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Hello!
I just recently figured out my mom is a covert narc. Im trying to make sense of what happened. So one day my mom brought me to a lady's house. No one greeted us when we walk in. She sat me down in the front room alone and said sit here this lady doesn't like children. I was pretty young like 7 or 8. My mom disappears somewhere in the back of the house while I'm sitting there in utter fear and terror. I'm thinking the lady is a witch and going to come out screaming at me. My mom takes her sweet time and eventually comes out and we leave. Never see the lady. Years later, the lady dies and my mom puts her picture on her telephone desk next to other family pictures. What the heck who does this to a child?!!! Then puts their picture out? Is this strange or what?
Is saying "Are you feeling sorry for yourself?" Showing compassion for a child who's just home from the hospital after a pretty painful surgery? Like instead of something more compassionate like"I'm so sorry you must be so uncomfortable!" this feels actually sadistic or am I over reacting?
Thank you!

Hi Winter,
Welcome! What helped me was learning basic social skills via book Lifeskills for Adult Children by Janet G Woititz. It taught me how to start with making connections and start small.
Also attending groups is helping. A grief support group and Celebrate Recovery is based on the 12 steps for anything you need help with not just addictions.
Many churches provide connections through kids activities. Play dates kids' sports.
It's tough for survivors. But you are not alone. Watch you tube videos about recovery and realize millions are dealing with broken childhoods, marriages, shame. There's something more for us out there or we wouldn't be here seeking healing. God bless you and yours!

Papa Coco I'm so sorry for your painful experiences. Just so you know the narc grooms you to be passive which attacks the bullies and to please others before yourself so they can be lifted up and have "yes men" around them. Why it was like this for us is a mystery. We are here now. I find listening to music from when I was younger helps take me back. It's called retrowave and I'm back in my 80s childhood!!! My true self comes out. Reparent yourself to accept love unconditionally. I think it's possible to feel ok about missing out when we heal and are finally in touch with our true selves. I'm still looking foreword to that time. It's coming soon! Wishing you healing!

Ok too soon for a PM I just reread the member guidelines. Thank you!

Thank you everyone! I'm trying to figure out how to @ on this site
Thank you Kizzie.
Thank you storyworld. I'm closer to acceptance than I thought. Being healthy and connected to my true self is way better than FOG.
Thank you Chaos Rains! I just thought of a family I used to be close with whose first child had a club foot. He had to brace his feet very young it was terrible for him! He runs around normal now! I hope you were able to get the medical attention you needed and no one is born flawed! Every child is perfect! No matter what. My holy cow moment was realizing I was scapegoated because I was vulnerable due to my deafness. And how horrible is that!!! I'm processing what that really means. May I DM you if you are comfortable sharing your experience? Thank you!!!!
Thanks again everyone.

Thank you! You too? Oh dear! I'm so sorry. Radical acceptance! I'm think
Big about hosting 8th Grade Graduation Redux. It makes me feel so much better!

Hello!
I finally figured it out! I knew from a young age something was terribly wrong. My mom is covert narc. Here's the kicker I was deaf as child. I was born deaf. Hence, I was scapegoated. I suffered terribly. From a young young age I figured out I could go to my mom for nothing. My mom used abuse by proxy to keep her hands clean. My siblings mobbed me. When I was living at home my younger sibling would rage at me for leaving toothpaste in the sink and other crimes against humanity. I was just a kid. More recently, I couldn't figure out what was up with my older sister so we could heal. She has no identity of her own. She's a huge people pleaser. I could NOT have a genuine relationship with her. Then it dawned on me. While I always known she was the golden child. I realized she's the codependent enabler! Who's turning into a narc herself!
I now can no longer talk to anyone in my family of origin. I'm 6 weeks no contact with my mom. My questions
1. How do I handle the knowledge of all the time I lost realizing that people outside the family really liked me as far back as 8th grade but I couldn't believe it because of the treatment by parents? Can I go back in time please!
2. Does anyone actually relate to their narc instead of having a true relationship? I can't imagine doing this it's so one sided.
Thanks in advance!