I've recently learned of the term 'gas-lighting' which I'm certain has been done to me at some points, only I don't know whether or not my FOO meant to do it, or realised. The stigma of mental health automatically leads people to think that one's thought processes and emotional responses may be warped, hence they (maybe subconsciously) reject them. Though it has happened before my diagnoses too, but more swept under the rug, I'm 'being too sensitive', etc., to the point where I really detest being sensitive- it feels like it's the bane of my existence.
Anyway ... something I struggle with is that if everything is subjective then how do we know, can we know what we have experienced is true? Not in a Magic Mushroom riding on a unicorn way, but if I feel a certain way towards a situation, I felt like the other person treated me unnecessarily harshly, but then say, the other person feels the same way, then how do I know that I'm not the one in the wrong therefore I should be doing more, compromising, and so on? Otherwise we are in this never-ending stalemate, the game resting in a corner ready to resume whenever temperatures are rising. I've long given up on putting across my thoughts/feelings and say nothing until it burns itself out. (Or my M decides to take it out on someone else). This is a huge problem with me, this problem about subjectivity. I can never really feel a certain way towards anyone without critically analysing it in my head. Does anybody else feel like this?
Sort of relevant: My brother H has been feeling bad lately, even though we haven't been getting on as well lately there's nobody I love more than him, I have always supported his choices and so on (which is even more important because our M&D don't). Lately when we get into a discussion he will point out a negative trait in me. On the one hand, I know I'm not perfect and sometimes find it hard to regulate my emotions, on the other hand I'm not sure why he's cutting me down like that. It doesn't matter so much, because H does a lot of traveling, and is leaving again for a long time on the 29th. All the same it really upsets me and makes me think I'm bad. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder years ago (which I apparently recovered from according to the specialists). My current diagnoses last time I saw a P are agoraphobia, social phobia, major depression & drug/alcohol abuse. I've felt like I'm an intrinsically bad person for as long as I can remember, having the PD diagnoses made it worse (even though it seems they made a mistake). Has anyone else had these problems/feelings? Were there any solutions?
Anyway ... something I struggle with is that if everything is subjective then how do we know, can we know what we have experienced is true? Not in a Magic Mushroom riding on a unicorn way, but if I feel a certain way towards a situation, I felt like the other person treated me unnecessarily harshly, but then say, the other person feels the same way, then how do I know that I'm not the one in the wrong therefore I should be doing more, compromising, and so on? Otherwise we are in this never-ending stalemate, the game resting in a corner ready to resume whenever temperatures are rising. I've long given up on putting across my thoughts/feelings and say nothing until it burns itself out. (Or my M decides to take it out on someone else). This is a huge problem with me, this problem about subjectivity. I can never really feel a certain way towards anyone without critically analysing it in my head. Does anybody else feel like this?
Sort of relevant: My brother H has been feeling bad lately, even though we haven't been getting on as well lately there's nobody I love more than him, I have always supported his choices and so on (which is even more important because our M&D don't). Lately when we get into a discussion he will point out a negative trait in me. On the one hand, I know I'm not perfect and sometimes find it hard to regulate my emotions, on the other hand I'm not sure why he's cutting me down like that. It doesn't matter so much, because H does a lot of traveling, and is leaving again for a long time on the 29th. All the same it really upsets me and makes me think I'm bad. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder years ago (which I apparently recovered from according to the specialists). My current diagnoses last time I saw a P are agoraphobia, social phobia, major depression & drug/alcohol abuse. I've felt like I'm an intrinsically bad person for as long as I can remember, having the PD diagnoses made it worse (even though it seems they made a mistake). Has anyone else had these problems/feelings? Were there any solutions?
