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Messages - Rose86

#1
Dear all I am new here, diagnosed with complex trauma (cptsd) in 2013, following my 'escape' from 18 yr abusive marriage. I now have a lovely supportive boyfriend but I fear I may lose him. A brief outline using this weekend as an example, I had a severe emotional flashback after a trigger. Every emotion was   reliving my past. I withdrew as I knew what was coming, my heart pumping, sweating, claustrophobia.  I said things I shouldnt have and shut down the next day. He understands my damage as best he can but says he doesnt have to tolerate my abusive behaviour, this kills me as I love him so much and it comes from nowhere.
I am currently having therapy, which I have been told could make me worse as I relive my traumas. I love him so much but I am frightened of lashing out at him. I feel so alone and fear I may be losing the most supportive person in my life. Has anyone had a similar experience