I am, as the title suggests, getting worn out flipping between these two states. I feel like I've made some progress and know the direction I'm headed. It's just tiring me out so much because the path isn't clear yet.
I don't know who I can trust or who I can ask for advice in person. I'd really appreciate some advice.
littlebird, i've had those times of utter exhaustion, thinking i've moved ahead, then getting smacked back again, battling once more to move ahead, and on and on. i don't really have any advice, just that it eventually gets a bit smoother, the ups and downs aren't quite as high and low, and there is a bit more respite in between battles.
i think it's the nature of this beast to go back and forth rather than in a straight line. i hope you can be gentle with yourself, and just hang tough. hangin' right beside you. big warm gentle hug to you.
:hug: thanks sanmagic7, this helps
I'm constantly fighting myself and recovery is never going to work. I don't have any options or abilities and I'm just a horrible person at the core. I thought I would be nicer if I felt well. That's not true. There is nothing I actually want to decide on. I hate myself.