well here we are, the work stuff is hitting the fan just as I was hoping it wouldn't but knew full well it would.
They've now managed to scramble my cashflow by being seriously late and I'm gonna be on carrots til january. Oh joy.
Last night I just blew. There was not a soul on the phone, online or hiding under the table to turn to so I rang the Samaritans. For the first time in 7 years I really cried. Out it came. The anger, the bewilderment and the shock. The injustice and the sheer pain of the whole thing.
It had to come out. I feel better, maybe. But Once again today I'm sat here waiting for people to break their promises. I am so done with this. The same old bloody delusions, the dreary gaslighting over schedules and that feeling of being trapped in your own life without the power to intervene in your own collapse.
But I'ts different now. I'm less PTSD and more just plain hacked off. I've come a long way and I'm not going back. Funny tho, I've goit an artwork to do shortly based on this image.
life is odd
Well, this may sound a bit weird but I'm glad you had a good cry! Big hugs to you, and I'll join you in looking forward to where life takes you after this. Hugs! :grouphug:
Thanks you. It's really time to make changes.
Me too, I'm glad you had a good cry to express anger, bewilderment, maybe sadness. And I'm glad you felt able to turn to the Samaritans when nobody else was around. Much better than turning to addiction :cheer: Yay you! (Not that I don't turn to addictions or anything).
good for you, james. sometimes unleashing those toxic tears is really cleansing. glad you had a time and place to do so.
keep taking care of you. is that a picture of the artwork? i can't see it real clearly, but i love the colors and the forms withing. nice. big hug.
well I have to copy the artwork. Shows Effect of PTSD on the brain!
Threw a fit on all and sundry today and got pretty angry. I don't think they have any doubts I'm ill now!
good for you and good for the Samaritans.
Sometimes it takes so much to get to that grief and then it all comes tumbling out.