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Re: "Now I feel kinda guilty and useless for "wasting" my day. Is this dissociation?"
Therapy helped me get over the tendency to diss or criticize myself for "failing" by learning to boost or improve my sense of self-respect or self-worth so when I waste my day or fail, I try to stay with "I'm OK" or whatever other self-worth tool I can find.  I was raised on & with SELF CONTEMPT so, being kind to myself is often difficult, especially if I've wasted my day or been "useless" (as my parents would have said!). Therapy was & still is all about overcoming SELF CONTEMPT for me. good luck......

HI... In therapy, regaining my self-respect/worth and dignity helped to reduce the number of times and ways that I habitually went into daydreaming as an escape from unhappy or dangerous situations. Learning about and staying in "the now" along with the affirmation: I'm OK helps me stay "present" but it's still an ongoing struggle not to drift off into a safe & happy fantasy.  Self-worth helps me avoid embarrassments when others CATCH me spacing out. 

DD, all I can offer is what has happened for me over the years (I'm 86).  Re the "concept I"...this may be off topic but, many years ago I had a friend who taught me about the "I" or self and introduced me to the question: Who/what am I?.  I tried to follow that question for years....even in Therapy but never found a very satisfying answer.  Lately, some new and better avenues have opened up to help me see/know who/what I actually am.  These are somewhat like therapy and personality/ego studies or explorations but have taken me to the Real me beyond the little personal ego or self that I always believed was me.  So these other avenues to discover who/what I am are offered by non-therapy types or "spiritual" processes.  Here's a few leads or pointers to this other way of discovering what/who the "I/me" really is:
 https://www.helenhamilton.org/
https://www.youtube.com/@collettewhiteman
...once you begin looking at who/what you REALLY are, there is a fascinating journey to finding out that you are not simply a set of personalities (shards), egos, selves, me-s, etc.  Good luck and happy traveling......

Hi, I can only speak for myself & my process.
In therapy I was taught to change things or try new things out in SMALL, BABY STEPS...chunk it down....take on only as much as I can handle FOR NOW.  So, if I had to adopt a new belief like: "I have the right to make mistakes", I'd start by deliberately making some real LITTLE mistakes, and see how I or others react to it.  If all went well, I'd intentionally make a few BIGGER mistakes, and see what comes from it. As soon as possible, I'd deliberately make some REALLY BIG mistakes and then deal with the consequences.  Once I got used to handling MISTAKES, I'd move on to the next troubling belief/behaviorist and try out new and different actions in SMALL, BABY STEPS until I could handle the change or differences. 
Another method is to brazenly and boldly do something new & different like make a REALLY BIG MISTAKE and then courageously deal with the consequences.  I rarely do the "bold and brazen" one yet it sometimes worked for me before.  I prefer the BABY STEPS method for new & different actions.
good luck.....

I can only share my reality here.
Soon after beginning Recovery in 12 support groups, I came to see/feel the huge OCEAN of bitter, hateful rage I'd been suppressing since about 4-5 and it nearly overwhelmed me at first.  I was so ANGRY that i wanted to go start fights in bars, commit road rage, hit and beat anything available BUT, thanks to Recovery work, I decided to find out how to do SAFE ANGER WORK & then I accidentally found a library book that explained exactly how to do SAFE anger work.  I don't recall the book title nor author but it got me SAFELY thru the process. I'm still angry with and at my parents but not as much as when I began Recovery. 
I wish you peace and relief.......

I will only speak for myself.
I wanted revenge in the worst way when I came to see and accept what my dad had done to me with his sadistic ridicule and abusive violence (he was a HITTER). Fortunately, I was in a 12 step program that promoted honor and dignity plus he lived on the other side of the country so my desire to take revenge, now that I no longer FEARED him, was never acted upon.  I had to express my rage & hatred in journals and anger work to release the OCEAN of bitter, hateful rage I had  stored up inside of me since about 4-5 years old.  I'm glad now that I was not able to take revenge on him. I've gradually gotten over my bitter hatered of them through loving therapy and just time. 

Hi all,
Just want to share an experience with syrup or sugar. 
I recently had some food at a Jack in the Box that included pancake syrup. Very shortly after, I began to recall some very sad events at a 12 step Incest meeting and soon began to have serious tears over stuff I was remembering from the Incest meeting.  I was in my car and began to have very deep sobbing and tears so I pulled over to the curb and stopped.  I haven't felt that deep level of grief and sorrow in years so I was surprised there was so much grief and tears still inside of me.  The tears just poured and poured as I vividly recalled disturbing things from the Incest meeting. I was actually panting from the intense weeping and sorrow!  After what seemed like a very long time, my feelings began to subside so I drove away from the curb and continued on.  Pretty soon I thought again about the Incest meeting and did not feel any sorrow or stress!  I wondered if the pancake syrup had caused me to have such a dramatic emotional reaction instead of just sad memories about the Incest meeting?  I'd seen reactions like this from coffee back when I first started Recovery work.  It was kind of disappointing to think that sugar, not emotions, had caused me to feel so much sorrow and have so many tears!  I assumed it was all about my memories and yet it may have been more about sugar than any memory! 
I just looked up "sugar blues" on line and saw that the grief I experienced about Incest was most likely just a SUGAR REACTION somehow coupled with sad memories! I'm not sure exactly how my mind and memories played into the intense grief that sugar made me feel but now, when I think about that Incest meeting, NOTHING HAPPENS!... since I've had no sugar or coffee today!  What a realization! Now I wonder how many of my other past "mood swings" were unwittingly caused by sugar or coffee! I'm kind of a sugar-nut so I'd guess many of my "moods" came from sugar!!!  Well, I can easily control my sugar & coffee intake from now on!
Have any of you dealt with sugar or coffee effects on your moods?

Shortly after starting 12 step group therapy, I had a moment of loneliness (I'm a real loner) and decided to change or modify that unpleasant lonely feeling with something else.  Don't recall where I leaned this but decided to re-name "loneliness" with some other word/term.  I came up with ONELINESS, which comes from a teaching that there is only one "thing" in all of creation - call it: energy, mind, spirit, essence, mater, substance, Life, etc.  Suddenly I felt much better as the term "ONLINESS" kicked in and made me feel whole & complete & connected rather than lonely and separate from Life. I have also found the same effect by changing certain words to bring a different meaning or feeling to some situation so words & semantics matter a lot to me as Recovery proceeds.

Hi all:
I went to a lot of 12 step meeting around L.A. and found good ones, bad ones and in between.  When there was bad behavior or offenses, I just walked away and moved on.  I was very inquisitive and adventurous, so I went to every kind of meeting I could.  I found the most help at ACOA, CODA and INCEST SURVIVORS. I somehow was able to spot red flags early on so the offensive, "old-timers" did not get to me.  I heard lots of ugly stories about Sponsors and Therapist so I never had one, although i had a few run ins with unfriendly therapists.  I did my amends BUT only to those who deserved it. I learned a lot in 12 step and see that ACA has blossomed a lot since the early 2000s.   It was obvious right from the start that I'd have to watch the tricky behaviors of other Survivors and stay alert for red flags or other tricky" stuff.  I have to say that the entire Recovery community did me more good than harm but harm was often nearby.  I had to deal with a few bullies and some two-faced members but that was also a training ground for me.  I probably offended and hurt a few Survivors as well but, it's a struggle to do what's right when one has been seriously damaged in early childhood.  I made amends where I could and have even found some moments of FORGIVENESS!!!!

Hi gang:
Here's my other anger-work story.
One time I arrived at my 12 step meeting real early so I pulled out my little portable Sony tape recorder and began telling off my parents into the machine. Since I was alone in my car, I began cursing & yelling louder & louder at them INTO THE TAPE RECORDER.  It was like a private sharing meeting in my car with just my crumby parents and me!  Since my trusty tape recorder was patiently and respectfully LISTENING to me and not interrupting, pointing to the timer, rolling its eyes or giving me ADVICE, it turned out to be the most wonderful sharing session I ever had! My tape recorder was my best (and only) Recovery partner at that private meeting in my car and I blasted my parents harder than I'd ever done before!!!  When I finally went into the meeting, I felt so calm and satisfied and realized I'd just UNLOADED a ton of negative energy out in my car thanks to the help of my trusty tape recorder.  I was never able nor allowed to do that at a real sharing meeting! 
My trusty little tape recorder was the perfect Therapist and Listener that night!!!!

Hello all:
When I finally entered group therapy, I soon discovered that I was holding in a huge OCEAN of bitter, explosive RAGE so I began trying various methods of anger work.  Most of them failed and even caused me more problems by offending some ppl.  Then I found an anger work book at my local library and this book (don't recall the title nor author) explained exactly how to do anger work in an effective and SAFE way.
The book said that I had to name the "correct target" of my anger and stop punishing everyone & thing around me.  So I looked over all the people and things I'd ever been angry with and finally came to my sadistic, violent dad!  I was scared to admit how much I hated him but he was dead by then so I focused my anger work on him.  I was told to mentally past his face on a piece of STUFFED furniture and begin telling him exactly how I felt about his abuses of me when I was a helpless child. I was to do this IN PRIVATE!  As I spoke to my rotten dad (as the piece of furniture) I became angrier & angrier (like the book said) and soon began punching him out.  I became insanely violent and beat that stuffed chair to a PULP in a loud, screaming, cursing, violent rage as all or most of the ocean of bitter, angry energy poured out of me and all over my rotten dad (as the chair). It was the very best and safest piece of anger work I ever did thanks to that book. The book said we have to go as long as possible in any anger session and perhaps do it again & again to vent or release the bottled up angry, hateful energy that I had been repressing since about 4 yo. Many ppl fail at this because they just won't go on venting long enough to get it all out and then they give up from either frustration or guilt.  I just had to give my rotten dad all I had and am very glad I did.  I soon began to feel a lot of releif and STOPPED hurting innocent others with my anger.  The key is to go all the way so as much violent energy is released as possible & onto the CORRECT TARGET. 
Most angry ppl are lashing out at the WRONG TARGET (road rage, bar fights, domestic violence, corporal punishment of kids) because they either don't dare take their anger back to the correct target or they are ashamed to go there. 
My rotten parents were the correct target for my bitter rage but I was always very afraid of them....until after therapy! 

I got so bad that I couldn't even look at a photo of someone looking at me!  I was so deeply infected with toxic shame that I just couldn't look anyone or thing IN THE EYE!!! After I began group therapy, I was taught to work on my self worth & self esteem which was severely damaged by my shame based family.  I started by trying to look steadily in the eyes of photos or even store dummies!  I even began trying to hold eye contact with strangers as they walked by me on the street.  It was very difficult but the higher my self worth rose, the easier it became to look others IN THE EYE.  I got so good at this that I began doing casual "staring contests" with others.  That was not such a good idea but I had to do it until I no longer needed to stare someone down.  Self worth/respect was the key and helped me get over my fear of eye contact and even a need to win a staring contest.  It seems that self worth and respect is the bottom line for me to all of my "issues" even if it's sometimes lacking or lost.  "I'm OK." is my current most useful mantra.

Hello:
I can only say what I learned in therapy about my jealousy.  It all came down to my own sense of insecurity or inadequacy which was a byproduct of early emotional damages from my parents & some others.  I felt like a scum-bag and had very low self worth so just about anything could easily trigger my shame-based feelings of jealousy, competition, resentment, fear, hostility, animosity towards just about everyone around me.  In therapy, I was taught how to recognize these ego damages and find some healthy self worth/respect and, once a little self love and acceptance entered me, I STOPPED feeling jealous of or threatened by the behaviors or actions of others and even learned how to confront misbehavior or offenses of others in healthy, assertive and NON JEALOUS ways.  All my wives had some jealousy issues and I was able to help my 2nd wife GET OVER her jealousy of other women by helping her raise her own self worth so that she was no longer threatened nor intimidated by other women.  It happened when we went to the beach and I convinced her to NOT BE jealous of the other women in their yummmy bikinis and that I would not act like a stupid HOOTER when at the beach.  We even got to where we could both LAUGH at & enjoy the exposed bodies of other beach-goers since jealousy and fear was NO LONGER in either of us.  High self worth, respect and love is the only way out of insecurity and the jealousy that it produces in a frightened, low self worth person. It may take some work to be convinced that we don't have to fall into insecurity & jealousy but well worth the effort, IMO.

 
Hello:
I too had a lot of years where I just couldn't figure out what was/is wrong with me and then, at about 45, I became so bad that I just had to go for help which led to joining a 12 step AA support group, ACOA, and in there I was taught how to go back through my memories & life to finally discover that I'd been seriously emotionally damaged by my already damaged parents (plus some genetic stuff) and that was why I'd always been so "different" and troubled from day one.  Learning, through memories more than anything, helped me to understand what had happened to me and then I was taught how to OVERCOME all that emotional damage.  It took a lot of work and time but I finally got to a point where I felt normal & capable of living a better life.  My story is very long and complicated but I can say that therapy, more than any other thing, helped me and showed me what was wrong and then how to FIX IT.  I'll probably be working on my issues for the rest of my life and it's better than blindly struggling with myself and all the damage my parents did to me. They also were damaged but never saw a need to fix or recover from their "issues". 
It's very sad that emotional damage is so easily passed down through the generations but SO BE IT.  At least there is some kind of help, like this website, for Trauma Survivors . 
Good luck, jim

 
Hello:
Thank you for having me here.  I did a lot of Recovery work in AA 12 step support groups many years ago and am coming back to Recovery work since my late wife crossed over and left me to fend for myself, all alone.  It's a little depressing to realize that my Dependency issues are still here at 86 and I am kind of lost without a partner to guide me.  I am looking for a personal therapist this time around rather than just a support group.  It's interesting to see how much psychology has changed over the years and that Trauma was & still is the focus of my Recovery efforts.  I actually thought I'd "made it" until after my late wife died!  I won't go into all my "issues" here other than to say I have a lot of "unfinished business" to wrap up & not much time left to do it.  I'm totally alone now but not depressed nor defeated...yet!
Thank you for letting me in..........  jim