Hi,
Im new. Im struggling with the legacy of a very problematic working experience which ended 5 years back. Things are getting worse because I cant move forward. By that I mean the depression resulting from the injustice and inability to think about anything but what happened between 2009 and 2013 in that job, before they sacked me, is getting more unbearable. For some time now I have been aware of the similarity between my symptoms and CPTSD. Pete Walkers book should be with me tomorrow.
My life is owned by this thing now and it is not fair. How to recover is where I need help. I am considering a geographical move for temporary respite.
Thanks.
thetruth
Hi thetruth,
Welcome to the forum. I'm glad to hear that Pete Walker's Book is due to arrive tomorrow, and I hope you'll find it really helpful - it's a great book - not sure which one you've got - as I know he's written 3 that I know of, but they are all good - I've read them all.
I would like to wish you the best in moving forward - and hope you'll find support and validation here.
Hope :)
Hi thetruth :heythere: Welcome to the forum!
Hi thetruth,
I'm really glad you are here and I would like to welcome you too.
I developed cptsd through my work too, it was a very tough time and I obsess about what was done to me still, I left nearly two years ago but can't reconcile myself to what happened.
Being here helps me, I hope it helps you too.
Hi thetruth,
welcome to the forum!
Totally understand the dynamics of what is affecting you. Many, MANY people have issues with mental health deriving from workplace bullying and abuse. You are not alone there. Reconciling it is tough, somehow the injustice of these things can go round and round and it is seemingly impossible to make sense of, but then that is the sense in a way, it is meaningless. Selfish, narcissistic people will do anything to shore up their flagging sense of self and when they feel they have a captive audience, just like they have in a family, they will be very abusive to anyone and anything that gets in their way. Accepting that such people exit and that you did nothing to make things go the way they did apart from be in the way, is critical. So many of these stories are similar, these are regular patterns that recur, but rest assured that they were wrong and you were right, no matter how weird and strong the message they threw at you may be.
If you feel it helps, then tell your story in here and get it out onto the forum. Telling the story is a huge part of recovery.
In the meantime, check out the brilliant Spartan life coach on youtube. Was a revelation for me and probably a life saver.
Hi Hope67,
Thanks a lot for your message. I have ordered CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.
Im in a bad way.
Thank you.
Quote from: Hope67 on May 14, 2018, 04:45:01 PM
Hi thetruth,
Welcome to the forum. I'm glad to hear that Pete Walker's Book is due to arrive tomorrow, and I hope you'll find it really helpful - it's a great book - not sure which one you've got - as I know he's written 3 that I know of, but they are all good - I've read them all.
I would like to wish you the best in moving forward - and hope you'll find support and validation here.
Hope :)
Quote from: Blueberry on May 14, 2018, 06:28:32 PM
Hi thetruth :heythere: Welcome to the forum!
Hi Blueberry,
Thanks a lot for the welcome.
thetruth.
Quote from: Rainagain on May 14, 2018, 11:20:27 PM
Hi thetruth,
I'm really glad you are here and I would like to welcome you too.
I developed cptsd through my work too, it was a very tough time and I obsess about what was done to me still, I left nearly two years ago but can't reconcile myself to what happened.
Being here helps me, I hope it helps you too.
Hi Rainagain,
Thanks for the welcome. That is a good way to put it. I cannot reconcile what was done. When I attempted to explain to my GP why I was so affected by the abuse and his refusal to help he treated me like I was a nuisance. He is a large part of why I am currently struggling. He with held support to avoid a conflict with my employer and he doesnt reacy kindly when he is reminded of that. He made things worse.
thetruth.
Quote from: jamesG.1 on May 15, 2018, 05:33:04 AM
Hi thetruth,
welcome to the forum!
Totally understand the dynamics of what is affecting you. Many, MANY people have issues with mental health deriving from workplace bullying and abuse. You are not alone there. Reconciling it is tough, somehow the injustice of these things can go round and round and it is seemingly impossible to make sense of, but then that is the sense in a way, it is meaningless. Selfish, narcissistic people will do anything to shore up their flagging sense of self and when they feel they have a captive audience, just like they have in a family, they will be very abusive to anyone and anything that gets in their way. Accepting that such people exit and that you did nothing to make things go the way they did apart from be in the way, is critical. So many of these stories are similar, these are regular patterns that recur, but rest assured that they were wrong and you were right, no matter how weird and strong the message they threw at you may be.
If you feel it helps, then tell your story in here and get it out onto the forum. Telling the story is a huge part of recovery.
In the meantime, check out the brilliant Spartan life coach on youtube. Was a revelation for me and probably a life saver.
Hi James,
What is so damaging for my mind is that the false version of the facts presentes by my abusive employer to my gp, was willingly accepted by my gp and as a result my gp refused to link my stress to my employment. This paved the way for an unfair dismissal that I could not defend myself against because I was astounded at events and my stress was colossal. 5 years have passed and right now, as a result of all of this I am suicidal.
My doctor accepted as true that my stress was not related to bad management and harassment. He accepted their deceitful story and he refused to offer me the only defense available to me, a diagnosis of work related stress. 1.5 years prior to this he recorded in his notes that he believed my stress was work related. He is a liar who served his own convenience rather than honour facts and help his patient.
thetruth.
well I know how that feels. Sigh.
Where are you based? In the UK I think you can appeal and there are various support systems available to help you fight your corner. My advice is to reach out to every avenue of help you can find and build up advice.
Abusors of any kind are extrememly devious and have low cunning in abundance. But you must ackowledge that you are far from alone in this scenario and that others have been there and will have advice and wisdom to impart. First move is to develop some defiance and rule out self harm because, quite simpl,y, you should not hand them such a conclusion. You thriving is the antidote to this and you need to turn round and fight back.. not so much by going at them, but more that you have to cut the threads o then... to now. Stuff em, they ruined things then, but that has to stop now. Enough already.
But, as I always say, you ae not wrong to feel the way you feel , nor have you done anything wrong. C-PTSD is a natural reaction to unreasonable unnatural behaviour. Your brain is trying to save a vast puzzle with no instructions and it's struggling to cope. Realising that there is no point to looking for answers from such situations is a big start. Yes it was unfair, is unfair, and will always be unfair, but it is casting too strong a shadow so you have to step away
Glad you are in here with us. This is a great place with amazingly strong, brave people. You are understood and you are always going to be able to express yourself so welcome.
Time to fight back!
Hi James,
I am in N. Ireland so our rules are pretty much the same I guess. UK rules apply.
I am depressed and exhausted and my umpteen false dawns that I had moved on are only memories. There is no point in thinking moving on is an option now because this thing comes back even when you think it has lost its power. It has ruined my life for a decade now almost since starting that job in 2009. Im out of it 5 years and things are getting worse. I need relief from the stress immediately. But each morning I awaken into a psychological *.
Have you sought legal advice?
You potentially have a clinical negligence claim against GP and a personal injury claim against your employer. Both are about financial compensation.
I'm taking my ex employer to court, its horrible but it gives me something to work at, if you cannot get over it then getting stuck into them might help you, especially if you win big.
You can get a no win no fee agreement, its a bit of a rip off but it means no up front costs.
Sounds like you don't have much left to lose? Same here.
Hi Rainagain,
Yes I think Im just about capable of going that way now. The trouble is I may have left it too long. Its been 5 years since the gp refused to say my stress was work related and since the employer was able to unfairly dismiss me as a result of my doctors indifference.
I think I ought to take legal action.
Thanks.
Quote from: Rainagain on May 15, 2018, 03:12:54 PM
Have you sought legal advice?
You potentially have a clinical negligence claim against GP and a personal injury claim against your employer. Both are about financial compensation.
I'm taking my ex employer to court, its horrible but it gives me something to work at, if you cannot get over it then getting stuck into them might help you, especially if you win big.
You can get a no win no fee agreement, its a bit of a rip off but it means no up front costs.
Sounds like you don't have much left to lose? Same here.
Rainagain,
I did seek legal advice immediately after redundancy but I was completely worn out and deeply stressed. I had to leave it and try to move on. Little did I know that was not going to be possible. Little did I know the problems that were going to arise as a result of being so badly treated. My life has been a minefield of difficulty for the last 5 years since that point.
It was 16 August 2013 they unfairly dismissed me. So just under 5 years. Im worried Ive missed the boat. I could still challenge the doctors decision making within 5 years I think. I need proper advice.
thetruth,
You have 3 years from the date of injury, but, you also have 3 years from the date you became aware you were injured.
As you have gotten worse you should be able to argue you didn't realise you had a permanent injury until recently.
Worth a try, get legal advice before starting anything though, don't use the NHS complaint facility for example, get legal advice first before you show your hand.
Rainagain,
Awesome. I got Pete Walkers 'Surviving to Thriving' today by post. I havent even opened it yet but I feel relief knowing I have it.
thetruth.
Hi
it might be an idea to talk to Mind
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/
they have a lot of practical help available and may be able to point you to others that can.
knowledge is power.
Can I ask what kind of business you were in? It may be that there is some kind of representation available that is biased to that industry.
Hi Rainagain,
This is great advice. I first informed my gp that I was experiencing "symptoms not unlike PTSD" in December 2016. He looked at me with a glum, deadpan face as if he was looking at the most deluded and over dramatic person he had ever met. He was committed to not giving validation to me because he had withheld validation 3 years previously when he refused to say on a sickline that my stress was work related.
During the same meeting with him in December 2016, he angrily refuted my suggestion that I felt unsupported at the time of redundancy and addressed me as if I was a great nuisance to him. He told me he would prefer if I would go to a different doctor because he was fed up with what I was repeatedly bringing to him. He later withdrew this statement. He knew he was on dangerous ground. In the same conversation, while I was describing the trouble I had at the hands of my employer who he refused to protect me from, he said " so it didnt work out." He also said to me "Are you going to move on or what?" This was the day when I first told him I thought my symptoms were consistent with PTSD. At the time I did not understand the distinction between PTSD and CPTSD.
I had been trapped in a no win situation for 4.5 years being stressed daily by a terrible boss who systematically undermined me while I alone carried out his most demanding role to the highest standard the company had seen in 40 years of operating. After many protests about bad treatment they reframed my stress to be personal instability, unrelated to the owner's behaviour and with the assistance of my gp, who I invited into the situation for support for me, they unfairly dismissed me. My gp helped them with their need to get rid of me by withholding the only defense I had available at the time... a diagnosis of work related stress. I had been to my gp twice over a 3 year period prior to redundancy telling him I was being mistreated. He refused to give me the diagnosis 2 weeks before I was unfairly dismissed even though I told him I was about to be dismissed if he only gave me the diagnosis of 'Stress related illness', something which he had had to give me several times in my life prior to this job but never as a result of workplace harassment. My gp refused to validate my claim of work related stress because he knew my bully and he wanted to avoid conflict. My gp left me helpless and because of him my stress went from damaging to devastating.
12 weeks after he refused to link my stress to my employment (and I was sacked) I put the palm of my hand through a heavy glass door and a smashed a mirror with my fist in an outburst with family members and I ended up in hospital getting nerves and muscles in the side of my wrist rejoined. I nearly lost the use of my left hand. While in hospital I thought I would have to be taken seriously now but no. My gp steadfastly stuck to his story that he had done all he could do and this implied that my problems were too mysterious for him to understand. I had told him what was happening from the beginning but what I was facing was too inconveniemt for him so he denied its validity. My gp made things worse and I am living CPTSD now every day.
Quote from: jamesG.1 on May 16, 2018, 07:23:38 AM
Hi
it might be an idea to talk to Mind
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/
they have a lot of practical help available and may be able to point you to others that can.
knowledge is power.
Can I ask what kind of business you were in? It may be that there is some kind of representation available that is biased to that industry.
Hi James,
It was a boat building company. Fibregalss boats, RIBs. Just yesterday I was informed by a former colleague that a long standing, very hard working, very good natured Polish man has also had to leave the company through stress caused by the owner. I am one of a ling list of people to be bullied by this man. I have never met a man like this in my 43 years in this earth. He beggars belief. He is a dreadful combination of arrogance, unintelligence and vengefulness. He ruins your mind with stress then calls you unstable. My gp went along with that. My gp made matters worse.
Quote from: Hope67 on May 14, 2018, 04:45:01 PM
Hi thetruth,
Welcome to the forum. I'm glad to hear that Pete Walker's Book is due to arrive tomorrow, and I hope you'll find it really helpful - it's a great book - not sure which one you've got - as I know he's written 3 that I know of, but they are all good - I've read them all.
I would like to wish you the best in moving forward - and hope you'll find support and validation here.
Hope :)
Hi Hope67,
I am already finding support and validation here. I am trying to get to the way of thinking that my case is solid and strong enough to bring. My GP has done a good job of undermining my case and weakening me. I have a case against him as a result. Negligence. He refused to engage with the facts because the facts were inconvenient for him. I am injured as a direct response of my GPs practice.
It is criminal to tell a bullied person thet have not been bullied, their stress is not important enough to take seriously or there is nothing that can be done about it anyway. He acted in direct defiance of what I was telling him. If that is not negligence then what is?
Thank you.
thetruth,
You might find citizens advice bureau is a decent place to start.
Or go straight for personal injury lawyer.
I think you need to transfer to a new GP too, but get advice first.
You may not have a legally strong enough case to get something off the ground, I can see what has been done to you but its a hard area of law to succeed at.
If you can't bring a case just remember its the fault if the legal system and not your fault, I'd hate for my advice to make things worse for you.
For me bringing the case is a bit of pay back for being victimised, I am showing my abusers that I am unafraid and able to assert my rights, it is half stressful and half healing.
My psych describes my trauma as ongoing because of the case, but I don't mind really, after years of mistreatment a year or two more where the balance of power is more equal is bearable.
You might have easier redress against your GP.
I'm quite a fan of revenge but it is akin to self harm too.
Hi Rainagain,
I have re-engaged with a new gp. My old one who caused the injury has retired. My new doctor is younger, female, and might be more helpful. I have letter drafted to, among other things, inform her that my old gps notes can only mislead her. My old gps notes are so obtuse they are a disgrace. They are framed to protect him and to detract from my credibility.
My new gp said she would make a referal for me to see a psychiatrist. She did not do this. The community mental health team read me her referal over the phone. She did not ask for a psychiatrist. I wanted a psychiatrist to explore my belief that I am experiencing CPTSD.
What has come out of her referal is a meeting with a community mental health nurse on friday 18th May. I was planning to share my letter detailing my trouble over the last 5 years with the nurse on Friday. However, after what you have said I ought to seek legal advice before I 'show my hand'.
I have already told my new gp I believe I have CPTSD resulting from workplace harassment. I have not yet raised the fact that my old gp made matters worse, which he did.
My old GP said he 'could not' put work related stress on my sickline just because I said it. What he really meant was he 'would not' and didnt have to, just because I said it, because it would potentially inconvenience him in the future. He caused my stress to double.
For me avoiding the issue has not helped, if anything it has made me more unwell. That is why I simply must give it my time and energy now. I have lost years to this, the crimes of others in positions of power who abused that power to avoid hassle. Employer and doctor.
well there ya go. The doc was either an idiot, narcissistic or both. Certainly a dinosaur. A lot has changed in the last 5 years so go for it. You have a lot of science on your side now.
I think you have a very good case. Reach out for advice everywhere and anywhere you can.
Quote from: jamesG.1 on May 16, 2018, 01:18:40 PM
well there ya go. The doc was either an idiot, narcissistic or both. Certainly a dinosaur. A lot has changed in the last 5 years so go for it. You have a lot of science on your side now.
I think you have a very good case. Reach out for advice everywhere and anywhere you can.
James,
I think my doctor was uninterested in getting involved in anything messy as he was approaching retirement and he didnt want to be seen to be in opposition/ conflict with a local businessman (my boss) that he moved in the same social circles as.
My former boss enjoys a false reputation of being a dignified succesful businessman. Only those that have worked for this man know what a vengeful, petty, dishonest person he is. My doctor went with the version that suggested that because I had previous struggles with depression then I could be categorisd as irrational and unreliable to avoid the hassle of believing that I had been treated unfairly. This meant he could wash his hands of my grievances and refuse me support.
There was never the slightest murmuring from this health care professional that it would be in my best interests to have my employment protected. He couldnt go with that because that meant taking a stand against a businessman and that would be hassle. Where my doctor should have provided support to me he denied me it. By default, he provided support to my bully who had free reign then to unfairly dismiss me.
Know what I mean? His decision making thwarted me and strengthened them. He left me helpless in the face of criminal abuse and wrongful selection for redundancy.
Quote from: jamesG.1 on May 16, 2018, 01:18:40 PM
well there ya go. The doc was either an idiot, narcissistic or both. Certainly a dinosaur. A lot has changed in the last 5 years so go for it. You have a lot of science on your side now.
I think you have a very good case. Reach out for advice everywhere and anywhere you can.
James,
My anxiety is high, my energy is low and my head hurts. I dont know who to reach out to. Ok I will try to take on board suggestions on here. Citizens advice?
I wrote a letter to the fair employment agency in 2010. I was so paranoid I made it anonymous. I didnt get a response. I can copy and paste it in here. 2010 Im nearly sure.
Ah thetruth,
I am so sorry about your troubles.
Ireland is poor at health care.
Your GP was probably in the same masonic lodge as your abuser.
I've had an awful day with my case, its so hard to get revenge or redress.
Thinking of you.
yes, citizens advice, mind and possibly even one of the trade union groups affiliated with that industry.
Older docs, especially men have a pathetic view view of mental health. I've hit it once or twice but younger doctors never take these stances. There is a big initiative to change all this now so go with it.
You should try and get your new GP to refer you to a counsellor as a first move too. Then you can increase your case.
Meanwhile it is very important to get to grips with the key thing we all have to understand in here to get recovery started, this is not your fault, your reaction is normal and the thing can be beaten. You'll be fine, you've made your first importnant steps to turning this around and you are not alone. Horrible as you feel now, trust in the fact that this will change the more you learn and understand how it works. It's your brain doing what your brain does under difficult conditions. Anyone would react the same way with the same stimuli.
Defiance.
Understanding.
Persistence.
Hi James,
Thanks very much for all of this. I have started to read Pete Walkers ' From Surviving to Thriving'. It has altered my mind. It has somewhat broken the spell that was over me. I am experiencing a bizarre and unexpected relief. I hardly know what to do with myself. I feel like Ive just been allowed to stop having a fight with a demon that wouldnt stop fighting for months. I truly feel like Ive just came out of a war. I have just come out of a war but guess what.. the same thoughts about justice and revenge have affected me today. The difference is Ive been given a valuable new line if thought that I could not have arrived at on my own without reading the book.
I feel validated. I have to add, it wasnt only the book that helped me turn a corner. It was talking to other people on here via this forum.
I am still weary and sleepy but who wouldnt be after 4 months of intense CPTSD stress. I said I needed immediate relief in recent days on this forum. I have got it for now. I was being driven to the edge by the inability of my own mind to sort this stuff out and find peace. My heaf has been hurting for many weeks. Today it doesnt hurt.
Thanks everyone who has spoke to.me here. I am getting respote which I will cherish for as long as it lasts.
Quote from: thetruth on May 19, 2018, 06:36:29 PM
I am getting respote which I will cherish for as long as it lasts.
:) :cheer: Do come back before the respite gives out and I'm sure our combined efforts will give you more respite. :)
Hi Blueberry, Sorry for the typos. The respite continues. So good.
Hey, no need to apologise for typos! sometimes I even manage to leave my own in. It's progress when I do. We doN't need to produce publishable works here.
one thing I would say is not to put expectations on recovery times, this is a complex old beast, you will need time to adjust to a whole new way of thinking in order to get back on track.
Learning to see the world with a balance of caution and realism and yet to embrace the best that life can offer is a big challenge. Often these things can seem almost impossible to have in your head at the same time, but it's all a question of perception. The world around us is a mirror of the natural world with its beauty and wonder side by side with predators and parasites. There are a million ways that nature can harm us but we accept it as something special even so. That is how we have to learn to see our personal interactions after C-PTSD. Yes, we have been badly abused and harmed by the worst of human nature, but these people, destructive as they are, are in a minority. There is beauty, honesty and integrity out there in a far greater quantity and so we have to learn that the bumps we have suffered are in isolation.
Narcissists are deeply sad people. They can seem powerful, all knowing and powerful if they have you compromised but they are merely parasites and are not more impressive than a tick. They exploit because they cannot possibly win a fair fight, cannot be loved unless they trap and they cannot hope to be in a meaningful relationship even with themselves.
Their victims are always kind and well meaning people or those for whom this broken trust was forced upon them by fate. But we feel pain and bewilderment because we believe in integrity, fairness and humanity. That's what hurts the most, isn't it? That meaningless abuse of what should be a gold standard of human behaviour.
Well, I know who I'd rather be, and for all the pain and unhappiness that I've been through because I was the only one of my family and associates to stand up and be counted in a time of acute challenges, my moral compass is not a glib concept, it is matter of fact, a historical record.
To be exploited, we had to have something to give, something valuable that they didn't have. It could be integrity, purity, beauty, innocence, a willingness to give, love; but whatever they chose to take from us, we at least know something that they will never know, that is that we have something they don't have and will never have - humanity.