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I agree the panic and fear of panic in public feels worse than dissociation. I find it more tiring and exhausting. I have learnt to be able to ground myself or come back to the now most of the time by myself. Unfortunately if it gets really bad( the anxiety) I freeze, No speech, no ability to move even to wipe my own nose. There were times when I got stuck in public toilets and outside in the street in the midday heat for 4 hrs not being able to move. So yes I think now I wish I hadn't held it together and let the other me's help me. Other people without this condition do it but integrate it all together. It has helped me survive. These days I don't suffer as badly as I understand the anxiety and know it will pass so I don't dissociate as much. Move into the anxiety and do not be afraid of it and strangely it isn't as bad.

Hi Obscured,  I know where you are at.
I have walnut, Little Karen, Hurty Karen,  and me Kaz. I have for  the past 2 years been integrated but after venturing out into the world after breast and cervical cancer to try to work again it is hard. I have been able to hold myself together unconsciously but I came apart the other day. Little Karen I think shocked the * out of my bullying female boss. She was pretty concerned by what effect she had had on me. On the way home hurty Kaz kept trying to get us to hurt ourselves, or to see myself being hurt in my head to fit in with the self loathing and punishment cycle. For the past 2 days I have slept a lot and am with the encouragement of my husband and hopefully the strength of myself going to work tomorrow. I have one more week of training as probationary for this casual job. I go for ages and think I am integrated and healed it has gone away and then it happens again.