Hey everybody. I am new here but not new to CPTSD which I was diagnosed with more than 15 years ago (before it was a diagnosis). Since then I honestly felt I had got on top of it - worked through therapy for some time, not having too many symptoms (a few interpersonal niggles here and there - mostly work related) and everything felt dandy. In the way my self is fragmented I put my CPTSD into one of the fragments and actually forgot all about it. Ah the joys of faulty memory.
Of course it's a lifelong thing. I should have known better but now with new anti-depressants and back seeing a new psychiatrist I am embarking on the next steps towards regaining my equilibrium and getting back into life. This is an important step for me.
Of course my struggle was rekindled by family and by bad luck.
Bit of background:
I was the caregiver to my brother who got and then died of lung cancer, which put the family I had kept at arms length right up in my face. My brother had drug and alcohol issues and a limited life caused by trauma. He died young. The rest of my family stepped back and I got to truly see them (again). This was triggering.
More recently I was targeted by a malignant covert narcissist while travelling overseas and trying to recover from my brother and dysfunctional family. That experience with the narcissist rates as one of the worst ever - even though I escaped relatively quickly. I was abused and triggered very intensely and I'm still feeling the impacts a year later. It was a direct hit on my system of values which I need now to recover. Through this experience I came to see the other narcissists in my life, including my parents. It has been a shocking revelation. Very triggering.
The latest thing is a recent near death experience by my mother who has started to fall because of her dementia. Me and my surviving brother are acutely aware of how we were treated and yet here we are, helping out (again). More triggers.
I'm also out of work, quite dissociated, and with no sense of a me let alone a plan of action.
So this is my current challenge. I want to get back to the top of the board in life's game of snakes and ladders after slipping down a few snakes. 🐍
I am appreciative a forum like this exists. When I was diagnosed by my first exceptional psychiatrist the condition was not recognised. It is good to see things have changed and keep changing :-)
Anyway, that's me. Lovely to meet you all! 👋
Of course it's a lifelong thing. I should have known better but now with new anti-depressants and back seeing a new psychiatrist I am embarking on the next steps towards regaining my equilibrium and getting back into life. This is an important step for me.
Of course my struggle was rekindled by family and by bad luck.
Bit of background:
I was the caregiver to my brother who got and then died of lung cancer, which put the family I had kept at arms length right up in my face. My brother had drug and alcohol issues and a limited life caused by trauma. He died young. The rest of my family stepped back and I got to truly see them (again). This was triggering.
More recently I was targeted by a malignant covert narcissist while travelling overseas and trying to recover from my brother and dysfunctional family. That experience with the narcissist rates as one of the worst ever - even though I escaped relatively quickly. I was abused and triggered very intensely and I'm still feeling the impacts a year later. It was a direct hit on my system of values which I need now to recover. Through this experience I came to see the other narcissists in my life, including my parents. It has been a shocking revelation. Very triggering.
The latest thing is a recent near death experience by my mother who has started to fall because of her dementia. Me and my surviving brother are acutely aware of how we were treated and yet here we are, helping out (again). More triggers.
I'm also out of work, quite dissociated, and with no sense of a me let alone a plan of action.
So this is my current challenge. I want to get back to the top of the board in life's game of snakes and ladders after slipping down a few snakes. 🐍
I am appreciative a forum like this exists. When I was diagnosed by my first exceptional psychiatrist the condition was not recognised. It is good to see things have changed and keep changing :-)
Anyway, that's me. Lovely to meet you all! 👋