Messages

Thank you for sharing this, Armee.

Sorry to hear about your mom passing, too. It's comforting to have someone relate to the experience, even if it's one of complexities. Hugs back. 

Hi All,

My mom passed away about a week ago. She was the source of so much of my emotional pain- I yearned to have a mom, and my mom was schizophrenic and in boarding care homes and mental hospitals since before I was born.

I'm feeling relief and that some of my depression, which I attributed to maybe weird brain chemistry, was directly related to the ongoing troubles I dealt with in relation to her. She was a kind and gentle soul, but she always left me feeling abandoned.

Thank you, NarcKiddo, I'll keep my therapist for the time being.

Thank you for your response, Blueberry! I will definitely bring it up and keep in mind that it will be good to have someone there when things get shaky again.

Hi All,

I've stopped drinking alcohol the last six weeks and am very much more emotionally regulated. I've also started seeing a somatic therapist during this same time frame, and I'm feeling so much better that I feel I am ready to move away from seeing her. But maybe I should hang tough for a while, since six weeks isn't that long.

Omg just adding that my partner is also big and loud and his sneezes bother me to a great degree!

Thank you, Kizzie and Bermuda, for these thoughtful responses. Lawyers have been brought up to me before- an old therapist of mine suggested it. But, I don't have any money and I definitely don't want the stress of it being a legal issue.

Thanks, Armee

Yeah, in the sense that it's unhealthy! I hope to move my mind to more helpful things. 

Hi All,

I'm mostly estranged from my large family. When my caregivers passed away, an uncle was put in charge of the estate and supposed to distribute it to my brother and I. Since then, my brother has developed mental illness and is often homeless, and I believe my uncle is overseeing his whereabouts. I haven't spoken to either of them in years.

The last time I spoke to my uncle, he was offering me backpay for my grad school as part of the estate money he has (which I've only seen a few of hundred dollars of). I think he might have been in the habit of occasionally using meth. He'd called out of the blue but then played it off in a way like it was not unusual that he contacted me out of nowhere. I hadn't attained my career job at the time, and he said I sounded dobutful that I would attain it (a quite competitive field) and suggested that I move 300 miles- away from my partner- and live with him and work for him. He also said that if I wanted that grad school money I'd have to take a plane and visit him in person that weekend, and that he'd call me back with details (which he never did).

Since then, I've attained my dream job, but I often think of this uncle, hoping he'll give me info on my brother and either berate me or... I'm not sure what other outcome I'd expect from him. But I realized today that I don't actually even like him as a person, so I shouldn't give him so much mental space in my head, and the fact that I often fantasize about being contacted by him is a dysfunction of my psyche, since I think he is unreliable and unsafe.

Sigh. Anyway, I quit social media and feel I have more mental bandwidth to come to these kinds of realizations. Hope everyone is having a nice day.

Also in the club 

Thank you Armee and Kizzie! Your responses are very helpful.

Hi All,

As I'm starting to unravel my symptoms I must acknowledge that I've mentally obsessed with being punished for most of my life. It has turned out that my brother is mentally ill and often homeless and in the past (like 10-15 years ago), I was being pressured to take him in (before his full mental illness developed), but I didn't. I'm now estranged from most of my family and have been telling myself this story that one day I'll be confronted about how I'm an unworthy person and inherently bad.

I think that some of it stems from simply wanting attention from these family members who have disproven my trust? Does anyone relate to this?

Thank you.

Thank you, everybody for the warm welcome