Messages

Thank you so much! 💓 to both of you, ur words give me so much encouragement, the concept of sharing  my real struggles is so strange to me having grown up always hiding everything inside just to be able to survive but I really want to change that, n here I already feel that I am not alone, Thank you

I am here because I think its about time to start living a real life. I grew up in a totally dysfunctional family, my father was mostly absent and always unfaithfully to my mother, my mother a very controlling and abusive person, physically and emotionally. I am the oldest of my siblings and I think the most damaged by all there mistakes and lack of care for the 4 us. My whole life I've felt like there is no hope, like something bad is always about to happen, grew up very isolated and controlled by my mother, no real friends or meaningful relationships, always insecure and timid, recluse and introverted. Not one memory of my mother being kind to us, or caring about how we felt, she will just drag us along into all her crazy decisions and misadventures, me, feeling that profound resentment and frustration that you can't explain when you r a child and unable to do anything to save yourself from that chaos. I grew up so used to all this mayhem that I actually thought that was the standard, something normal, until I became a mother. Once I became an adult I used to say "I will not make the same mistakes my mother made" .. and surprisingly enough (not), that is exactly what I did to my daughter, not in the same degree my mother did with me but there was damage, damage she struggles with right now, this would forever be the biggest regret of my life, one that fills me with guilt and pain. I guess that is also my main motivation to be here, I know I need help and I want to think that life can change and that it is finally my time
Thank you for listening