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Messages - betterlane

#1
Hi Miss T Rex.  I've recently returned to this site so have just found your posts.

I have been often humbled by some of the stories that I have read as they make mine look so tame by comparison.  Yours is definitely one of them.

I hope that you continue to find some answers/relief/safety.

My demon also came in the form of my mother.  I continue to look for relief, and will probably continue for the rest of my life.  I work at it, achieve a level of peace and then some other obstacle presents itself.  Then I search for another method of relief.  I've been in therapy but it's effectiveness has waned.  I've recently started tapping and hired a coach.  It's dredged up more layers of crap (which is good). 

I believe in and trust my intuition.  I have had a deep belief for a while that my mother tried to kill me when I was very young.  She was a 19 y.o. single mother with me, living with her own BPD mother and 3 siblings in a 3 bedroom apartment in a housing project.  She had already had another child whom she had given up for adoption.  My father, who she later married and had 2 more children, was MIA until I was 2.  She was a beast to me, but never as bad to my brother and sister.

The other day I was watching a youtube tapping video and had an incredibly strong visceral reaction to someone else's story.  I sobbed violently, got very cold and spent the rest of the afternoon almost catatonic.  That's when that feeling that she had tried to kill me resurfaced.  I don't know my first memory with her, though my first memory with my father is very clear.  I have been researching different treatments and may try EMDR or hypnosis.

How and when were you aware of those early childhood memories?  Were they always there?  If not, when did they resurface and how?

I heard someone say, with regard to your mental/spiritual health, that you can't clean the house if you don't know where the dirt is.  I want to clean my house but don't know how to find the dirt.  I would be grateful for any guidance you can give.

I hope that you are continue to find relief - with meds, with meditation, with (carefully chosen) friends, with whatever gives you a measure of peace.   
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Just found this site
November 20, 2015, 08:05:16 PM
I have so much to say that I don't know where to start.  I found this site by way of an internet search for long-term PTSD - I had never heard of CPTSD, I just knew that I didn't fit the classic definition of PTSD.  What I've read today has had me sobbing.

I'm 51 with 2 daughters (20 & 17). I grew up, the oldest of three, with an emotionally unstable mother.  We all know now that she is Borderline.  I haven't had anything to do with her in years.  The last few weeks I have had an unsettled, slightly down feeling.  I've been thinking a lot about my father and have had surprising feelings of rage.  That is what led me to the search and this site.

As I child I was the target of the verbal abuse.  My brother and sister (4 & 7 years younger) were spared.  My parents married when I was 2 1/2 - it was not a union based in love, but obligation.  I don't remember the first few years living with my M and her (also Borderline) M, but I wonder about what it must have been like.

Although I now have a seemingly healthy relationship with D, the angst I've felt the last few weeks is making me realize what's just beneath the surface.  He is a spineless guppy.  That was my nickname for him when I was a teenager and my M would go off the deep end and he would try pacify her.  He is now spineless guppy with his 2nd wife.  His children and grandchildren don't exist unless it's ok with her. 

I've spent the last few days remembering some of the horrible formative memories.  I am in a state of life paralysis that I need to fix.  Maybe some of these memories hold the key.

Some of the classics from my kidhood:
*"If abortion were legal in 1964, none of the crap would have happened to me"
*on my 16th bday, in the middle of one of their epic tantrums, her way of telling me about the illegitimacy of my birth was "he didn't want you then, and I don't want you now"
*Cancelled my wedding because I disagreed with her on how to do the guest list
*the last time I spoke with her, @10years ago, I went to ask her to be nicer to me because my children were starting to notice.  She promptly screamed at me, told me never to come back, she was calling the police and that I was the nastiest person ever and all her friends always remarked on it.

The list is endless.  But what is making me sob today isn't her.  It's him. 

I always knew that she was abusive, I just never realized that he was neglectful.  And that CPTSD is real and definable and that I am a poster child for it.

I read through various post today before posting this.  It is somewhat comforting to know that I am not alone in how I feel and that others have endured and thrived.  I've never felt like I was part of any community, but I am part of this community.  Thank you to all of you for your honest posts.  I'm sure that they have been read by and helped many more people than responded to them.