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CPTSD and Others => Our Relationships with Others => Friends => Topic started by: lambchxpp on August 31, 2017, 02:49:00 AM

Title: Using PTSD Against Me?
Post by: lambchxpp on August 31, 2017, 02:49:00 AM
Until recently I've lived in a very small community and because of this I've been forced to see my past abuser constantly and hear about him from other people. This greatly hindered my recovery so I made it clear to people around me that if you were friends with him I didn't wish to be friends with you. This has usually gone very well, its made me feel a lot better to not have to hear about him or see him on social media because we have no mutual friends.

However, its created this problem that when people are upset at me and want to hurt me they immediately run and go be friends with my abuser. I've had several experiences of a friend being upset at me then the next day posting selfies with him, because they know that it is very triggering to see him and very upsetting to have my trauma disregarded.

This happened again last night, two of my closest friends, and two of the people that originally helped me cope with the trauma and stood beside me throughout legal complications. Suddenly posted a photo of themselves having lunch with my abuser, this is extra upsetting as they are friends with not only me, but some of my abusers other victims as well.

Has anyone experiences this? Or does anyone have advice to cope? I'm feeling extremely distraught and upset, as this keeps happening and it sets back my progress.
Title: Re: Using PTSD Against Me?
Post by: AphoticAtramentous on August 31, 2017, 08:37:11 AM
I'm sorry to hear this, Lambchxpp. I haven't had this experience myself but it sounds terrible. :(
With your closest friends, you've told them you didn't want to hear anything about your abuser I imagine, do you think perhaps they posted those photos, simply forgetting about what you asked of them? Or do you think they did it on purpose? I ask because some of us with C-PTSD have that unfortunate habit of seeing things worse than they are. But I don't know, I'm just asking. ^-^ Don't take it as me not believing you or doubting you.
Sorry I don't really have much advice to give. I hope you will feel better soon.
Title: Re: Using PTSD Against Me?
Post by: Three Roses on August 31, 2017, 03:53:44 PM
Ugh, this really sounds terrible to have to deal with. It's not anything I have experience with, but I have ended friendships and even connection with family members over similar treatment. That was before the era of social media.

I'm sorry that I have no insight to share but I'm standing with you.  :hug:
Title: Re: Using PTSD Against Me?
Post by: Athena on October 01, 2017, 07:27:15 PM
My thoughts are true friends wouldn't do something like that and I would re-evaluate the friendships.
Title: Re: Using PTSD Against Me?
Post by: Sceal on October 01, 2017, 08:06:39 PM
This makes me so angry on your behalf!
That is not the way friends should act. So what if they are mad, that doesn't give them the right to suddenly behave in such a manner!

I've had similar thing happen to me. My childhood bestfriend is friends with my abusive ex. She didn't know what he put me through until last summer when I told her, but she had no reaction. So I guess she didn't believe me. Now she lives in the same city as him, and as far as I know they hang out. He sure does comment alot on her social media. I've reduced her to an acquaintance, and will only talk to her if she reaches out.
I don't know what situation you are otherwise, but maybe it would be better to let these people go? I hope you have more trustworthy people in your life. Or that you are able to find new friends.

*offering a hug if it's appropriate*
Title: Re: Using PTSD Against Me?
Post by: Contessa on November 05, 2017, 08:29:14 PM
This is exactly the reason why I have nothing to do with my family. And my mental health is so much the better for it.
Title: Re: Using PTSD Against Me?
Post by: sanmagic7 on November 06, 2017, 04:32:40 PM
hey, lamb, i echo the sentiments of everyone else.  i don't think that's fair or right, and i don't think it's what friends do.  it seems like a betrayal to me.  i've been thru several of those experiences, and those people are now out of my life.  i, too, feel better without them.  big hug.
Title: Re: Using PTSD Against Me?
Post by: Resca on November 06, 2017, 10:01:36 PM
Hey Lamb. I don't have anything additional to offer but I wanted to echo everyone else's sentiment for solidarity. I don't think anyone who truly cares about you and your mental health would purposefully try to attack you, especially knowing the extent of your suffering. It sounds more like further abuse than the loving kindness you need right now. I hope that you are able to reconcile those relationships, if not by securing their support, then by successfully moving on.

You are valued and supported here. Take care of yourself :hug: