. That is only good manners, I accept, but I get very twitchy if I have cause to have something other than water to drink before the appointment and then can't clean my teeth. That gives me an EF.) He also always called me "Lady Jane". I do not have Jane anywhere in my name and I resented being addressed as the nine day Queen who was executed at a young age. Made me feel like he wanted to execute me. Maybe he did.

I never really thought about it much until recently but it did strike me as a little odd that I don't have an issue with dentistry. I have a HUGE personal space zone and hate being touched, especially round the face and head.

Recently I had to see the hygienist which is my most disliked type of appointment. But I realised when lying calmly in the chair that my inner child had simply taken over the whole thing. She knows the drill (pun not completely intended!) and knows you have to stay still and calm, and that some level of dissociation helps. So I guess dentistry does actually trigger an EF for me, too. But fortunately the EF concerned makes it easier, and not harder, for me to tolerate the procedure.

I most often dissociated when I had to have dentist work done.  Then I did some work with a T on staying present and there went that strategy.  What I did learn though was that I don't really need to be afraid of the dentist anymore, that it helps me.  It used to feel like I was being punished or something I don't know.  I told a dentist I had that I was afraid and he and his staff were so comforting and careful with me that that also helped young me to stay calm and see them as helping me.  I'm not afraid to go anymore. It was a bit of CBT, but it was more being open and then the care and comfort that did the trick finally - reaching into the fear and pain of a frightened little girl and helping to sooth her.

I have a hard time putting to words what sets off my EFs. I'm not even really sure of the frequency I experience them. I can rarely connect the dots in the moment because I'm in too much of an emotional state to think clearly.

One thing I know for sure does is any sort of abuse of power, or someone making me or someone else feel powerless, either in real life or fictional. "Corrupt authority figure who torments the protagonist" is one of my least favourite tropes. If it's bad enough, I have to leave the room.

I also think I get EFs when I feel socially rejected, though I'm not sure why. Just that suddenly I'm little Goosey again who doesn't know how to talk to people and keeps embarrassing herself over and over. I think it may tie back to the autism, but I never considered my experiences as a child from that to be "traumatizing" in that way. But this question has made me think about it and realize that I'm not sure if I can tie those EFs back to anything besides that: those feelings of isolation, being "different" from everyone else and not knowing why, and constant negative feedback (or even perceived negative feedback.)

Hearing, or reading the words "don't make me." Someone I believed cared for & about me insulted me with that preface.

I was completely devastated for 2 days. Discussed it in therapy & later attempted to voice my objections with him. That was a first & didn't get far, but gave myself credit anyway.

Kizzie, regarding people who endlessly talk without regard for the audience, maybe consider acknowledging them briefly, (that's what they want) then respond with a greeting and one minute of listening,followed by the leaving immediately."Sorry, I'm on my way to..."

I liked your comment that your H was Army, therefore thick-skinned. True!

Lakelynn, if I can get a word in edgewise I will do that lol.  ;D

Good for you for trying to voice your objections, it takes courage, more for us as survivors, to do that kind of thing.  :applause: