Messages

Hi Bert,
This was totally my life a few years ago. It was like fight or flight was at the max 24/7. The good moments were when I was dissociating.

My therapist also gave me the 5 senses thing, I remember her talking about that all the time and telling her how hard it was. I think this is the hardest part of all of the therapy I ever did, was learning to ground.

At that point, the brain doesn't have a pathway to get from "extreme distress" to "take a breath and look around" so you have to make one by practicing.

I carried a little keychain squishmellow with me at all times. So when the panic would hit I would squeeze it, feel the different textures, and focus on the stitching. I would say the "I am safe" stuff outloud and after that, I could look around, sometimes I listed two things I could see, no smells, three things I could touch, just anything to keep my mind in that process of creating that pathway. 

Maybe you could find a little something that you can carry with you all the time. Maybe it could make noise and jingle to remind you it's there. Or maybe it's like a bracelet. I needed something soft because I squeeze things when I'm triggered.

I really hope this is helpful.

Hi Nightlady,

Welcome!!

I am also very interested in Canadian health care.

I fully agree and I love that mantra.

I'm also very grateful to your H. I feel very seen, in a good way.

I've been working towards getting a service dog for CPTSD and other health issues.

A year or two ago I got a puppy to train to be my service dog but it did not work out. I had never had a puppy. My family always adopted older dogs but one of the big messages about training your own service dog is to get a puppy, for the bonding and to have as much time with that service dog as possible.

Well, I can not have a puppy. Every reason that I need a service dog is the reason I can not have a puppy. Keeping her in a kennel or pen was traumatic for me. She played way too rough and my disabilities made it so hard to handle or take care of her. Also, the trainer that I was working with was very inattentive and pushy.
So we took her back to the breeder and she was adopted by a family who ran a vet office and she was trained to be a therapy dog at that office.

I'm trying again, this time with an older dog and I have a better trainer who understands my disabilities and struggles and I feel comfortable communicating with them.

Does anyone here have a service dog? For PTSD or other issues (if you feel comfortable sharing)
🐾

[so]

Kizzie,
I feel the same way. I very much do.
I appreciate the military and the sacrifices they make and I absolutely want them to get the support they need.
I wish everyone could have the support they need. 
But it is so unfair. Especially if it was a military person who did the harmful things to the person who can't get those same benefits.

I have very big feelings about it. 

lol like for real, I'm sorry for everything, all the time, forever.

Hey Kizzie,
Thank you for your kind words. 

I've actually worked so hard to get a service dog. Two years ago I even got a puppy to train but every single reason that I need a service dog is the same reason that I can not have a puppy. I took her back to the breeder. It was devastating but I'm trying again.
I have a trainer who will help me, I have a training plan. I just have to wait till after we move, which will be 6 months or so, and then instead of adopting a puppy I will adopt an older dog.
People talk so much about getting as much time as you can with your service dog, but a tasking service dog for a few years is better than no service dog at all.

I was diagnosed with FND in 2013. It was a heck of a road getting there.
I was recently diagnosed with PNES as a part of the FND.

They don't really know what causes this condition (FND) but most cases have a history of abuse and it goes hand-in-hand with CPTSD.

I've found the FNDHope group on Facebook to be really helpful. 🧡🩵

Hi StartingHealing,
I love B3s! Great find!

I'm so glad they're helping! Woohoo!    

I used to feel like there wasn't anything anyone could do. I just needed to be alone, which was not always safe. I would go into a different room and lock the door. When we lived in a studio apartment I would close myself in the closet or bathroom.

It's taken time but now when I am mildly (like a 6 out of 10) triggered my husband will just share space with me while I dissociate or feel my feelings but we do not interact.
There are no expectations of me to interact with him (or the environment) he will not try to talk to me, hug me, or touch me at all and is very conscious about not touching me on accident but I'm not alone.
So I'm safe but it's okay that I'm not involved or actually present.

I've found this very calming, like deep in my soul calming. He'll quietly watch TV, play a game, cook/clean, or read a book and I'll just sit on the couch curled in a ball in the corner doing what I need to do.
Sometimes he'll go to the garage and he'll set me up a little chair with a blanket and I just exist there.
Just being able to exist with no expectations but not be alone is very helpful for me.

I am the one who needs to initiate communications when I'm ready but he always responds with a welcome-back attitude.

I think that sharing space when you need to be alone but not alone (if that's a thing for you) is a really nice soft place to start.

PS
She sounds lovely.

Hi storyworld,
I agree with Kizzie. We're all different.

But I found having a good support system and being kind to myself kind of helped me along that road.

It took me years to build a good support system (good partner, good doctors, cutting out bad people) and I wasn't dealing with it alone. I wasn't carrying it by myself all the time. It did take a good long while, like two years before I could think of things without wanting to throw up and cry even with an epic support system, but that's just me.

I kind of feel like, the stronger your support the quicker it can go, but quicker is relative.

Hi StartingHealing,

I am all about herbal support.
I recently met with my meds doctor and we talked about some herbal options. I take some really heavy meds and can't really take anything more.
She talked about green tea for anxiety, but a high-quality green tea. I didn't know what that meant so I asked my nutritionist and I'll post her email below.

Gyokuro is the highest class of green tea in Japan, and the umami is greater than any other type of green tea you can find.

Generally speaking, the more specific the category of the tea, the better the quality. For example, a tea called 'Green Tea' at the grocery store is likely to be among the worst quality. A tea called 'Japanese Green Tea' may be slightly better and a tea called 'Gyokuro' will most likely be even better than that.

Leaf Aroma should be apparent, if there is almost no aroma then the green tea may be old. The higher quality Japanese green teas such as sencha (especially shincha), gyokuro and matcha have an aroma of seaweed with a sweetness to it. It should also evoke freshness.

I'm also taking valerian to help me sleep.

My meds doctor also suggested l-theanine for me for stress and anxiety.

I hope some of this is helpful and you can get a little relief.

Hi StoryWorld,

Moving is a very stressful situation. I hope your husband understands what this means to you.

I find in that kind of situation I'm not me-me, I'm triggered-me and my husband knows that. He doesn't take it personally and no it's not fun for him but he knows that if I had a choice in how I behaved in that moment, I wouldn't choose that.

I agree with Armee about those dreams. I have them too, where people are in the wrong places or what happened to me is happening to my mom. Yucky, very very uncomfortable, the worst.

I hope that you can find a few minutes to be kind to yourself during this stressful time.
Just because sometimes triggered you isn't nice does not make you a bad person.

[I Said Meow]

4) I Said Meow — Azazal & Said
Fun, peppy electronic song that kinda sounds like what cotton candy and pop rocks taste like. At least to me. Weird explanation I know, but I have no other idea how to describe it LOL. This song has no lyrics, as far as I can recall. Other than little "meow!" sounds.

That is totally cotton candy pop rocks!

I'm so glad it went ok!!!
And your partner is right, you totally deserved the Lego set. (Your partner sounds very sweet)