... we moved far away from my uNPD FOO and are LC as there is a dramafest playing out currently.
I am grateful that I have been strong enough to carry on through difficult experiences.
I am grateful that there is another 'freelance colleague' near me who is willing to help me out sometimes. It's helpful for me to be able to outsource a tiny bit of my contract work sometimes. That way I can take on a contract and earn a little money. She doesn't even want to bill me for the last little bit of help, she just suggested I buy her a drink next time our local professional association meets up. This is very generous.
Although I don't think she really understands about CPTSD, she encourages me, says things like "hey, it's good you're trying this work again!" She's certainly not disparaging or anything. :)
... two new knees ;D Yesterday I went for a walk by the river - no cane or walker, and today I went for a bike ride - it's been years. Huzzah!
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :fireworks: :woohoo: Just in time for spring too!
I'm very grateful to have had what so far has been wonderfully successful surgery, to feel much better than before and have almost no pain, just six days out, to have recovered a huge amount of function and sensation already, to be alive on a glorious spring day, and to live in a country that provides medical treatment to citizens without charge.
Sounds great radical!
- Crisp feeling in the air
- health is good
- feeling more stable emotionally
That I've found the beginning of a solution time ago, and today I'm closer to it.
And also because the sky is blue and the sun is shining in a warm way.
My poodle Merlin licks my tears and soothes me. I have professional support. I have 6 hours a week to work that is slowly building my self belief and responsibility.
That my neighbours are so kind and sharing. Today I have puppy sat their 3 month old golden retriever. We have been to a surf beach on the west coast and had a walk along the beach, the dog was overjoyed to have a new location to explore and fascinated by the waves. Then after my lunch time rest (back home in the dark and quiet) we went to a sculpture trail and explored that and some of the nearby fields.
We are back at the neighbours, I have made coffee and the dog is laid at my feet resting after an exciting day.
For a few (more than I ever thought possible) brilliant friends that continue to be there and the incredible sunsets and moonrise’s I get to see every day.
Today I am grateful for my mind. I have never shared this before or thought about it, till now. The inner critic tends to turn these thoughts down before I become aware of them — not today.
It is my mind that helps me to,...
recognize the difference between sadness and depression
know when I need help and what kind: yoga, meditation, good food, exercise, medication or not
reflect/express myself through movement, speaking, writing, eating, sex, intimacy, drawing, photography
recall or look for information that can help me to make better decisions
pay attention to others and put my issues on the shelf
to trust the life I am making one change at a time
be patient
I am grateful for the forum and the people here. This place is helping me to work through my thoughts at a critical moment in life.
Today I'm grateful for ... a surprising discovery I made recently.
The biggest surprise of late ... an innocent note that was rediscovered. It literally fluttered out of an old journal into which I had put it several years ago. It was a thank you note from someone whose wife I had cared for during my time as a hospice volunteer. It concluded by reminding me that my compassion was noticed, deeply appreciated, and special.
What surprised me the most was how I was able to fully absorb what he wrote and not just resist it in my usual numbness. I seem to have lots of compassion per the comments he, and others, made. What I've never done is truly identify and accept that trait. My therapist has also frequently noted how I can't seem to take it in, to value its strong presence in my life. And especially pair it with self-compassion, which has been in short supply in my life.
I'm braced to fear surprises; I still hesitate at what I might find as the anxiety runs amok; even compliments are so hard to handle. Then reminders show up, like the one just described. My takeaway is that surprises can be more than tension builders when they happen. Some remind me that love exists, and that even I have experienced it and, shockingly, even deserve it; for real.
Hope this makes sense. Mainly I needed to express my gratitude for this surprise, and not disregard it like I usually do ("bah humbug"). I'm so good at accepting the bad I see in myself, which I'm beginning to realize is an extremely sad remnant of abuse where I learned to fear. Still working to overcome this, and grateful that I've survived the impact, even if I need surprises to remind me.
So lovely Woodsgnome. I hope your Inner Critic will allow you to hear that I think of you as a wonderful and compassionate person I am grateful to know if only in cyberspace. :hug:
what a wonderful thread
woodsgnome - I was warmed by your post and very happy for you to have had that particular surprise and accompanying insights. Thank you for sharing it :)
Thanks for the reinforcing encouragement, Kizzie and sj.
So I feel like I can add another item I'm grateful for. That is the freedom to be me, to express myself here as I am -- insecure, still a bit scared but learning that it's okay to be vulnerable, too; that there really are others who 'get it'.
Thank you.
Quote from: woodsgnome on December 26, 2018, 05:31:28 AM
So I feel like I can add another item I'm grateful for. That is the freedom to be me, to express myself here as I am -- insecure, still a bit scared but learning that it's okay to be vulnerable, too; that there really are others who 'get it'.
That is great, Woodsgnome - I feel like I do 'get it' and I am grateful for this forum, and for people like you - I think you are very eloquent at expressing yourself, and you have a lovely nature.
I am grateful today for
1) this forum and the wonderful people in it
2) the fact I got through Christmas and New Year - and although tired, I am ok!
3) I am hopeful for the future - in terms of finding a way to negotiate the effects of C-PTSD and moving forward in a way that feels more manageable than the past.
Hope :)
Today I am grateful for my increasing capacity to choose more healthy and supportive environments for myself.
I am grateful that since arriving in a new area a couple of months ago I have managed to connect with some really lovely, engaged, supportive people.
I'm grateful that the woman I am currently renting from seems to 'get' me and appreciates me being here, and grateful that she makes an effort to invite me to things, and understands when I say no.
I'm grateful that today she invited me to the local gorge where there is a wonderful fresh water swimming hole and that we had a refreshing swim after a hot summer day.
After a very trying time over the xmas period, exacerbated by a disappointing development with my F, I am grateful for today because today I could feel some lightness and hope, again, and a little return of confidence that I will be ok, that things are getting better, that my life might actually continue to be easier and more enjoyable.
I am grateful for the strength God gives me (not being preachy I promise, just stating what I am grateful for and He is a big part of it). I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for my friends. I am grateful for my coworkers and even a local town celebrity that is on my side when it comes to work. I am grateful I have these people to help me cope and fight against the person that is bullying me at my job.
And...I am grateful for you all. I feel like I have a place where I can express all the darkness in my head. Not going to lie, this past week I have been on xanax almost every day and just I keep coming here to the forum and I have found so much support. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
:hug: :hug: :hug:
Today I find myself in a familiar downburst of energy about trying to even go on, so identifying things to be grateful for seemed a bit of a stretch. But reading ecowarrior's entry above has flipped me, if not to a wholly positive mood, to at least considering the upside of the passing moment. Here goes ...
1. I slept okay, if still groggy. But okay is a major achievement.
2. I'm finishing some startlingly good reads, despite some vision troubles of late (I have leftover damage from glaucoma earlier in life).
3. I'm impressed with the observation from several of late about finding strength via this forum, despite its inclusion of the dark shadows we've endured. Just seeing people finding at least some relief simply by the token act of being allowed to honestly express and reflect on their journey better than they ever have makes for a grateful day.
- My cat is rediculously lovely and loving and I love her
- My head is just about above the water after a harsh period of struggle
- I am in a good relationship
- Despite strong symptoms I feel like I am progressing and shifting
- I have a lovely place where I live
- My friends are really understanding
This is one of the things I feel is especially difficult for me to do - just be grateful. My FOO stated I had to be grateful of everything they did for me, abuse and all. Now it feels like a heavily damaged subject.
Perhaps I can turn it around slightly. I want to be grateful - not because of some 'lucky chance' that I've been brought into this world in a privileged society. I want to be grateful for MY actions and MY hard work.
I'm grateful that I can afford things with my own earned money.
I'm grateful that I try to work hard.
I'm grateful that I sought help to get myself out of bad relationships.
I'm grateful that I strive to love someone that really cares for me.
Yeah, that feels more comfortable.
Perplex,
I like how you turned this around to a way that is honoring to you.
:yeahthat: :thumbup:
that I have at least one friend at the end of the world, that is happy about having me in his life. I still fear that I am going to get hurt again, there are always things triggering me. I will keep my eyes open, it feels like I can never trust anybody again, because I always feel close to the wrong people, nevertheless it is nice to read that she cares.
Today as more and more shuts down in my country for the next few weeks, I am grateful to not be in a country at war. Things are just shutting down here - schools, museums, libraries, gatherings, conferences.... But there are no bombs dropping or any dangers of that sort. I can still go down into the garden to stand for a few minutes in the sun. If I didn't have tonsillitis, I still could wander around town or go for a cycle in the country-side.
Quote from: Blueberry on March 14, 2020, 09:25:28 PM
Today as more and more shuts down in my country for the next few weeks, I am grateful to not be in a country at war. Things are just shutting down here - schools, museums, libraries, gatherings, conferences.... But there are no bombs dropping or any dangers of that sort.
Blueberry, thank you for that reminder.
Quote from: Blueberry on March 14, 2020, 09:25:28 PM
Today as more and more shuts down in my country for the next few weeks, I am grateful to not be in a country at war. Things are just shutting down here - schools, museums, libraries, gatherings, conferences.... But there are no bombs dropping or any dangers of that sort. I can still go down into the garden to stand for a few minutes in the sun. If I didn't have tonsillitis, I still could wander around town or go for a cycle in the country-side.
I found this tremendously helpful. Thank you, Blueberry. :hug:
You are very welcome, Snowdrop :hug:
_______________________________________________
Today I am grateful for this forum and grateful to have been a mbr so long. However things turn out in the next weeks? months? I'm sure the existence of this forum will be even more help than normal. :grouphug:
Today I am grateful that I live with an awesome person who loves me and has work he is able to do from home, so I am not here alone with this all day and at least for now don't have to worry about money. I've been grateful for that EVERY day since this happened, it's one of the few things standing between me and complete madness.
Today I am grateful for, in haiku format...
Food prepared quickly
Once forgotten refound tea
Dishes done for me
Love it, Bermuda!
Today I'm grateful for having rediscovered this thread ... it's easy to get caught up and forget some of the good stuff.
My best current gratefulness vibe originates from this forum, actually. A voracious reader, I recall several people here having mentioned an old novel titled The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, as having been meaningful both when they first read it, and again when revisiting it later.
Well, I didn't have the first childhood encounter with it, and I read mostly non-fiction anyway. But I couldn't resist taking a look -- and I was blown away. It spoke directly to my experience and how I came to interpret life based on early abandonment, rejection, and loneliness.
Then delving into the storyline of The Secret Garden what I found at first to be somewhat intriguing grew into seeing between the lines via the main girl and eventually the boy whom the tale centers around. Like any story, some might not find this sort of tale relevant; I had some hesitation wandering into it myself, but it grew on my heart once I shook off my resistance.
The eventual outcome -- rediscovering the long-lost garden itself, but deftly celebrating the human effect this had on the characters lives -- well, suffice to say it spoke volumes to my current needs.
In a way, I live in a secret garden of my own making, but I've forgotten that aspect over the years. Now I'm reminded of it, thanks to the suggestions to check this out by other OOTS forum people Thank you.
There've been some film productions that are based on the book. The best one is a 1975 BBC series (7 30-minute episodes) which follows the book closer than later versions do.
Very grateful I found this, and especially to those on this forum who pointed it out. :hug:
As one of those who recommended The Secret Garden thanks for commenting on your reading of the book and what it means to you! :hug: I'm grateful for your information that the 1975 BBC series is the one that follows the book most closely; in addition to knowing that, your pointing it out might propel me to try and watch it somehow on my computer, something I've been interested in doing for years. My childhood copy of the book even has a pic of the film, possibly even the series you mention, on the back cover. Other than that, I often have trouble thinking up reasons to be grateful; I'm better off on the Three Good Things Today threads.
Blueberry,
All the episodes can be found on youtube.com
To get to the first installment, go to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oACHkRRzNow
Hope that works for you. Thanks again. I'm still running those scenes over and over in my head and keeping the hope and magic they found.
Thank you woodsgnome! :)
Today I felt grateful when I realised the town / bus planners had moved a bus stop to just beside an intersection instead of a 3 minute walk away. That meant I was able to go straight where I was going instead of doing a detour and since I was carrying a pet transporter on the way to the vet's, it really made a difference :) :)
Today I am grateful for being busy, and I am grateful for having a busy week coming up.
Business is often chaos, and today went smoothly, hectic, but smooth. I am grateful for that. That's how I prefer things.
I am grateful for the small changes I see in the world, like vegan creme fraiche and dill crisps at the supermarket made out of lentils and produced locally with renewable energy. Ten years ago, wow, the changes I've seen!
Busy and hopeful.
Today I feel grateful for the people I know locally, for the generosity I was shown today by two of them.
Firstly the farm people brought me a whole small bale of hay for my Little Furries. I hadn't even known they had small bales, I'd only ever seen the big ones, which are way too big for my apartment. A small bale will keep my pets going for a few months at least, on good, healthy, organic hay. Delivered right into my apartment too. One of the farmers carried it over from their market stall.
Then I finally dropped by on a friend of the farm people who has some early plums left to pick. He gave me a whole lot, more than I'd expected, and showed me round his garden again especially the fruit trees and said and really meant "Don't buy fruit this year, there's tons here, more than I or anybody else in my circle of friends can eat." I am so grateful. Fruit is generally expensive, even more expensive than normal this year for Covid-related reasons, and of course his garden fruit is as organic as it comes, which is important to me (when I can afford it).
I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head and that I have heating when I need it.
I'm grateful that the sun shone yesterday.
Today I am a bit under the weather. I am grateful that I attempted to study, even if I can't focus. Just sitting in a quiet library has been beneficial to me. I needed the quiet alone time.
I am grateful for how far I have come. Just the fact that I can go to a library is huge. The first time I came here I felt like a demon entering a church, like I would burst into flames and everyone would know that I don't belong here.
I am grateful that I can recognise that I am not feeling well, that I am not coping well, and also that it's understandable.
I am grateful that my parents have money and that I do get some of it. It hasn't been easy and all that. There's all the gas-lighting etc. But I am grateful that I receive money and don't live in total poverty.
I am grateful that I can afford things that do make life easier.
I'm grateful I live in an area of the world where the weather and climate don't yet go into these huge dangerous extremes.
I'm grateful I can go back to teaching one person for a regular supply of healthy food rather than for money because the latter involves admin work, invoicing etc and the latter is too early for me. No can do yet.
I'm grateful that the farm is always a place where I can start up work again and that whatever I do has a use and is appreciated.
Those are some great things to be grateful for Blueberry. I am also grateful to have wandered to this area where the weather is comparatively stable. I have been hearing some wild stories this summer.
I am grateful for how far I have come, in more ways than in distance.
I am grateful for swimming in the cold sea. There is something soothing about it, gripping, but without pain. The cold is weighted blanket.
I'm grateful I can afford to pay a bike mechanic to winterise my bicycle and I'm grateful said mechanic checked stuff like brake blocks and chain w/o being asked (since I was too spaced out to remember to do so)
I'm grateful there's a little group here in town who hold weekly peace prayers, open for everybody. I rarely go but when I get the urge to, there's the group!
Yesterday I was grateful that my bike mechanic got something unstuck for me about 2 minutes before closing till early January. Very grateful to have a functioning bicycle.
I am grateful for forms of organised religion I can drop into and get some spiritual sustenance from.
I am grateful that I got a little introduction to Christianity as a child/teen, a base so to speak from which to develop understanding as an adult
I am grateful to friends and fellow patients who have sent me Christmas post even though I have sent nothing this year.
I am grateful for wild rice, very grateful.
I am grateful for my turn of luck, even though I have trouble feeling like I am here. I am here.
I am grateful for presents. I feel like we are not supposed to be. We should be humble and expect nothing, but no. I am grateful for presents.