For all of the time I have spent trying to heal, listening to videos, commenting on this board, etc. writing in my journal, ALL of my focus has been on the relationship with my uNm. She was the aggressor throughout childhood and the primary problem throughout adulthood so far. Then I realized my enD was also more of an issue than I thought.
Even when listening to videos about healing from N-abuse from a partner, I reframe it to learn about my uNm relationship.
However, I realize that ALL of my relationships with partners were in this dynamic. I have put zero effort into healing these. I feel like they don't affect me anymore, but maybe they do. I feel like I was just with those people because I was unaware of myself, in the fog, making the same choices because of my dynamic and programming. Just an observation. I hadn't even thought of it from the perspective of someone who innocently happened into a relationship with one of these vile creatures unknowing of having been treated that way before.