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Hello Sandals, I like academic books, too. Sometimes self-help books underestimate us, so the books written for professionals have more and deeper information and insight. Too much is better than not enough!  In any event, I'm also new. This is my first day on the forum and I haven't even written my own intro yet. But I saw your post and wanted to offer immediate support.

My mother was emotionally abusive, and insidiously so; therefore, everyone thought she was wonderful. That is how bullies function and why teachers so rarely catch school bullies in action. They are very good at getting away with their abuse. As an adult I deal with my son's chronic illness which causes frequent and severe traumatic experiences for the entire family. During the crisis I am on autopilot, and it's necessary for me to set aside emotion so I can competently take care of my son and family. Some time after each crisis has ended I fall apart. My body and mind has kindly postponed my authentic reaction to the trauma, carrying me through, allowing me to take care of business. When everyone is relatively safe once more I experience the panic attacks, crying jags, upset stomach, exhaustion and so much more. Perhaps that also explains your delayed reaction. I'm so sorry for your pain. I sympathize completely with your fear and the fact that you really have been traumatized. When there's no broken leg or bruise, no physical proof, it's hard to convince people that abuse has taken place and that makes our shame and loneliness so much worse. But you are not alone. I believe you and I care.