Hey
Hi Mamacavewoman,
I am glad you found this place, although sorry for what you have experienced that has brought you here, I personally am not married nor do I have kids, but I can relate to having some outburst towards people I care about. I believe that can be common if there has been triggers or just a lack of outlet elsewhere.
It seems you are doing everything you can to get help and ensure that you heal. That is such a huge step, and I am glad you can take it. Remember to always be patient with yourself on this journey.
Just wanted to say hello and welcome.
I can really relate to your situation. After a lifetime of abuse from my parents, I can now see so clearly how I took everything out on my poor husband.
After having a period of complete "breakdown", getting help, piecing together all of the elements that led to this, and going NC with my family, I really am healing. My husband isn't keen to discuss my worst behaviour, but I gave him the Pete Walker c-ptsd book, and he will now say things like 'the book says...' so I know he is supporting me. This might be an idea for you and your husband.
Being here has helped me so much and I hope we can do the same for you.
All the best,
Libby.