So, I have brought this topic up before. It's apparently very common with those with PTSD - a reliance on alcohol or other drugs. I was reading Judith Hermann's book on Trauma, and she mentions the two most common ways of managing the PTSD is alcohol and opiates. And that is a very specific list, because they are both substances that take away the pain and allow for numbing.
I have had my troubles with alcohol since age 14. In the last decade, I've had my issues with opiates. For the most part, both of those addictions are under control because I've learned to numb/freeze without the help of a substance.
I've had a couple of relapses on alcohol recently. I wonder if it's because I am hitting so many raw nerves as I go through my trauma history? The emotion is too strong and I can't numb the way I want without help.
All the PTSD literature mentions substance abuse quite a bit, but I find that I don't find that on the forums. Maybe you all are stronger than me? I would have to say that opiates are the freaking cure to PTSD, but unfortunately they are very addictive and not sustainable long term. I've also read some research about using ketamin and hallucinogenics for PTST cure. But that's a long time in coming, based on the stigma associated with them.
Just curious - does anyone else have this problem? Is it really part of the CPTSD like I think, or another issue?
When I get stressed out I smoke pot. It helps with My arthritis pain and settles me down. I was reading somewhere on one of the links that said Pot was Good for People with CPTSD. I have really been trying to quit that though! I have quit for long periods of time and I do not really crave it mentally or physically...I just think IT IS PRETTY FUNNY FOR A 60 YR old grandma to be doing such juvenile things!!! ;D ;D ::) :-[
I comfort eat and I was once addicted to painkillers. Ate them like candy.
Most of the time I eat well nowadays, but when triggered it's still my first line of 'defence'.
I've had a few battles with alcohol, and both of my parents were alcoholics so I have to be vigilant about how I use it. In my youth I was a wild child with blackouts and obnoxious behavior, even a head on collision from drunken driving Fortunately, I was the only one hurt.
I'm finally facing the fact that my reliance is a way of dealing with social anxiety, as it makes the fear go away and I become the comedienne. I agree that it's not necessary, and after Thanksgiving of last year, I quit for six months. I didn't tell my friends that occasionally when I go out with my SO for a nice dinner, I will have ONE GLASS, because as ridiculous as it sounds, I'm still influenced by peer pressure - but try to remind myself "if you have a problem with me not drinking, maybe youre the one with the drinking problem". They think I quit in an effort to lose weight and have quite bugging me.
Anyway, I find smoking pot is a great way of taking the edge off without getting sh&tfaced, but I dont do that very often either. I went to a dance club several months ago, then went out to the parking lot and had one hit, felt much more comfortable, the edge and anxiety were gone.
I am not sure how one can draw the line between "healthy" use and addiction. The rule for booze has always been not how much, but why. I don't think once a quarter makes you an addict, so that's probably not entirely accurate, either...
Rambling...
Coincidentally, I saw this tonight. I like the goodtherapy bloc.
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/cannabis-superior-to-antidepressant-at-treating-trauma-in-rats-091114
MJ has never been my thing, and I have no idea how to find it. My state is in the process of trying to legalize it medicinally, and I can't believe I wouldn't qualify. From what I understand, when it is controlled in a medicated process, there are different strands that might work better for me.
Today I have to give up the drinking. It's gone on 3 days now, and once this supply is out, I need to stop.
GT, I'll check out the article. My T is aware of all this, and her first question to me is usually "how is the drinking?"
Good luck to you!! One thing that helps me is to consider it as part of a bigger health program (fitness training, dieting, etc.) because it really is a bunch of empty calories. Plus it's great not waking up with a hangover.
I like alcohol. I am 46 and basically haven't drank for the last 20 yrs. But this summer I wanted to go to my first real rock concert (Lynyrd Skynyrd and Bad Company) and decided I would drink to loosen myself up. I got sick of missing out on all kinds of good things in life, was desperate, so I drank. And it worked!
I have used Xanax in the past but sometimes it doesn't even work, sometimes it knocks me out. Not very reliable or predictable. But alcohol works better, more controllable as far as 'dosage.". I don't drink that much at once tho. My anxiety + a drink or 2 = "normal me" which is better than "panicked, crying, can't do crap me." :)
Marijuana didn't affect me the one time I tried it.
Overeating is an unhealthy coping mechanism I have used too. (on a diet now to lose what I gained)
When being told to take antidepressants or antianxiety drugs, I was told by drs, "Oh it's just like having a glass of wine." Well, I'd rather have the wine! (Paxil made me lethargic and gained 30 lbs, besides not even working for my depression at the time)
I think substance use is just a way to cope. Anyone with pain or anxiety could use it. And some of them could become addicted. I just think if it becomes unhealthy, then there's a problem and the person should try some other way to cope. Maybe it depends on why a person is using the drug--as an aid to get better, or as an escape?
Herbs calm my nerves and help me relax. Still there's nothing like a glass of wine to unwind but only keep a small amount on hand. Sometimes I fall into a pattern of having a second glass so if it becomes a problem it runs out. If I have to drag myself to the store it's at least a couple days to get to more. Control by force? Ration? Not sure what to call it but that's my method.
And chocolate. :)
I attached a simple little worksheet about Self-Soothing I found at the Australian web site Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse" and thought it might be relevant here. I've also posted it in the Recovery Toolbox.
I got really caught up in drinking last year as I've mentioned in other posts and crashed hard unfortunately, a good example of what not to do to soothe yourself. I don't go to AA, but I do see an addictions counsellor every 3 weeks or so just to check in. I don't have any cravings thankfully, but I do wonder if I have a big EF if I would put back a few to numb myself so seeing my AC helps. I think I might as it's hard to get through those big EFs. I don't have any booze in the house any more so it's not as easy to turn to it. I haven't had a big EF so so far it's going well.
I was growing some pot too as we moved to a very tolerant province in Canada, but I am a lousy gardener and my crop (3 spindly, sickly plants) failed so I gave up on that.
I don't like the idea of not being able to numb myself when I want/need to, but I am concerned that if I do I will impede my recovery so time to find some healthier ways of self-soothing. Junk food is a big one for me, probably harder to give up than booze! C h o c o l a t e - I hear you Butterfly ;D
Hi Folks - I've split this thread and moved the posts about self-soothing to the thread "Self-Soothing Your Inner Child" in the Recovery Forum.
Thank you!
I haven't ever been drunk or used drugs. I tried to get drunk in high school but I didn't like the taste of alcohol, and the one time I drank enough that I could start to feel an effect, I got scared and stopped. Though at that point I only wanted to drink to try to lose my "good nerdy girl" status. It wasn't until I started T that I wanted to get drunk just to get drunk. So now I can fully understand why people drink and get addicted to it.
I do comfort eat, but I think my fear of being overweight like BPDm keeps me in check enough that I'm not technically overweight. Now that I am less numb and feeling more of the pain from childhood, I'm not motivated to eat a super healthy diet. I also use caffeine as a mild antidepressant, though I try to skip it several days in a row so I don't get addicted (I hate going through caffeine withdrawal).
IIRC, EO, you posted something from the same book that said people who don't learn to numb themselves for whatever reason turn to substances, and I guess I learned to be emotionally numb, to retreat into a fantasy world and to distract myself with things.
FMV yes fantasy. Games. Especially cute little calming games. My little world. Earlier this year spent nearly very spare hour home playing games or else reading. My favorite escapes.
For me it's always been sugar. I used to do a lot of cardio as well. I got a good runners high from it. But since learning that I have adrenal fatigue, that's off the table for now. That means the sugar becomes a problem as well, no way to burn it off. I've stayed off sugar for as long as two years in the past. Just stopped sugar again recently, gained 20 lbs this year, but have nothing to replace it with.
I'm too afraid of prescription pharmaceuticals, so those are not an option. I've never been able to do drugs as I'm terrified of being out of control of my self. Don't even like taking pain meds when I have dental work done. I always knew if I ever ended up addicted to anything that there would be no-one there to help me. So I just stayed away. I like having 1-2 beers if I am alone with my H. I find that it can help me relax for 2-3 hours. But, drinking often affects my sleep, so it's not a great tradeoff.
I'm contemplating high CBD MJ. CBD alleviates anxiety, while THC can induce a panic attack. If the THC is low enough, then there shouldn't be a high, just a reduction in pain and anxiety. It's medically legal here, although not for anxiety, I do have ongoing pain, so I could maybe get an ok under that. My research so far shows that trauma affects cannaboid receptors in the brain, and taking CBD can help alleviate the affects of that. However, there is a chance of getting dependent on it. As in when you use it a lot, for years and years, when you stop using it you might have more anxiety. This is just research on-line, not substantiated. I've never even smoked a cigarette, so I find it odd that I'm contemplating this, but I'm getting desperate for some relief. I've even talked to my T about it, and she supports the idea. I'm too afraid of prescription pharmaceuticals, so those are not an option.
I also play games and read. When my brain is being really loud I watch TV and play games like Candy Mania at the same time.
I wanted to ask here since we are talking about self-medicating what members think about discussing illegal substances? Most forums do not allow it, but I am willing as long as the purpose of the discussion is to explore the potential positive/negative effects or our experiences with these substances, but not recommend a drug or use the forum to sell/buy drugs. Those posts would be removed immediately.
Why I am interested in talking about this is because:
- many of us DO self-medicate and often at our peril so I think we need to bring it into the light and talk about it rather than pretend we don't use
- drugs such as cannabis which are legal/illegal depending on where you live may have actual medicinal effects (see the link Globetrotter posted)
We are growing as a community so it's probably time we look at this and see what direction we want to take. We can always have some discussion and if we're divided, take a vote as to which way to go. We may have different (and strong) views about this so please be tolerant and respectful of others.
It's a part of the real world. Not discussing it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
(Isn't that part of the problem we're recovering from?)
Curious why other forums would not permit it?
In fact, if we help guide those who need help w addiction, all the better.
I guess it's the whole appearance or credibility thing and not wanting to be accused of promoting drug/alcohol use - not sure GT. I posted at another site asking if anyone knew about the use of MDMA in psychotherapy (i.e., medical versus recreational use) and it was removed and I was warned - can't quite remember what the warning said other than we weren't allowed to talk about illegal substances.
There are a lot of clinical trials going on to look at substances such as MDMA in therapy that I would really like to talk about (see links below), but thought it important to ask how members feel about whether we're good with discussing it openly here.
See this link for further info http://www.maps.org/ on the use of psychedelic drugs with PTSD in particular.
I actually applied to participate in a trial in Canada using MDMA for PTSD and got through the first interview but haven't heard anything since so must see if the study is going forward.
Such an interesting topic, though!
Im a bit skewed in thinking, living where it's legal, so can see where it could be more of an issue if misconstrued as promotion..
I wouldn't mind it if people discussed things here. It's not like anyone would campaign for drug use. Saying "I do this-and-that and it has this-and-that effect on me personally", why not? Sometimes CPTSD limits our options to the point where all we can do is choose the lesser of two evils. If you're crossing an ocean in a steam ship, and your fuel runs out, you chop up the furniture if you have to. That doesn't mean you're going to keep on doing that once you reach a safe harbour.
What about recovering addicts? Is reading about drug use making things more difficult? I'm not one, so I honestly don't know.
I agree with allowing discussion of it under the common-sense guidelines that Kizzie suggested.
Tks for the feedback GT, Katz and FMV, appreciate it.
Recovering addicts - good point Katz. I think talking about alcohol would probably reinforce reasons not to drink (i.e., drinking to numb yourself leads to addiction and additional problems beyond CPTSD). In the case of drugs such as MDMA or MJ, however, might it invite some people to try it on their own as a form of numbing rather than to treat symptoms under a doctor's care? If we do green light it we'd definitely want to have some good guidelines around this issue FMV, I agree.
OK, well let's see if anyone else wants to add a comment or two and go from there.
I think that part of the problem with CPTSD is the addiction problem. I see no problem discussing our addictions. I think these discussions should be vague. Not something like herion helped MY _____. I agree that the promotion of it is not helpful. especially concerning Illegal drugs such as herion,crack, meth etc. IF someone WAS addicted to these drugs, it might be helpful on HOW the person got off of these bad drugs.
Since Marijuana is a legal drug in SOME STATES used for Medical reasons, I don't see no reason NOT to talk about that drug. How it is helping Us with CPTSD It would be helpful IF those discussions were on a how this has helped me kind of theme and what effects it has done to help me with problems.
I don't think any conversation should be allowed on how to get the drugs, except applying for the permit for medical marijuana. ETC.
I have also read studies on LSD... I am familiar with the drug world (i smoke pot occasionally) I haven't heard about being able to get LSD for years! I did have a book by Paul Linus ? on spelling he thought it helped with many diseases. (he discovered LSD)
I don't take illegal drugs, but have been prescribed opiates for 10 or so years for my chronic back pain, and Lyrica (pregabalin) to help with my fibromyalgia. When I was in school the psychiatrist I was seeing had me on a combination of Zoloft and clonazepam (Klonopin I guess is the name used in the US for it?) -- the clonazepam then was to combat the restless legs syndrome which was exacerbated by Zoloft. Now my doctor prescribes clonazepam to help my anxiety, the lowest dose possible and I break the tablets in half.
I don't drink much, except for the occasional beer, because addiction problems run in my family. My late brother was an alcoholic. Even though alcohol is a depressant, it makes me less socially anxious and it would be far too tempting to have more than one drink... so I'm strict about using it.
The one addiction I do have is cigarettes. I've noticed that when my anxiety gets strong or I'm in more physical pain than usual, I smoke more, which considering I have asthma is not good. And of course it does nothing to help the CPTSD.
im curious if anyone has ever had a DR. or therapist tell them that they binge on substances as not a medicating thing but as a self harm thing? I have been looking up a lot on traumatic reeinacting and substance abuse and I do think I have always methotically went on binges to self harm. In my case I would go to the bar and use my sixth sense to find that " right person " I would then obtain the " stuff " and go back home to be alone to use it. I was private about it and most people would have never suspected that I was capable of doing it actually. I always happned after an extended period of time bottleing up emotions then the cycle would start, my wheels would start spinning and my thoughts would get shameful and start to race and then BAM it was off to the races. once I was done I would have a day or two of crying and panic and then go about my business.
Also I tend to go through bouts of over eating and bouts of some strange other more private urges, that I tend to use to relieve tension and anxiety, nothing over the top just some self love to put it the only way I can. however I really feel the traumatic reanctment thing could have to do with a lot of this stuff? any thoughts??
I grow my own cannabis and choose the 'kush' strains which are good for bringing me down and helping me sleep, I use it instead of pharma pills....I hate alcohol, makes me feel ill.....
Self Medicating as a general principle is difficult, and so many variables that I hesitate to say much. I have tried to avoid all the meds and alcohol as I found the side affects delayed my 'trigger identification' process. One problem with illegal stuff, is the inherent avoidant behaviours that run counter to treatment. It can help but I guess it is down to the individual.
Well, I tried at least last week to Not smoke pot! :stars: :stars: I thin that was somewhat of a downfall for me. Smoking Pot seems to help me settle down My hyperactivity and concentrate more on what I am going through. I seem to be more aware of it also!
I did take My adderall though, and I hate the Jag and comedown on it! :stars:
Not sure on what to do about it... a sixty year old women smoking pot? :doh: :doh:
Sasha - I have not heard that taking drugs or drinking is a conscious form of self-harm unless perhaps it's a deliberate overdose. Is your use intended as self-harm or is it to numb yourself as relief from stress and anxiety? And I'm curious as to what is mean by traumatic reenactment - that sounds interesting, can you tell us more?
Hey SunKitten - I used to get RLS when I was undergoing chemo - it's awful isn't it? For anyone who hasn't had it, it's like you get these creepy feelings in your legs and you have to move them, no matter how tired you are. Mine was so bad the first two times I had it I ended up cleaning house in the middle of the night. Cleaning house is bad enough but when it's the middle of the night and everyone else is sleeping ...... Anyway, we figured out eventually that it was the steroids in my chemo cocktail so the doc took it out. I'm with you on the drinking alcohol thing, I really got into it last year into this spring, but have since quit as I was heading toward a full blown addiction.
London/BadMemories - I'm still considering trying pot as it is legal in a nearby state. My main reservation is that I will get into it the way I was with alcohol and it will stall my recovery in some way. Still mulling things over - would be nice to have something for arthritis pain and for sleeping (currently use a prescribed meds for both, one of which is really hard on the stomach).
All - it seems like there is a desire to be able to talk about self-medicating openly so let's carry on, just make sure we're not recommending to others that they try an illegal substance or drink alcohol as a way to deal with CPTSD symptoms, and that we don't talk about buying or selling.
I think that there's a lot of healing power in some substances, and they've been used forever in other cultures. My boyfriend and I have talked about this a lot and we think that the biggest problems started when so many of these substances (MJ, hallucinogens, etc) became divorced from the healing rituals that they were attached to. Using something like MDMA in the context of therapy would be reintroducing the "healing ritual" to the use of the substance, and would therefore give the experience a kind of direction rather than just getting lost in the "experience" of the substance.
I am fascinated by the use of Ayahuasca in other countries for this very purpose. In fact, they are using it in more clinical settings in places where it's legal to help people break addictions.
All of that being said, I have used pot in the past to self-medicate. Numbing. Definitely. Thankfully, it not being terribly addictive, and me being ever the people pleasure back then...when I started dating someone who didn't like it, I quit. It wasn't until then that I realized how much I'd been self-medicating with it.
But, I LIKE it, and used in a reasonable and responsible way, it does help me relax when nothing else will. I am ever, ever grateful that I don't seem to metabolize alchohol well because I am almost certain that if I did, I'd be an alcoholic. Much more socially acceptable, I have many more friends who go out drinking to excess, much cheaper and easier to get. I don't actually metabolize many drugs well actually.
I have used MDMA. I want to use it for therapy purposes in the future. I think current health issues have made metabolizing it a problem and it just...stopped working. The handful of times that I took it, the biggest thing that I walked away from the experience was this...
I got a glimpse of who I could be without all of the self-protection. I felt like I got a glimpse of the "real me". It does smash all the self-erected walls and boundaries. (I don't know where the line is in "advocating" a substance Kizzie, so if this is too far, feel free to edit or let me know).
Sasha - I'm an emotional eater, and my therapist has suggested that some of my addiction issues with food, could be a form of self-harm because I do it, even knowing that I'm going to be in pain later (eating stuff that I shouldn't because I have sensitivities to it) In addition to that, also...
...
Quoteand bouts of some strange other more private urges, that I tend to use to relieve tension and anxiety, nothing over the top just some self love to put it the only way I can. however I really feel the traumatic reanctment thing could have to do with a lot of this stuff? any thoughts??
Yes. Not sure exactly what you're referring to, but I am an emotional and physical masochist. I've spent a LOT of time picking that apart, connecting it to things in my past. For me, indulging in safe physical masochistic stuff is both anxiety relieving, "blowing off steam" and re-routes serious urges that I have had to hurt myself in other ways that were definitely not healthy. I've definitely wondered about the re-traumatizing thing and there has been a lot written about the healthy aspects of exploring certain things in the context of an "alternative" lifestyle or "scenes" in a BDSM context. (I'm happy to talk about any of that if anyone is interested in starting a new topic, but it can get pretty...ahem...personal.) I've used several aspects of it along my healing journey.
Quote from: Sasha2727 on October 20, 2014, 12:58:01 PM
im curious if anyone has ever had a DR. or therapist tell them that they binge on substances as not a medicating thing but as a self harm thing? I have been looking up a lot on traumatic reeinacting and substance abuse and I do think I have always methotically went on binges to self harm. In my case I would go to the bar and use my sixth sense to find that " right person " I would then obtain the " stuff " and go back home to be alone to use it. I was private about it and most people would have never suspected that I was capable of doing it actually. I always happned after an extended period of time bottleing up emotions then the cycle would start, my wheels would start spinning and my thoughts would get shameful and start to race and then BAM it was off to the races. once I was done I would have a day or two of crying and panic and then go about my business.
Warning - my post could be a possible trigger for some people.Hi Sasha,
I've been thinking a lot about your post since reading it late last night. I have a tendency to binge drink. Not for days on end but for a night -- which outside of my home usually includes prowling for sex (it's been awhile since I've done that).
It's also something I'm discussing with my therapist. I don't feel my binge drinking is an addiction issue (and I haven't come to that conclusion lightly), but more of a self-harm behaviour related to self-poisoning (described as overdose-type actions, and also includes ingesting things not meant for human consumption). I find it strange that "alcohol" isn't typically included in the list of "poisons" because as we know in larger doses it can be quite poisonous. Also, self-poisoning doesn't necessarily mean a person wants to end their life.
I can really relate to this A LOT when I binge drink. I think that I am trying obliterate myself (or the pain) by killing it with the alcohol/effects of alcohol. Not over the long term but in that immediate moment which makes it seem more like a compulsion than an addiction. It sounds bizarre but it's ringing true for me.
I think it is different than an addiction for that reason, but also because it isn't a daily occurrence. I don't drink much until I have a trigger (anxiety, trauma or stress) and then I binge drink. I believe this is an important distinction and something that should be further looked at in relationship to CPTSD (and self-poisoning). I am actually going to explore it deeper with my therapist, so thank you very much for raising the question.
I definitely recognize that I self-soothe with alcohol. The thing is, when I was younger, drinking too much at times was one more reason for me to shame myself and feel "guilt". I spent time in AA, and although it was helpful at the time, started feeling like I was not so much an addict as someone who always felt guilt about things and felt guilt about alcohol. I do drink now, but if I catch myself feeling guilty about it, I stop. (Weirdness? Maybe.) The thing is, I enjoy alcohol, and hated not being able to drink it in "fun" situations. I still get the stigma repercussions from people who know I was in AA. I don't enjoy that. But then, I drink on most nights, between 3-4 drinks..that is probably too much. However, it DOES make me feel better, especially in times of higher anxiety. And sometimes it's fun. My latest alcohol weirdness is I have really become a lot healthier, food-wise, and I have cut out "toxic" drinks with dubious ingredients, only sticking with craft beers and organic wines. That may be delving into other neuroses, but I do feel better about it ;D
The few times I have smoked pot, it just makes me fall asleep, so I have never seen it as fun or a good way to self-soothe for me, although I think it is probably healthier than alcohol overall, and I believe it should be legal. I don't react well to smoke, either inhaled or second hand. I was around several people smoking pot last night and I was slightly high the whole time. And sleepy.lol
Hi All.
Found my way here from Out of The FOG.
Currently my self-medicating is smoking.
From one day to the next it could be half a cigarette to 5.
Depends on the degree of recent triggers/EFs.
Could be the self-harm. Could be the shame.
I absolutely hate the smell & I've developed a whole routine of "what I must do" along with it: Wear gloves. Wear same coat. Make sure my kids don't see me do it. Cover-self in Febreeze after coming inside. Wear specific coat, hat & scarf. (it's cold where I am at the moment). Come inside. Put away hat & gloves. Brush teeth. Wash face. Gargle with Listerine.
The thing is, it stops the EF or the trigger in it's tracks. My T has me on prazepam for my anxiety moments, but it takes a bit for that to work & with the smoking, I only need a drag or two to calm down and realize that I'm ok.
But I don't like it. For the moment I'm doing it so I don't go completely nutso on my family. (kids are small, but man or man do I NOT want them associating that smell with their mama)
Plan to get help to stop as my T becomes more effective and the other meds reach the level I need not to have the freak out moments where the stress builds.
For the moment, here we are though.
Maybe it's the self-harm. There's definitely a degree of shame involved.
Tried e-cigs, but that had zero impact.
Hi Abandoned - Do you think it's the nicotine? It doesn't sound like it's the act of smoking since you've tried e-cigs so perhaps the hit to your system is what's working. If so perhaps a patch or spray would help until you are able to manage the EFs better?
Jup. Never been an alcoholic, but I've used alcohol to forget quite a lot. Tried various other substances, but it's always been most of alcohol. Probably because the other stuff just hits too hard, especially on the way down. I've also smoked a lot of pot, but that just made me A LOT worse. I just get panic attacks and massive depression of it now. I don't do anything except alcohol now. It's still something I try to cut down on, and I've managed to some extent. The average Joe drinks more than me, but it's still too much for me. If I drink while I'm having a hard time, I get 2-3-4 up to 5 days of * afterwards. When I'm down, I have to drink A LOT before I really notice any difference. I'm not talking about 3-4 pints. Probably 6-7 before I really feel any better. And from there on you get the idea that each pint will make you feel even better, so you just continue. Or I, so to speak :P I just can't, anyway. But sometimes the temptation sucks me in. Not as much as before though, but it's hard. It's especially hard to stop drinking, since a lot of my unestablished still young friends drinks in weekends and at social settings. Not always, of course, but it's hard for a legal substance that you see all around you. And when you're in a bottomless pit, it's hard to see the consequences of your actions, and you'll give anything to stop the pain. I manage though, but just barely.
I'm also quite the sugar addict :P The addiction to that is worse than nicotine and alcohol. Well, you got to have something.
Hey Con, I know what you mean about weed - it just makes me dizzy and weird, even the Indica strains so I have given up on it. I gave up drinking too, but sugar (and carbs) are still a big problem for me too.
Hi Oli - I got caught up in drinking last year to numb the pain and then like you it became the problem. It got so bad I finally reached out to my GP, told her what was going on and she referred me to a psychiatrist and an addictions counsellor.
I know you said medication isn't helping but have you and your doctor tried different ones? I went through a number (many actually increased my anxiety), before finally landing on the one I'm on (Celexa) and it made a huge difference. I just felt more comfortable in my skin for the first time ever and as though I could manage better overall.
Also, do you have or could you set up any professional support for quitting? My GP, psychiatrist and addictions counsellor worked as a team and that helped alot.
I don't crave alcohol, but do occasionally have thoughts when I've had a bad day about how quickly and easily it can take away the pain. I then think about withdrawing (I went cold turkey before getting help - dangerous and foolish but that's where I was at then), and that takes away any desire. I did try some weed about a month or so ago and did not like the feeling at all.
So sorry you're caught up in drinking, I know all too well how trapped you must be feeling :hug:
I don't go to AA for the same reason Oli, it triggers me so I just went to an addictions counsellor and he was great. Very compassionate which I very much needed as I was so ashamed and any more shame would have probably have done me in. I think that not being shamed and feeling his compassionate took me a long way toward believing I could do it, I could beat it. The medication also took me a long way because my anxiety attacks subsided and I didn't have to use all my energy on them.
In terms of other types of groups, I'm not quite sure where you live, but there are Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse groups listed here - http://www.ascasupport.org/events.php. If there is one in your area it might help with the underlying reasons for your anxiety. Your psychiatrist may also know of other F2F groups. I went to a mood disorders group for about 6 months based on her recommendation and it helped for a while, but once I got a handle on not drinking and my anxiety attacks subsided it wasn't specific enough to help with my CPTSD. That was me though, you may find otherwise.
I hope you can get some support in place and please let us know how it goes :hug:
Hi Oli - First of all :hug: and another one :hug: because I can hear how awful you're feeling. I know not being able to get the meds over the phone is frustrating, my GP is the same. At a time when you feel like it's hard to even get out of bed to have to get dressed and go to an office somewhere feels like climbing Mount Everest. One of the reason I went cold turkey was that I was didn't want to have to go sit in the ER or my doctor's waiting room while going through the withdrawal - very bad idea on my part but that's how I felt, like I could not even drag myself out the door to get to help. I always had to go in for any medication scripts too and I understand now that it is a safeguard, but at the time it just felt like another huge hurdle to get over.
Do you have an appointment with your T? I know you are not comfortable with AA but would you be able to use it as a stopgap measure and perhaps link up with a sponsor even if it is just for a short time? The right sponsor might be open to leaving the God or higher power out of things if you tell them you have issues with that. It's all about recovery afterall.
The other thing you can do until you can get into your T and get some ongoing face-to-face support in place is post here or PM me. I am happy to fill in as a cyber sponsor if you think that would help temporarily.
OK Oli, I am here if you want to PM :hug:
I have prescribed pain meds I would love to break free from. Pain management said to just wean off of them, Fentanyl and Vicodn. Yeah right, last time I did it was not a good thing, and my GP was pissed that I even tried. I started drinking alcohol at age 10 and stopped in my 40's. My dad was an alcoholic and I didn't want to follow his footsteps. I do smoke cigarettes, less than a pack a day. I've gained weight since being home and that feels terrible.