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Many thanks for all your posts! My main concern now is staying stable, even if it means a routine that is safe from harm. I suppose I was attacked by PD people without even knowing it. That has thankfully changed. It got bad at the end, but I tore myself away. I haven't realized for a long while how dangerous some people are for me. The healthy people were always out of my league, but I've learned to hang with them more this past year.

In the heat of the battle, we crumble. I've found that the most devastating mistakes happen when I am in a vulnerable position (a crisis) and then try to make a critical life choice. First of all try to avoid those positions where I am sinking in quicksand and trying to get married. Is that crazy or what? I cannot make good decisions while in crisis! Let alone major life choices. Sometimes just living a stable life is as good as it gets. Then, we can challenge 1 negative trait at a time. Looking back, my life has been a series of multiple crises. I only briefly get stable then go back to the chaos

*The more I make mistakes the more I realize there is a problem! I've never been married, but, have had 5 engagements, 2 of them to the same woman. The cycle goes on and on. so awareness isn't the answer. Changing our behaviour is. Recently I've made some new friends. Friends who are not so needy but enjoy someone's company. It is easier to spot my true needs vs my abandonment needs. I am happier today but still not out of the woods. People care about me and I let them today. That's quite a switch from my old behavior. Thank you for the link behea1thy.

Right right right. Today I have friends that support the fact that I am lovable! I want to always remember that I matter to others and myself. Hopefully others will find a voice on this forum. **There is nothing quite like finding the real you! And the truth is we have a voice and can give and receive love.

What a relief.  If we only just hang in there, Rain.

Thanks Rain. I do believe it takes some time to heal. With CPTSD these issues did not arise overnight. So we cannot expect to rid them in a day.
One big success has been to live with my symptoms until I can understand and do something about them. The lingering effects of CPTSD
can affect us for a while longer than we'd like. Relief will come if we hang in there. Thanks again for all your great support and the support of this forum.

My father made me so angry as a child, but I wanted so desperately to hear the truth, that I truly meant something to him. I recently wrote a letter to him, sent it by "snail mail". I told him in the letter that I wanted more praise from him and less criticism. That was over two months ago . . .
I found OOTS by hearing about the website OOTF (out of the FOG ) through my brother. He is researching narcissim and whether my father has this PD. I hope not, but , all indications are that he does. Anyway, I found help for me . . . Thank God!

Thank you Rain. I hope some of my story helps others. Just the sound of you defending me against my father creates anger for the love I never got.
Why couldn't they love me? Isn't that where most of our anger stems from that they wouldn't love us when we were lovable? I don't feel lovable now!

Thanks to this forum and my therapy I can learn that I am lovable, again.
My anger drives people away and that creates unloveability all over again.

Thank you Rain for your comments to behea1thy. I never fully understood that expression, "blood is thicker than water". I do believe our chosen relationships are stronger than our birth relationships!   
Although my father always told me "no one loves you like your family".
Both can't be true; one has to be a lie. It's also true that some people do not meet our needs. As painful as it can be,  we might need to let them go.

Glad you are here behea1thy!

 Yes,  Rain, I can really relate to bullying. However, it was my own father who was the bully. He would lord it over me. That is to say he never let me breathe. He even said he could " turn my air off". I would get angry because I didn't have a response to that.   
My father could be very cruel ( and thoughtless ). I know I stuffed my anger. It was the only way to survive then.
Now I talk myself through the anger, realizing were some of it stems from.
I wish you the best neenonee.

Something tells me I have found what was missing all these years! Answers. I could not understand why I let others make decisions for me: like I just went along for the ride! Nothing mattered that much, well I didn't matter very much. 
I often cater to others, losing my own identity in the process. But, how could I have not fought to be heard? I was indeed . . . overwhelmed! I believe my siblings still control me, so my trauma continues. . .

I can relate Stormy 57. Although I was diagnosed with PTSD at age 34, I'm just finding out about CPTSD at age 56. This is like a whole new chapter in my recovery! May you find many reasons to stay in recovery.

Thanks for the info. I heard that I was lied to throughout my childhood and fed misinformation about myself (and others). I am already 'breaking down' the lies and reprogramming my emotions! I' ve had such a negative viewpoint of myself . . . it paralyzed me. Lately I take contrary action, doing the opposite of how I feel, and learning I have GREAT worth. My parents neglected to transmit that  information to me.

Hi , I am new to this site and to the concept of cPTSD. It has occurred to me that there might be a problem  when my mother said to me, " you are too 'high-maintainance' for me." I was in my mid forties. It may be me, but that struck me as odd! I always felt I was more than my mother could handle. I am still learning how my social needs are more necessary than food. That is so contrary to the way I grew up with food our primary focus. How do things get so mixed up and confusing?

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum. I was diagnosed with PTSD 27 years ago.
I have suffered from anxiety and paranoia, wishing at times that I could end the suffering somehow. I take Abilify and Tegretol to manage my symptoms, but, it is more than medication that I need.
     I was raised in an alcoholic home and was abused by both parents. I feel like a cry-baby saying that, like, I should be strong and just "get tough" about it all. There was a lot of betrayal and plenty os criticism in my childhood home, which I lived in for 22 years. My recovering alcoholic mother passed away 4 years ago and I havn't worked in about as long, maybe 5 years. I live in a sober living myself and don't feel motivated to do much, isolating whenever I can. I attend group therapy and go to church and that seems to help.
     MY question is,"what helps you to get over the symptoms of PTSD and do I have CPTSD?"