TW
Hello everyone,
i just recently found this forum and Im really glad. I felt extremely alone with everything.
I have known for about six months that I have a trauma disorder. Half a year ago I had a strong retraumatisation and attempted suicide.
I thought for a long time that I only had PTSD because I didn't feel that my childhood was really traumatising. I moved out of my parents house about three months ago and a lot of traumatic stuff came up. I started to realise that a lot of traumatic things actually happened in my childhood that seemed normal to me.
I have had a very strong compulsion to wash since I was ten. I was diagnosed with severe OCD. I was in numerous clinics and residential groups in my youth because of my washing compulsion and not a single clinic was able to help me. I always feel incredibly dirty at the end of the day.
I had to drop out of school because of my severe compulsive washing and I used to have very strong social anxiety. I also developed anorexia at the age of sixteen.
I am twenty now. My compulsive washing is now a bit more under control, but I doubt it will ever go away. I suspect that I was sexually abused as a child. I feel like there are things I cant remember. Like half of my childhood.
My parents are very supportive and try to help me as much as possible. My mother has a trauma disorder herself and I think she has unconsciously passed a lot of it on to me. The relationship with my parents is very complicated.
I understand more about myself every day and learn to deal with CPTSD better. Therapy is really complicated for me because I have extreme trust isssues towards everyone.
I am working very hard on myself at the moment and I feel like that I am making a lot of progress.
Thanks for reading !