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Hello natureluvr,

Exactly what you said about having to be in the right space to be able to ignore things & not internalize them, I feel I need to take preventative measures in order to be in the right space as much as possible.

I believe self-care is the most important prevention method I could utilize. Whenever I'm hungry, exhausted, lacking sleep or exercise.. I tend to feel really low & naturally on the verge of loosing my focus on the good & unavoidably sink into self-doubt & victim-mentality.

This here is a written note to myself & whomever resonates, I am safe, I am capable, I am worthy

One step at a time

thank you for taking the time to read & reply

that's going to be fun 

I have an update.. I decided to start fresh, begin a new chapter. Keeping whatever happened in the past behind me as much as I could. Focus on how to move forth with more resilience while barring in mind (it's only the previous programming kicking in, but I could redirect my thoughts back to neutral even if it toke some time).

thank you all for the much needed support 

Hi Bermuda,
That's a good way of seeing it... it must be his insecurities at play.
thank you 

Good morning Armee,
I find this very insightful. I'm now trying to see it for what it really is.

The chain of mishaps was the natural result of the situations I've been in because of M's failures. While some of those events were due to magical thinking and desperation  which resulted in getting attached then falling out with people I assumed were my friends "when they weren't as invested as I wished they were". As for the heinous managers... well, it is time to roll my eyes and let it slide.

thank you so much Armee, I'm feeling better now 

 

   

Ooh dear Kizzie,
I really needed to hear that, thank you so much for taking the time to reply..
I would like to say that handling an isolated incident like that is doable, however things kind of pilled up in my head and I got disregulated, I also tried a few things to soothe my emotions but it's lingering still. 


  from me too

Hello beautiful community,
I've been struggling for the past few days trying to wrap my head around what I considered a discovery.

I've been working online for a year now in the the same company I've worked at full-time for 3 years in total. But I've been asked to spare a day once a week or every two weeks max to visit the office in order to interact with the team.

so I've been doing that, no pressure. However, when I went to office last time I greeted my colleagues and sat ON the desk facing them for a minutes when the manager saw me there.

I got up and went to my desk immediately. He sent me a message on whats-app saying he didn't like the way we were gathering, it didn't look professional and looked like we weren't working. I replied that I sensed that and I'm already at my desk.

I felt embarrassed even-though no one else knew, I felt he needlessly disciplined me & it's not fair.

long story short, this happened 3 weeks ago and I couldn't bring myself to go to office again & I concluded a few days ago that each and every injustice I have ever endured was the result of how vulnerable I feel due to the unjust upbringing I received in my childhood.


I am wondering now how to break free? stop extracting the worst from others ?

I told myself it's never personal,, & that how others behave has everything to do with them, not me

but I know deep inside that me lacking the sense of safety, feeling helpless & worthless is making me susceptible to all kinds of injustices.


I keep thinking about all the broken frind-ships, failed marriages, unsatisfying jobs. and the fact I've been treated unjustly every step of the way.


I appreciate your insights & would love to hear from you all.

I really can't express how heartwarming all your replies are. I truly am appreciative of this beautiful forum.

thank you Kizzie, yes I am currently telling myself that I have no control over what he decides to do or not do, even if he chooses to leave.

I will train myself to see it for what it really is "he already started his journey and no amount of talking, lecturing, convincing, pleading or crying is going to change the set of events he's meant to experience".

*how, when, or if he reaches the end of the tunnel is yet to be seen


thank you Storyworld, I appreciate your consolation indeed. I've been extremely stressed out for the past 5 months since it all started and I undoubtedly get disregulated and automatically doubt myself.

Thank you Towhee,
Yes, it really is. However I am feeling slightly better now.

I am worried about my son,

He is 20 now.. but where we come from kids stay home until they decide to get married.
he lives with me (single mother) but he stayed at a friend's for a week now

he dropped university
he's literally up all night,
asleep all day,

he ruined a brand new 2023 full option Honda (his grandmother got it for him against all my objections.. I wanted him to drive the second hand car I initially got him until he is responsible enough to get his own car himself).

he sold it to a scrap-yard for pinnies (his grandmother doesn't know yet)

using the pinnies, he got a 2003 Ford that sucked fuel like there's no tomorrow (I paid for the petrol coz he spends all his pocket money in the skating rink on weekends, expensive per session entry)
 
he ruined the second car too
I helped him financially to fix it
but he got rid of it at the scrapyard after all

now, I wish he snaps out of it.. get his life in order

I fear he's wasting his life, not doing right by himself

I can't sleep properly when he isn't home
I woke up last night at 3 am, and called him

but the communication between us is really poor, we're not getting anywhere

he keeps promising everything will be alright, but it's all talk to shush me at the moment

I can't bare the thought of watching him amount to nothing due to lack of trying
he just wouldn't put an effort into anything at all..

besides... this whole situation is unbearably stressful for me
I can not afford someone else's mishaps
I have a job to tend to
a 6 year old daughter to take care of
and trying to make ends meet every month 


I feel the subject is controversial.. but I'm hoping you guys will be gentle

 
 

Hello Moondance,
You are right there's a lot of sadness. I also am grieving what could have been..
and reminding myself the best thing I could do to someone sometimes is to let them fly.

virtual hugs to you 

I'm glad you found the title funny 
thank you so much Armee, I appreciate it

thank you Kizzie 

Hi Sarals,
this is the first time for me to interact here..

not much to add except that I for one am living somewhere CPTSD isn't even heard of yet by the majority of therapists let alone society. I can't exactly afford a therapist to begin with if there were any suitable ones either.

there aren't any known support groups to go to.. and it goes without saying, I have no friends


hence, this forum is my only source of support and I'm greatly appreciative

what I'm trying to say is,,, you've got this ,, things will eventually work out


I feel much better now amongst you all knowing I'm able to express my feelings

hello, I would love to join too please.
however, my time zone might be an obstetrical.
+3 hours GMT

how do I sign up ?

there I was again feeling robbed when the brand new medical insurance coverage I've been given by my employer recently refused to cover my expense at the clinic.

having avoided medical care for the majority of my life due to "no insurance" & the fear of spending what I might end up needing later on for my kids left me feeling denied, unworthy, helpless and threatened.

I catastrophized often, felt unsafe and dreaded what's to come.

when I've been finally given this shiny sparkly insurance card, I felt overjoyed and sincerely happy. however that didn't last when I received the rejection notification yesterday.


It left me feeling devastated to say the least, I dove head first ever so deeply into utter sadness & despair.


I recognized I need help, so I grabbed my emergency toolbook filled with all the healthy coping techniques I could use to soothe myself into a better feeling state.

I chose to EFT and it worked. I felt lighter..

I then realize why this incident hurt so bad is because of a really similar past wound.

I discovered that I didn't forget how my Ex. "possibly narc treats" played me for a year before giving me the medical insurance card offered by his company to each employee's spouse. only to find out the first time I needed to use it that the date had expired.

I wanted nothing from him, not the card or anything else since. I saw clearly that he's capable of harm..


I would've normally surrendered, but I decided this time I won't, so I called the Insurance company & I'm waiting for their response, fingers crossed.. I will go the extra mile if I have to, because you know what.... I deserve it