Messages

   your posts could have been made by me !  I so understand

Big hugs. And no advice because I'm in the same boat     46 and nobody wants to go out with me cause they all have family's

We've been dating a couple of months, I told him and he then said that this weekend he is rethinking things in his life and you and I may be one of them...



Blindsided.   Why do I pick such losers.   Arggggg.  I am going to miss him, he even went to church with me, I am tired of being so lonely..

Thank u. 

Hello.  Just located this board.  Was recently diagnosed as C-PTsd. 46 yo Childhood survivor of severe emotional and physical abuse from mom, attempted suicide at 18 and 24.   Therapy for depression and moved on.. married for 10 years to verbally & emotionally abusive man. He left me four years ago and I just shattered - I've been frozen for four long horrible years, can't work.. I changed therapists two months ago, changed my meds and I am trying my best.  Since then - I've gone NC with my mom, started yoga, and research.  I now am not completely numb but am even more terrified because I can see and feel this gigantic hole I dug for myself.  I shake almost all the time and am working recognizing my emotions - I'm crying everyday and feel awful and broken..  This is good because it means I am healing and moving forward but it's awful to be this stressed all the time.. I feel despair at going so slowly in my becoming a whole person.  I need to be able to work, I need to be able to concentrate enough to finish a basic task like laundry without it taking three days, I need to be able to leave my house for something other than just basic needs like food... I've lost almost all my friends but one  in the course of my marriage - she is far away.  My mom was my only local support, but she had a narc meltdown as soon as I started getting a little better this month - had to go no contact because I think otherwise it may be the straw that breaks the camels back and puts me into the funny farm..  I am alone as I sent my daughter to military school so she wouldn't watch me implode - she comes home in dec as I am out of money...I have been living off the equity in my house and it's gone - so sink or swim time. ...ironically it's that I ran out of money and had to go on Medicare that facilitated my move to a new therapist and a new diagnosis... So a ray of hope..  Still scared as *, overwhelmed, alone and desperate to heal as quickly as I can before I loose my house and then my child to my abusive ex because I can't care for her. Funny how you can be so alone in such a big city like ******** but I am.