Hi all,
Something I've identified lately is that I wake up and almost immediately I start having intrusive thoughts about work. Does anyone else have this, too? It starts my day off with anxiety and if the thoughts are particularly bad I will basically freeze and have a lot of trouble getting my day started. I've never been someone who can leave work at work, precisely for this reason. The thoughts can be of other worries than work, like interactions with people, but work is where I spend the most time so I suppose it makes sense.
I'm curious about how you guys start your days. With stress and busyness I fell out of my good habit of yoga first-thing. I also struggle with meals - particularly breakfast - because I have to be up extremely early.
I'd like to hear how you all get going in the morning and hopefully glean some new ideas to break the rut I'm in. Thanks!
Hi I wake up and start shaking both inwardly and outwardly I then think how am I going to cope with today! I do some journaling to write my thoughts down then I try to find affirmations to make it feel better. Every day feels like a struggle but I do normally get over it at some point!
Hi there,
Lately I have woken up very similarly to you. I wake up and am almost instantly in an anxiety filled state, sometimes even an ef. I too am working on figuring out how to start my morning better, and struggling with meals.
I am really curious what others will say here. Thank you for posting
When I get up, I immediately do not want to go to work, so as I get ready, I tell myself it's going to be okay, I'll have a good day, just keep busy and my day will fly by and before I know it, I can relax at home again.
Deep breaths and positive thinking (even though it seems nearly impossible some days)
As for meals, I try to make something the night before (I can't eat food first thing in the morning so I do smoothies)
By the time I'm done lying in bed until the last minute, and getting myself ready I don't have time to whip something up.
And when I get something healthy in me in the morning, it makes me feel good (even though I still want those donuts lol) try making a fruit salad made with yogurt and granola the night before. :)
I also really struggle every morning. Especially living alone. Im keen to read other peoples posts. Today i stayed in bed. Its past 3pm now and i havent got up. My cat hasnt been fed. Poor thing. Its just there is no point in getting up. Has anyone else felt like this and stayed in bed? I try to make little goals on better days like, if i can just make it to the couch in the loungeroom or make a hot drink and then I can come back to bed and read. Or turning the radio on can help.
This sounds like rumination, movementforthebetter. If work is your chief time-filler and the people there your main social network,
it's only natural that whatever worries you have are focused on that environment. Being 'on the job' in your free time... whew! I'd be anxious too. I'm taking a wild guess that you don't sleep well enough, early enough, to be able to get up easily for that "extremely early" start.
As to your question, I'm on the back step with coffee and cigarette before I can think at all. And that's why I have these addictions: decades of dragging myself up to go to work, stay awake, and be able to function for eight hours or so. Now my chronic insomnia has turned acute and I don't go to work (alas!), I've cut coffee right down and am -- later in the day -- more thoughtful about whether I want this cigarette right now or not.
Deb, doesn't your cat's desire to eat count as a "point in getting up"? For how long has making it to "the couch in the loungeroom " been a goal made on "better days"?
Candid, yes, on alot of days feeding sam has been the reason for getting up. Occasionally i'll have a day like today where not even his trying to get me up will work. It is only occasionally, he's usually well fed and looked after. Days lile these come and go. Since the psychologist hurt me there have been a lot of 'just get to the couch' days. Do I sense judgement there?
No judgment from me, Deb. It looks as though I misinterpreted your post. I read that on a better day your goal was to make it as far as the couch, and naturally that made me wonder what a worse day looked like. I'm now thinking you must have meant that on a better day you are able to set goals for days "like today". Is that right?
I'm concerned because you wrote on another thread that you hadn't eaten and weren't drinking water. I read that as not drinking at all. Now I understand you're drinking fluids (you mentioned a hot drink) other than water.
I'm sorry that came across as judgmental. I'm beyond exhaustion myself and my goal right now 11.45am is to log off and get up that loft ladder.
:bighug:
Hi Candid, I hadnt had anything to drink till about 4pmish when I got up and had a hot drink. Yes, staying in bed all day doesnt happen very often. On a better day 'on days like this' (not every day) id get myself to the couch. Hope thats clears it up. Everyone is feed twice over and cuddled now.
I usually have no problem going to bed early enough, with exceptions. It's that I chronically do not stay asleep. And I don't want to drug myself because I still feel the effects the next day.
If it's ruminating, I don't know how to stop it from starting. I frequently dream about work, too. Once I reach a certain stress threshold it's almost always there. Work, school, periods of stress all bring it on. It doesn't take much for me to reach that point with C-PTSD. And the only time I don't usually deal with it is when I am not working. It took me months to calm down after my last job ended. Believe me, I'd rather not be experiencing this.
I have a super early start tomorrow. It's time I organised my bag so I can just leave the house at 4:45 am, without racing around trying not to forget things. Yikes, alarm at 4:15, or better 4:00. However wanted to reply to Deb.
Quote from: Deb on August 27, 2017, 05:21:57 AM
I also really struggle every morning. Especially living alone. .. Today i stayed in bed. Its past 3pm now and i havent got up. My cat hasnt been fed. Poor thing. Its just there is no point in getting up. Has anyone else felt like this and stayed in bed? I try to make little goals on better days like, if i can just make it to the couch in the loungeroom or make a hot drink and then I can come back to bed and read. Or turning the radio on can help.
I often stay in bed, not usually all day, but 12 noon isn't totally unusual. but sometimes it is in fact all day. Often afterwards I discover that I really needed that time. In fact I have had all sorts of realisations about this 'staying in bed'. It's not all reprehensible at all.
Deb, I really relate to this "no point in getting up" or only getting up to feed a pet. It has got a lot better though. It may for you too. :hug:
I can really relate to fear of work, even though mostly I only have a part-time, stay-at-home job! Something strange has been making mornings better for me: Pete Walker mentions a "daily lament" somewhere in his book; and, instead of fighting the sadness when I wake up, I tell myself that I only have to get from my bed to my couch. On the couch, I let myself feel as sad as I want, and, when I'm up to it, comfort myself as a friend might. This is helpful because it feels like self-care, and I don't fall back asleep on the couch. Thank you for posting about this. I bet a lot of other people have been having the same question -- I know I have. :hug:
What do I do on waking up? Sometimes I turn my alarm off and go back to sleep. Like this morning. :thumbdown: Only thing is, I could have decided not to since I actually have to get out of bed to turn my alarm off. Would be more understandable if I could turn alarm off from my bed. Anyway, that's not what I do every day, but in certain phases it's pretty common.
Great topic to consider, thanks for starting this thread.
I usually wake up in an emotional trigger. I immediately light a cigarette and drink a coffee and look at social media to escape from my intense panic. I also have intrusive thoughts about work and interactions with people like you movement, sometimes memories. I never eat breakfast though I did go through a phase a few weeks ago of having breakfast that I'd prepared the night before. I have insomnia so I wake up quite exhausted. I tend to waste a lot of time trying to distract myself by numbing, and leave myself very little time to get ready for work.
Not things I think about clearly if not prompted to write them down. Thanks again.
Look at how pervasive the effects of childhood abuse are. Unbelievable. Lucky there is hope!
Deb, I do this too with the no water and not getting out of bed!! If I'm not accountable to someone/something I don't get up on my bad days. Weirdly, having my room really clean and tidy (which i struggle with) helps me to get up and face the day with a more positive attitude.
Quote from: NV on September 01, 2017, 07:58:51 AM
Weirdly, having my room really clean and tidy (which i struggle with) helps me to get up and face the day with a more positive attitude.
Same here. ^-^
NV im having one of those days today. Stayed in bed or went back to bed. Im not the only one???
Quote from: Deb on September 01, 2017, 10:53:41 AM
Im not the only one???
No, you're not the only one! I go back to bed too, though not today.
I used to go back to bed during the days, but I can't now. I hate being in bed. Lying down still with no distractions is intolerable to me. I can't think of anything worse than lying down still with myself.
Strange how the symptoms change over time.
Definitely not the only one! On my bad days I don't make it out of bed, don't drink water and even hold my pee sometimes because I'm so anxious about seeing a housemate (even though they are great and totally supportive). Don't jugde yourself, you are not alone. The self judging just makes everything feel worse. I used to avoid my phone entirely too, switch it off but now I message a really good friend that understands and I feel like the simple act of acknowledging that I'm having a sh*t day helps me to come out of the trance, at least a little. Also I do really feel like keeping my room clean helps. If I wake up in a clean room and then make it to the shower... the shower is my exist strategy. I hope this helps and I understand so much how bad it can feel to be in this isolated bubble.
Blueberry, would you consider setting your alarm for a later time? Putting it beside the bed? Not setting it at all?
Just my thoughts. :hug:
fullofsoundandfury, do you suffer from insomnia? I can identify with lying down and doing nothing being intolerable.
Candid, yes you're right there too, I have days of just laying in bed going over and over stuff in my head yet other days I'm literally bouncing around the room, I do find the weather plays a role in how I feel the nice sunny days I'm up and almost euphoric yet the cloudy rainy days are painful and depressing for me. My therapist says she thinks I suffer from seasonal affective disorder and has recommended I get a light box to help with that, not sure how effective they are though.
I'm a little late to post, so I didn't read all the replies. For me it about a routine, dong the same thing every day.
I wake up and intrusive thoughts start. However, I now have a routine so I just get going, like it or not. For me I go to the bathroom, then take the dogs on a quick walk so they can go. I get a cup of coffee, check my email. Then I make my bed, shower.....
Doing the same thing, every morning is the best thing I can do.
It is nice to know I am not alone with difficulties upon awakening. When I was a child, I opened my eyes every morning and stayed very still listening for clues as to who was home and what mood they were in so I would know how to proceed. This began at age three.
Routines are good and I often think of them as muscle memory because on bad days I can just observe myself going through the motions of getting ready for work, eating, and packing my lunch and it gets done well enough.
My therapist has me do a breathing exercise with an app called calm.com. It is free. Click on meditate and then breathe. He wants me to rate my anxiety before and after. He says this will help with the overdose of stress chemicals that have been in my body for all these years. If you try this, let me know how it goes for you. It was much worse for me before it got better. My mind went to the dark side a lot. But now after a couple of months, the breathing is a helpful part of my routine.
For me, routine is super important. On work mornings, I get up around 7:30, make coffee, and have breakfast ready to go (overnight oats are delicious, easy, and healthy!). On weekend mornings, its a bit later, and I usually get to the breakfast and coffee later too. Getting out of pajamas and brushing my hair, washing my face, etc really help me not stay in bed all day if it's a weekend. The inertia is so easy to give into sometimes!
Eyessoblue, I used to be prone to SAD, too. About 20 years ago I was struggling to keep a couple of tropical tortoises in a country known for its eternal chill :doh: and had to devote a room to them, which involved heat pads, basking lamps, full spectrum lighting etc. The Tortoise Room maintained my sanity through three Welsh winters. I'd remove the heavy outer garments and hang out with my pets for hours every day.
I think you would be interested in a book called Light: Medicine of the Future by Jacob Liberman. He got himself from legally blind to sparkling blue peepers that didn't even need glasses (I met him when he was visiting Australia) by shining a blinking light into his own eyes.
Here's the Amazon review:
Light: Medicine of the Future challenges the modern myth that the sun is dangerous to our well-being and claims that technological advancements, such as most fluorescent lighting, sunglasses, tanning lotions, and our indoor lifestyles, may be more harmful than helpful. Integrating scientific research, clinical experience, and his own insights, Dr. Jacob Liberman has worked effectively with more than 15,000 individuals, from the learning disabled and physically/emotionally traumatized to business executives and Olympic athletes. The book discusses the use of light in the treatment of various cancers, depression, stress, visual problems, PMS, sexual dysfunction, learning disabilities, and the human immune system.
I had The Treatment from an optician Jacob was training. Did nothing for my vision, but sure brought out some strong emotions!
Quote from: Candid on September 02, 2017, 08:47:00 AM
Blueberry, would you consider setting your alarm for a later time? Putting it beside the bed? Not setting it at all?
I usually set my alarm only when I actually do have to get up!! e.g. on therapy days I have to get the 8:09 train, so obviously I can't lie around in bed till 9. I put my alarm away over by the wall instead of beside the bed so that I can't reach it from a lying down position to turn it off and go to sleep again. I have to get up. Then I can of course still decide to go back to bed, but then that's a conscious decision.
I have discovered that 'lying around in bed' is not all bad. For instance I eventuall realised that I was doing it as a way to prevent myself from attempting to accomplish too much in one day and exhaust myself completely. Because when I exhaust myself completely, I 'collapse'. Collapsing can mean e.g. getting the flu for a couple of weeks. That way I end up spending much more time in bed, than when I just allow myself to stay in bed longer.
I also realised that 'lying around in bed' is sometimes also a form of 'rumination' and that 'rumination' is not all bad either. Sometimes allowing myself this quiet, warm, safe, secure place leads to realisations coming up. There can be realisations about the past, but equally realisations about the present and/or going into the future. I need these realisations in order to move on and to heal. e.g. the realisation above about prevention of my doing too much led me to understand why I tended to stay in bed, helped me start accepting my need to stay in bed, well, at least sometimes ;) More importantly it helped me learn to write less on my Must/Could lists (daily paper lists of what I must do, and what I coud do - I've written about them here http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=5790.msg40198#msg40198 - because even if I have a long list of 'coulds' as opposed to 'musts' it gives me the :fallingbricks: feeling and then I don't get up. Because
it is all too much. Things being all too much was a feeling I had regularly in childhood, teenage years, later, in fact always, so no wonder I eventually started staying in bed.
Routines and some form of force used to work for me, but it got to the point where that didn't. One problem for me is that many things you do immediately after gettign up eg. showering, choosing what to wear, getting dressed, even taking meds are in one way or another triggering for me. What does help me though is writing out my Must / Could list the night before. I always have it by my bed, so that I can read it on waking up. Sometimes that inspires me to stay awake and get up.
Hi
I start thinking immediately...you know, that washing machine head. I use Penzu - the online journal, so i write down what I am ruminating about.
For example, on Monday, i woke up with the thought that "I grew up with two 'adults' who did not think the rules applied to them".
But mostly, it's pretty tough when my brain wakes up and starts thinking about this stuff - its overwhelming.
But the idea that my mind could be empty on waking up, is even more painful and scary.
Slim
Candid, thank you, I have had a look at that book and it looks really interesting, will definitely be buying it.
I was lucky enough to have The Treatment from an optician in Australia who Jacob was mentoring. It was a long train ride and two nights in a hotel. The magazine I worked for sent me there. The whole premise is that emotional states affect vision, something I still have a keen interest in.
The optician was coming at it totally from the visual-cure perspective. I was (and still am) very shortsighted. He had a machine that shone various colours into the eyes at different flash rates. (I had to wear a hood, while the optician watched the polygraph I was hooked up to.) He was a very eager practitioner considering this machine could potentially put opticians out of business, and told me he'd discovered RED made the biggest difference. Therefore he gave me nothing but RED for a whole day (a weekend) at different flash rates. I very much doubt Jacob would have sanctioned this.
So... no perceptible change in my vision -- I suspect I read and write too much for that -- but I went back to my hotel in a peculiar state at the end of that day. Didn't sleep a wink with memories and RAGE pouring through me. I know I was snappy with the unlucky cleaner who walked in before I was quite ready to leave. Then, as I walked to the station with my overnight bag, the optician drove past, tooted and waved. It was all I could do not to give him the finger. Way too zealous with your new Colour Receptivity Trainer machine, my friend!
That was early Nineties, and I still believe in Jacob's work. The optician is a LinkedIn contact so I think I'll ask him for an update.
https://ybertaud9.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/light-vision-of-the-heart-and-consciousness-dr-jacob-liberman/
I get up and try not to fall over while waiting for the pain in my lower legs to ease up enough for me to walk normally. I don't got to bed early enough. I know. Hate to give the nightmares more time, you know?
Workdays I'm up at 0315hrs, hit the road at 0400, usually at work by 0500hrs. And start work at 0600. Most nights I average 4 hours of sleep. Of which is filled with memories and nightmares. Sleep apnea with CPap and mask is a 2 edged sword. I do have
REM sleep now, but every time the mask comes loose it wakes me up.
Because the pain dominates my immediate thoughts it pushes away whatever may have been there.
I seem to have a similar problem with waking up in the mornings. I usually wake up to an emotional flashback/abandonment depression. I have a cup of coffee and try to calm myself. Seems for me though, my morning routine, and getting up has gotten significantly worse since being diagnosed this year. What I want to learn is how to sooth myself so I can go on and have a productive day. Seems like I'm stuck in a constant cycle of rumination, and do nothingness when I wake up in my flashback - Id like to implement healthy morning routines, like, journaling, or positive affirmations to help me get my day started. But, I haven't quite figured out how to do that. Has anyone found something thats worked for them to get back in the swing of daily life, healthy routine in am, journaling? Even more so what soothes you ?