Hi Miss T Rex. I've recently returned to this site so have just found your posts.
I have been often humbled by some of the stories that I have read as they make mine look so tame by comparison. Yours is definitely one of them.
I hope that you continue to find some answers/relief/safety.
My demon also came in the form of my mother. I continue to look for relief, and will probably continue for the rest of my life. I work at it, achieve a level of peace and then some other obstacle presents itself. Then I search for another method of relief. I've been in therapy but it's effectiveness has waned. I've recently started tapping and hired a coach. It's dredged up more layers of crap (which is good).
I believe in and trust my intuition. I have had a deep belief for a while that my mother tried to kill me when I was very young. She was a 19 y.o. single mother with me, living with her own BPD mother and 3 siblings in a 3 bedroom apartment in a housing project. She had already had another child whom she had given up for adoption. My father, who she later married and had 2 more children, was MIA until I was 2. She was a beast to me, but never as bad to my brother and sister.
The other day I was watching a youtube tapping video and had an incredibly strong visceral reaction to someone else's story. I sobbed violently, got very cold and spent the rest of the afternoon almost catatonic. That's when that feeling that she had tried to kill me resurfaced. I don't know my first memory with her, though my first memory with my father is very clear. I have been researching different treatments and may try EMDR or hypnosis.
How and when were you aware of those early childhood memories? Were they always there? If not, when did they resurface and how?
I heard someone say, with regard to your mental/spiritual health, that you can't clean the house if you don't know where the dirt is. I want to clean my house but don't know how to find the dirt. I would be grateful for any guidance you can give.
I hope that you are continue to find relief - with meds, with meditation, with (carefully chosen) friends, with whatever gives you a measure of peace.
I have been often humbled by some of the stories that I have read as they make mine look so tame by comparison. Yours is definitely one of them.
I hope that you continue to find some answers/relief/safety.
My demon also came in the form of my mother. I continue to look for relief, and will probably continue for the rest of my life. I work at it, achieve a level of peace and then some other obstacle presents itself. Then I search for another method of relief. I've been in therapy but it's effectiveness has waned. I've recently started tapping and hired a coach. It's dredged up more layers of crap (which is good).
I believe in and trust my intuition. I have had a deep belief for a while that my mother tried to kill me when I was very young. She was a 19 y.o. single mother with me, living with her own BPD mother and 3 siblings in a 3 bedroom apartment in a housing project. She had already had another child whom she had given up for adoption. My father, who she later married and had 2 more children, was MIA until I was 2. She was a beast to me, but never as bad to my brother and sister.
The other day I was watching a youtube tapping video and had an incredibly strong visceral reaction to someone else's story. I sobbed violently, got very cold and spent the rest of the afternoon almost catatonic. That's when that feeling that she had tried to kill me resurfaced. I don't know my first memory with her, though my first memory with my father is very clear. I have been researching different treatments and may try EMDR or hypnosis.
How and when were you aware of those early childhood memories? Were they always there? If not, when did they resurface and how?
I heard someone say, with regard to your mental/spiritual health, that you can't clean the house if you don't know where the dirt is. I want to clean my house but don't know how to find the dirt. I would be grateful for any guidance you can give.
I hope that you are continue to find relief - with meds, with meditation, with (carefully chosen) friends, with whatever gives you a measure of peace.