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Thanks, Papa Coco. I've only recently been using that type of therapy (well, and only, relatively recently, started doing any type of therapy!).

Papa coco, what is the name of you book you've been reading?

Thanks, Bermuda. I'm glad you were able to "find" a safe place to hide when life felt really hard.

Thanks, Papa Coco. That makes sense. Actually, my therapist does lead me through "parts work" and I have found it helpful. I'm just learning, and  I find I get overwhelmed when we connect with emotional parts. Perhaps with time, I'll be able to both explore what they feel and need without springing outside my window of tolerance. We're trying! I do find your experience and reply encouraging.

I've had some flashbacks that cause me to physically react as if the incidents are occurring to me, but in the image, I see my sister. And I just realized it's my sister I've been seeing, and that I saw myself as my sister, if that makes sense. And now I'm trying to make sense of this and would love to hear if anyone has had similar experiences.

I've actually found this type of therapy quite effective (albeit, for me, a tad intense as it gets to parts of me I've buried). This might help: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/internal-family-systems-therapy

I'm sorry you're hurting and struggling to manage your emotions. I'm also sorry that you are feeling guilt on top of that. I take sertraline, and it has been a lifesaver for me. I still feel anxiety, and still have to practice things like deep breathing and tapping, but I can now at least sleep. I'm not sure if I understand, but I think your post said that you feel guilty for the various ways you've tried to cope with your intense emotions. I can understand that, along with the feeling of overwhelm that makes on desperate for relief. I once joked with my sister, who was relying on alcohol during a particularly anxious time, by saying, "Hey, we've got to survive somehow." And I believe that. But I also believe it can get easier. I'm not at the "easy" phase yet, but I'm trusting it's coming! And I'm now rarely at the "I feel like I'm dying desperate" phase. I hope you can feel some relief soon.

I know this is a somewhat older thread, but I'd love to hear experiences on inner child work, and if anyone found their "inner child" or "parts" a bit too real?

Thanks, NarkKiddo,
That's helpful. The resources, questions, etc., you referenced–is that publicly accessible? If so, I'd love to see them to see if maybe they provided something of a guide. Another question, have you ever done parts work with "childlike" parts, and if so, how real do those "parts" feel to you?

I was reading through an old journal entry where I explored a childlike part and wrote some things that surprised me, reading them now. 

Have any of you made lists of things you might need to process through in therapy? My therapist is encouraging me to lead our sessions, and I don't often know how. I wondered if it might help if I made a list. But, the thought of sharing it also makes a part of me feel ashamed, needy, and ... weak? Also, do any of you get super sleepy on therapy days, before therapy? Like, for the whole day?

Everyone has given you such great responses. I don't feel I have any wisdom to share, but I can share how I "began." For me, I had to start super, super slow, as I quickly became hyperaroused when trying to journal or read trauma books. I don't know if I'd suggest any book over another, except to reiterate what Blueberry said in giving yourself permission to go slow. I also did (and do) a lot of work to build by resiliency to handle the hard stuff by intentionally doing things creative, walking in the sun, etc. And watching clean comedy clips. My therapist continually stresses the need to take in the good stuff to build our bridge/capacity to deal with the hard stuff.

I do understand your feelings of overwhelm. I just made a list of things I might potentially need to process through in therapy, and it brought me sadness. I hate that I'm even on a healing journey, let alone that it appears to be such a long one. All that to say, I get it. It's hard and frustrating and discouraging, BUT, I also know I am healthier today than when I began. (And, I'm consistently sleeping, which is huge for me!)

I tried to quote part of your response, Blueberry, but it looked like I was quoting the full post. haha! Thank you for your encouragement. (In both of your posts/replies. I do quite enjoy storyworlds--still (hence my forum name).

storyworld, as a child I created elaborate stories to cope. Sometimes I would tell them to other people to make things make sense for them in order to shield myself from the truth, and I also had an elaborate fantasy in which I created a whole new life, and every evening as I laid in bed I added a new fake day to my imaginary life.

I love thinking that you had this lovely reprieve to slip into. I love thinking that, perhaps, this brought you some sense of joy. 

I am learning more about me and my reactions and behaviors that stem from childhood gunk. I've also read that ADHD/ADD type behaviors can actually be caused by structural dissociation, which is interesting to me because there is one person in my life who is convinced I have ADHD, yet when I've previewed symptoms, I don't feel I do.

Anyway, I exhibited two childhood behaviors I find odd and wonder if it was me disconnecting from an unpleasant environment or if I was simply, well, odd. One is, supposedly I frequently slipped into a fantasy world where I'd develop this elaborate storyline and would then share it as if I found it real. I would present it as my reality. And the second is that apparently I walked into walls and things often. Not as in being clumsy, but as in being flighty. (Granted, I don't remember any of these actions.)

Bermuda, I'm glad I'm not the only one tempted to delete posts (or who has deleted them!) and who refreshes to see if others responded so I can how much of a mess my post reveals I am.

Thanks, Armee, I can't remember my password so I'm afraid if I log out from my computer, I'll be locked out! (I know I could email Kizzie, but it feels easier to just let things be as they are ...)

Hello, all,

I am feeling anger, or frustration, or something toward my therapist--and really, I think everyone. A strong desire to not talk to or connect with anyone and to just retreat by myself in my room. And for no reason. Like, no one has done anything to make me angry or want to withdraw from them. Although I am angered in relation to something my mom has done, and I think when I have frustrations or hurt in one relationship, I maybe tend to withdraw and feel frustrated with them all.