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My mom and shenanigans she caused are the reason I am on this platform.My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder. I have two siblings and we all went through various horrible experiences. However, I am the only one with CPTSD. One of my siblings and I were talking about parents how our parents have guest behavior the other day and they said you know our mom has changed. I think it is because of the large impact on my life but I can't seem to just overlook the past. My mom and I don't have a good relationship while my sibling is having my mom live with them for a month after their first baby is born. I just can't get past how hard she has made it for me to function everyday. But I feel pressure from my sibling to let it go and look past everything that happened. They make me feel like I am being vindictive and overreacting to what happened. Has anyone else experienced something like this or have any advice?

I love how it separates cPTSD from who we are because sometimes it can be hard to remember this. Thank you for sharing!

I hope everyone is doing well and making their way through the winter! With all of the holidays, I have thought a lot about my family. I have not really limited contact with my FOO. But something I was always super strict on was not showing my emotions or how I was doing anything like that with them. But then I was raising money for something and it came out that I have cptsd. Now phone calls with my M include a mention of understanding how bad it was or how great I turned out despite the circumstances or remember it was also hard for her. To me that's just diminishes the amount of trauma and everything that happened and is like I should just push on and get past it. However I really struggle because I don't want to go full no contact with them and I do have a boundary about not talking about my childhood stuff. But I wonder if it's enough for me. Another problem is that if I went no contacts with one parent I have to go no contact with both of my parents and I don't really prefer to do that. Although they both played different roles in my trauma, one of them had a much less significant role and is someone who I can now count on. I also know it would hurt them a lot. It's just really tricky figuring out what boundaries work and where they should be.

Kizzie,
I think you are right, I wanted someone to notice. Sometimes, I wish it had worked and people had noticed.

Hi again,
I recently remembered something that I haven't really thought about since I was a kid and don't really know what to make of it. I was about 8 to 12 years old and I was with some family friends and we had to drop something off at someone's house. No one was paying attention to me for about like 5 seconds or something and I took off running down the street. The family friends had done nothing to me but the idea of freedom from everything like pulled me away. But I'm also wondering if I just wanted attention. I'm not really sure what I wanted but that memory just sticks in my mind because it's not something I've ever heard about any of my friends or anyone else doing nor is it like I really ran away. I also did get caught and carried back to the car. I don't know if anyone else has thoughts on this but feel free to share if you do.
Str_grl

To the people who made me, I don't know how to be a part of your life anymore. I love you but you hurt me so much. You told me you loved me while I was all alone handling everything and doing things that children should not have been doing. I fight each and every day to be able to do basic things, like go to the grocery store and work. It breaks me that you don't understand that you made something so simple so hard for me. It breaks me that I literally just go to the store until I'm too panicky then I check out and leave. This is not how I would imagine my dream life or even how I'm sure you imagined my life should be. I know you did your best and I still don't understand how your best is not good enough. But your best was not good enough. Being in charge of controlling the medicine lock box starting at ages 10-18 because one of you might overdose yourself was not something that I should have been responsible for. And some things you couldn't help, like involving me in your work even though you worked with people who hurt children. You did your best to keep me safe and you did keep me safe but I was alone and there was no one to keep me safe from you. No one to be there to help me navigate life but you were there to tell me exactly what I should do, how I should do it and when I should do it even if it's something I shouldn't have been doing because it's something you should have been doing. I was just alone. I understand that those times were all so hard for you but I don't think you understand how hard they actually were for me. How they have made me afraid of so many things. I just live my life afraid and feeling unsafe. I waited for the longest time to even tell you it affected me but now it's like you want to remind me that it was hard for you. I was a child. I did not choose to come into this world. You chose to bring me into this world and now I can't imagine why you did not value me. You thought buying me things would make up for the fact that I had no emotional support and was constantly criticized. What you did made me not value myself and to see everyone as more important than myself. So yeah I understand things were hard for you, but I don't want you to breeze past the fact that they were really hard for me and I was a child. Also why didn't you go ask for help or go to any number of places for support on raising your children. Instead, we had to learn to live with a mother with borderline personality disorder and a father who is constantly working to try to support us and our mother and was emotionally absent. I also want you to understand that your fear rubbed off on me. Mother, your fear of men and the fact that you chose to call the authorities on the men I love to the most has created this fear and me to be angry. I'm afraid that if I'm angry I'm going to have to go to jail.
I love you. I'm just trying to figure out how to love you and how have you be a part of my life. I know you will never see this but I want you to know that I'm trying. I'm trying to move past it all, well through it all. However, that is about as hard as anything else in the world. I love you but loving you hurts me.
Love, your daughter

Pisces4eva, welcome!
It is an GREAT and difficult step to begin establishing boundaries. 
I hope you find what you are looking for on this supportive forum.

Thank you all for the warm welcome!

Thank you so much for your welcome!
Papa Coco I love how you treat it like the flu. I may try out this mindset as I think it can help me and the people around me. Thank you so much for this idea!

I just found this group but it feels so good to know that I am not alone in my struggles. I suffer from C-PTSD from having a mother with BPD who spent a good portion of my childhood in and out of psychiatric hospitals and a father who was emotionally distant. Within the last couple of years, I reached a point where I has having frequent emotional flashbacks and panic attacks. I work hard with my therapist and medication that I never swore I would never take to be the best version of myself I can. I also am working on building self-esteem that never got nurtured as a child. I have never really felt understood, especially when my ex-boyfriend would get extremely confused and agitated by the fact that I have good and bad days. I then felt even more ashamed of my mental health and just wanted to be fixed. However, I really relate to what I have read on this forum and I understand that I am not alone and that life expands beyond what happened.
So... hi! I'm Star Girl!