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Community Corner => The Cafe => Topic started by: Rainagain on November 11, 2017, 08:07:18 AM

Title: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Rainagain on November 11, 2017, 08:07:18 AM
I wondered if there might be a place for people to post funny stuff that has happened to them because of cptsd and associated issues.

I seem to often laugh about stuff, it helps to cope.

I'm not saying everyone feels like this but maybe if you are having a bad day reading about other people finding life ridiculous could help.

I have always used (sometimes) dark humour to help me cope.

It contains a sort of optimism and helps make the desperate bearable.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Sceal on November 11, 2017, 10:10:16 AM
I do too. Sometimes its all you can do to ease the burden
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: ah on November 11, 2017, 10:20:21 AM
Would extremely dark humor be okay too?
Shiny happy humor is for me an instant trigger, but dark humor can be a huge relief. It can be like medicine sometimes when there's nothing else left. But at its best it may be very morbid  :whistling:
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Rainagain on November 11, 2017, 01:44:32 PM
Darker the better I'd say.

Here is a mild example

I was going upstairs to fetch something, I stopped halfway on the stairs as I'd forgotten what I was fetching. After a while I gave up trying to remember, then I couldn't remember if I had been going up the stairs or down the stairs before I had stopped in the middle.

Or today's visit to psych. I used to work in enforcement and my partner was explaining that I have nightmares where I thrash about and shout out. The psych asked what sort of things I come out with, she replied 'come here,you!'. And 'have it!'
He laughed, it was a moment.....

Maybe we could have a place called 'trigger warning corner' where we can post the stupid stuff with swearing encouraged? I often can't take myself seriously and am not even all that embarrassed by my nuttiness anymore.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Blueberry on November 21, 2017, 11:22:10 PM
Sometimes I also have a dark humourous side about the nonsense FOO comes up with. I don't want to trigger anybody though.

One thing FOO said a few decades ago: "Some bad things might have happened, but that'll strengthen you for later."  :rofl: I feel so strong. I managed to be full-time employed for about 3 years before I collapsed completely. I'm sure the country I'm living in is so happy that this strength allows me to contribute in such a meaningful way to e.g. income tax.  :rofl:
(I know it's sad too in its way, but this quote cracks me up.)

On my early days on this forum, either I, or somebody else and I, came up with "FOO ping pong". That's basically these useless discussions that I only engage in in my head or in Unsent Letters now, where you maybe accuse somebody in FOO of abuse, or you say "I'm not going to be the family SG anymore" and they answer: "You never were, you were imagining that." and then you say "No I wasn't...." FOO ping pong. The designation makes me laugh, not the activity obviously.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: AphoticAtramentous on November 22, 2017, 01:06:44 AM
This is a cute idea. I tend to laugh at a lot of things, including my own pain. I hit my knee against my desk the other day and it hurt a bunch but I was laughing because it was so ridiculous that out of all the places I could move my leg, it just so happened to move to where my desk was. I laugh at my CPTSD issues too though, the bad memory, conflicting thoughts, the random mood swings, and just being sensitive to a lot of strangely specific things. Also I take pleasure in telling people all the creepy nightmares I have as a result of my CPTSD and their cringing is hilarious to me.  :whistling:
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: woodsgnome on November 22, 2017, 02:03:52 AM
What comes to mind for me are those side-by-side or 2-faced theatrical masks depicting either laughter or crying. Indeed, they often can merge on the emotional level; especially when the sadness has no further territory left, as it's all so absurd and totally senseless.

I feel that the inner dark absurd humour type played a huge role in surviving lots of abuse, especially when I reached school age and began to decipher the hypocrisy behind the abusers better. How monsters could morph into fools or the like, for instance. They were still awful, but inside  at least I could turn them into buffoons.

Unfortunately, the reality meant there was not a shred of humour in the events themselves; only in the aftermath, the dark humour was obviously an important survival tactic. It literally was the only thing that kept me going at times.

Nowadays, I sometimes incorporate dark humour into how I think of the past. A favourite metaphor of mine is to describe my life as 2 movies--the old and new. In a purely habitual painful way, I view the old flick as pure tragedy.

But when I add the dark humour, I end up with more of a tragicomedy. Until, finally, I realize the only thing I can effect is the new movie for which I'm currently writing the script. But the background involves the dark humour which is still playing itself out, I guess.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Kat on November 22, 2017, 03:42:03 AM
On a couple of occasions where I had a phone conversation with my T, I ended it by saying, "Well, all right then.  Thanks. I've got to go put the kids in their cages.  They've been out for a whole hour now."  Fortunately, my T has a very dark sense of humor and just laughs at me.  Sometimes she'll play back pretending to be in court trying to explain herself, "Well, yes, I see that it sounds bad, but I really thought she was joking..." 

Now that I think of it, my relationship with my own kids is where a lot of the dark humor comes about.  I was telling my T about my daughter's fish dying.  I said she asked why they died and that I said, "Because you were bad."  Of course, I didn't say that, but it made us both laugh.  Wow.  Having written this, it sounds really bad in writing. 
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Three Roses on November 22, 2017, 07:51:26 AM
Dark humor can be very cathartic. (I kind of chuckled at your fish story.)
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Rainagain on November 24, 2017, 01:38:35 AM
Every time I see the thread 'just having a difficult day ' I think....

'Just having a difficult life' more like.

Makes me smile anyway.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: caroline on January 05, 2018, 11:02:07 PM
So glad I found this thread!  Have any of you played Cards against Humanity?  I think everyone was shocked by what i thought was funny!
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Contessa on January 06, 2018, 12:52:06 AM
Caroline yes.
Just played it with a friend's family. Although we've always had a similar sense of humour, I did notice that my responses were particularly darker... so I didn't own up to all of them, ha :)
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Mussymel on January 06, 2018, 02:27:15 AM
Kat I have a similar dark sense of humour with my kids, and laughed at your fish story. I think sarcasm keeps parents relatively sane sometimes!
The current funniest thing to do in this house is scare mommy. Due to my hyper vigilance I give a great reaction to being scared. I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea the other night and my 6 year old suddenly appeared behind me. I jumped and screamed. She laughed her head off! I have joked with my DH (who also loves to sneak up on me) that some day I'll have a sharp knife in my hands and won't be responsible for my actions due to my mental illness. I told my T this and he thought it was funny. I often say if I don't laugh I'll cry, so better to laugh.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Kat on January 06, 2018, 03:24:10 AM
Mussy, you mentioned your startle response.  My daughter who is ten is a night owl.  When we're on break, she tends to stay up past everyone else in the house.  Unfortunately, that means she comes to wake me to put her to bed.  I've warned both my kids about scaring me.  Poor girl went to wake me up so I could put her in bed and got a slap across the face.  It wasn't a hard slap, but it scared us both.  Nothing funny about this.  Your post just happened to remind me.

I don't recall if I've mentioned this anywhere else on the boards, so if you've already read about this, I'm sorry.  We owned two guinea pigs.  They went through multiple names as the kids were growing up.  Finally, I just took to calling them The Girls.  One of them died, so I've continued calling the one we have The Girl.  I had put her outside to graze and sort of forgot about it.  My daughter came in while I was on the phone and said, "Can I put The Girl back in her cage now?" I wondered what the person on the other end was thinking.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Mussymel on January 06, 2018, 03:45:49 AM
Oh Kat I'd say that wasn't nice for either of you.
That is hilarious about the guinea pig.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: the mirliton on January 06, 2018, 04:00:04 AM
Hello...I guess the "startle response" is just one of those characteristics that sometimes manifests with CPTSD? With the intent of being kind to my SELF I actually find some of my quirky? mannerisms quite amusing. A (to me at least) extremely funny British comedian (Catherine Tate) demonstrates her "startle response" in a short clip. She has shared that her mother, in real life, is the inspiration for the character.
https://youtu.be/oER9xKbD2T8

Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Kat on January 06, 2018, 04:23:15 AM
That is hilarious!  Thanks, Mirliton! 
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Gromit on January 06, 2018, 10:53:14 AM
I learnt on counselling training that humour is a mature response to or a mature distraction from painful things.

I remember my OH borrowing my iPod for entertainment when he ran. His response to my music was that there was too much Julian Cope, it was very eclectic, and very dark. Oh well.

To amuse you now: I noticed the name of the person I was buying something from on eBay was Steven Duffy. I actually emailed to ask him if he was the Stephen Tintin Duffy (80's pop reference), he said 'unfortunately not'. I told this story to my OH who could not believe I would actually ask that question, another example of him thinking I am bonkers. But at least I am bonkers in a harmless way.

Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Rainagain on January 08, 2018, 04:08:43 PM
My younger daughter did the 'scare daddy' thing, at a time I was getting visited by criminals at home and had been living in preparedness for attack ( I had weapons around the house) she came in quietly and shouted argh! Behind me like a pirate.

I jumped a mile in the air, spun round and she was crying with laughter.

Eventually I laughed too, but I was laughing because I couldn't believe she would do that to her poor old frazzled dad ( I was on beta blockers for anxiety at the time).

She is 21, and still treats me as a source of amusement.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Three Roses on January 08, 2018, 04:20:50 PM
My youngest son has always loved to scare me - he once hid in the coats hanging by the door and then simply reached out as I walked past. Lots of other times he's really succeeded in scaring the bejesus out of me!  ;D :rofl:
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: ah on March 25, 2018, 10:42:17 PM
You know, this thread has helped me solidify what I've noticed about abusers: Their Sense of Humor Sucks.

Maybe not all, but the ones I've had the misfortune of knowing are just completely humorless. You joke and they stare at you like a dumb animal, uncomprehending, then attack you with it, or they have the humor of a two-year-old with especially bad social skills. It essentially consists of extremely bad knock-knock jokes, at which they crack themselves up and laugh while their companions stare at them stone faced every time.

I once told a sadistic abuser, by mistake, that the tired chirping copying machine sounded like it had a trapped bird inside. I was nearly murdered on the spot. They turned on me, glaring, revolted, full of virtuous indignation, dead serious, and said "YOU HAVE A MENTAL PROBLEM!!!" I was tempted to say softly and equally seriously "well no, just humor, is there no humor in the world you come from?" but I was vaguely starting to sense the danger I was in. Sadly, I wasn't quick enough.

It would never occur to me to try to scare them. First of all, the abusers I know have no startle response; they're not calm, just mildly inhuman so it would fail. Second, I wouldn't survive it. It might only work as a form of Suicide By Abuser.

You're good people, you are. Laughing like that tells me that about you. Just thought I'd say it.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Wattlebird on August 17, 2018, 02:42:17 PM
This is great just what I needed today I laughed and laughed Kat u have a wonderful sense of humour you all cheered me up, I've played cards against humanity as well people were a bit shocked at my dark sense of humour as well, my husband also has an equally dark sense of humour and were often the only two laughing at some sick comment or event or whatever it is, I wonder if an especially dark sense of humour is an indication of trauma?
I am extremely uncomfortable with anyone touching my hair and my husbands mother used to forever pat my hair my husband used to stand out her view and smile at me knowing it was torturous for me but also knowing I would never say anything to her because she was such a sweety I wouldn't hurt her feelings. This always made me feel much better watching him laugh at me squirming and seeing the humour in it. Maybe humour decreases your level of pain or discomfort and so we reach for it more readily dunno but something like this must be going on
Very interesting topic
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Rainagain on November 10, 2018, 11:13:02 PM
A sense of humour is a valuable item.

It helps coping and if you can maintain a sense of humour when life is harsh it raises people up in my eyes.

And dark humour is best I find.

I have a friend who has plenty of issues, we have known each other for many years and talk about real stuff.

After discussing my cptsd diagnosis a couple of years ago she must have googled it or something, she announced that she might also have cptsd.

My response was 'oi! That's my diagnosis, find your own!'.

We still chuckle about it now, its become a running joke.

Hers is childhood, mine is adult, but I can recognise it in her.

We often call each other out when one of us isn't being genuine, accurate and properly present, the sort of bickering you can only do with people who know each other well, it is quite funny.

Actually, I have recognised cptsd in quite a few people now that I know more about it, also retrospectively spotted it in people I used to know but back then I hadn't heard of it. Now I understand better.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: ShadowsOfLuna on September 30, 2019, 08:08:23 PM
You know, this thread has helped me solidify what I've noticed about abusers: Their Sense of Humor Sucks.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT. My worst ex wouldn't let me laugh at anything or make jokes (which is also a big coping mechanism for me)_ because he would never understand them and it made him angry. He couldn't just be dumb, he had to be angry about being dumb.

Also hey I absolutely love dark humor. And memes.

Sometimes when my friends get into loud arguments I cry out "MOMMY DADDY PLEASE STOP FIGHTING"
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Perplex on November 02, 2019, 04:15:48 AM
This is great just what I needed today I laughed and laughed Kat u have a wonderful sense of humour you all cheered me up, I've played cards against humanity as well people were a bit shocked at my dark sense of humour as well, my husband also has an equally dark sense of humour and were often the only two laughing at some sick comment or event or whatever it is, I wonder if an especially dark sense of humour is an indication of trauma?
I am extremely uncomfortable with anyone touching my hair and my husbands mother used to forever pat my hair my husband used to stand out her view and smile at me knowing it was torturous for me but also knowing I would never say anything to her because she was such a sweety I wouldn't hurt her feelings. This always made me feel much better watching him laugh at me squirming and seeing the humour in it. Maybe humour decreases your level of pain or discomfort and so we reach for it more readily dunno but something like this must be going on
Very interesting topic
This intrigues me as well. I have a dark sense of humour and the only explanation I can come up with is the fact that I may just be desensitised to it.

All this chatter about being startled reminds me of my frequent jumps. My coworker sometimes accidentally scares me as you can't really hear him coming. He'll say something behind my back and I'll swear in a fright. The funny thing is, he's so small and tiny. I'm like an elephant startled by a mouse. I've also had occasions where I'm lying on the bed twitching my foot idly and then I'll startle myself because I see something moving in my peripheral vision. I have to laugh at myself then.

Regards,
Complex.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Three Roses on November 02, 2019, 07:52:42 AM
Quote
All this chatter about being startled reminds me of my frequent jumps. My coworker sometimes accidentally scares me as you can't really hear him coming.

Here's some info you might find interesting on exaggerated startle response -
https://jreidtherapy.com/ptsd-startle-response/

Although the article is written about ptsd and not cptsd, it's still relevant.
 :heythere:
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: juliaguarde on February 21, 2020, 07:12:13 PM
I enjoyed reading this thread.  I too laugh often at my difficulties. Itís a lot easier to laugh off the small stuff than to get all tangled up and angry about it. 
I told my spouse yesterday that I knew he loved me, it was one of my other personalities that needed to be reassured too often.  We both laughed like loons.   :rofl: It eased the pressure of my fear a whole lot. Plus, weíre we with friends, no one would know I wasnít entirely joking. 
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: saylor on February 22, 2020, 04:21:58 AM
For my part, I feel lucky in that thereís no one in my life who would ever try to startle me, because I donít think I could ever find it funnyóstartles take too much out of me. Mostly, I have trouble finding any amusement in my symptoms, and I tend to get really self-conscious and/or annoyed if anyone else does (like when I succumb to a particularly intense EF in public and others are entertained, which always ends up bringing me shameómaybe someday Iíll find humor in that kind of thing, but I feel far away from that capacity so far...)

I wracked my brain and did think of one episode that I have found funny. Not sure how well Iíll be able to relate it here, but basically I got home from work after an extra-draining day, and because the sun was still up (I dislike bright light) and I was feeling agitated, I decided to hang out for awhile in the closet, where itís nice and dark and cozy. I donít generally do this kind of thing, but felt I needed it then, and it helped. A short while after I lay down, I heard that my partner came home. He must have started looking for me straightaway, didnít see me in the usual spots, probably noticed the closet door was closed, and immediately figured out where I was. He opened the door, said a quick ďhiĒ, asked me some question or other, then softly closed the door upon hearing my answer and went away without further comment. He never missed a beat. I realized then that he must be so used to my general crazy that nothing about me can even faze him anymore, and I found his utter nonchalance to be quite funny
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Kizzie on February 22, 2020, 05:40:10 PM
"I decided to hang out for awhile in the closet, where itís nice and dark and cozy. I donít generally do this kind of thing, but felt I needed it then, and it helped."

Just wanted to say I did this too Saylor - it's so safe and dark and quiet. Anyway, I was seeing an addictions counselor back when I had a problem with drinking and told him about retreating to my closet. He did not blink an eye, in fact he said that sounds like just what you needed to do.  I remember thinking  "Wow, this guy is good!"    :applause:

Also wanted to add my now favourite video about startling.  Our new house has carpet on the stairs and in the bedrooms whereas our previous house didn't so I had a fighting chance against being startled (still did a lot).  Now  I really can't hear my husband coming. He doesn't ever try to scare me deliberately but he just seems to appear out of nowhere and I look a lot like the poor hamster. I'm thinking of getting him to wear a bell.  https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2020/02/07/you-wont-see-anything-more-surprised-than-this-hamster-given-an-unexpected-prod/

 
 
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Snowdrop on February 22, 2020, 06:10:41 PM
Ha, that hamster is me when my husband walks into the kitchen! ;D
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Not Alone on February 23, 2020, 04:28:21 PM
A short while after I lay down, I heard that my partner came home. He must have started looking for me straightaway, didnít see me in the usual spots, probably noticed the closet door was closed, and immediately figured out where I was. He opened the door, said a quick ďhiĒ, asked me some question or other, then softly closed the door upon hearing my answer and went away without further comment. He never missed a beat. I realized then that he must be so used to my general crazy that nothing about me can even faze him anymore, and I found his utter nonchalance to be quite funny
I find his reaction to be BEAUTIFUL! BTW, I'm jealous that you have space in the bottom of a closet to lie down! I have to resort to my bathroom floor.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: saylor on February 23, 2020, 09:07:58 PM
A short while after I lay down, I heard that my partner came home. He must have started looking for me straightaway, didnít see me in the usual spots, probably noticed the closet door was closed, and immediately figured out where I was. He opened the door, said a quick ďhiĒ, asked me some question or other, then softly closed the door upon hearing my answer and went away without further comment. He never missed a beat. I realized then that he must be so used to my general crazy that nothing about me can even faze him anymore, and I found his utter nonchalance to be quite funny
I find his reaction to be BEAUTIFUL! BTW, I'm jealous that you have space in the bottom of a closet to lie down! I have to resort to my bathroom floor.
That was in the old house. New one doesnít accommodate, unfortunately...

Yes, his reaction warmed the cockles of my heart (in addition to affording me a private chuckle), as do his responses to all my other bizarre and unpleasant CPTSD behaviors. I feel blessed
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Kizzie on February 25, 2020, 06:53:53 PM
A tent fort might be just the ticket on those days when a quiet, dark 'burrow'  would help.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Bermuda on December 22, 2020, 05:54:58 PM
I have spells of sleep walking, not so much now, and walking is an understatement... I would jump up while asleep, scramble for my clothes saying things at apparently 10x normal human speed and run for the nearest exit... Whenever my husband would try to wake me or convince me I'm asleep I would try to fight him to escape. So we joked one day about introducing a safe word so that I would know it's a dream. A couple years lately, things got a lot better, and he told me it's because he came up with a safe word that makes me look about perplexed and he had been using it that whole time. Needless to say I'll never look at Raspberry Doughnuts the same again, and whenever I am panicking I know that there are no raspberry doughnuts in the room.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Pioneer on January 06, 2021, 05:29:42 AM
Bermuda, that is so sweet (sorry for the bad pun  ;D)! I'm glad your husband found a word that was safe for you - that shows love and persistence and healing right there.

It will be a confusing day if one of you actually wants some real raspberry donuts and buys them and brings them home  ;)
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Kizzie on January 06, 2021, 06:39:08 PM
So glad to hear things have gotten better Bermuda!   :thumbup: 

I have one about my oh so easily triggered startle reaction. When my H first came home from the stroke rehab centre Nov 27 I could hear him coming because he was using a wheelchair and a cane and was on our main floor which is all hardwood. 

Now he is able to do stairs to our upper level and everything is carpeted so it feels like he is  in 'stealth mode' again and seemingly just appears out of nowhere. Absolutely wonderful that he is making progress but oh my poor heart.  :aaauuugh: 

I'm thinking of tying a bell on the railings top and bottom and asking him to give them a jingle when he heads up or down so I know he's coming.  ;D
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: mojay on January 06, 2021, 10:39:57 PM
I've just seen this board and feel like I've found a great corner for myself!! I have both a very dark sense of humor or an extremely gentle sense of humor (think: animals doing a funny). Thank you for creating this space, I'm looking forward to reading through all the funny CPTSD happenings and adding my own :heythere:

One funny instance I remember is from my stay at an inpatient psych ward. It just so happened that all the patients were there for worsening MDD & SI. During group I had remarked on rarely seeing anyone up and about and that the atmosphere was so much less chaotic compared to my previous stay. Without missing a beat another patient said, "well yeah, we all have depression." Needless to say we all cracked up.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: mojay on January 06, 2021, 10:41:23 PM
Now he is able to do stairs to our upper level and everything is carpeted so it feels like he is  in 'stealth mode' again and seemingly just appears out of nowhere. Absolutely wonderful that he is making progress but oh my poor heart.  :aaauuugh: 

I'm thinking of tying a bell on the railings top and bottom and asking him to give them a jingle when he heads up or down so I know he's coming.  ;D
"stealth mode" is always a hilarious way to describe something! I like your idea of the bell jingle. It is really wonderful that he's making progress  :cheer:
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Bermuda on January 07, 2021, 12:51:39 PM
I'm thinking of tying a bell on the railings top and bottom and asking him to give them a jingle when he heads up or down so I know he's coming.  ;D

I suggest a cat collar, they come in so many cute styles. They even have electronic ones that can be used to open doors!

 ;D Just kidding, of course.
Title: Re: Humour around cptsd
Post by: Kizzie on January 07, 2021, 05:16:26 PM
 :thumbup:   Now there's an image that will stick in my head lol.  :bigwink: