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I find it frustrating when I've overcome my past, only to find out that some new event triggers old stuff. When this happens, what I need most, is self compassion. There might be something you need to give yourself that others never gave you. Please don't discredit the mountains you've crossed to get where you are now, resilientmamawarrior. As your name says, you can overcome this battle, too. 

I, too, feel safe when I'm alone. You're very strong for your persistence in healing and I have learned so much from your sharing what you learn. It's helpful for me to hear(read) that being alone isn't wrong or bad. Like you, I believe I have lost the opportunity with the right people in the past. Unfortunately, I spent more time chasing the wrong people. Thank you, Papa Coco, and BB.

Celebrating your small victory with you.
Small victories are helpful for me, like catching a breath before the wave crashes back down.

I feel so much better just to read from you all.
Desert flower- Thank you, as well. 
Chart- Yeah, I think that's what it is. Like a feeling lurking beneath the surface that I cannot exactly explain. You said it so well.
Blueberry- That you found a forum where you feel helped, seen and understood is beautiful. Thank you for your kindness. These acquaintances of mine mean well, I think. They also have big families and talk of them. These people have even considered me as their family. But I'm not gonna lie, when someone says "We're like family" I get a bit sick. My FOO has never been affectionate without an ulterior motive, as I was absolutely sure others understand on here.

Holidays for me have been difficult this year. As I figure they could be for many others, I thought of starting this thread for anyone who may need to share.
 
The hard part for me has been that several acquaintances have asked if my family gathers for the holidays. My facial expression says a lot, I'm sure. To this I reply with, no. Just my family at my house. They don't know what to say to that and I think they may be waiting for an explanation. I just don't care to elaborate anymore. I don't want to bring Jumanji to their light-hearted attempt at getting to know me better. I am also uninterested in hearing how I should talk to my abusers because they're family and they love me.
Anyway, if you're feeling the pressure somehow, some way, you can rest assured- You're not alone.

Thanks for posting this. I often feel this. Is there something about being an outcast in our FOO? Is this because our earliest sense of belonging was practically nonexistent? In search of that safety, do we seek out elders to fill that void of those who should've been our guide?
My closest friend is well over 40 years older than me. I don't drink or party and that cuts down on a lot of people for me.

May we choose to accept ourselves. That would be nice.

It feels good to know that others understand. Thank you for sharing, AphiticAtramentous and Kizzie.

Thanks, Chart 

Fear of abandonment is something I see deeply rooted in myself. In learning and observing myself, I realize that if someone shows the slightest hint of familiar behavior indicating a past experience, I go into a fear space. As I sift through all the baggage unpacked for this lesson, it occured to me that I often "give up before I start" when it comes to people. My recent experience has shown me that I can overcome these fears. They still happen and are very real to me but I'm only experiencing from my point of view and how narrow that has been. I know how to be kind and Ive learned to implement boundaries again. Now, I am struggling to open up. Ive closed myself off out of necessity because Im a recovering oversharer. Where is that middle ground? I dont think this is a question that someone else can answer for me but I hope that by posting this, you can find solace in knowing youre not alone on your quest for answers. I will try to allow myself to take comfort as well.

Welcome Mercy. I'm new here too. Have mercy on yourself in the process of your healing!

As I read your OP, there has never been a time when someone like that leaves a message just to talk. I say never because in my experience, it's either an info dig kind of call or a covert attempt at guilt tripping. Possibly both. Good for you to know not to answer and to recognize the message for what it is.

I have grieved the loss of my father who is still alive. I have now lived my life longer without him. I've had "funerals" (yeah, more than one) and written letters (one I actually sent) and so on.

I hope you thrive, Phoebes!

I, too, fear intimacy. Arms length for me. I don't mind being kind but actually inviting new people into my life in order to become more acquainted is too much. Something that I have noticed in the recent past is that I overshare my "issues" in order to turn people away from me when I first meet them. Of course this doesn't always work but when it does, I feel like a failure and the rejection is painful. I grew up in a very small area. Rumors meant you were collectively rejected by most, if not all, of the population. (I did move away as soon as I could.) When I do make an attempt to befriend someone, I feel I am constantly on the chopping block. Like if they knew the "real me" that they would drop me. Fear of rejection is real. And I can relate.

This is beautiful.

Elf Power,

Feelings aren't wrong at all. The way you asked if you were overreacting reminds me of myself. My mother is diagnosed HPD and even though I know this, I still feel like I'm imagining the covert forms of abuse she uses. I can say that from experience, when she did something similar to me, it made me feel of no importance to her and that my safety did not matter. I do not think you're over reacting at all. Covert abuse is awful and very isolating. I am sorry you went through surgery and she didn't consider how you felt.

ednasurvivalmode