Messages

Thankyou. Yes I did too. It's followed me throughout life that I'm only worth what I do rather than who I am.

Im not sure what you mean by a "hotline" and was blown away by so many capitols letters, Newbie plus technophobe, but when I'm at an impasse I phone the Samaritans. What I need more than anything is to be heard. I know there's very little help and no one is gonna catch me but someone giving at the most 30 minutes(can you believe there's a time cutoff) to listen and sympathise and just care for a small moment gives me the oomph I need to get back up and fight another day.
Very few therapists actually get real trauma so there's so little real help from those that understand what we live daily, hourly.

Hang on in there, finding the right therapist is the hardest thing, especially when we are already the broken ones. I had a therapist that tried the "Russian doll" technique and opened me up but couldn't put me back together. I was an utter mess for months. I wish she had just admitted she was out of her depth and couldn't deal with trauma.
I'm so sorry because it's so raw and debilitating and you don't know where to go or what to do and this was done by someone supposedly helping. I'm very guarded now with therapy and check their depth of interest and whether they understand complex trauma.
You are not alone in your struggles and I send warmth and hope you are able to find the right help.

My inner critic was my mother, vitriolic and cruel so I drown her out with singing. The brain cannot think of lyrics and be her at the same time.
We all have differing perspectives so we all have differing solutions. If it works for you to listen great but if it doesn't it's okay to drown them out with Shinedown or your own musical equivalent.

Hi Mark the robot.
I just wanted to reach out as a fellow child trauma survivor.
I have no answers except for keep moving forward. We were only children trying to navigate an adult world with no support. We were not to blame. We deserved better.
Stay strong, knowledge is the key to unravel this mess and put it to bed and hopefully set us free.

Hiya I struggle to write and then it flows so much I struggle to stop.
Neglect was from birth, often left alone for hours in my pram or older my room, I was an anxious child and wet the bed around 4 so was locked in the coal bunker all day. I either had lots of chores or nothing and stuck in my room.I Brought up both my younger siblings and ran the house as mother was Bipolar. School was luxury that only happened after the truancy officer visited so there's huge gaps in my education.
Social services intervened when I was around 12 and I went into care but was returned home after a year. My Dad was weak and wouldn't stand up to mother and Social said I would just have to modify my behaviour as She wouldn't change.
I recently got my paperwork and the abuse was so much more, withholding food, burning of hands and feet just to name a couple.
I'm working through it all with with the added bonus of having no sense of self. I do yoga to try to connect with my body and hypnosis to try and ease my mind. I have never considered a way out as there is no self to destroy but I do get so tired of it all.
My self care is not great and boundaries are not either. All I can do is keep moving forward. I have not been diagnosed as waiting lists are so long Dr's don't even pop me on them. I tried meds but they made me worse. When I worked I paid for private therapy when in crisis. Tapping, emdr, hypnosis and talking therapies but i work very little now. I read any book I can and I'm currently looking up Erik Erikson on child development. I feel understanding the complexities helps me understand my behaviours.
There's so much more but it's a start.

I agree there should be more discussions and awareness.
I fought an fallout war in my own home, incarceration, food and water withheld and so much more the difference was I was a child and didn't have any training on how to deal with it.

I have used much of my learned behaviour as superpowers. I had to clean house and bring up my siblings from the age of 6 so as an adult my career was cooking, cleaning, childminding and being hyper aware of others is brilliant in retail I can sense others needs and moods.
Although it can be emotionally draining and exhausting it's also extremely useful I the right place.