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phew, Kizzie, thank you.,, Have a red thread now; will do the Knossos-thing and see where it leads me. Always wanted to meet the Minotauress:))

I thank you for the welcome and the insights from the bottom (of my heart).

Don't know how to deal with this. My "friends" dropped me when I insisted I had CPTSD a few months back and wanted to tell them about it, just a bit (Verbal Ventilating as recommended by Pete Walker). But I'm still okay to be around when Im entertaining, funny or listen to their stuff, right.
So now I managed to demask the estate agent who was supposed to sell mine and my brother's inherited flat-  so I could take my half and try to start over with the first proper (if small and cheap and shabby) home of my own. Where I can't get evicted or mobbed out of my room (which happened quite often to me. Yep. Always, "always" end up with naricissists or other kinds of Users. Anyways.)
Instead of reaching my goal of finally, being 60 now, finding a real home for me I had to scream at the estate agent cos she never did what she was supposed to, broke her promises, never got results from people but complained about them and so on and on. She just waited for me to do her work, draining me even more. Asked her if she actually wanted to sell the flat or keep this from happening.  (Yes, she got especially energy sucking when I told her I was in bad shape and needed her to do her job.) That was yesterday.
Now she's getting herself out of the contract (fine with me!), but hijacked the several keys we send her, even the ones she was supposed to leave in the flat). And waits for me to get them and in the meantime: send me more messages. I guess the whole thing is about her not wanting to let go this nice squeaky, malleable toy, me. Plus my brother doesnt really care (or accept my self diagnosis - to him I'm just a loser and probably crazy).
As I said, I got nobody to talk to about this, in detail or in general. Therapists in this country can't even differentiate between single blow and complex relational. So I am turning in circles, again. Asking myself, of course, what exactly MY part is in all these malfunctioning relatings to people. Knowing - knowing!!! - that I cannot find the answers/patterns myself.
Energy draining like mad.
Thoughts coming back to: Why did I dare scream at this  nice energy sucking vampire? That is not what a proper fawner is supposed to.
Will stop ranting/blabbing here.
What would you do?? 

My life never worked. Found out last September I had travelled through it with CPTSD on my back. Nope, nobody told me. Had to read Pete Walker's fine book to diagnose myself. Well, then everything made sense, finally (including getting misdiagnosed, again and again and again). Was so shocked I had to spend eight weeks in Thailand. Yes, I recommend that! Came back and got mown under by flashbacks. Took me more weeks to realize this. But now at least I have words for stuff!!

Am sixty now, duh. Late-ish to start my Recovery. Ideally I will stumble across a survivor who is also a c-trauma informed therapist. In my country not a chance - we lag roughly 30 years behind in trauma research. Am thinking about changing the country for a bit to get the professional support I need. Am also thinking about a big fat heist to afford this. Quoting "hope is the thing with feathers bla" will only result in my bingeing the birdie.

Also - contrasts are everything - am veeeery glad I found you guys!