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Thank you everyone, for the wonderful responses indeed.
 

Chart, you made my heart smile again, thank you. 

And thank you too San, for pointing that out, I did not know it was called that. My temperature is definitely off: hot - cold - hot - etc.

Take care you too. 

I'm glad you're feeling better Dalloway. And that it gave you a boost to take better care of yourself. 

Hi Papa Coco and thank you for taking the time to respond so extensively. These are some wise, kind and helpful things you wrote. Thank you for caring.

I'm glad you understand, as we do on this forum. I'm also glad I did reach out, 'cause you're right, it's good to get some support when we need it.

It's funny you and your wife call it 'the flu', because I had years of flu-like symptoms whenever I would get too stressed out. And now also, after the crying I feel feverish, cold and very tired. And I know these symptoms will go away again. Like the flu.

And you're touching on a very important point here too. These EF's they will keep coming and going. And I've been wanting for them to go away and stay away most of all. That's what I want therapy to do too. And it's important to accept things as they are. This is a condition that comes with EF's. I will have to accept that. Especially whenever I feel I'm doing okay again, I want to forget that there's gonna be new EF's. It will be like the times before when I had all these physical complaints on and off, varying with my stress levels, they will come (and go). So that's my task for the coming period: to accept that there will be EF's. However much that sucks.

 

Yes, that's a hard one San. But although we were brought up thinking we need to do everything by ourselves and we're bad people when we need anything (I'm thinking maybe thoughts like this are causing the stomach ache, not the actual offer), this is actually not true. We all need help once in a while. We're all connected and we shouldn't have to be alone in any of this. I hope this helps. If not, please disregard it. Sending you big hugs.

Thank you too San, I appreciate it. 

I feel I must thank you again SenseOrgan. This is interesting. Somehow your message calmed down my inner child. I still don't feel great, I feel down as a matter of fact, but I do feel a lot calmer. I had been messaging some other people in 'real' life and they had in fact responded in a kind way, and I was still upset, but somehow knowing you understand from actual experience is truly validating. So thank you.  And some more wishes for you to feel better.

Thank you SenseOrgan, it's good to know you're here. And I wish you will feel better soon too. Big hugs to you as well.
 

Back in an EF. Oh I feel so horrible. I don't even really dare to come on the forum because I feel so ashamed, I messed up again. How am I ever gonna make it if I keep falling again and again. Literally fell off my bike today. That set it off. And I could just hear my inner child crying: I'm only trying to do everything right! I'm trying so hard. And I can't. I feel so stupid and ashamed. I feel like such a f***-up.

What happened was, this week had been a little rough already, my car had broken down, my ebike as well, and the guinee pig was ill again and had to be taken to the vet. And I have all these activities for the kids to organise. And I feel so utterly alone doing all this. I'm not alone actually, my husband is here too, but I feel everything is my responsibility. And in addition, I've been trying to get back to work, worrying about how I'm ever gonna return to my official working hours, all I'm thinking is: I cannot do it, how am I gonna get this done, I can't, I just can't.

So today, at my daughters school, they had a fundraiser, and I was bringing two bags of used clothes they were collecting. And the bags were too large to carry by bike actually. But I just really wanted to do this for my D. And I was riding my husband's bike doing that, which is too big for me. And this was quite the balancing act already and then some kid coming from behind hit me and there I was. And the kid just rode on. And I saw some other kid passing me laughing, I'm not even sure he was laughing but it was just too much. I managed to ride on to school not crying.

It was exactly like the way I felt in highschool. Not just in my mind, but I was literally on my way to school being the laughing stock again. I cannot believe it.

And I've been crying here at home ever since. Called in sick again. Oh I hate this so thoroughly. I don't wanna be a mother who cannot handle normal daily stuff. I just feel like such a .... well, you know.

And I know it's an EF. And I know it will pass. I will feel better again. I don't know when though. Tomorrow's another therapy session which is well timed ha ha.
And I just really honestly don't know if I'm ever gonna get back to my regular working hours and that just scares the h*** out of me too.

So there you go.

  Thank you Chart. 

@Stussy7, no need to apologise as far as I'm concerned.
I'm very glad you're feeling a little better already.

And I learned something here too. It turns out whenever I have an opinion that I suspect others may disagree with, although mine might still be a valid opinion, I call it 'radical' up front, as to not get into trouble just in case others do happen to disagree. For me, it is 'radical' to speak my mind. I'm so afraid of what others might think. Lots to think about here too.

 

I would suggest you try to reframe your view of this as work down the drain, though. It really isn't.

I agree Narckiddo and Stussy7. I also needed many many years of learning, falling and getting back up, experiencing setbacks and growth. It's hard places we come from and hard and courageous work we have to do to get to know ourselves for real and see what is going on with us. So none of that time is wasted.

But we are all different and we need to find something that works for us.

And I also agree with that. We each have our own paths to travel.

But if you're interested, here's a website I like with long covid recovery stories. For me, chronic fatigue and long covid were pretty much the same. It's not a very professional website but it is genuine I think: www.longcovidcured.com

I hope all of us will find what works for us.

Hey SenseOrgan, I'm sorry you're feeling so rough. This sounds like an EF to me. And maybe a temporary setback from all the hard work you've been doing. It's just hard sometimes. I know it's so frustrating when we're feeling this way and we're thinking nothing will ever work. But I do think it will get better. And this feeling will pass like it did before. And I believe there will be better days. But for now, maybe you could give yourself a break and take it easy? I hope you feel better soon. Sending you lots of support     

Hi Stussy7.
I know, both from both experience and science, that this approach is valid. But I also know some people have trouble believing physical symptoms can be caused by an overly active nervous system and brain patterns. My experience stems from over thirty years of chronic fatigue, migraines, back pains, shoulder and knee pains, and allergies that I had. And I had what they now call 'long covid'. I'm quite convinced my brain was giving my body all these real physical symptoms. Because when I started acknowledging what I was feeling and thinking and what I was stressed out about, ALL of these symptoms dissipitated. They have now been gone for three years.

I'm not saying it was in my head. The symptoms were real all right. I'm only saying they were not caused by any physical defect or damage or disease. As an innocent example, when we feel embarrassed, we start to blush. This is a pyhysical reaction to a mental phenomenon. But the trouble is, for all of these conditions, whenever you start looking for physical abnormalities, science will always find something.

As for 'radical', maybe I used too strong a term. But I know for instance in the UK, there is quite an aggressive lobby in favour of looking at these physical causes or abnormalities that seem to cause the physical unwellness. And aggressiveness is something that scares me so I want to be cautious and not offend anybody. And it's hard to get people to hear this other approach, because they feel it would not be taking their symptoms seriously. And I am taking them very seriously as a matter of fact. Still, I do feel this approach is very helpful.

So I hope this explains it a little better. Take care.

  

Yes, definitely Stussy7, I know what you're talking about. And I am convinced that these symptoms are indeed caused by stress. Or rather, by pushing away any unwanted feelings or thoughts we have. The brain then thinks it has to protect us against these unwanted feelings, thinks that they would be too hard for us to process (and at times, they are) and gives us all kinds of physicial symptoms (to worry about) instead. And I myself experienced my share of this. But I am doing so much better physically since I started allowing my thoughts and feelings to be there, teaching my brain that I can actually allow and process them.  My sources for feeling better psysically were mainly Nicole Sachs and Dr. Schubiner, you'll find them online easily. I know it seems like a radical stance to some so if it's not resonating with you, please just disregard. I do hope you will feel better.