I have been reading much on PTSD, and CPTSD. I recently got Judith Hermann's book, and got thru chapter 1. I recognize myself in all the trauma symptoms. Basically, in the long run, trauma narrows your world. I worried that I didn't have the intrusive thoughts as a symptom. Hermann says that after a while, they fade and the primary symptom becomes the numbing. People that haven't gotten to the ability to put themselves into the self trance (as she calls it), use alcohol and opiates. Check mark here. I don't need them anymore, because I have put myself into a relatively constant state of numbness.
I can't speak to nightmares, as I have been on seroquel for probably at least a decade - well before the PTSD/CPTSD began full force.
I went to my T in tears today. Is there hope for recovery, and what is it? She says there is hope, people do recovery. It may be a long time. I can't remember the last time I had anything other than just waking up to wonder when I could go back to sleep. I have no joy in life. That is part of trauma - you lose the pain AND the joy. You stop planning for the future. You stop caring.
I want to believe that. I want to believe there is hope. My T offers EMDR as the "cure". I hope that will do it. We have to go slow, because I am in a particularly sensitive time now.
Does anyone wonder if it will ever get better?
I do. I've made a lot of progress, but it's taken me many, many years. (Without therapy though.) It's been slow going, and there are plateaus where nothing seems to happen at all... but every now and then things happen that just move things forwards all at once. Those times are great. It's like learning a new language, or any new skill. You do the put in the hours and it's tedious and discouraging, but over time you notice that there was progress after all.
I feel like that a lot, too. I know when I look back that I have made huge strides, like SK, without therapy.
I went into therapy two years ago for something else, and now I am facing the trauma. NOW I feel like there is no progress. I go through stages like this, off and on. I have gained a lot of awareness, not sure if that is the same as progress...or change. I now see how irrational I am, but I am still irrational!!!
Anyway, it is easy to get discouraged, I've found, because it's not like losing weight where you can get on a scale and measure your success. It could be tiny steps forward and one big step back, then another step forward. But hang in there. It is frustrating when the pace is slow or looks like nothing is happening.
I'm dealing with that a lot lately. I think most of it is my own responsibility because I have such a hard time opening up in therapy.
Hi EO, I wonder a lot if it will get better. I wonder a lot if I'll ever heal. I wonder if I'll ever actually feel again on my own, in the present tense. I wonder if I'll ever stop being hit in the middle of an otherwise normal day by intrusive thoughts and emotions from crap that happened 30 years or more ago, and some crap that kept happening for 37 years until I went NC. I struggle a lot with feeling like I'm just riding out a particularly long numb patch and not terribly interested in what comes next. I'm scared, a lot, that nothing will ever make this stop.
It seems the numbness and lack of joy or even hope is pretty common for C/PTSD folks. It makes sense. The way my T explained it to me is that I lived the first half of my life with the emotional volume at 15 on a scale of 10...so learning to "hear" emotions at normal level is hard. And all of those "loud" experiences naturally take center stage, even well after the fact, and overshadow the "quieter" normal stuff.
All of that said, I absolutely believe that small changes - even tiny changes - add up over time. Right now I feel a lot like nothing could possibly heal me from everything I'm dealing with. But I also know that if I don't try, even a tiny bit, then there's no possibility at all of healing. Many days, getting out of bed and saying "today I won't give up just yet" counts as trying. Over time, making that one decision adds up to thousands of opportunities for other tiny changes, and if that's the only decision I can make that day, that's OK.
We're all fighters here, in our own ways, and I think everybody on this board has hope or else we wouldn't be looking for answers. Be as kind to yourself as you can, and hang in there.
Quote from: rtfm on September 14, 2014, 05:16:03 AMIt seems the numbness and lack of joy or even hope is pretty common for C/PTSD folks. It makes sense. The way my T explained it to me is that I lived the first half of my life with the emotional volume at 15 on a scale of 10...so learning to "hear" emotions at normal level is hard. And all of those "loud" experiences naturally take center stage, even well after the fact, and overshadow the "quieter" normal stuff.
Ah ha. That's an excellent point. Thank you for sharing it.
And of course, any quieter normal (even pleasant) stuff was always just the quiet before yet another storm. I remember now. Any good times were always ruined by the knowledge: this won't last, it's just a flash in the pan. Maybe that makes it difficult to let myself really feel the normal, pleasant quietness now.
I hope you all have the wind at your backs, at least a little.
I know things improve, just not at the rate I'd like. ::)
Since my mood pretty much dictates what I think (and even what I'm able to remember), I got a journal and write ONLY GOOD THINGS that have happened in it. Just so I have a record of them. Not that I ignore negativity in life, but this one is specifically to record good things that I've done or any kind of personal success. I do it by the month. To try to find positive things every day is unrealistic for me and would set me up to fail, so I do it by the month, lol. I write the event or action, and then how I felt about it.
I have Social Anxiety, so for me an example of an entry would be:
EVENT: Had a spontaneous conversation with a woman in the waiting room.
HOW IT MADE ME FEEL: I was comfortable, even with the quiet pauses. I initiated parts of it, didn't sweat, panic, turn red, etc. It felt NICE!
So when I feel discouraged, I look at this and see PROOF that I can do so much more, and feel much better, than I could/did before. (I started it in 2011) This helps keep the Inner Critic silent too because he knows I have this book so he cannot taunt me and say I'm not getting better. :)
That journal is an excellent idea, Pam! We need to retrain our thinking and give more power to the positive than the negative, and writing and referring back to it is an excellent way to reinforce that.
Quote from: pam on September 14, 2014, 03:13:09 PM
I have Social Anxiety, so for me an example of an entry would be:
EVENT: Had a spontaneous conversation with a woman in the waiting room.
HOW IT MADE ME FEEL: I was comfortable, even with the quiet pauses. I initiated parts of it, didn't sweat, panic, turn red, etc. It felt NICE!
So when I feel discouraged, I look at this and see PROOF that I can do so much more, and feel much better, than I could/did before. (I started it in 2011) This helps keep the Inner Critic silent too because he knows I have this book so he cannot taunt me and say I'm not getting better. :)
Ditto what Globetrotter said, it's a
great idea and I love that you listen to yourself (i.e., it would be too much to do it daily so you do it monthly). And as you say, you're not ignoring the negative, just focusing on the positives and retraining your brain to allow the good stuff and balance things out.
Scares me too. Reading authors who understand the effects of trauma is validating and scary.
The last year has been my lowest. I compare myself to my siblings, who choose to ignore stuff as much as they can. They acknowledge that our childhood was wrong, but somehow keep themselves in denial at the same time. Anyway, they seem to be carrying on with life normally. While it seems that my CPTSD symptoms are increasing. I worry that soon I will be a complete recluse, reliant on my husband for everything. I know I shouldn't compare, but it is impossible not to. I hate that I am so affected. I fight hard to overcome it. But it is exhausting. There are days that I feel like I am dragging myself on my stomach through mud with barbed wire overhead, land mines everywhere, and bombs going off.
Just this week I asked my T if it is going to get better, cause it feels like it is getting worse. She assured me that it will. She said to accept my limitations(to not push myself to hard), and to think about asking for support from my H. He would I know, but I am fiercely independent. Asking for support is the hardest thing I can think of. She has said before that a persons mind only brings up what they are strong enough to deal with at the time. If that's the case my mind has a lot of faith in my strength right now.
My brother's like that, too, bee. But he had a different life from mine. I think it's to do with the roles children of dysfunctional families adopt. He was a Hero Child / Mascot, and I was a Lost Child / Scapegoat. It's been a huge relief to read that it's quite normal, this thing where you have a family that LOOKS fine, and they have one kid that LOOKS like it's the only damaged or weird one... but then it turns out that the family's dysfunction really just earthed itself into the poor kid, and he's really the one of the lot of them who's least in denial, and who's living an authentic and emotionally honest life. From what you write, it sounds like you deserve to give yourself credit for that, too. You're emotionally honest, you're facing facts, you're not escaping into a pretty lie, you're working to overcome your problems, you're talking about the elephant in the room. :hug:
I hope life is treating you kindly, and I wish that you'll soon have the wind at your back. Hang in there. :bighug:
Emotion Overload - It does get better. It's just so slow sometimes that it definitely doesn't look like it is. I think all the tricks that we can use to maintain perspective is one of the more important aspects of all of this. As someone mentioned, the "negative filter" that we all have which causes us to get mired in the negatives, immediately discounting the forward progress. I LOVE Pam's "positive notebook". I too have started making little lists of things in my journal that have improved greatly. I've caught myself recently where you are...freaking out about the fact that the stuff that *I* want to be working on, that *I* think needs to change, doesn't seem to be budging. Except...there are a bunch of other areas that I HAVE improved on. And for all I know, those issues that I've been internally tantruming about might be on the bottom of this pile of crap...and maybe I'm halfway down, trying to sort it and get it all out of the way to get to those behaviors.
I'm working on having patience, and faith in my process.
And, speaking specifically to your "numbing" issue...I KNOW that that can get better...because I had the same exact issue 5 years ago. Complete with really scary dissociative episodes that felt like I got slipped some brown acid. Seriously scary. But, the numbing was a serious issue for years. The behaviors that I'm struggling with right now are escapist behaviors, so in some ways I still numb...but it isn't a constant state that I live in anymore. I can feel sadness, and joy again. It was a long, slow process though - and at times even now...even joy is too intense for me to handle and I sort of "switch off". I have much more control over that switch now though.
Rain - I do a lot of "inner kid" and critic work too. Your description of how you deal with yours made me smile. I love how creative and inventive we can get in dealing with these issues.
schrödinger's cat and Rain - thank you so much for your kind words. They made me feel good. To have people understand is such a relief.
Quote from: schrödinger's cat on September 26, 2014, 08:25:28 AM
It's been a huge relief to read that it's quite normal, this thing where you have a family that LOOKS fine, and they have one kid that LOOKS like it's the only damaged or weird one... but then it turns out that the family's dysfunction really just earthed itself into the poor kid, and he's really the one of the lot of them who's least in denial, and who's living an authentic and emotionally honest life.
That is reassuring.
Quote from: Rain on September 26, 2014, 10:49:35 AM
chocolate-covered * with a pretty little bow on it
gave me a belly laugh.
The One thing that gives me hope is this: I read somewhere that IF You WORK on Healing from P/CPTSD it is possible to get off of meds completely! That is MY GOAL!
Rain - I'm a very visual person, so much of my inner work has been done with visualizations. I have a "safe place" that I have built in my head where I do meditations, healing, and communicate with my "higher self" which is also like, future me...healed, strong, balanced, capable - all the things that I've been wishing that I was for so many years. The gap between she and I is getting smaller. She does not feel so "other" as she has before.
As far as my critic...a few years ago, I recognized how "fragmented" I was. (I swear I was just a few trauma's away from a split personality). I had/have all these different aspects of myself...so I decided that it was time that we all started working together. This kind of integrates both my inner child work and critic stuff. I envisioned a "board room" of sorts, where we all get to sit around a round table, discussing things. Some of my aspects change, but my inner child is always there...and sometimes we color together, or I sit and talk with her to find out what she's frightened about, or reassure her.
When my critic was out of control, I used to envision how it felt. Like she was sitting beside me, in the board room, in real life, just constantly poking at my side with a sharp dagger. The intensity varied, and my ability to withstand the constant torture varied. Some days, I'd just be sitting there, talking normally, while my side bled, and she kept poking, and no one noticed the giant red stain on my shirt. Some days, I'd fallen out of my chair and I'd just lay on the floor, while she kicked me.
Then I built her a locked closet.
In the corner, I made a little closet/room with a door that I could lock from the outside. I started talking back, sometimes I'd envision physically taking her and shoving her into that room, slamming the door, and locking it. She would either get quiet, or her voice would be very dim through the door.
I did that for years too. And again, it all depended on my strength. There were days when she was locked up tight, and there were days when that door was blown off it's hinges and she was at it again.
Most recently, I've started talking to her, giving her gratitude. I learned about the ways that the critic is actually trying to keep us "safe" in a super twisted tough love kind of way. (Did you see the link I posted somewhere to the excerpt for that Self-Esteem book? It explains that.) Exactly like my mother used to, actually. So, I acknowledge whatever it is that she's trying to keep me safe from, and suggest that we try it another way. Point out that her way is not working, it's not necessary, I can handle it myself.
Our conversations are getting much more civil.
The biggest change that came recently though was when I recognized myself in an article that I read about demand resistance. Out of nowhere there was suddenly this really angry little boy inside of me (I am definitely a girl, so that's kind of weird) who just got sick and tired of being told what to do by everyone, including me, having everything fun turned into a "should" "need to" or "must" and who just started screaming "You're not the boss of me!"
It was like we were playing tug of war, me trying to get things done, not getting them done, and then tearing myself apart because of it. I recently just..dropped the rope, kind of put him in charge. That critical voice got waaaaay quiet. It was kind of amazing. I'm still not getting done what I want to get done, yet, but...my head is a much more peaceful place right now and I'm, for the first time, able to FEEL myself loving myself, despite the things I'm not getting done. I have a gut feeling that it's only a matter of time before I start naturally doing the things that need to be done because I WANT to do them...not because I'm guilting/shaming myself into doing them.
Also...I named my critic Bi*chface McMeany Pants.
Quote from: spryte on September 29, 2014, 01:19:28 PM
...I had/have all these different aspects of myself...so I decided that it was time that we all started working together. This kind of integrates both my inner child work and critic stuff. I envisioned a "board room" of sorts, where we all get to sit around a round table, discussing things. Some of my aspects change, but my inner child is always there...
Oh hey, I've got a board room too! High five!
Mine came from something I read. Before that, my aspects met in a coffeeshop. I added the boardroom for talking through difficult issues. The text I read suggested having a huge monitor or something, so if you wanted to revisit an old memory, you could visualize it as simply just a black-and-white documentary on this monitor, with dials so you could turn the volume down or switch it off. But yeah, board room.
I'm feeling less weird now, which is nice.
Rain - I think that it's imperative that we do what works for us. We've been doing that all along. Our defense mechanisms may fall along a spectrum of "sameness" but they were really amazingly adaptive and creative considering that we developed them to keep us safe, as children. I think it's the same as everything else. The same thing doesn't work for everyone, and sometimes we just have to keep trying, keep trying, keep trying to figure out what works for us. It's like...I've been working for years to get myself to drink more water. Apparently, I am really particular about the thing that I drink water out of. It has to be portable, easy to carry, I have to like the way it feels to drink out of it...blah blah blah...I can't tell you how many drinking apparatuses I went through, and spent money on...only to figure out that what I like to drink water out of most is the plastic cups that iced coffee comes in from Dunkin Donuts. My brain is weird, and particular.
I will tell you though, why the particular way that I'm handling it is helpful to me. I am not advocating that you change your methods.
In the book that I talked about, it does explain the roundabout ways that those criticisms are actually defense mechanisms. It helps me to understand WHAT it is that I'm trying to protect myself from, to be able to dissect the criticism itself to see what's at the bottom of it...in order to be able to say...Ok, I see what you're trying to do here, but that's not helpful. Lets find another way to do this. Perhaps your elderly wise friend is able to intuitionally know how to do that on their own...I don't know. But this is why it's helpful for ME to have those conversations with my critic.
I think maybe it also gives me a sense of control, because I have been successful in having those conversations with her...and changing her tone and her approach...whereas...when I tried to talk to my mother about how unhelpful she was being, even though I knew that she was "worried about me", I just got more of the same, and blame thrown back at me. I think it all depends on how we visualize those voices in our heads to begin with. That book taught me to externalize the voice (which we've done) but to also identify whose voice it is. I knew right away that it was my mother's. I tried envisioning her in my board room...that was just too difficult. I couldn't have her in my head more than she already was. The "she" in my head is still pretty amorphous, which is weird given how visual I am.
schrödinger's cat - me too! (the less weird part) haha, I feel like I tell people that and they're like...uh....I think people would be very worried about me if they had any idea that (and even more now lately) how often I am "talking" to myself, or to different, or multiple aspects of myself.
I love the idea of the monitor. I may have to incorporate that. I just learned recently that I think it's really the auditory aspect of a lot of this that bothers me...I was in a situation that normally would have triggered me big time the other day, but because I could only see it, and not hear it, it didn't. I think being in control of the "volume" might be very helpful for me to process some of those memories. Thanks!
Rain - a long time ago, after my really abusive relationship, I started to see myself as a piece of un-molded clay. Our parents are supposed to teach us how to mold ourselves, and of course...with our backgrounds, they don't. We don't get any tools at all to use to our own advantage. They mold us into what they find most pleasing, and most useful to them...and then they send us out into the world un-fired. In my case, I found another abuser who was more than willing to mold me into his liking. And I didn't know any better than to let him.
I guess with as many trust issues as I have with myself, I just now realized that that is one promise I have kept to myself in these recent years...that I wouldn't hand myself over to anyone else to be molded. That's kind of a big realization for me. :phoot:
I like cherry coke! I think I shall start celebrating more when I uncover little pieces of Who I Am. I recently realized that I have an affinity for very brightly colored skirts...especially now when it's so rainy and grey where I am.
:party:
I think that's a GREAT idea! I'd love a place to celebrate those little bits of myself that I'm discovering!
It's a sad truth that those who have abusive childhood's are much more likely to be re-victimized later on in life. I learned a lot about myself in that situation though. Wouldn't recommend it as a learning tool though. lol.
Spryte, I'm sad to hear how hard your life was. I mean, of course, whose wasn't... we're not here because we grew up in a disney-coloured paradise... but still. Sorry to hear it.
Quote[bI think people would be very worried about me if they had any idea that (and even more now lately) how often I am "talking" to myself, or to different, or multiple aspects of myself. [/b]
Ha, same here. If I were totally open, I'd often be saying things like: "...so I talked to my subconscious about that problem, and it said...".
Have you read anything about ego state therapy? I stumbled across the concept entirely by accident - we have a huge library here, and a book on ego state therapy happened to be right next to another book I was looking for. It helped me to understand a few things about my aspects.
Quote from: schrödinger's cat on September 29, 2014, 04:17:13 PM
Spryte, I'm sad to hear how hard your life was. I mean, of course, whose wasn't... we're not here because we grew up in a disney-coloured paradise... but still. Sorry to hear it.
Quote[bI think people would be very worried about me if they had any idea that (and even more now lately) how often I am "talking" to myself, or to different, or multiple aspects of myself. [/b]
Ha, same here. If I were totally open, I'd often be saying things like: "...so I talked to my subconscious about that problem, and it said...".
Have you read anything about ego state therapy? I stumbled across the concept entirely by accident - we have a huge library here, and a book on ego state therapy happened to be right next to another book I was looking for. It helped me to understand a few things about my aspects.
No, I've never come across that concept. Do you have any titles, or specific resources for it? I can google it.
I read a book by Jochen Reichl, but I don't think it's ever been translated into English. He's building on work done by an American, John G Watkins, so that may be a place to start?
However, another thing he builds on is the "Inner Team" concept by Friedemann Schulz von Thun. Basically, it's what you've discovered by yourself too. The theory in a nutshell is this (as far as I remember):
You have within yourself multiple 'voices'. So say a colleague wants to borrow something you urgently need yourself. There's a helpful part of you that wants to say "yes, of course" at once. There's a wary part saying: "...but will I get it back?" There's maybe a snide and competitive part that suggests withholding it so your colleague won't get ahead. So this is something most people experience, all these different parts of you with different feelings and agendas about the same issue. Normally, you don't even notice it: people tend to favour some of these "voices" and to push others in the background, where they are still felt but never really given a voice.
When it comes to making difficult decisions, though, the inner conflict can be hard to resolve. That's when this Inner Team method comes into play. Basically, you function as a team leader, and you hold a conference for all your parts. First of all, you name them. Then each part gets to have its say without being criticized or silenced. That done, you (as chairman) sum up what you've heard, and then work out a compromise. After that, you can ask each part if it's okay with them.
My guess is that this won't work for difficult cases, or when one is newly recovering. But the underlying concept of the modular self, that's one you'll also find in ego state therapy. There, the theory is: some of those component parts might be brainwashed into being loyal with our abusers. Others might not "know" properly that this is 2014, that we're grown-ups who are now safe: so Reichl suggested telling those aspects that "it's 2014, we're in this-and-that city, this is our own house and not our family's, we can lock the door and keep our abusers from coming in, this is 2014...". He's also working with the assumption that all our ego-states have helpful intentions (even destructive ones), but that there are also pure introjects, which we cannot and must not negotiate with, but must annihilate. The art seems to be in telling one from the other. --- That's what I remember from Reichl's book, which I read... eight years ago? So my memory of it is a bit vague.
Thanks, glad you liked it.
The part that I found most valuable for myself was this idea that some of our aspects are stuck in time, as it were. Or that they are stuck in a specific type of situation, and so whenever we feel mocked, or whenever someone adopts a pose that's physically intimidating, WHAM! out comes that particular aspect.
That actually explains a lot. I mean, even non-CPTSD people have moments when... say they see a bouncy castle and have suddenly this itch to just go bounce, as if the sight of it had activated their inner eight-year-old. In them, the grown-up parts are strong and healthy enough so they can just smile at that childlike aspect and then negotiate something that will please all parts. But of course, CPTSD damages everything, including our inner cohesion. So a situational ego-state gets activated, and its panic / shame / whatever overwhelms us and pulls us under.
Also, Watkins and Reichl say that ego states (or aspects) are at the heart of them benevolent. Even addictive behaviour is at core a problem solving strategy. (C)PTSD-type trauma is so horrifically damaging, our psyche adapts and copes in ways that seem problematic later, but that actually helped us pull through at the time. They were a resource once. Maybe they aren't one now, but they started out as the one thing we could do to save ourselves.
Take my habit of dissociating. Yes, it's problematic. I want to stop doing it. So ordinarily, I'd think: "Urgh, dissociating is such a weird thing to do... no one else does it... it's the cause of so many problems..." And that's true. But it's also valid to think: "Back then, I ran out of options. Dissociating was the one thing I could do to make things bearable. It's true that it didn't solve my problems, but it's also true that it helped keep the suicidal thoughts at bay, so maybe I'm still alive because a part of me knew how to dissociate." Seen this way, my dissociation is a bit like that thing some animals do, where they gnaw off their own leg when they get trapped, because if they didn't, they'd be killed. One can respect the sheer guts it takes to do that - while also being very sure that gnawing one's body parts off is certainly a habit one would wish to break.
Yes SC, thank you very much for sharing all of that. I'll have to look into that much more deeply. The inner team is definitely what I've been doing. I think I just got so tired of all the clamoring that I had to organize it in some way, lol. I don't think I use it for decision making so much though, and it would be interesting to see how that would work. I think mostly I use it just to calm all the aspects of myself, to "talk them down off the ledge" so to speak. Hmmm...have to play with using that tool a lot more.
Can one of you explain to me what a "pure introject" is? That's not a word that I've come across before.
I'm becoming even more familiar with a part of myself that is "stuck in time" or otherwise not aware that I'm an adult, ok, and safe. I'm not sure I was even aware of how strong it's presence was until I came to this board. I've read some stuff here that I've had some serious somatic response to...anxiety and stomach ache. It was all very strange, until I realized yesterday that I've rarely, if ever, talked about this stuff with people other than my T. Looking at all of the stuff that I've suffered at one time or another made a part of me very afraid that I was going to somehow get "sucked back into the past" to have to deal with all of that again. So...that's what I've been working on.
It's really interesting to look at our behaviors to see how they served us in the past. Defense mechanisms are something that I find really really interesting. We were incredibly strong, and creative, as kids to come up with them. I'm definitely ready to stop gnawing my own arm off though, lol!
And Rain, those are exactly the people that I want to help when I'm a counselor. I thought about focusing on kids, but with so many children with PD parents, there really just isn't a whole lot that anyone can do. I want to be there for people like us, who are intent on cleaning up the mess so that they can reach their fullest potential.
Quote from: spryte on September 30, 2014, 11:40:39 AM
Can one of you explain to me what a "pure introject" is? That's not a word that I've come across before.
Uhm, probably because it's simply just a language error. Sorry about that. What I meant was, an introject pure and simple. Something that's 100% an introject. Reichl distinguishes between the following aspects, all of which might attack us and do harmful things:
---Ego states that identify with the perpetrator (i.e. to whoever abused us). If I remember this correctly, those states will often work as allies of the perpetrator, echoing his words and doing his deeds. For example, if you grow up with a passive-aggressive father, you'll learn how to be passive-aggressive from him. You'll have one aspect within you that mirrors this guy's passive-aggressive stance, opinions, and goals.
---Ego states that are loyal to the perpetrator: there's a difference, and I
think it's that these ego states can play a role that's complementary to the perpetrator instead of mirroring his role precisely (maybe the role of loyal victim?).
---Introjects, which are NOT a part of our self: they have NO good function, they are one hundred percent bad, and they must be fought and eradicated and NOT negotiated with.
So... yikes, yes, "pure introject" is an oxymoron. :doh:
Hi rain! As I said, it's been years, but I'm reasonably certain that it's this one: "Innere Kinder, Täter, Helfer & Co: Ego-State-Therapie des traumatisierten Selbst". It's written for other experts, not the general public, but I found it relatively easy to understand, compared with the usual style of German-language expert-for-expert textbooks. If you look it up on amazon.de, they let you take a peek into the book. You probably know how to do it - there's this little arrow thing above the picture of the book, click on that and you can read a few pages.
Thank you, Cat!!! I found it by Jochen Peichl.
But, ummm ...it appears to be in German only. I have a German heritage but only know one word in German. :yes:
I so appreciate what you have shared in your understanding of the book ...I have soooooooooo much to learn.
Yes, sorry, just in German. IF I ever order it and make notes (that's a very big if, sad to say - I've so many CPTSD books to read now), I might post them here?